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Demi Lovato's Twitter about an LA fro-yo shop: eating disorder recovery or sense of entitlement?
Speakeasy76
Posts: 961 Member
in Debate Club
This is definitely a kind of worthless topic given what's going on in today's world, but thought it may be relevant to put here in a weight loss forum. If you aren't on or haven't seen on social media (or likely don't care if you did), Demi Lovato went on a Twitter rant over a locally-owned LA frozen-yogurt shop. Apparently, as someone recovering from an eating disorder, she was "triggered" by what she considered all the "diet culture" options: sugar-free, vegan, gluten-free, etc. She attacked this shop, even finding and posting outdated photos of them, saying they were feeding into diet culture and making it difficult for people suffering or recovering from an ED of going there. She was so "triggered" that she left and didn't even order anything. She said they could have a separate area for special dietary needs so those with ED's could feel included??? She's now since backtracked and apologized, saying she was wrong....after all the backlash she got. I'm paraphrasing what I've seen, but that's the gist.
I have never had an ED, but at one time definitely did have disordered eating and thoughts about food. I can understand how someone would be "triggered" by that if recovering, just trying to get a "normal" frozen yogurt without feeling guilty because you see what you think are "diet" products. However, we all know that there are people who have to have sugar-free, dairy-free, etc. for health reasons, and it's not just about weight loss. Even if some people choose the sugar-free because they're trying to lose weight--so what? I probably wouldn't, but maybe at one time I would have. To me, it's like an alcoholic getting mad at a grocery store because there's an alcohol display case near the front of the store.
I feel she acted out of a sense of entitlement, perhaps "triggered" by someone recovering from an ED. She claims she went on this rant to "educate" the shop and others, but no...this was about her own issues that she apparently still needs to deal with, and that others should cater to HER.
I have never had an ED, but at one time definitely did have disordered eating and thoughts about food. I can understand how someone would be "triggered" by that if recovering, just trying to get a "normal" frozen yogurt without feeling guilty because you see what you think are "diet" products. However, we all know that there are people who have to have sugar-free, dairy-free, etc. for health reasons, and it's not just about weight loss. Even if some people choose the sugar-free because they're trying to lose weight--so what? I probably wouldn't, but maybe at one time I would have. To me, it's like an alcoholic getting mad at a grocery store because there's an alcohol display case near the front of the store.
I feel she acted out of a sense of entitlement, perhaps "triggered" by someone recovering from an ED. She claims she went on this rant to "educate" the shop and others, but no...this was about her own issues that she apparently still needs to deal with, and that others should cater to HER.
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Sounds ridiculous to me. From what you describe, the shop provides options. If you want a place that doesn’t provide options, go to that place. I’ve never had an ED, so people with that life experience might convince me otherwise.9
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My first reaction is: if the shop is offering these options, people are asking for them? It just seems like a business strategy to appeal to as wide a public as possible.
I don't really see what sugar-free, vegan and gluten-free options have to do with eating disorders: two of those are health related (although I'm sure people choose those options for other reasons as well) and vegan is an ethical choice.
If someone has an eating disorder that includes counting calories, it could be triggering to see calorie counts on the back of food packages, but I don't think that would justify eliminating nutritional data on food items?
This whole concept of "triggered" is quite new to me. Perhaps I'm old fashioned and not grasping the concept correctly, but I really don't see how we would function as a society if we had to eliminate everything that could potentially be triggering, we all have such differing sensitivities.12 -
I have nothing useful to add. I don't even understand why this is a topic? Seems like just another celebrity trying to manufacture publicity out of thin air.8
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The shop provides options. Exactly. That lady's rights end where mine begin. Her preferences end where mine begin. I seek out sugar free options and likely always will. Related-ish: I used to get my hair cut at a salon that doubled as a pool hall and bar. That was their "thing". It was a treat to have a Prosecco while getting my haircut. About a year after I started going there I was told I couldn't have my haircut with a Prosecco because the new stylist felt uncomfortable around alcohol. hmm. Okay. Their choice to hire her, their choice to change what made them unique. My choice to then go to a different salon. Which I did. They ultimately reversed their decision.9
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I agree that it's a sense of entitlement. Hollywood produced a defective product and Demi Lovato was proud to prove it with her public display of stupidity! Anything for a snippet of attention!6
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Her wanting to not be triggered is not more important than others’ needs to have options. What if someone is diabetic and there is no sugar free option? Asking the store to separate in two is unrealistic. She is dead wrong IMO.10
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I knew there was a rant but not the specifics until this post. It was definitely a dumb and selfish one and I feel like if things trigger you, it's your responsibility to walk away and not someone who's just trying to make a living.
