Does anyone else get really stressed knowing a cheat meal is coming up?
jenna2cu
Posts: 35 Member
Hello all!
Just wondering if anyone else feels this stress. When your diet is going great, you’re finally making wonderful progress, but your friends / family / coworkers plan a night out. For instance, tonight everyone is going to a Chinese buffet. I want to go and enjoy with everyone, but also feel such worry about being set back a few days. Am I being ridiculous or does anyone else get this way? 🤪
Just wondering if anyone else feels this stress. When your diet is going great, you’re finally making wonderful progress, but your friends / family / coworkers plan a night out. For instance, tonight everyone is going to a Chinese buffet. I want to go and enjoy with everyone, but also feel such worry about being set back a few days. Am I being ridiculous or does anyone else get this way? 🤪
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Replies
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I know exactly what you mean.
A buffet and nights involving alcohol are coming up for me too 😬
I've only just recently got my healthy eating mojo back and I'm not sure I trust myself at a buffet or be the only one not drinking.
I'm not great at moderation- I feel your pain!3 -
Walkywalkerson wrote: »I know exactly what you mean.
A buffet and nights involving alcohol are coming up for me too 😬
I've only just recently got my healthy eating mojo back and I'm not sure I trust myself at a buffet or be the only one not drinking.
I'm not great at moderation- I feel your pain!
That’s exactly my thoughts! People say “oh it’s only one night”. But one bad night always sets me back a few days =\ I always go planning on being good and taking small portions but I know once I am there it’s not as easy 😭😭😭 It’s easier to just completely avoid the whole situation lol
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We may become hermits - but slim hermits 🤣3
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Hahaha yes!!! It will be worth it in the end!Walkywalkerson wrote: »We may become hermits - but slim hermits 🤣
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The problem is the phrase "all you can eat." We have evolved to be able to eat way more than we need at any one time. It's one of our superpowers, in fact.
My approach at a buffet is one plate, one pass. Also, one drink is a good rule (although for some reason, I always want two. Well, there are reasonable compromises.) Enjoy the company and distract yourself with good conversation.
If you indicate that you're holding back in any way, people may egg you on to eat or drink more. So you have to be stealth.5 -
No. It doesn’t make me nervous. I pre-plan the next days meals and make sure all the ingredients are in the house. Breakfast the morning is a TV dinner or something equivalent in time and work. In other words, eazzzy! Lots of carrots, celery, salad fixings in fridge, ready for a hungry, snacky day. Enjoy your night out! Make sure it’s only one night.1
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Jthanmyfitnesspal wrote: »The problem is the phrase "all you can eat." We have evolved to be able to eat way more than we need at any one time. It's one of our superpowers, in fact.
My approach at a buffet is one plate, one pass. Also, one drink is a good rule (although for some reason, I always want two. Well, there are reasonable compromises.) Enjoy the company and distract yourself with good conversation.
If you indicate that you're holding back in any way, people may egg you on to eat or drink more. So you have to be stealth.
Great advice! I am going to promise myself I’m only going to have one plate, no seconds (and no heaping amounts on that plate 😂). Thank you!
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corinasue1143 wrote: »No. It doesn’t make me nervous. I pre-plan the next days meals and make sure all the ingredients are in the house. Breakfast the morning is a TV dinner or something equivalent in time and work. In other words, eazzzy! Lots of carrots, celery, salad fixings in fridge, ready for a hungry, snacky day. Enjoy your night out! Make sure it’s only one night.
Very true! One night only, right back on track tomorrow 🙂🙃
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The few days "set back" is pretty much entirely water weight and more than normal digestive contents on their way to beginning waste, not fat (re)gain . . . so no, I don't stress about it.
I trust the math: If I don't eat 3500 calories over and above maintenance calories (not just above calorie goal), then I don't gain a full pound.
The water/waste gain will drop off in a few days to a week, so I just get back on my normal routine, keep weighing in daily, watch it happen. No big deal.5 -
The few days "set back" is pretty much entirely water weight and more than normal digestive contents on their way to beginning waste, not fat (re)gain . . . so no, I don't stress about it.
