Anyone else not quite sure how much they want to lose?

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Replies

  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,615 Member
    steveko89 wrote: »
    @ladyoftherocks, I'm all for realistic goals and expectations but in my judgement, punting on what you think is possible to achieve/maintain at 30 is a big mistake.

    There will likely be some lifestyle trade offs required for any measure of weight loss as you should try to address the fundamental habits and behaviors that have led you to be overweight. However, there's no prerequisite that you have to abstain from eating out, eating foods you enjoy, and drinking.

    To @BarbaraHelen2013 's point, the narrative about metabolism "slowing down" as we age is discussed far more than the magnitude of that metabolic rate depression would warrant, especially when compared with those lifestyle factors that have likely changed when discussing 10-20 year differences.

    Using OP's stats as an example, at age 20 a 5'6" woman weighing 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance level of ~1679 calories/day. That same woman at age 30 and 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance of ~1619 cal/day a mere 3.5% drop assuming lifestyle factors are equal. At 40 that would hypothetically drop further to 1559 /day. Overall, a reduction of 7% over 20 years. If that same hypothetical person was more active at 20 (call it "moderate exercise") their required maintenance level intake was 2169 cal/day. Compared to "sedentary" at 30, now that's nearly an order of magnitude more impactful than the effect of simply aging at a 550 cal/day delta. Using the estimated 3500 cal/lb of fat, that difference between an moderately active 20 y/o and a sedentary 30 y/o equates to gaining over 1lb of fat per week, if intake is equated. Since dietary and lifestyle habits can be hard to alter, it's easy to see where we fail to adjust for activity/lifestyle factors as we age but those variables seem to be largely overlooked when it comes to the rhetoric about weight gain/loss and age. Personally, I view as rooting in allowing for a scapegoat of "well what did I expect? I'm older now.", making the weight gain and/or failed attempts to lose weight an easier pill to swallow.

    *figures for calories from TDEECalculator.net and OP's height of 5'6" inferred from height at which 156 lbs is the upper threshold of "healthy/normal" range via BMI



    Okay what if I just admit I only care about my health markers and that I don't particularly care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore? Is that one allowed?

    Because I don't care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore.
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    edited April 2021
    wunderkindking wrote: »
    steveko89 wrote: »
    @ladyoftherocks, I'm all for realistic goals and expectations but in my judgement, punting on what you think is possible to achieve/maintain at 30 is a big mistake.

    There will likely be some lifestyle trade offs required for any measure of weight loss as you should try to address the fundamental habits and behaviors that have led you to be overweight. However, there's no prerequisite that you have to abstain from eating out, eating foods you enjoy, and drinking.

    To @BarbaraHelen2013 's point, the narrative about metabolism "slowing down" as we age is discussed far more than the magnitude of that metabolic rate depression would warrant, especially when compared with those lifestyle factors that have likely changed when discussing 10-20 year differences.

    Using OP's stats as an example, at age 20 a 5'6" woman weighing 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance level of ~1679 calories/day. That same woman at age 30 and 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance of ~1619 cal/day a mere 3.5% drop assuming lifestyle factors are equal. At 40 that would hypothetically drop further to 1559 /day. Overall, a reduction of 7% over 20 years. If that same hypothetical person was more active at 20 (call it "moderate exercise") their required maintenance level intake was 2169 cal/day. Compared to "sedentary" at 30, now that's nearly an order of magnitude more impactful than the effect of simply aging at a 550 cal/day delta. Using the estimated 3500 cal/lb of fat, that difference between an moderately active 20 y/o and a sedentary 30 y/o equates to gaining over 1lb of fat per week, if intake is equated. Since dietary and lifestyle habits can be hard to alter, it's easy to see where we fail to adjust for activity/lifestyle factors as we age but those variables seem to be largely overlooked when it comes to the rhetoric about weight gain/loss and age. Personally, I view as rooting in allowing for a scapegoat of "well what did I expect? I'm older now.", making the weight gain and/or failed attempts to lose weight an easier pill to swallow.

    *figures for calories from TDEECalculator.net and OP's height of 5'6" inferred from height at which 156 lbs is the upper threshold of "healthy/normal" range via BMI



    Okay what if I just admit I only care about my health markers and that I don't particularly care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore? Is that one allowed?