I would almost say it was for PR but it's also rumored she's not exactly sober these days so it could be that too.
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I am not a follower of this sort of thing normally, I am aware that Demi Lovato has had her struggles and I empathize with her. As the mother of a teenage girl, this particular issue has come up in my home, so I felt like chiming in. To me, she sounded like a spoiled, entitled brat. I thought it was inappropriate to use a rather large public platform to call out a small business. And to then apply a hashtag in a way to make them appear as pariahs? For having options? Shameful. I find it rather ironic that she calls for inclusion by means of segregation, as well - I want you to include ME, but I'm not comfortable around THEM. It is worth noting that the intent of the user regarding some of those other products has nothing to do with the reason those products exist, and the wide variety of needs/desires they serve. Some types of mouthwash can be misused and abused, but it is still a valid mouth rinse for those who like that extra clean feeling and therefor remains on the shelf in the pharmacy.
Her follow up "apology" video sounded like anything but an apology. It basically doubled down. It was a series of statements that said (paraphrasing) 'I'm sorry YOU took what I said the wrong way.' 'I'm sorry YOU misinterpreted me.' 'I'm sorry if I offend you, BUT...' She offered to work with the owners to find ways they could rearrange their store so SHE feels better. It was all very self-centered and self-serving, and a bit toddler-like, IMO. It ended with her saying that she didn't even get her fro-yo and she was sad. She was kind to remind us that it's really hard being a celebrity. (inset eyeroll here)
There is a difference between using your voice to bring awareness to something and standing on a bully pulpit, which is what I think DL has done. Not every perceived slight needs to be blasted and #hashtagged on social media. (And it is pure hubris to blast others in behalf of a whole group without confirmation that said group even agrees.) Perhaps a direct conversation with the owners would have been more beneficial if she felt so uncomfortable. Maybe see if there is a valid reason for it rather than some sort of passive-aggressive conspiracy. She may have since followed up on her first apology video and "done better" and my point may now moot.14 -
I’ve been reading about this and following here and there on Twitter.
I thought it was a bit hypocritical of her to bully a shop into changing their marketing. That turned me off .. if she really wanted to have a convo about it.. she has a platform to further the conversation in a positive way. I wish she had brought it down to a human level instead of being a tyrant about it.
From what I read - I thought it was the *language* used - like “indulgent treats” and “guilt free” that bothered her... which I dunno .. it doesn’t personally bother me, whether it’s titled sugar free or diet or guilt free, it’s the same product. IMHO
In the world we live in people get miffed by language all the time. We now have the term Trigger alert in our daily lexicon. It’s not just Demi Lovato. I think she just went to the extreme with it.
For example- “diet food”, “cheat days”, “clean eating”, “what is healthy?” All wording that triggers people.. the Demi Lovato episode is not as rare as we might think. We see it all the time on MFP. “But what does healthy meaaaaaan?” —- “clean, does that mean we washed it?” it’s all a personal reaction to language and semantics. In this case it was just that Demi didn’t like the words used to make food choices more culturally “palatable”.
She thought the terminology “guilt free” shouldn’t be assigned to food. Does she have a point? Maybe. I can see that side of the coin.. she could have framed it differently..but I also personally feel we are bombarded all the time with images, wording, marketing and we have to find a way to coexist with it and not let it have power over us.
It’s still just cookies and fro-yo. But the focus and disdain over wording has made it’s way into everything.. instead of “plus sized” clothing - now lines are calling it extended sizes to not offend. People don’t like the word “toned” either ... that’s also a word that gets people upset. Triggers triggers
Demi Lovato just happened to use her platform to bully and get a backlash.
Going to go eat my guilt free, sugar free fro-yo now.
In a way, maybe Demi Lovato did the opposite for her cause, instead of quibbling over semantics..maybe more people will want to be more human to one another and have conversations rather than browbeat over wording.
One can hope.
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Never heard of her but apparently she thinks she's a lot more important than she is.
If she doesn't like sugar free options does she have a *kitten* fit at every establishment that serves Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi?5 -
In the very near future—
I see a big red neon sign in front of that froyo shop “DEMI LOVATO We accept your apology. We do our best to please our customers. We offer several options to those who are unable to use our regular products. We hope to continue to serve our customers in the best way possible, and we welcome any conversation that would help us do that”
Talk about publicity!4 -
I can understand her getting frustrated at terms like "guilt-free" and whatever. But, from reading it about it she wanted things that didn't have those labels changed. She wanted them to do things like label their sugar-free froyo as "for diabetics" or their gluten free options as "for celiacs". But, as other's have pointed out, there isn't exactly a strict understanding of what something like "for diabetics" means, and someone could be looking for sugar-free options for non-diabetic health related reasons that also aren't weight loss (which is also an acceptable reason, but can understand some of the backlash against).
