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Anyone else not quite sure how much they want to lose?

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  • penguinmama87penguinmama87 Member, Premium Posts: 387 Member Member, Premium Posts: 387 Member
    Thanks to everyone for their advice.

    @BarbaraHelen2013 I understand that to an extend but despite me seeing a lot of people say metabolism isn't really a thing I'm otherwise stumped that when I was in my early 20s I could drink frappucinos every day and still be underweight lol. But I also feel like it has to do with my priorities changing. Like if the only way I can stay 135 is to give up a lot of my foodie experiences and fun nights drinking with friends I'd rather my weight be a little higher. I think it would be easier if I was a more "settled down" person but me and my husband are still very much not lol.

    @penguinmama87 We sound like body twins. I also look at photos from when I was around 120 and think I look way too thin. My frame isn't really delicate. I was still a juniors 5 or a misses 6 at my lowest weights. I have prominent hips lol.

    For me I'm sure it's daily activity - when I was in my early 20s, I was in college, grad school, and juggling several jobs where I was mostly on my feet. I had a car, but almost never used it during the week - I walked everywhere. I lived in an apartment building on the fourth floor (and it was eight stories up if I came in through the back - we're talking some fierce topography.) I was rarely home all day, and frequently came in and left several times. I had to come down to let people in and I had a lot more company - my time was a lot freer and so was that of my friends, so we did a lot of visiting.

    I still walk a lot now, and would be considered pretty active chasing after babies and toddlers and running a household, but I am curious sometimes what my step count would have been if fitness trackers had been commonly used back then. I didn't think of myself as active, because I wasn't deliberately exercising, but I expect it would have been a LOT. I wiped a lot of it out on silly stuff (like overpriced drinks and bar food), but I was still moving!

    Re: frame, I suspect I'll end up with an hourglassish shape. Right now I'm kind of pear shaped because my fat loss has primarily been in my limbs and shoulders/upper back. But my shoulders and bust and hips have always been rather broad, and I have a defined waist even though it's not particularly narrow at the moment. I actually noticed for the first time this week that I can see my collarbones, which was a nice NSV because the scale didn't record a drop at all. But one thing at a time!
    edited April 24
  • owieproneowieprone Member Posts: 214 Member Member Posts: 214 Member
    Yep, I'm going for a look not a weight but have set my goal to 9-9.5stone a loss of ~4 stone because that's how much I weighed close to the look I am going for. However I've also been 11 stone at the look I'm going for so it all depends on how much muscle I can put on and flab I can lose at my age without doing daft amounts of unsustainable workouts.
  • suzij27suzij27 Member Posts: 142 Member Member Posts: 142 Member
    My goal is the top weight of the normal BMI. I don’t think I’ve weighed that since sometime in High School. I’ll reevaluate when I get there. I super focused on maintaining a healthy weight and not sabotaging myself.

    I have maintained at many weights over the years, but the lowest I maintained was probably 50 lbs above the top of a normal BMI.

    This is a journey. For sure! 😝
  • ladyoftherocksladyoftherocks Member Posts: 60 Member Member Posts: 60 Member
    @springlering62 Thank you! That's good to know! I've been trying to think of someone I could ask for honest opinions on my body but right now I'm stumped. I won't no honesty from my husband that could be negative because I would absolutely cry. My mom always gives advice that ends up making me feel worse about myself. I feel like my closest friends are both so tiny (like not just super skinny but also incredibly short) that I don't know if I would trust their opinion as much somehow??? Plus they might not even be comfortable. I keep thinking of getting a trainer but it's so expensive. I've been debating maybe doing it for a short time so I at least know what I'm doing better.

