Need help, motivation

Hi, @tiffypoo_73. Welcome to MFP.

Everyone had their “first” time posting to “this type of place”, and honestly, it felt as awkward for me as it does for you. It was like admitting to the world “I have a problem and I need help”.

We are all here to support one another. We’ve all started from the same place, had similar questions, similar struggles.

Like an alcoholic, I’m fat. I will always be fat. My current state of thin is only temporary unless I recognize that fact.

There’s many ways to get support here. Here’s a link to a really good group. There’s also very active threads scattered throughout the various board topics

https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/133315-larger-losers

I’m going to call on two great users who Have both lost substantial sums of weight, in hopes they’ll share some great advice:
@MargaretYakoda
@callsitlikeiseeit

I’ve lost 95. My own best advice to you would be to read and absorb everything you can from these boards. They are amazing sources of information and motivation.

Weigh accurately and log honestly. My diary is open. You can see some of my painful honesty. Yet I keep at it and am still maintaining just fine.

Having a bad day is just a bad day. You just go right back to plan and trust me, it will come off.

Also, about getting out of the house. There was a disabled woman here a while back who did something pretty wonderful. She made herself walk to the mailbox, then to the neighbors mailbox, then to the telephone pole, then the next, then added a telephone pole a day, within her comfort zone. Soon, she was walking half a mile a day. It doesnt have to be an Olympic event. Small steps. For me, it started with a few free yoga stretching classes at Kaiser.

Getting out of the house, breathing the air, hearing the birds can be a spirit lifter.

Tiffypoo_73 wrote: »

@springlering62 wow thank you that really means alot for you to say , i did horrible today, i had fast food and feel horrible but i will work it off tonight, and yes i will try to read that as well, i dont feel alone anymore knowing people have felt the same

Tiff, you didn’t do “horrible”, you did “human”. Unless you’re a serial killer, there is a difference.

Don’t treat foods, including fast foods, as good or bad. Food is just food. We’re the ones who invest it with morals.

To make this something you can stick with, you have to include some of your favorites or you will Lose. Your. Mind. Life for me would suck without chocolate. But now I nibble and savor smaller pieces, or make a giant lo cal chocolate smoothie, instead of mindlessly shoveling the Cadbury’s Crispy eggs into my mouth and then wondering “how’d I get to the end of the family sized bag so fast?”


You enjoy fast food. So what? Go online and look up the nutrition info for two or three of your favorite places. Now come up with a plan. What lower calorie option can you replace with?

I can do a Cookout tray for under 600 calories. That’s a big Double with light ketchup and Mayo, a Diet Coke, and double onion rings. I was gobsmacked to discover their dry and crispy onion rings were about a third or less the calories of their fries. I can get takeout and use my own zero cal condiments at home to shave off another 25 or so.

Chick-fil-A’ s kale side salad is fabulous. I don’t normally like kale but I’ll go to Chick-fil-A just for the salad, with a side of chicken. Nuggets versus sandwich saves the calories of the bun. Grilled versus fried, and so on.


Just being aware of what goes in your mouth is empowering.

Have you calculated your calorie goal yet? Need any help with it?

And honey, you are not alone. You have an army of people here who all started out the same way: so disgusted with ourselves that we fricking GOOGLED for weight loss help and ended up here. (Technically, my dietician recommended MFP.)

Btw, do you have access to a dietician through your health plan or gym? My gym gave me access to my first dietician for $25/half hour. Worth every penny. My new health plan not only gives me free phone advice with a dietician, I just found out they’ll credit me $240 after the third phone session. And if you’re invested in the process, I guarantee the dietician will be so delighted she’ll spend waaaaay more than the allotted time on you. Win!!!!

(You want a dietician versus nutritionist. Dieticians have to be registered, nutritionists can be pyramid salesmen. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist.)

And lastly, if I haven’t worn you out, ignore chatter about apple cider vinegar, herbal weight loss teas, or creams that will rub fat and cellulite off. 🤦🏻‍♀️ There’s a fascinating thread here about weight loss myths.