    Because I don't care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore.

    Of course it's allowed. I was speaking directly to OP's questions about expectations and if was was realistic to shoot for 135 with what seem to be rooted in aesthetics.

    Also, from OP's bio: I want to be able to feel confident in photos and wearing unique outfits again. I also just found out my BMI is on the high end of overweight, which really shocked me into wanting to take action.

    I also realized I overlooked that there was a second page to the thread and would be remiss to not mention the validity of others' comments that scale weight is only part of the equation. Health factors, body composition, body image/mental health, lifestyle considerations all play a role when considering overall health and wellness - far far exceeding what a scale can measure.
  • sijomial
    sijomial Posts: 19,809 Member
    I was sure how much I wanted to lose.
    But the kicker was when I got there I found out it wasn't the right weight for me now.

    20+ year gap between when it really was my right weight and me in my 50's instead of my 30's meant I just had to resolve to choose the direction rather than the destination to make small adjustments until I was happy. Turned out to be roughly 7lbs lighter than before.

    I'm not really seeing that purely being 30 years old instead of 25 is really a significant factor in your decision. If 135lbs was too low to be sustainable 5 years ago it probably still is now, but if it was a great weight for you and easy to sustain then it probably still is now.

    Pick a goal, achieve your goal, pause, then reassess.
    It probably won't be the last time in your life you might want to pick a new bodyweight or otherwise change your body for new goals and new priorities.
  • age_is_just_a_number
    age_is_just_a_number Posts: 631 Member
    One pound at a time.
    One day at a time.
    Reevaluate as you go.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    edited April 2021
    richardgavel wrote: »
    I'm 6' 175. I want to get down to 170 or so. But at this point, the number on the scale is less of the goal and body fat percentage is the real goal (better body composition) and weight (fat) loss is simply part of the path to get there.

    Body fat percentage as the goal? Dis me.

    And like @lorib642, my original goal (BMI-based) back in late 2019 was from conversations with my doctor at the time as she threatened me with daily cholesterol meds 😑

    I'm currently sitting at a weight that is 8 lbs heavier than when I was running marathons a decade ago. But my body fat percentage is about 10% lower today than it was as a weekend warrior runner. So scale weight is of little importance to me as a metric unless we're talking about vanity.

    For kicks and sustainable health reasons, I just wanna see what 17 or 18% looks like on me 🤷🏿‍♀️ Therefore recomp is the approach this year since I'm not necessarily needing to lose much more weight.
  • ladyoftherocks
    ladyoftherocks Posts: 64 Member
    edited April 2021
    @steveko89 thanks for the advice! My incentive to lose weight is in fact mainly aesthetic lol. Of course I'd be worried about health in the long term but at the moment I don't have any issues (thankfully!). Also what you said about mental health, since not looking the way I want affects that, though I'm simultaneously working with a therapist on body acceptance because I realize that I didn't like myself at the time I look back on and I think I looked great either, so I'm sure if I don't work on that even if I lose the weight I'd just find something else to obsess over.
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
    When I first joined MFP, I put a weight 20 pounds lower than my weight at the time.

    However, when I finally reached that point, I did ask myself, "So what **is** a healthy weight for me?"

    I looked at the BMI chart, and picked a number midway in the "normal" range. Worked pretty well for me.

    The goal is always able to be edited. It's always OK to have a primary goal, then work towards the next weight goal.

    Yes, BMI isn't perfect by any means. But as a rough guide to what's healthy, what's under or over weight, obese and so on...it's not a bad tool and it's easily accessible.
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,223 Member
    ladyoftherocks wrote: »
    @steveko89 thanks for the advice! My incentive to lose weight is in fact mainly aesthetic lol. Of course I'd be worried about health in the long term but at the moment I don't have any issues (thankfully!). Also what you said about mental health, since not looking the way I want affects that, though I'm simultaneously working with a therapist on body acceptance because I realize that I didn't like myself at the time I look back on and I think I looked great either, so I'm sure if I don't work on that even if I lose the weight I'd just find something else to obsess over.

