What's wrong with me
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susanUK1969
Posts: 6 Member
Seriously.
Background: I'm 52 and have been obese most of my life with occasional pockets of time when I was merely overweight. I know the theories, know about healthy eating, benefits of exercise, good sleep and so on. I've been on this site for a few years now and have taken a long break from logging and weighing myself. I tend to yoyo, losing weight when I'm away on a placement working (I'm a live in carer) because I eat less and am more active, and then put it all back on when I'm on my break in between placements, because I eat more and don't move around so much. I'm very much aware of why I am obese.
This morning I decided it was time to give logging food and MFP another go. I spent a few hours checking up recipes of food I like and will be able to eat happily, while being mindful of the calories. I checked my fridge and cupboards, made a shopping list and went to the supermarket so that I would be ready in the morning for that fresh start after a weigh in.
I had the list in my hand as I did my shopping, sticking to it really well, with only a small addition of a yoghurt I love and had forgotten about. I stopped by the plant based section to pick up some tofu and then I saw them ... a pack of Tesco 6 mini savoury pies. Basically a vegan substitute for pork pies. Freaking delicious, especially when warmed up in a microwave.
And I was totally aware that I shouldn't buy them, because if I did, I would eat all of them once I got home. I stood there looking at them and after a mini internal tantrum, I put them in my basket and bought them. And yes, once I got home, I ate them. About 1100 cals, just like that.
I mean, that's ridiculous, isn't it?
Background: I'm 52 and have been obese most of my life with occasional pockets of time when I was merely overweight. I know the theories, know about healthy eating, benefits of exercise, good sleep and so on. I've been on this site for a few years now and have taken a long break from logging and weighing myself. I tend to yoyo, losing weight when I'm away on a placement working (I'm a live in carer) because I eat less and am more active, and then put it all back on when I'm on my break in between placements, because I eat more and don't move around so much. I'm very much aware of why I am obese.
This morning I decided it was time to give logging food and MFP another go. I spent a few hours checking up recipes of food I like and will be able to eat happily, while being mindful of the calories. I checked my fridge and cupboards, made a shopping list and went to the supermarket so that I would be ready in the morning for that fresh start after a weigh in.
I had the list in my hand as I did my shopping, sticking to it really well, with only a small addition of a yoghurt I love and had forgotten about. I stopped by the plant based section to pick up some tofu and then I saw them ... a pack of Tesco 6 mini savoury pies. Basically a vegan substitute for pork pies. Freaking delicious, especially when warmed up in a microwave.
And I was totally aware that I shouldn't buy them, because if I did, I would eat all of them once I got home. I stood there looking at them and after a mini internal tantrum, I put them in my basket and bought them. And yes, once I got home, I ate them. About 1100 cals, just like that.
I mean, that's ridiculous, isn't it?
14
Replies
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Have you ever looked into whether or not you have an ED? Binge eating disorders can happen on a spectrum2
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I can relate. If I have it, I will eat it. Follow the instincts that you obviously have, and do not buy it next time. Don't beat yourself up about the past behavior, but learn from it!7
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Maybe it’s Menopause?0
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I've tinkered with the notion but not taken it further than internet searches. Binge eating seems to be more of a regular planned thing. I think what I do is more of an impulsive and sabotaging thing. I'm quite certain that if I hadn't been planning to start logging food again, I wouldn't have done it. I'm really annoyed with myself.2
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I really empathise as this is just the kind of thing I used to do. I had very black and white thinking that wasn't helpful.
Now I've realised it's actually Ok to eat 1000 calories of pie. Even while losing weight! Don't beat yourself up about it! If you're anything like me, as soon as you forbid yourself something it becomes irresistible. I don't know what your meal plan looks like but it's really important it includes foods you genuinely enjoy and that you don't feel deprive. Remember you'll want to be able to eat that way forever in order to maintain!
So, RE: pork pies, buy and eat them all and adjust the rest of the day's calories accordingly. Though probably eating just half of them would be easier to fit in... and just one pie easier still! I know it's easier said than done but I find it useful to think of the calorie goal as the non-negotiable rather than any particular food or quantity thereof.17 -
No, i don't believe it is something far off from what most of us do!
Remember, your eating habits had been 50+ years in the making. I too have had moments where I just have to let the fact that I ate the whole frozen pizza for dinner last night go. When started this years ago (I joined recently after 2020 weight gain) I had that mindset of meals being meat, starch and veggie and I had to change that for my own benefit. Now dinner might be meat and two veggies, etc.. But I did have to keep reminding myself that what I did before did not work for my health and was not going to get me to where I needed to be as healthy as I could be.
