OregonMother wrote: »
My health:So I most likely have breast cancer. It has been a whirl wind week. I have had a lump for a while, but I am normally lumpy, and tend to have lipomas all over the place (have had a bunch, like more than a dozen, removed from my arms), and I have a verified lipoma in my left breast, so I didn't really think much about it. But then it started feeling different from the lipoma, and it started hurting. Like sometimes a lot -- need pain medication and heat kind of hurt.
So last week, I went to the doctor. Stupidly, because I had a lump, I couldn't go directly to the mammogram. She felt it, and said, "Not good." So she ordered the mammogram and an ultrasound. I had those on Tuesday this week, I guess -- I really can't keep it straight in my head right now. (Maybe I am more stressed than I think.) So not just the lump I know about, which looked positively ferocious on the US, but at least two others, and likely many more "lesions." I could see them all, and knew it wasn't good. The radiologist came in after looking at it and just came out with it -- likely malignant cancer. But not in my lymph nodes that they can see from the US.
Today I had an MRI and Monday morning I am scheduled for an US biopsy. Then we move on from there.
My dad had breast cancer and carries the BRCA gene, so this is not unexpected. In some ways, it's a relief because I don't have to keep wondering when it is going to hit.
I haven't yet told anyone, not my husband or my mother, not anyone. I just don't have the energy to have to deal with their reactions. I've already told some of you that my husband is a narcissist, so this will all turn out to be somehow about him, and right now, I want to concentrate on me. He also has a big trip (not work related) scheduled for the week after next that he has been putting off for a year, and I don't want to spoil that for him.
Evidence of his narcissism? He knew I went to the doctor and had a mammogram this week but he hasn't once asked how it was. He knows about the lump. He, um, has felt it. I'm glad he hasn't asked because I don't want to tell him, but it is also disappointing that he hasn't asked. But it's fine.
I really am okay. My NP called me the afternoon of the mammogram and US. I didn't hear my phone ring, but she left a detailed message. She was really sweet and just wanting to make sure I was okay and that I follow up with everything. I wrote a message back through mychart assuring her that I am fine. Really. Just tired.
You should have seen my face after the MRI!!! I didn't know how I was going to keep that from everyone. But I ran an errand on the way home and kept rubbing out the marks on my face, and although I was a little red, when I did get home, I was able to stay busy and ignore everyone, so no one saw it!
Sigh. Just tired.
Willamette Valley, OR
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