I don't disagree with her general idea that in many ways diet culture is out of hand, especially in a place like LA. And, I think celebrities speaking up about issues is important. But, I don't think going after a small froyo shop trying to provide options for all their customers is the way to go about making sure people take your message seriously.5 -
Yup, definitely a win-win publicitywise for both Demi and the fro yo shop. (Celebrities don't care if it's good or bad publicity. Just if people are talking about them.)
Which fro yo shop was this anyway?1 -
Yup, definitely a win-win publicitywise for both Demi and the fro yo shop. (Celebrities don't care if it's good or bad publicity. Just if people are talking about them.)
Which fro yo shop was this anyway?
@glassyo The Big Chill in LA
Interestingly - in the last week // it’s gotten 2k plus 5 star reviews
https://www.google.com/search?q=the+big+chill+yogurt&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS768US768&hl=en-US&ei=lzSDYI7PCcOx5NoP_9OS2AE&oq=the+big+chill&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEAEYBDIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQRzIECAAQR1AAWABg_x5oAHABeACAAQCIAQCSAQCYAQDIAQjAAQE&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#lkt=LocalPoiReviews&trex=m_t:lcl_akp,rc_f:nav,rc_ludocids:10118883467797824794,rc_q:The%20Bigg%20Chill,ru_q:The%20Bigg%20Chill,trex_id:lENbAb
Sorry for the long link!8 -
@LB30 you expressed my sentiments on the matter perfectly. Thank you! I think one of the issues I took with it is that it's just not celebrities who seem to have this sense of entitlement. I know I'm going to sound like a "Boomer" (as my 11-year old likes to say, now), but I don't know if it's a younger generation thing or just society in general. It's this whole idea of feeling like you should be able to get whatever you want and everyone should cater to you, which I'm sure in Demi's case, has happened quite a lot in her lifetime. It's the whole "I can be anything/get anything I want," even if that's not really the case. It means going after what you "really want" in a way that really isn't earning it (think the college admissions scandal) or is at the expense of others . It was all about her and being triggered and doing what she could do to get what she wanted, which initially seemed to be really hurt this business--all because she was "too sad" to get some yogurt.
The other issue I have is this whole need to put everything on social medial to "cancel" somebody, without having an actual, adult conversation in a more productive manner. I think that social medial can be a great platform to bring real awareness to real issues and problems, and "cancel" people who really do need to be cancelled (case in point: Harvey Weinstein). This was NOT one of those times, though. If she really cared about spreading a message of how certain kinds of wording can be triggering to those recovering from eating disorders, this was the complete opposite way to do it . I can see her point in using terms like "guilt-free" and just the whole "diet culture" in general being more harmful than helpful. I have a problem with a lot of diet culture too, and I'd guess some others on MFP do as well. However, this yogurt shop is just a microcosm of this culture that's pretty prevalent in this country (if they were really using terms to help those concerned about their figure and not their actual health), especially in a body-conscious city like LA! Demi was just mad at them and in the moment decided to attack them, rather than address the problem as a whole. Also, it's okay if someone else wants to get sugar-free because they're watching their weight and not diabetic, or that they feel better when they don't eat gluten (even though not officially celiac). Oh, and the whole "I'm sorry if YOU were offended" type of apologies are so meaningless and does more harm than good, IMO.
I do think Demi Lovato still has some work to do in getting over her eating disorder, in any case. I do feel a bit sorry for her, but I think she's had people cater to her her entire life, which could be at least part of her problems.5 -
If that triggered her, she is not recovered like she says.
I heard she used to not let her dancers/crew eat anything around her too. Seems a little insane. Just because she has a problem, the whole world is expected to cater to her? No, she needs to learn to live with triggers and not act on them or let them bother you. That is true recovery.15 -
Never heard of her and am not on Twitter.
But that just sounds silly and entitled.
like If you are an alcoholic you might avoid pubs - but you dont expect to go somewhere that serves alcohol and not have it on display or on the menu or advertised because of you.
If you are a diabetic you dont expect sugar versions of things not to be displayed, on the menu, advertised because of you.
If you have coeliac disease you dont expect to go to a bakery and not have pastries displayed or advertised because of you
etc etc - Reality: the whole world is not about you.
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While not agreeing with her tactics or 99% of her complaints....