Planning your menu and sticking to 90% of your list was GREAT, do not forget that. Take each week, day or meal as a challenge. Sometimes it will be a breeze other times it will be like climbing a mountain but always remember every step counts.
Count the calories and move on, sometimes I have to look at the week as opposed to how each day went. Feeling bad about it is a step in the right direction, next time you might be able to just pass them by.10 -
I’m with you! If I have it, rest assured I’m gonna eat it!! I had to force myself not to buy a tub of ice cream when I went to the store the other day. It was hard, but I did it. I do have teeth problems too, so that helped my decision LOL! 😅 Same when I quit smoking, I couldn’t wean myself off of them! I had to stop cold turkey cause if I had them I’d smoke them. It’s all a kind game!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you for having a lack of will when the food is there!! Just keep pushing and trying!5 -
Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you. Changing behaviors is hard. Totally doable yet difficult. Often it takes many attempts. If you were learning to play golf, your first few swings would in all likelihood be pretty terrible. But if you stick with it, practice regularly, and apply what you know intellectually to what you are doing with your body, you will gradually improve. You will probably still have a terrible shot now and then. But you will also have brilliant shots on occasion, and on average, your score will go down.
Maybe not the best analogy, but implementing new habits and thought patterns takes persistence and discipline. Strive for improvement, not perfection. It sounds like you are doing lots of things to improve your odds of success already. Kudos for that. Start with small goals and small changes that seem doable to you. Gradually add more as your mastery improves. I truly believe in the bottom of my heart that the ONLY way to make major changes is through small things done faithfully. Reframe your expectations and press on.13 -
Thank you for the responses. I'm going to read them all again tomorrow and have a bit of a think about it all. Truly appreciate everyone taking the time to stop by and share their thoughts. It's been very helpful.16
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There's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't found the right plan/approach for you yet, that's all.
Strictly speaking, for weight management:
* Healthy eating is optional
* Exercise is optional
* Sleep is irrelevant
* Weigh ins are optional
* Meal prepping is optional
* How much water is drunk is irrelevant
* Even logging and calorie counting are optional (people lost weight before calorie counting was practical, right?)
To lose weight, what matters is getting your calorie intake below your calorie expenditure on average over a long period of time by any reasonable amount, even a small reasonable amount (couple hundred calories daily will even work, if you're very patient).
Now, some of the things on that asterisk-bullet list might help you do that, and if that's so, you should use those tactics in some way . . . but even then, it's not necessary to do them every single day.
Why? Because that "on average" phrase is really important. As a PP said, you can eat all the pies one day, and still lose weight. For that to be able to happen, you'd have to eat enough less (or burn enough more) to get your average calorie intake below your average calorie expenditure over time . . . by any means that works for you personally. (I'd encourage you not to pick dangerous, totally unhealthy means, but it's up to you.)
For sure, some of us find some things on that asterisk-bullet list very helpful, possibly essential for us individually. But weight can be managed while ignoring them, or flexing them, potentially. It's about what works best for you.
If you eat 1100 calories of pie on Monday, and that puts you (making numbers up) 1000 calories above your current weight-maintenance calories (which are 2000) on Monday, then to lose weight, you need to be an extra 200 calories under 2000 for the next 5 days on average - in addition to however much under you were already trying to be to lose weight - or 100 extra under for the next 10 days, or uneven amounts on different days that add up to 1000, or you have to take a really long bike ride on Thursday that burns an extra 1000, or, or, or.
This is not meant to be an attitude of "making up for" overeating. Food is not sin, we don't need to suffer if we eat a little extra. So, no, not "making up for". It's just math: To accomplish our goals, we need to get the calorie balance right, on average, over time. (That's a big difference in thought process! Guilt is optional, too.)
Sure, if rigid routines or strict rules - like never buying the vegan pies - help you, then do that. But rigid routines and strict rules are not essential.
Repeating: What matters is getting your calorie intake below your calorie expenditure on average over a long period of time by any reasonable amount, using methods that are (relatively) easy and happy for you. Suffering is optional.