    I want to be able to get back in my wedding dress so bad! I want to do a super weird artsy photo shoot with it lol
  • msmalichmsmalich Member, Premium Posts: 3 Member Member, Premium Posts: 3 Member
    Normal BMI for my height ranges from 108 to 145. I'm 39 and my goal weight was 137 when I started at 164. I'm just 1.4 lbs from hitting my goal, but I know that goal isn't going to get me where I want to be now. I want to continue to reduce my body fat percentage, it was 39% when I started and a week ago it was at 33%. Ideally, it should be 23-33%, so my new goal is to get to around 29%. I carry my weight in my hips/thighs so I also have fitness goals that will specifically target those areas. And of course, my long-term goal is maintenance and maintaining an active lifestyle for the remainder of my life. I think it's smart to continually reassess your goals and don't be discouraged if your goals change over time.
  • plant_newbyplant_newby Member Posts: 1 Member Member Posts: 1 Member
    I have been on the weight loss merry-go-round several times. I finally got great advice " Create a Goal that is Reasonable, Attainable, and not Intimidating" The suggestion for me is to lose 5% of my weight 230 lbs... lose 5% = 23 lbs... I CAN DO THAT! Then decide to go for 5% again - its up to you to go with your starting weight or your new weight.. it does not matter, the point is to reach and CELEBRATE THE WINS! Also ...check what a difference it makes if you lose just 5% of your excess weight. https://www.webmd.com/diet/ss/slideshow-five-percent-weight-loss
  • steveko89steveko89 Member Posts: 1,947 Member Member Posts: 1,947 Member
    @ladyoftherocks, I'm all for realistic goals and expectations but in my judgement, punting on what you think is possible to achieve/maintain at 30 is a big mistake.

    There will likely be some lifestyle trade offs required for any measure of weight loss as you should try to address the fundamental habits and behaviors that have led you to be overweight. However, there's no prerequisite that you have to abstain from eating out, eating foods you enjoy, and drinking.

    To @BarbaraHelen2013 's point, the narrative about metabolism "slowing down" as we age is discussed far more than the magnitude of that metabolic rate depression would warrant, especially when compared with those lifestyle factors that have likely changed when discussing 10-20 year differences.

    Using OP's stats as an example, at age 20 a 5'6" woman weighing 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance level of ~1679 calories/day. That same woman at age 30 and 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance of ~1619 cal/day a mere 3.5% drop assuming lifestyle factors are equal. At 40 that would hypothetically drop further to 1559 /day. Overall, a reduction of 7% over 20 years. If that same hypothetical person was more active at 20 (call it "moderate exercise") their required maintenance level intake was 2169 cal/day. Compared to "sedentary" at 30, now that's nearly an order of magnitude more impactful than the effect of simply aging at a 550 cal/day delta. Using the estimated 3500 cal/lb of fat, that difference between an moderately active 20 y/o and a sedentary 30 y/o equates to gaining over 1lb of fat per week, if intake is equated. Since dietary and lifestyle habits can be hard to alter, it's easy to see where we fail to adjust for activity/lifestyle factors as we age but those variables seem to be largely overlooked when it comes to the rhetoric about weight gain/loss and age. Personally, I view as rooting in allowing for a scapegoat of "well what did I expect? I'm older now.", making the weight gain and/or failed attempts to lose weight an easier pill to swallow.

    *figures for calories from TDEECalculator.net and OP's height of 5'6" inferred from height at which 156 lbs is the upper threshold of "healthy/normal" range via BMI
  • wunderkindkingwunderkindking Member Posts: 448 Member Member Posts: 448 Member
    I swear by all that is holy I am sincerely tempted to lose 3 more pounds so that I'm within a health range in the middle of the day and fully dressed and then stop just so I can stop buying new clothes.

    It feels like it took forever to lose sizes - but once I started I have gone through so many, I am on the verge of nothing fitting AGAIN and I am so tired of spending money on this crap.
  • wunderkindkingwunderkindking Member Posts: 448 Member Member Posts: 448 Member
    steveko89 wrote: »
    @ladyoftherocks, I'm all for realistic goals and expectations but in my judgement, punting on what you think is possible to achieve/maintain at 30 is a big mistake.

    There will likely be some lifestyle trade offs required for any measure of weight loss as you should try to address the fundamental habits and behaviors that have led you to be overweight. However, there's no prerequisite that you have to abstain from eating out, eating foods you enjoy, and drinking.

    To @BarbaraHelen2013 's point, the narrative about metabolism "slowing down" as we age is discussed far more than the magnitude of that metabolic rate depression would warrant, especially when compared with those lifestyle factors that have likely changed when discussing 10-20 year differences.