I trust the math: If I don't eat 3500 calories over and above maintenance calories (not just above calorie goal), then I don't gain a full pound.
The water/waste gain will drop off in a few days to a week, so I just get back on my normal routine, keep weighing in daily, watch it happen. No big deal.
Thanks for this insight, it’s good to remember and realize I guess that the one night of food isn’t all fat gain! But more sodium/water weight.
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No.
Largely because I told myself once I started losing weight that I would not become obsessive and that I would not LOWER my quality of life or happiness in pursuit of weight loss. The objective was to increase it. I have had to do some real work mentally and sometimes fight myself to prevent that happening, but have largely been successful.
And I'm not going to start turning family and friends time into an emotional battleground against myself.
I do try to steer myself toward more activities with them that don't involve food or do also involve physical activity. I try to eat lighter around the 'social meal' that day and to make the best choices I can for the meal itself - and sometimes the best choice is the lower calorie one and sometimes it's the one I REALLY want most.
But the maybe 4-6 times a year I'm having a social meal out with people I love I am absolutely, stubbornly, refusing to feel 'bad' about doing so. Early on that was a conscious, 9 times a day the days after reminding myself that I WOULD NOT get obsessive and guilty for enjoying time with people I love even if food was involved. Now it'spretty much automatic. I go, I eat, I move on.
Which feels like a victory, to be honest.7 -
wunderkindking wrote: »No.
Largely because I told myself once I started losing weight that I would not become obsessive and that I would not LOWER my quality of life or happiness in pursuit of weight loss. The objective was to increase it. I have had to do some real work mentally and sometimes fight myself to prevent that happening, but have largely been successful.
And I'm not going to start turning family and friends time into an emotional battleground against myself.
I do try to steer myself toward more activities with them that don't involve food or do also involve physical activity. I try to eat lighter around the 'social meal' that day and to make the best choices I can for the meal itself - and sometimes the best choice is the lower calorie one and sometimes it's the one I REALLY want most.
But the maybe 4-6 times a year I'm having a social meal out with people I love I am absolutely, stubbornly, refusing to feel 'bad' about doing so. Early on that was a conscious, 9 times a day the days after reminding myself that I WOULD NOT get obsessive and guilty for enjoying time with people I love even if food was involved. Now it'spretty much automatic. I go, I eat, I move on.
Which feels like a victory, to be honest.
I hope one day I can have this mindset. It is hard.. but your words are right and very true. Well said 🙏🏻
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I know exactly what you mean. It's tough but at least at a buffet you can always hit the salad bar hard and enjoy a little bit of some of the other foods you want to enjoy.
At least then you are still being aware of your diet/goals, but you also get to cheat a bit.
I'm a very social person, so I struggle with the idea of saying no to going out to eat with friends and family, so I try to substitute items when I do go out. Yes, I'd love to eat plates of fried foods and sweets; however, I find that I feel better mentally if I eat a lot of salad, cottage cheese, etc. and just have a small amount of those other treats. Not to mention I don't feel as bloated when I leave the buffet! 1 -
Hello all!
Just wondering if anyone else feels this stress. When your diet is going great, you’re finally making wonderful progress, but your friends / family / coworkers plan a night out. For instance, tonight everyone is going to a Chinese buffet. I want to go and enjoy with everyone, but also feel such worry about being set back a few days. Am I being ridiculous or does anyone else get this way? 🤪
In my humble opinion, measure your goals in terms of months and years, not days and weeks. Enjoy your Chinese buffet and then get right back to it...4 -
I've lost 189 pounds.
Do you think I never eat out? Never enjoy the holidays? Never eat birthday cake? Never go on vacation?
I eat out at least once a week. Usually mexican. Always with chips and Queso. I make my own birthday cake every year and it sure as all get out isn't a 'diet' cake.
Here's a tip, take it or leave it
One meal out of a month, is not going to 'derail' you. It is not going to undo progress you have made. What it WILL do (just so you are prepared) is make the scale jump up, sometimes for a few days (this will depend on your body, and you will learn your body). As someone else said, this is due to sodium, water weight, and your body digesting that food. it is NOT real weight.