Illustrative personal anecdote, gospel truth: By coincidence, I went out for brunch today, had a whole spread of big omelet with fixins, potatoes, ketchup on the potatoes (buckets of it), biscuit, butter, jam, several cups of coffee with half and half, and (!) beer. Since then, I picked up a custom take-out pizza, Detroit style (thicker crust, thick toppings), and ate half of it. I haven't counted this yet, but I'm way over my weight maintenance calories, for sure. It was not a compulsion, not a "binge", it was a decision. I could've made a different decision.
I enjoyed every minute of this, and I'm not concerned. I've done this sort of thing occasionally throughout the 6+ years I've been at a healthy weight, when before this 6+ year stretch I was overweight to obese for 30+ years.
At age 59-60, I joined MFP, figured out this average-the-calories math thing, figured out how to fit it in my life long term in a way that keeps me happy**, lost 50+ pounds in a bit less than a year, and have been at a healthy weight ever since. I didn't increase my exercise (I admit I was already pretty active). I didn't change the range of foods I ate (I was already getting OK nutrition, so I just changed portion sizes, relative proportions on the plate, frequencies of calorie-dense foods). Bottom line: I balanced out the calorie math.
I'm actually much happier with my habits as a slim person (5'5", mid-120s pounds), age 66, because my health is significantly improved, as is my mobility, plus I can still enjoy food and eating.
** What way? Now that I'm maintaining a healthy weight, most days I eat a little under maintenance calories (like 100-150 under, maybe), "banking" calories so I can spend them occasionally on an indulgent day like today. That technique, too, is optional. But it happens to be one that helps me, given my preferences, strengths, and limitations.
How I did this wouldn't necessarily be the way you would want to do it, because we're different people. But the foundation issue is the same: Get the calories eaten in the right balance with the calories burned, on average, over time. That's the essential part. (Strictly, you don't even have to count the calories to do that; counting them just makes the tradeoffs more clear.)
Now, if you find your urges uncontrollable over time, that's a thing to work on. Some people do need help on that, from a book, from a club-ish thing (like Weight Watchers or Noom or whatever), maybe even from a therapist, if there are deep issues. There's no shame in any of that, no reason for stigma, it's just a way of getting needful things done - like calling a plumber if the sink backs up.
You can do this. Keep working toward the right plan for you, don't give up. It's possible.22 -
What's wrong with you? It sounds like you fit in pretty well.
As people have mentioned, if it's in the house I'll eat it. I have to give myself a hard self-talk while grocery shopping because some of the areas are so hard to pass through without filling my cart. The bakery aisle. The ice cream aisle. Yeh, there's no way I can limit myself if I buy it. I used to buy whoopie pies to eat on the way home from the store. I used to get a pint of Ben and Jerry's every Friday night. When 1 pint a week wasn't enough I'd buy another. Stress caused me to eat ferociously between Sept. and end of Dec., gaining 20# seemingly in the blink of an eye.
Once my brain chose to start 2 days before New Year's day(because that's when all the leftovers from the holidays were gone), I got right back into it with logging and exercising. I walk 2-4 miles a day; since I started I've missed 1 day.
Have a serious self-talk every time those pies want to jump into your cart. Instead of visualizing how wonderful they'll taste, visualize how good you'll feel and proud of yourself you'll be, when you Just Say No, and start feeling the benefits of healthier eating. Find foods that will make you feel good, satiated, and make a good replacement for the foods you're craving.
I used to go to the dollar store and buy those packages of mini chocolate bars. No more. At least not at the moment when this is all so fresh to me again. I know myself and I cannot just eat 1 to include it in my calories. Better to not even let it into the house. I'm lucky that my dh prefers salty snacks over sweet ones because I'll buy him all the cheetos he wants without ever touching them.
The trick is to find things you do love, without feeling cheated by skipping other things you love.8 -
A trick I sometimes use when standing in the supermarket resisting that temptation - especially when I see a new product that sounds interesting, but just won’t be worth the calories to me - is to read the ingredients, then challenge myself to make the item myself if I really want it.
Admittedly, I do love to cook and sometimes I actually do make whatever, but in a way that reduces the calories wherever possible. More often though, the idea goes out of my head and I don’t bother. End result for me is that I’ve put it back on the shelf by using the internal dialogue.