    Using OP's stats as an example, at age 20 a 5'6" woman weighing 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance level of ~1679 calories/day. That same woman at age 30 and 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance of ~1619 cal/day a mere 3.5% drop assuming lifestyle factors are equal. At 40 that would hypothetically drop further to 1559 /day. Overall, a reduction of 7% over 20 years. If that same hypothetical person was more active at 20 (call it "moderate exercise") their required maintenance level intake was 2169 cal/day. Compared to "sedentary" at 30, now that's nearly an order of magnitude more impactful than the effect of simply aging at a 550 cal/day delta. Using the estimated 3500 cal/lb of fat, that difference between an moderately active 20 y/o and a sedentary 30 y/o equates to gaining over 1lb of fat per week, if intake is equated. Since dietary and lifestyle habits can be hard to alter, it's easy to see where we fail to adjust for activity/lifestyle factors as we age but those variables seem to be largely overlooked when it comes to the rhetoric about weight gain/loss and age. Personally, I view as rooting in allowing for a scapegoat of "well what did I expect? I'm older now.", making the weight gain and/or failed attempts to lose weight an easier pill to swallow.

    *figures for calories from TDEECalculator.net and OP's height of 5'6" inferred from height at which 156 lbs is the upper threshold of "healthy/normal" range via BMI



    Okay what if I just admit I only care about my health markers and that I don't particularly care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore? Is that one allowed?

    Because I don't care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore.
  • steveko89steveko89 Member Posts: 1,947 Member Member Posts: 1,947 Member
    steveko89 wrote: »
    @ladyoftherocks, I'm all for realistic goals and expectations but in my judgement, punting on what you think is possible to achieve/maintain at 30 is a big mistake.

    There will likely be some lifestyle trade offs required for any measure of weight loss as you should try to address the fundamental habits and behaviors that have led you to be overweight. However, there's no prerequisite that you have to abstain from eating out, eating foods you enjoy, and drinking.

    To @BarbaraHelen2013 's point, the narrative about metabolism "slowing down" as we age is discussed far more than the magnitude of that metabolic rate depression would warrant, especially when compared with those lifestyle factors that have likely changed when discussing 10-20 year differences.

    Using OP's stats as an example, at age 20 a 5'6" woman weighing 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance level of ~1679 calories/day. That same woman at age 30 and 135 lbs has a sedentary maintenance of ~1619 cal/day a mere 3.5% drop assuming lifestyle factors are equal. At 40 that would hypothetically drop further to 1559 /day. Overall, a reduction of 7% over 20 years. If that same hypothetical person was more active at 20 (call it "moderate exercise") their required maintenance level intake was 2169 cal/day. Compared to "sedentary" at 30, now that's nearly an order of magnitude more impactful than the effect of simply aging at a 550 cal/day delta. Using the estimated 3500 cal/lb of fat, that difference between an moderately active 20 y/o and a sedentary 30 y/o equates to gaining over 1lb of fat per week, if intake is equated. Since dietary and lifestyle habits can be hard to alter, it's easy to see where we fail to adjust for activity/lifestyle factors as we age but those variables seem to be largely overlooked when it comes to the rhetoric about weight gain/loss and age. Personally, I view as rooting in allowing for a scapegoat of "well what did I expect? I'm older now.", making the weight gain and/or failed attempts to lose weight an easier pill to swallow.

    *figures for calories from TDEECalculator.net and OP's height of 5'6" inferred from height at which 156 lbs is the upper threshold of "healthy/normal" range via BMI



    Okay what if I just admit I only care about my health markers and that I don't particularly care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore? Is that one allowed?

    Because I don't care what size I wear or how cute I look anymore.

    Of course it's allowed. I was speaking directly to OP's questions about expectations and if was was realistic to shoot for 135 with what seem to be rooted in aesthetics.

    Also, from OP's bio: I want to be able to feel confident in photos and wearing unique outfits again. I also just found out my BMI is on the high end of overweight, which really shocked me into wanting to take action.

    I also realized I overlooked that there was a second page to the thread and would be remiss to not mention the validity of others' comments that scale weight is only part of the equation. Health factors, body composition, body image/mental health, lifestyle considerations all play a role when considering overall health and wellness - far far exceeding what a scale can measure.
    edited April 26
  • sijomialsijomial Member, Premium Posts: 18,364 Member Member, Premium Posts: 18,364 Member
    I was sure how much I wanted to lose.
    But the kicker was when I got there I found out it wasn't the right weight for me now.

    20+ year gap between when it really was my right weight and me in my 50's instead of my 30's meant I just had to resolve to choose the direction rather than the destination to make small adjustments until I was happy. Turned out to be roughly 7lbs lighter than before.

    I'm not really seeing that purely being 30 years old instead of 25 is really a significant factor in your decision. If 135lbs was too low to be sustainable 5 years ago it probably still is now, but if it was a great weight for you and easy to sustain then it probably still is now.