Now, if it makes you feel better to do so, and for many people it does (and I did it for a LONG time), you can 'bank' some calories for a few days before and after (cut back a bit on your calories on those days) to give a few extra. Maybe work out a bit extra. get in an extra work out if you can. If nothing else, it can help you FEEL better about the situation
Go out and enjoy! Life is too short.
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I study the menu online beforehand and plan what I’ll have. I drink water anyway (except at a local brewery that has delicious homemade root beer).
I can almost always find something tasty and within goal to eat. A salad with grilled chicken, a small thin crust margherita pizza, steak and grilled veg, gyro and a small Greek salad.
Or, Thursday I’m taking a friend to a local Indian restaurant. I’ve recently become addicted to paneer. Now that I know how high cal it is, I’ll still get it, but I’ll ask for extra vegetables and then ask for my tandoori paneer to be split into a takeout container before I even start eating it.
At the Mexican restaurant, if I need to keep it particularly low cal, I’ll ask for a bowl of sliced bell peppers for my salsa and cheese dip. They also have several mango chicken dishes that are low cal by my calculations.
If I see I’m going to run high, I’ll eat less earlier in the day.
I never intentionally “carry over” to the next day. The next day should always be back on track, and not a makeup session for perceived prior transgressions. However, usually the day following a big meal tends to be a lower cal day anyway.2 -
Moderation and just one meal or making sensible choices is great advice for someone that doesn't have a bad relationship with food.
It's a bit like telling an alcoholic It's OK to just have one drink.1 -
Even if you have a terrible relationship with food you have to be able to figure out what your strategy is because you cannot avoid food - or other people, or ever eating outside of your house. For a while yes, but inevitably it's going to come up again and you're going to have to deal with it. So you either come up with a plan - or lots of plans - and test them until you find one that works, or you stress yourself into paralysis and panic.
Either way, given the nature of food and life it's a thing that you're going to have to work out a plan for managing at some point. whether that happens after you panicked and 'failed' or you go in testing things and knowing it's going to happen is the only real difference. Because it's everywhere - you can avoid having any alcohol you cannot avoid eating, and alcohol exists in mostly restricted and avoidable environments and food does not - and life is not wholly within your control.
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It took me the better part of eight years to gain 40 Lbs...you don't gain fat from one evening of indulgence. So no, it doesn't stress me out. I typically go out to eat at least once on the weekend and it hasn't been an issue. I don't really do buffets though...they're too expensive for the amount of food I can actually eat. I don't really like that "stuffed" feeling.2
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Walkywalkerson wrote: »Moderation and just one meal or making sensible choices is great advice for someone that doesn't have a bad relationship with food.
It's a bit like telling an alcoholic It's OK to just have one drink.
So then, what would you tell them?
“Give up now, you’re preordained to never be successful?”?
Every one of us here has had a bad relationship with food, or we wouldn’t be here in the first place.
Of course you have to make sensible choices. We can give great advice. Whether you choose to take it or not, that’s on you.4 -
I used to feel like you even though i could exercise restraint and limit what I ate — but I’d obsess about not knowing how many calories were going in and know the water weight after was going to be real. I worked hard to work through these scenarios by logging what I thought I’d eat, how much, go through the shock and awe — look through the menu, do it again… it ruined the entire social situation for me, before I left the house and end up with overly restraining myself, in the situation, into further unhappiness. I had to start, and it wasn’t easy by changing my mind frame — first rejecting the idea of a “cheat meal” and realize that I wasn’t going on a diet — I was making a lifestyle change and that meant I couldn’t lock myself away from a month or a year til the weight was gone, but make mindful choices. If that meant eating all the things at the buffet, I would do it, not feel bad about it, and not “start again tomorrow”. Trust me, it was imperfect and at first, the guilt — oh boy the guilt. It was difficult to break the mentality, but once I learned the positive self talk and a strategy that worked for me, now when I have those days where all I want is ice cream, I do it, enjoy, and don’t feel guilty because it’s one meal, one day, and the journey continues.3
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Walkywalkerson wrote: »Moderation and just one meal or making sensible choices is great advice for someone that doesn't have a bad relationship with food.