Labeling products as "guilt-free" is a pet peeve of mine.
1. It implies that if you choose the full fat/full sugar version, you will/should feel guilty about it afterwards.
2. It implies that you can eat as much as you want of the "guilt-free" option, as if it was calorie-free.5 -
I understand the dislike of labeling products as "guilt-free." I guess I just have always expected that there would be advertising and actions by others that are annoying to me, just as it is likely that I annoy others. I think we need to learn that we have to tolerate annoyance and keep from having unrealistic expectations that the world will cater to our desires and preferences. If it really affects someone's ED, that's more than annoyance.
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Entitled, 100%. I’m recovered from an ED. My triggers are my responsibility and mine alone. I do think “diet culture” can be harmful, but this wasn’t even an example of that. In addition to all of the above, imagine being a celebrity and using your platform to bash a small business.. during a pandemic.. without even discussing your problem with them first.18
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I agree that it's a sense of entitlement. Hollywood produced a defective product and Demi Lovato was proud to prove it with her public display of stupidity! Anything for a snippet of attention!
The idea that she's merely a "product" is probably part of the reason she developed emotional issues. Even if she's totally and completely wrong (I'd argue she is), she's still human, not a messed up product.9 -
I love Demi Lovato and have so much empathy for her since I’ve also struggled with eating disorders from a young age. I can understand her having such a strong reaction, in the early stages of my own recovery I was extremely selfish and my concern was completely self-centered, but it really is our own responsibility to either avoid our triggers (and if we can’t, find another way to deal with them). I don’t think Demi is truly entitled (she could be somewhat, don’t know her), but I think recovering from eating disorders AND severe trauma and substance abuse, combined with being a highly visible celebrity in a culture that rewards calling out people, businesses, etc for the most minor perceived slights just created the perfect bad situation. Thankfully the shop seems to be doing well anyhow, and hopefully it doesn’t derail Demi’s recovery. On a side note, if I really wanted to avoid diet culture I’d probably go to a traditional ice cream shop and not a Frozen Yogurt place.6
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What grinds my gears most about the whole thing is that we are still in the middle of a pandemic and most restaurants have struggled to even keep their doors open in the last year. And instead of focusing on her own recovery (which, spoiler alert, "California Sober" is not recovery"), she tries to cancel a business because she's "triggered".
She could have used her platform in this situation for something positive. She could have connected with the shop privately. But instead, she uses this to draw attention to herself, even if it's negative.8 -
MarieBuch10 wrote: »I love Demi Lovato and have so much empathy for her since I’ve also struggled with eating disorders from a young age. I can understand her having such a strong reaction, in the early stages of my own recovery I was extremely selfish and my concern was completely self-centered, but it really is our own responsibility to either avoid our triggers (and if we can’t, find another way to deal with them). I don’t think Demi is truly entitled (she could be somewhat, don’t know her), but I think recovering from eating disorders AND severe trauma and substance abuse, combined with being a highly visible celebrity in a culture that rewards calling out people, businesses, etc for the most minor perceived slights just created the perfect bad situation. Thankfully the shop seems to be doing well anyhow, and hopefully it doesn’t derail Demi’s recovery. On a side note, if I really wanted to avoid diet culture I’d probably go to a traditional ice cream shop and not a Frozen Yogurt place.
Thank you for this perspective. This is kind of what I was wondering. I actually think she's quite talented and really feel for all she's been through. I think she thought she was coming from a "good place" in trying to educate others about eating disorders and how diet culture, in general, can be damaging...or at least that's what she told herself (and others).3 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I agree that it's a sense of entitlement. Hollywood produced a defective product and Demi Lovato was proud to prove it with her public display of stupidity! Anything for a snippet of attention!
The idea that she's merely a "product" is probably part of the reason she developed emotional issues. Even if she's totally and completely wrong (I'd argue she is), she's still human, not a messed up product.
Uhhhh okay...2 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I agree that it's a sense of entitlement. Hollywood produced a defective product and Demi Lovato was proud to prove it with her public display of stupidity! Anything for a snippet of attention!
The idea that she's merely a "product" is probably part of the reason she developed emotional issues. Even if she's totally and completely wrong (I'd argue she is), she's still human, not a messed up product.
Uhhhh okay...
I'm curious about what part of my post provoked this reaction. Do you genuinely see her as a mere "defective product"?
My point is that when people are hurting (which she pretty clearly seems to be), it can result in lashing out at the wrong people or making mistakes in reasoning or judgment. This doesn't mean we can't respond to those things, but writing her off as a "defective product" seems so harsh and maybe part of the reason why child stars seem to so often struggle as they age.