    I also had to learn that strictly losing weight wasn't the be-all-end-all to body image problems. For me the solution was building muscle and improving my physique pretty independent of the scale. Since I started lifting with consistency in 2015 I've been able to continuously improve my body composition and stay right around 175 lbs (+/- about 5 lbs). I started lifting with the sole intent of looking better but I've gotten substantially stronger, mentally tougher, and more comfortable and confident in my own body than ever before.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    edited April 2021
    I would also caution against tying the idea of "finally feeling good about my body" to a specific number on the scale (or BF %age, pants size, etc.). I am now at my lowest I have been since college(now age 44) at a BMI of 20.8, and the weight that's on my driver's license. I know I am definitely in better shape than I was in college at the same weight, despite more body aches and pains and slower recovery. There are still things I don't like about my body, and in fact I think I've lost a bit of muscle (especially in my butt-which I worked hard for). Now I have the saggy skin on top of it, which I didn't have in college (even having lost weight a couple of times by then). In fact, it's like the more weight I lose (especially when done quickly), the worse I kind of feel at times, if that makes any sense. When I focus on my overall health, stamina and strength gains and building muscles vs. just losing BF, weight, etc., it really is a better approach for me overall.
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 669 Member
    BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »
    I’m slightly surprised at how many people seem to feel it’s unrealistic to be the weight they were when younger (assuming that was a healthy weight). I’m not sure why something as arbitrary as age would change the healthy weight to height ratio.

    8st 3lbs was my happy weight in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s - I’m now 59 and fairly sure that when I reach that this time (3lbs to go!) I’ll actually feel that ‘older me’ could go a bit lower.

    I’m no taller, I haven’t grown any extra body parts (in actual fact, I’ve lost a few 😂 - some lymph nodes, an appendix, a uterus, ovaries and cervix, plus about half a cm off the tip of a collarbone - I’m guessing that’s about 4lb all told!).

    I guess I just don’t see why a healthy weight should change no matter your age.


    If you were on the thin side, or lower end of BMI during your younger years like I was, it can make you look drawn when you’re older. At least it did with me.
    If you’re just trying to keep your body at “not overweight” point. Then I agree, age doesn’t matter.
  • brightsideofpink
    brightsideofpink Posts: 1,018 Member
    To answer your original question, yes, me. I have only a vague range and I'm perfectly content with that. I previously lost 70 lbs and my happy maintenance weight, where I think I felt and looked damn good, was a higher number than I had originally thought I'd aim for. My health indicators were great as well. Getting back to it again after a few years of compounding poor choices, I have no number in mind, but I remember that feeling and those great lab results and that is what I'm aiming for now, along with a few lifestyle changes to make it stick better. Maybe it will be the same scale number, maybe higher, maybe lower.
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,401 Member
    edited April 2021
    I'm not exactly sure where I want my optimum weight to be.


    Somewhere around can run a marathon, lift heavy, lot look too thin, but doesn't have to live on cardio or lifting, and can still have pizza and beer when desired. Is that asking too much?


    Seriously, ever time I hit a goal weight I can see the negative with the positive, and sometimes re-think it. If I set a goal I usually just go for it in one shot, but I've never fluctuated that much in weight, so it's more a fitness/workout related thing. If I had larger amounts I wanted to lose or gain I'd probably break it down into smaller goals.

    I actually usually feel my best all around when I'm on the high side of a healthy weight range, or even creeping a few pounds into overweight based on most BMI charts.
  • trjjoy
    trjjoy Posts: 666 Member
    An adult's weight has got nothing to do with their age. I am skinnier at 38 than I was at 18 or 28.
  • trjjoy
    trjjoy Posts: 666 Member
    ladyoftherocks wrote: »
    Thanks to everyone for their advice.

    @BarbaraHelen2013 I understand that to an extend but despite me seeing a lot of people say metabolism isn't really a thing I'm otherwise stumped that when I was in my early 20s I could drink frappucinos every day and still be underweight lol. But I also feel like it has to do with my priorities changing. Like if the only way I can stay 135 is to give up a lot of my foodie experiences and fun nights drinking with friends I'd rather my weight be a little higher. I think it would be easier if I was a more "settled down" person but me and my husband are still very much not lol.

    You were more active when you were younger, or you ate smaller portions. Or it was a combo.

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