It's a bit like telling an alcoholic It's OK to just have one drink.
Except nobody needs to have a drink to survive. We do have to have food.
As for me, those events give you two choices. Eat smart and within reason, or just go for it and surround the event with better choices. I usually pick the second choice myself.
But in the case of Chinese food, most buffets would probably have some reasonably lower calorie choices. Much better than many "home style" buffets with a lot of fried everything.2 -
I said it once but let me stress again:
We are not perfectly in control of life.
What are you going to do exactly, to avoid needing to use moderation and make choices - either before/after the event to balance things, or at the event itself? Never eat anywhere but home? Never walk into a grocery store or gas station? Shun all social and business occasions that involve food? Not work in any office with a breakroom or culture of bringing in birthday cakes for people? Never have your stove die/electricity go out? Never have a relative in a hospital at a distant location? Never be in any situation where you do not have perfect control of the menu and calorie count?
That's not life. That doesn't work.
You HAVE to learn how to make those decisions AND how to move on from the less than 'on plan' times. That often takes some experimentation but the alternative is that life STILL happens, you go off plan and now it's a disaster.
Also echoing the person that said 'none of us have (or had) a good relationship with food and a natural tendency to eat in moderation and make good choices most of the time' OR WE WOULD NOT BE HERE.1 -
The few days "set back" is pretty much entirely water weight and more than normal digestive contents on their way to beginning waste, not fat (re)gain . . . so no, I don't stress about it.
I trust the math: If I don't eat 3500 calories over and above maintenance calories (not just above calorie goal), then I don't gain a full pound.
The water/waste gain will drop off in a few days to a week, so I just get back on my normal routine, keep weighing in daily, watch it happen. No big deal.
Thanks for this insight, it’s good to remember and realize I guess that the one night of food isn’t all fat gain! But more sodium/water weight.
If you like personal anecdotes, you might find this one amusing:
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10603949/big-overfeed-ruins-everything-nope#latest
But that's optional reading, for sure.
Just in case no one's posted it yet, I'd strongly, strongly recommend reading this article:
https://physiqonomics.com/the-weird-and-highly-annoying-world-of-scale-weight-and-fluctuations2 -
Walkywalkerson wrote: »Moderation and just one meal or making sensible choices is great advice for someone that doesn't have a bad relationship with food.
It's a bit like telling an alcoholic It's OK to just have one drink.
How do people improve their relationship with food?
One way is to examine and reconsider one's default thought processes and emotional reactions. As an informal description, that kind of thing is at the core of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which is a common intervention for eating disorders, and one that can be helpful for some people.
Here's part of an American Psychological Association's overview of CBT:Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychological treatment that has been demonstrated to be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness.
. . . .
CBT treatment usually involves efforts to change thinking patterns. These strategies might include:
* Learning to recognize one’s distortions in thinking that are creating problems, and then to reevaluate them in light of reality.
* Gaining a better understanding of the behavior and motivation of others.
* Using problem-solving skills to cope with difficult situations.
* Learning to develop a greater sense of confidence in one’s own abilities.
Source: https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/cognitive-behavioral
Almost none of us here are qualified therapists, nor do we pretend to be. Nonetheless, many of the suggestions in this thread are examples of examples of the sort of thing that that bullet-point list is describing.1 -
OK 👍0
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Walkywalkerson wrote: »Moderation and just one meal or making sensible choices is great advice for someone that doesn't have a bad relationship with food.
It's a bit like telling an alcoholic It's OK to just have one drink.
I don't think it is like that.
Everyone should be able to enjoy some social occasions and most of them involve food - so, one needs a strategy.
Possible strategies include make lower calorie options, limit yourself to one plate, bank calories ahead etc.
I don't think a good strategy for anyone is avoid all social or family occasions.4
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