My approach is probably tempered by the fact that I have a younger sibling who has struggled with opioid addiction (thankfully now in recovery). When I look at people like Demi Lovato, I can't help but see the hurting human there.8 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »I agree that it's a sense of entitlement. Hollywood produced a defective product and Demi Lovato was proud to prove it with her public display of stupidity! Anything for a snippet of attention!
The idea that she's merely a "product" is probably part of the reason she developed emotional issues. Even if she's totally and completely wrong (I'd argue she is), she's still human, not a messed up product.
Uhhhh okay...
I'm curious about what part of my post provoked this reaction. Do you genuinely see her as a mere "defective product"?
My point is that when people are hurting (which she pretty clearly seems to be), it can result in lashing out at the wrong people or making mistakes in reasoning or judgment. This doesn't mean we can't respond to those things, but writing her off as a "defective product" seems so harsh and maybe part of the reason why child stars seem to so often struggle as they age.
My approach is probably tempered by the fact that I have a younger sibling who has struggled with opioid addiction (thankfully now in recovery). When I look at people like Demi Lovato, I can't help but see the hurting human there.
For her sake, I hope she leans into whatever support system she has in place before that hurt leads her down the path to relapsing back on the hardcore stuff. I'd argue that this lashing out means she should look into absolute sobriety vs. "California Sober", but each addict's recovery and journey is their own.3 -
janejellyroll wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »I agree that it's a sense of entitlement. Hollywood produced a defective product and Demi Lovato was proud to prove it with her public display of stupidity! Anything for a snippet of attention!
The idea that she's merely a "product" is probably part of the reason she developed emotional issues. Even if she's totally and completely wrong (I'd argue she is), she's still human, not a messed up product.
Uhhhh okay...
I'm curious about what part of my post provoked this reaction. Do you genuinely see her as a mere "defective product"?
My point is that when people are hurting (which she pretty clearly seems to be), it can result in lashing out at the wrong people or making mistakes in reasoning or judgment. This doesn't mean we can't respond to those things, but writing her off as a "defective product" seems so harsh and maybe part of the reason why child stars seem to so often struggle as they age.
My approach is probably tempered by the fact that I have a younger sibling who has struggled with opioid addiction (thankfully now in recovery). When I look at people like Demi Lovato, I can't help but see the hurting human there.
I think many of Demi’s struggles have come from that alone... she’s always been treated as a product. She had a team that started treating her like a defective product as she was coming into adulthood- they restricted her food to the point of not even letting her have a birthday cake.
I truly empathize with her journey and struggles, however I don’t support her Twitter woke police rant, whatever you want to call it. I’ve followed her story off and on for years and as of recent she’s been shouting from the mountain tops (new docuseries included) how well she’s doing and how her recovery is going awesome. To me, this Twitter rant is a huge red flag (that I hope others around her see) that she isn’t doing as well in her recovery as she’s touting. If you walk into froyo shop and your ED is triggered, you should take that as a sign you should put some energy into your recovery instead of using that energy to take on a small business over Twitter. I thought it was great that this froyo shop tried to be inclusive of those who don’t get the option of being triggered. Those who are diabetic don’t get the option to walk into bakeries, ice cream/froyo joints and then hop on Twitter to claim they were triggered by there being no options for them. It seemed like she painted this as “diet culture” because it fit her message about ED, when in reality it came off entitled, like the diabetics should go through the backdoor because their sugar free options offend me. I feel it is each individual’s responsibility to manage their own triggers (ie recovery) as society isn’t going to cater to each individual’s needs. If someone is in recovery from alcohol use, they don’t walk into a bar and have a Twitter fit about being triggered because they were just there for the fries but there was all sorts of alcohol served. If she isn’t in a place in her recovery to go into a froyo shop without feeling triggered, then she shouldn’t have gone in the first place.11 -
Social media has a way of making you feel heard and like you are connecting with people when you really aren’t. In a void, her comments seem silly. In the context provided, the comments can evoke empathy. I’ve had two incidents when I drank too much and posted stuff on Facebook I was embarrassed about. Both were when I was in deep grief, right after my mother and my brother died (about five months apart). I posted stupid stuff about how I had failed both of them and how I didn’t deserve to go on living when they had died. Maybe she was in a place where she needed to be heard.6
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ENTITLED. Im recovering from an ED and I dont expect the world to revolve around me. LIke the above poster stated, its my responsibility and mine alone. When you are nourished from a spiritual level, fro yo is not such a trigger. At least for me, and that's my goal - good physical and spiritual health7
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