    Pick a goal, achieve your goal, pause, then reassess.
    It probably won't be the last time in your life you might want to pick a new bodyweight or otherwise change your body for new goals and new priorities.
  • tgillies003tgillies003 Member, Premium Posts: 395 Member Member, Premium Posts: 395 Member
    One pound at a time.
    One day at a time.
    Reevaluate as you go.
  • MaltedTeaMaltedTea Member, Premium Posts: 5,262 Member Member, Premium Posts: 5,262 Member
    I'm 6' 175. I want to get down to 170 or so. But at this point, the number on the scale is less of the goal and body fat percentage is the real goal (better body composition) and weight (fat) loss is simply part of the path to get there.

    Body fat percentage as the goal? Dis me.

    And like @lorib642, my original goal (BMI-based) back in late 2019 was from conversations with my doctor at the time as she threatened me with daily cholesterol meds 😑

    I'm currently sitting at a weight that is 8 lbs heavier than when I was running marathons a decade ago. But my body fat percentage is about 10% lower today than it was as a weekend warrior runner. So scale weight is of little importance to me as a metric unless we're talking about vanity.

    For kicks and sustainable health reasons, I just wanna see what 17 or 18% looks like on me 🤷🏿‍♀️ Therefore recomp is the approach this year since I'm not necessarily needing to lose much more weight.
    edited April 27
  • ladyoftherocksladyoftherocks Member Posts: 60 Member Member Posts: 60 Member
    @steveko89 thanks for the advice! My incentive to lose weight is in fact mainly aesthetic lol. Of course I'd be worried about health in the long term but at the moment I don't have any issues (thankfully!). Also what you said about mental health, since not looking the way I want affects that, though I'm simultaneously working with a therapist on body acceptance because I realize that I didn't like myself at the time I look back on and I think I looked great either, so I'm sure if I don't work on that even if I lose the weight I'd just find something else to obsess over.
    edited April 27
  • kenyonhaffkenyonhaff Member Posts: 1,356 Member Member Posts: 1,356 Member
    When I first joined MFP, I put a weight 20 pounds lower than my weight at the time.

    However, when I finally reached that point, I did ask myself, "So what **is** a healthy weight for me?"

    I looked at the BMI chart, and picked a number midway in the "normal" range. Worked pretty well for me.

    The goal is always able to be edited. It's always OK to have a primary goal, then work towards the next weight goal.

    Yes, BMI isn't perfect by any means. But as a rough guide to what's healthy, what's under or over weight, obese and so on...it's not a bad tool and it's easily accessible.
  • steveko89steveko89 Member Posts: 1,947 Member Member Posts: 1,947 Member
    @steveko89 thanks for the advice! My incentive to lose weight is in fact mainly aesthetic lol. Of course I'd be worried about health in the long term but at the moment I don't have any issues (thankfully!). Also what you said about mental health, since not looking the way I want affects that, though I'm simultaneously working with a therapist on body acceptance because I realize that I didn't like myself at the time I look back on and I think I looked great either, so I'm sure if I don't work on that even if I lose the weight I'd just find something else to obsess over.

    I also had to learn that strictly losing weight wasn't the be-all-end-all to body image problems. For me the solution was building muscle and improving my physique pretty independent of the scale. Since I started lifting with consistency in 2015 I've been able to continuously improve my body composition and stay right around 175 lbs (+/- about 5 lbs). I started lifting with the sole intent of looking better but I've gotten substantially stronger, mentally tougher, and more comfortable and confident in my own body than ever before.
  • Speakeasy76Speakeasy76 Member Posts: 519 Member Member Posts: 519 Member
    I would also caution against tying the idea of "finally feeling good about my body" to a specific number on the scale (or BF %age, pants size, etc.). I am now at my lowest I have been since college(now age 44) at a BMI of 20.8, and the weight that's on my driver's license. I know I am definitely in better shape than I was in college at the same weight, despite more body aches and pains and slower recovery. There are still things I don't like about my body, and in fact I think I've lost a bit of muscle (especially in my butt-which I worked hard for). Now I have the saggy skin on top of it, which I didn't have in college (even having lost weight a couple of times by then). In fact, it's like the more weight I lose (especially when done quickly), the worse I kind of feel at times, if that makes any sense. When I focus on my overall health, stamina and strength gains and building muscles vs. just losing BF, weight, etc., it really is a better approach for me overall.
    edited April 27
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