Need help, motivation

Tiffypoo_73

have never posted in this type of place so its new for me, I honestly need help and want this to work, I'm 27 328 pounds, have chronic anxiety,feet swelling, sleepying all day,feel like I need to eat when bored, like breathless when walking , I do have Gerd and hubby says I don't sleep good , I don't have diabetes but I'm scared I'm going down that track , I just wanna stay inside and not go be active
I just need help with motivation cuz I have depression which brings me down everytime

springlering62

Hi, @tiffypoo_73. Welcome to MFP.

Everyone had their “first” time posting to “this type of place”, and honestly, it felt as awkward for me as it does for you. It was like admitting to the world “I have a problem and I need help”.

We are all here to support one another. We’ve all started from the same place, had similar questions, similar struggles.

Like an alcoholic, I’m fat. I will always be fat. My current state of thin is only temporary unless I recognize that fact.

There’s many ways to get support here. Here’s a link to a really good group. There’s also very active threads scattered throughout the various board topics

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/133315-larger-losers

I’m going to call on two great users who Have both lost substantial sums of weight, in hopes they’ll share some great advice:
@MargaretYakoda
@callsitlikeiseeit

I’ve lost 95. My own best advice to you would be to read and absorb everything you can from these boards. They are amazing sources of information and motivation.

Weigh accurately and log honestly. My diary is open. You can see some of my painful honesty. Yet I keep at it and am still maintaining just fine.

Having a bad day is just a bad day. You just go right back to plan and trust me, it will come off.

Also, about getting out of the house. There was a disabled woman here a while back who did something pretty wonderful. She made herself walk to the mailbox, then to the neighbors mailbox, then to the telephone pole, then the next, then added a telephone pole a day, within her comfort zone. Soon, she was walking half a mile a day. It doesnt have to be an Olympic event. Small steps. For me, it started with a few free yoga stretching classes at Kaiser.

Getting out of the house, breathing the air, hearing the birds can be a spirit lifter.

AnnPT77

You can do this!

When you have the energy, make some manageable, positive change(s). It can be one thing at a time, even a small thing at a time. Ideally, it will be something you can start when feeling more energetic, then keep up as a habit if other parts of life get more challenging later. When other things get challenging, just do your best to hold the line at your then-current progress level, but don't beat yourself up about slips.

Just don't *quit* quit. When you can, press the accelerator; when you can't accelerate, coast.

As you begin to make progress, you'll see positive changes - not just scale or bloodwork results (though those sometimes too), but there'll also be smaller positive things. You can read about others' experiences with those (non-scale victories, or NSVs) here:

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1275030/whats-your-most-recent-nsv#latest

For me, reading others' posts there was very encouraging when I was starting out, or getting discouraged along the way.

Consider whether there are ways to handle some of your current scenarios, where you're using food as a comfort, by doing something else (nonfood) aimed at the underlying issue. For boredom, consider a new or resumed hobby. For stress, consider something relaxing like a warm bubblebath, or other personal pampering, or prayer (if you do that), or meditation. Some people find that moderate exercise is helpful for stress, maybe especially if fresh air and sunshine. And so forth.

You can make progress. When you can, make a step forward. Next time you can, make another step.

I'm cheering for you!

Tiffypoo_73

@springlering62 wow thank you that really means alot for you to say , i did horrible today, i had fast food and feel horrible but i will work it off tonight, and yes i will try to read that as well, i dont feel alone anymore knowing people have felt the same

MargaretYakoda

Tiffypoo_73 wrote: »

have never posted in this type of place so its new for me, I honestly need help and want this to work, I'm 27 328 pounds, have chronic anxiety,feet swelling, sleepying all day,feel like I need to eat when bored, like breathless when walking , I do have Gerd and hubby says I don't sleep good , I don't have diabetes but I'm scared I'm going down that track , I just wanna stay inside and not go be active
I just need help with motivation cuz I have depression which brings me down everytime

Tiffypoo_73 wrote: »

@springlering62 wow thank you that really means alot for you to say , i did horrible today, i had fast food and feel horrible but i will work it off tonight, and yes i will try to read that as well, i dont feel alone anymore knowing people have felt the same

OK. You got this. It’s OK. I promise.

Lots to cover here:

1) Welcome. You’re in the right place.
Starting is the key thing. Not giving up no matter what is the next thing. So you’ve already done great.

2) 328 might feel to you like you’re the only one who ever gained that much weight. But nope. You’re definitely not alone.