Well, now that all of my friends have said hi, I suppose I will, as well.

For what that's worth

As my lovely compatriots in crime up there mentioned, I have been around a long time. As have they. We don't get out much. (they keep us chained in the MFP basement. please. SEND HELP!) LOL

I started out heavier than you. I am now a size 8 (most days, most brands LOL). Still have some weight to lose, though, obviously, not as much. My goals now have changed. But, I am still eating in a deficit.

Losing weight is easy, and not, at the same time. Its easy in that it is simple math, at its core. it really truly is. What is HARD about it, is being consistent. and being stubborn. and not giving up. The not getting instant results. THAT is what makes it hard. You eat less for a week or two weeks or 3 months and the scale just doesnt seem to move as much as you THINK it SHOULD. THAT is what makes it hard. And that is why people give up and quit. They get frustrated.

There's plenty of other reasons why people give up (I hate to use the word fail ). Many revolve around restricting (too severely or altogether) things they love. Fast food, eating out, cookies or chocolate, or pizza or burgers or carbs. None of these things are bad. I mean, lets face it, cookies and chocolate don't have a WHOLE lot of nutritional VALUE but that doesn't mean you have to totally eliminate them. I have a whole section on my food diary labeled 'I need a cookie'. seriously. I sent you a friend request. Go look. LOL It doesnt mean I'm going to eat a whole BAG of oreos, but I will certainly have cookies or ice cream or a reeses cup if I want one and can fit it in my calories for the day

And that's how I look at my daily calorie allotment. Like a tetris puzzle. How much can I cram in and still be right around the number I need to be at? LOL I have things going against me in that number. I'm short. take away calories. I've lost a LOT of weight resulting in a slower metabolism. take away more calories. I'm on a med that affects my appetite (though not as bad as it did EARLIER this year)- so take away some calories for that. I'm middle ageish (43). take away a few more calories. every bit of weight i lose... take away a few more calories. I mean... it gets to a point of ridiculousness, truly. But, it helps that I do not have the appetite I USED to, and I think you will find that may become true for you, as well, in time. BUT.... it takes time and training your body.

You dont have to workout to lose weight. Nope. Not a bit. You lose weight in the kitchen. But that mindless eating/ The eating when you're bored? Or stressed? Or mad or anxious (I'm the anxiety queen, though I go the opposite direction and STOP eating), or eating any OTHER feeling (Hi, I'm Debbie and I DO know that feeling!) ..... THAT will have to be replaced with something else. or... gnawing on celery sticks (though that seems horrible)....therapy may help. And no judgement from me on that, my therapist will retire this year, I'm pretty sure thanks to me and my stellar insurance plan.

In any case, you CAN do this. I promise. You just have to WANT to. I mean, TRULY WANT TO. If you have any kind of OCD tendencies.... (like yours truly here)..... this can be your very best friend. honestly. Lets not tell my therapist I admitted that, okay? You dont want to go super crazy OCD, obviously, that would be bad, but the control can give a place for the anxiety and OCD to 'rest' and 'focus' and give it a healthy way to release itself if you do it in a controlled and healthy manner. When I started my journey (which is SOOOO cliche) my life was a sh!tshow of chaos -and its still chaotic - as any of these ladies can tell you, but now its comical chaos and not sh!tshow chaos. BIG difference. The calorie counting and in my case, exercise, was one of the VERY few things in my world I DID have control over. I was READY and WANTED to lose the weight, and was able to focus my mental 'issues' in the right direction at the right time. But, as I said at the beginning of my thesis here, this is not a fast process. I STARTED back in 2014/2015. I did break and maintain for several years (roughly 2017/2018-jan 2021).

There is no 'end point' for me. No matter what the number on the scale says... there will not be an end point. Only new or different goals. Getting stronger, getting faster, lifting heavier, finding new challenges. Whatever. But there is no end. Just new goals, as you approach the end of each one.