Homeless, Healing & Starting Over. Am I crazy? (Semi-Long Read)

beautyybryce

So, my name is Bryce and I felt this is the most appropriate place to ask for advice. In order for me to properly paint a picture for you to see why I'm asking my question, I'll need to give a rundown of the last few years prior to asking my question, so hopefully you'll stand by to read & possibly advise me. It'd be greatly appreciated...

So here's my story:
I'm almost 27 and for the last 5 years, my life & my health has consistently gone downhill. In those 5 years, I've been in 2 separate relationships, both of which were quite abusive in every way possible. The second, I lost my first ever pregnancy & almost lost my life due to a brain injury received by my then-boyfriend. Now, I am single and have been healing mentally for more than the last year & making great progress.

Prior to these relationships, I was the healthiest I've ever been. At 19, I got into health & fitness and found a real passion with getting fit. So much so, that by the time I was 21, I decided that I wanted to make health & fitness into a career to help others. But, instead of pursuing my career, those relationships happened and I went from the healthiest I've ever been to the unhealthiest I've ever been.

By the time I was 21 years old, I went from 247lbs, my starting/heaviest weight at 19, down to 177lbs, the lowest I've weighed in my adult life, at 6'1. Now, after those relationships, I'm at my highest weight of 295lbs (301lbs was the absolute highest I've ever seen on the scale).

Since gaining almost 120lbs in 5 years, I've not went a day without thinking about the gym and getting back into my healthy routine of counting macros, waking up extremely early to go to the gym, etc. The only thing in the world that every brought me peace was the gym and eating healthy. When I say I literally have not went a day without thinking of how healthy I was in the past, I mean it with every fiber of my being. That's how I know I'm meant for this career and this life.

However, my weight & health hasn't been the only thing that's been affected by these relationships. I am currently homeless & live in my car, which is actually kind fun to me because van life intrigues me, and with all the trauma I've experienced, I didn't want to go to a shelter because I know it'd drag me down even more mentally/emotionally & have no family/friends to help me (they were as toxic as my relationships, so I've rid myself of everyone unhealthy to me, so I'm figuring things out on my own, solo). So, my question is...

Am I crazy for wanting to continue to live in my car while I take the rest of this year to transform my body to even better than it was before?


Earlier today, I figured my finances to see what it'd take to live my "normal fit life" & I'd literally have to work 2 full-time jobs & get no sleep to function/recover (rent in my area is unaffordable for me especially when trying to get back into fitness again). My health has declined to the point where, if I don't do something now, I could possibly not have kids or I could develop serious, permanent health issues (I already have some heart pains, iron issues, fibroids/cysts, trouble breathing due to the weight gain; all of which I did not have 5 years ago). And, I miss the "me" that was a gym rat, took my supplements, got adequate rest, counted macros, ate healthy, felt amazing, saw my hips/collarbones/quads, etc. Plus, my DREAM career has been postponed all these years and I've developed loads of resentment from that alone. I'm ready to be taken seriously & stop talking about my dreams & start making them happen. Although it's extreme to some, I feel that living in my car for the next year is the best choice I have to make my dream of being a personal trainer/nutrition coach happen.

Am I crazy or would you also do the same? Because those expenses I figured (which were all basic expenses and nothing "fun") just overwhelmed me & seem unattainable and sacrificing my health/passion/future career any longer is just not an option. I've considering relocating, but I can't really find a true affordable state/area that will allow me to still participate in my passions to get to my career. Even though I WANT to move and get away from a state where I've been extremely traumatized in, I can't find a place cheaper than where I am now even though its unaffordable for me.

What would you do if you were me & wanted to make your health/fitness a priority while being homeless? Because I'm feeling extremely overwhelmed & almost lost again after feeling confident about getting my health back...

springlering62

Hi, Bryce. Welcome to MFP. Wish it was under better circumstances.

I’ve never been in your situation, but when I’ve had a major life decision, it’s always helped me to sit down and make a Pro and Con list.

Seeing it in writing has always helped me clear my head, even come up with new ideas.

If you’re actually in a van, that’s one thing. But if you’re in a car, my concern is that, as a woman, you’d be very visible and thus very vulnerable.

If you have no family and no relationships, surely there’s somewhere less expensive to live? Go to a library and look up “cost of living” and see if any areas appeal to you?

If your dream career involves school, you may be able to discuss housing and food assistance with a school advisor. They are (supposed to be?) trained recognize and assist students who are struggling?

By the same token, I know shelters aren’t your jam, but many have trained counselors who can guide you. They don’t want you to stay in a shelter. Their long term goal should be to get you off the street and into permanent housing.

Apply for every kind of assistance you can possibly get? And those you can’t.

Get a PO Box so you have a way to corral your mail, and to forward it easily when your circumstances change?

Hugs. I feel like I’m talking to you from a misty moubtain too far away, because this is so foreign to my experience, but hugs hugs hugs. And in a year or five or a decade, may you look back and say,”it may have been my lowest point but I learned from it.”

springlering62

Wierd suggestion, but join your local nextdoor.com group. Ours bends over backwards to help women in your situation. Don’t mean to be rude, but keep it short and sweet. They may be able to suggest inexpensive housing, someone may have a garage apartment or an in-law suite. And they will literally throw furniture at you if asked. Sofas, tables, chairs, beds. Enough to get you basic furnishings.

boilerdawg2009

I agree that you should try to find some place more affordable. The thought of living in a car just sounds like an unnecessary risk. I'm sorry that you've dealt with so much trauma but I'd hate to see you open yourself to more by not having a safe place to live.

pridesabtch

In addition to what those above have suggested, try going to your local YMCA (assuming there is one) they often will give free memberships to those experiencing financial hardship. I know my mom got a free membership at the one here. And for starters, you don't need fancy supplements or gym equipment, simply watching your calorie intake, getting out and being active can push you in the right direction for no cost.

Good luck!