3) Breathless, sleepy, and swelling feet…. When was your most recent checkup. Because I suggest asking your doctor for a sleep study. You may have apnea. Which is serious. And easily helped with a CPAP machine. I LOVE mine.

4) GERD is a pain. Literally. Speak with your doctor. But also. I have found relief with slippery elm bark. It comes in lozenges, and powder. It coats your throat. Very useful for GERD. Diet can help, but losing a bit of weight should help also.
In either case, you shouldn’t be in pain every day from GERD. Talk to your doctor if you aren’t getting relief.

Uncontrolled reflux is not what anyone wants.

5) ONE DAY AT A TIME
Start with something you can sustain.
If you eat a salad, for example, have the dressing on the side. That was my first change, years ago. Now I can’t stand salad dressing covering up the taste of my spinach and other greens.

6) Motivation, as to report, is a fickle beast. You can’t rely on it.
So. It’s time to build habits. And be a bit stubborn about it. You CAN do this. I promise.

7) There are No Bad Foods Only unwise portions. You Can learn to count your portions. Exercise is helpful, but not absolutely needed. I promise.
I’m down nearly 80 pounds since February, and I can barely walk. I do have a very nice indoor recumbent elliptical, but honestly? I haven’t been using it much lately due to an issue that is being addressed with physical therapy right now. And I’m still losing at about 1 pound and ten or twelve ounces every week. My pants that I bought just two months ago are falling off.

7) Springlering62 and AnnPT77 have given you great advice. I would also like to add that this is a process. And you won’t be perfect at it, because no one is.
Stick around.
Join the Biggest Loser group, and some others. Eventually you will learn what works for you. What your triggers are. Etc.
it gets easier. It really does.

springlering62

Tiffypoo_73 wrote: »

@springlering62 wow thank you that really means alot for you to say , i did horrible today, i had fast food and feel horrible but i will work it off tonight, and yes i will try to read that as well, i dont feel alone anymore knowing people have felt the same

Tiff, you didn’t do “horrible”, you did “human”. Unless you’re a serial killer, there is a difference.

Don’t treat foods, including fast foods, as good or bad. Food is just food. We’re the ones who invest it with morals.

To make this something you can stick with, you have to include some of your favorites or you will Lose. Your. Mind. Life for me would suck without chocolate. But now I nibble and savor smaller pieces, or make a giant lo cal chocolate smoothie, instead of mindlessly shoveling the Cadbury’s Crispy eggs into my mouth and then wondering “how’d I get to the end of the family sized bag so fast?”


You enjoy fast food. So what? Go online and look up the nutrition info for two or three of your favorite places. Now come up with a plan. What lower calorie option can you replace with?

I can do a Cookout tray for under 600 calories. That’s a big Double with light ketchup and Mayo, a Diet Coke, and double onion rings. I was gobsmacked to discover their dry and crispy onion rings were about a third or less the calories of their fries. I can get takeout and use my own zero cal condiments at home to shave off another 25 or so.

Chick-fil-A’ s kale side salad is fabulous. I don’t normally like kale but I’ll go to Chick-fil-A just for the salad, with a side of chicken. Nuggets versus sandwich saves the calories of the bun. Grilled versus fried, and so on.


Just being aware of what goes in your mouth is empowering.

Have you calculated your calorie goal yet? Need any help with it?

And honey, you are not alone. You have an army of people here who all started out the same way: so disgusted with ourselves that we fricking GOOGLED for weight loss help and ended up here. (Technically, my dietician recommended MFP.)

Btw, do you have access to a dietician through your health plan or gym? My gym gave me access to my first dietician for $25/half hour. Worth every penny. My new health plan not only gives me free phone advice with a dietician, I just found out they’ll credit me $240 after the third phone session. And if you’re invested in the process, I guarantee the dietician will be so delighted she’ll spend waaaaay more than the allotted time on you. Win!!!!

(You want a dietician versus nutritionist. Dieticians have to be registered, nutritionists can be pyramid salesmen. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist.)

And lastly, if I haven’t worn you out, ignore chatter about apple cider vinegar, herbal weight loss teas, or creams that will rub fat and cellulite off. 🤦🏻‍♀️ There’s a fascinating thread here about weight loss myths.

JBanx256

Hey Tiffy - are you getting any sort of treatment for anxiety/depression? If not, that may be a solid step in the right direction. Also, for SOME people (NOT ALL), exercising, even if it's something as simple as taking a stroll outside, can improve some symptoms.