‘If you really want it, make it yourself’
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I have a few items I find are that way for me, too. Sometimes there are smaller packages available. Fig Newtons are one that I've learned I would be much better off buying the individual serving packet over the whole container. I just this week thought maybe I was past that... but, no, I'm not - I verified it. Single packets it is!8
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Thank you all for sharing your experiences, tips and tricks. It's helping me to reframe things in my mind in a more helpful and positive manner. I really appreciate everyone taking the time to respond.11
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Late to the party, but I find it helpful to to keep my eyes on the prize. Admittedly, I'd let myself slack off on exercising and limiting calories over the holidays. I was having an incredibly difficult time getting back on track.
Then a travel job in the very near future popped up. Wow! I can't tell you how fast things crystalized! Suddenly all those foods that I found irresistible found their way into the back of the freezer and I was back to scrupulously logging, limiting and exercising at full steam.
So I would say to find a way to put your goal front and center 24/7. Even if there is nothing particularly special on the horizon, keep the image of a smaller, healthier you in sight at all times. Write it down, post-it note it, hang up a pair of "the next-size-down," - anything to remind you of your target.5 -
I'll eat it if it's here, too. I've moved almost wholly to online grocery shopping/pick-up, because it's not as tempting to impulse buy. I'm not sure if that's as readily available in the UK, though.5
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It is fear of missing out. I can relate.3
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There's nothing wrong with you. I'm not going to repeat all the great things others have said, but I'll add something that might help.
When I started this round of weight loss, I decided not to look at the entire amount I had to lose (or the time it would take). Instead, I just focused on being committed to the changes I was making in food and exercise for 5 weeks. "You can stick with this for 5 weeks", I told myself. After 5 weeks, I recommitted to another 5 weeks. I've been doing that since July, and I'm still here, doing the things. For me, this felt way less overwhelming.
Hang in there.
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WHY do you think you eat all of them?
is it because you consider them 'bad' and 'off limits'? like you should not have them at all on your 'diet'?
is it because you buy them so rarely that it is a rare treat and they are so good you just cant help yourself?
is it because you havent had anything else to eat that day and you are truly hungry?
Is there an emotional reason (sad, depressed, angry over something or in general?)
is there another reason?
Knowing WHY can help you overcome DOING it.
I've lost over 200 pounds. I certainly have binged on WAY more than one occasion on various items. Truly, it happens more often than I'd like to admit But I do know WHY
Let's take a package of nutter butter wafer cookies. Not the hard cookie type ones. but the wafer ones. Pretend these are your pies.
99.9999% of the time, I will walk by these cookies in the store and not even glance at them. or, glance at them and think ' man those are good', and get my husband HIS cookies, and keep going without giving it any more thought. Not a problem. But then there's that .00001% of the time. It amounts to once or twice a year (for THIS particular item. Other items are a bit more frequent but not quite as bad as far as me eating the entire package LOL)
Let's go down the list I gave above...- is it because you consider them 'bad' and 'off limits'? like you should not have them at all on your 'diet'?
- is it because you havent had anything else to eat that day and you are truly hungry?
- Is there an emotional reason (sad, depressed, angry over something or in general?)
- is there another reason?
See the bolded above? For ME, those stupid nutter butters? I have NO self control with them. I will eat the ENTIRE package, if not in one sitting, in a single day. I actually have more control with peanut butter cups, which is amazing because I have little control with those, too. But I buy them more often. Pretty regularly. But not in a big giant package. Now, its possible if I could buy these stupid cookies in a single serve package like a candy bar that I could build up a bit of a 'tolerance' to them, and not have them be some coveted item that I rarely get or have. But since I CAN'T.... and NO ONE else in the house LIKES them, so I can't pawn them off on my husband or son... there's really no way for me to.... 'moderate' my intake of them, short of taking out a serving and throwing away the rest of the $5 package of cookies, which although I'm quite good at throwing away money, I have a hard time doing. So... once or twice a year, I will actively PLAN for this indulgence of mine and just run with it and ENJOY it. I know my calories will be FUBAR that day, and that's okay. I also know I will feel (my BODY will feel) like total CRAP because of it and I just dont care.
I like to pet my demons, give them names, and learn how to coexist with them in a way that I have them under control. THIS is one of those ways for me. What works for me, may not work for someone else. Losing weight, and then keeping it off, is something that is highly individual, and you will have to find the best way to manage your own personal demons, just as we all do. But the first step is to identify the WHY. From there, you can work on various coping strategies and find the one that works best for you.
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Dang, now I want some Butter Butter cookies.
ETA: wth is up with the disagrees? These people are making valid points and coming from their own POV, how can a person disagree with that?3
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