Fast food isn't the devil and improving your health doesn't have to mean swearing it off forever. Sometimes it's just about making better choices. My kid is having a sleepover on Friday night and I plan to eat my fair share of the pizza I'm ordering for all the wild youngins. But I'll "make it work" for my particular caloric goals etc for the week, and all will be well. For me personally, balance is key. Some people have to 100% give up whatever is their kryptonite and some people can moderate and do a little bit of tweaking here and there and still stay on track. You will just have to find out what works for you.

In these forums you will find a treasure trove of help, support, and information. You will undoubtedly run into some utter BS along the way, but MOST contributors on here will guide you in the right direction. I wish you the absolute best of luck & if you need/want friends, feel free to shoot me a request.

callsitlikeiseeit

Well, now that all of my friends have said hi, I suppose I will, as well.

For what that's worth

As my lovely compatriots in crime up there mentioned, I have been around a long time. As have they. We don't get out much. (they keep us chained in the MFP basement. please. SEND HELP!) LOL

I started out heavier than you. I am now a size 8 (most days, most brands LOL). Still have some weight to lose, though, obviously, not as much. My goals now have changed. But, I am still eating in a deficit.

Losing weight is easy, and not, at the same time. Its easy in that it is simple math, at its core. it really truly is. What is HARD about it, is being consistent. and being stubborn. and not giving up. The not getting instant results. THAT is what makes it hard. You eat less for a week or two weeks or 3 months and the scale just doesnt seem to move as much as you THINK it SHOULD. THAT is what makes it hard. And that is why people give up and quit. They get frustrated.

There's plenty of other reasons why people give up (I hate to use the word fail ). Many revolve around restricting (too severely or altogether) things they love. Fast food, eating out, cookies or chocolate, or pizza or burgers or carbs. None of these things are bad. I mean, lets face it, cookies and chocolate don't have a WHOLE lot of nutritional VALUE but that doesn't mean you have to totally eliminate them. I have a whole section on my food diary labeled 'I need a cookie'. seriously. I sent you a friend request. Go look. LOL It doesnt mean I'm going to eat a whole BAG of oreos, but I will certainly have cookies or ice cream or a reeses cup if I want one and can fit it in my calories for the day

And that's how I look at my daily calorie allotment. Like a tetris puzzle. How much can I cram in and still be right around the number I need to be at? LOL I have things going against me in that number. I'm short. take away calories. I've lost a LOT of weight resulting in a slower metabolism. take away more calories. I'm on a med that affects my appetite (though not as bad as it did EARLIER this year)- so take away some calories for that. I'm middle ageish (43). take away a few more calories. every bit of weight i lose... take away a few more calories. I mean... it gets to a point of ridiculousness, truly. But, it helps that I do not have the appetite I USED to, and I think you will find that may become true for you, as well, in time. BUT.... it takes time and training your body.

You dont have to workout to lose weight. Nope. Not a bit. You lose weight in the kitchen. But that mindless eating/ The eating when you're bored? Or stressed? Or mad or anxious (I'm the anxiety queen, though I go the opposite direction and STOP eating), or eating any OTHER feeling (Hi, I'm Debbie and I DO know that feeling!) ..... THAT will have to be replaced with something else. or... gnawing on celery sticks (though that seems horrible)....therapy may help. And no judgement from me on that, my therapist will retire this year, I'm pretty sure thanks to me and my stellar insurance plan.

In any case, you CAN do this. I promise. You just have to WANT to. I mean, TRULY WANT TO. If you have any kind of OCD tendencies.... (like yours truly here)..... this can be your very best friend. honestly. Lets not tell my therapist I admitted that, okay? You dont want to go super crazy OCD, obviously, that would be bad, but the control can give a place for the anxiety and OCD to 'rest' and 'focus' and give it a healthy way to release itself if you do it in a controlled and healthy manner. When I started my journey (which is SOOOO cliche) my life was a sh!tshow of chaos -and its still chaotic - as any of these ladies can tell you, but now its comical chaos and not sh!tshow chaos. BIG difference. The calorie counting and in my case, exercise, was one of the VERY few things in my world I DID have control over. I was READY and WANTED to lose the weight, and was able to focus my mental 'issues' in the right direction at the right time. But, as I said at the beginning of my thesis here, this is not a fast process. I STARTED back in 2014/2015. I did break and maintain for several years (roughly 2017/2018-jan 2021).

There is no 'end point' for me. No matter what the number on the scale says... there will not be an end point. Only new or different goals. Getting stronger, getting faster, lifting heavier, finding new challenges. Whatever. But there is no end. Just new goals, as you approach the end of each one.