How do I stop myself from failing?

thehealthyadventurer

I gained weight during COVID lockdowns - about 15kg (35ish pounds) so I now weigh in at 70kg (155 pounds). When I was at my happiest weight-wise I was around 55kg (120 pounds) so would really like to get back to that. I'm only 158cm (5foot3ish) so the extra weight is quite obvious and its mainly in my arms and stomach.

I've started going to the gym 3 times a week (mainly Les Mills classes - I'm trying to get braver and do some weight lifting too but no success yet). I'm working on tracking my calories - I find it hard to remember but I'm sure that comes with time.

I keep finding that I do really well and eat healthy for 3 or 4 days and then I'll order pizza or snack on biscuits and just over-eat. Any suggestions on how to stop failing or the feeling of failure? I know what a small lapse isn't the end of the world but it feels that way - I'd like to find ways to stay positive.

Would love some tips and would love for some people to follow/friend to encourage eachother.

88AViva

It feels very close to my situation. I'm 163cms. Healthy weight 50 -52kgs. During the pandemic I got to 66. Now I'm working on getting back to 50.

It's hard to be positive everyday but everyday I'm trying to be consistent with something that will bring some progress.

azuki84

You need to find a middle line between heavier restriction and the over consumption. Steady deficit > all-or-nothing mentality

Lietchi

The trick is to eat little enough to lose weight (=calorie deficit) without restricting yourself so much that you have a hard time sticking with it.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with alternating lower calorie days with higher calorie days, though it's better when it's a plan (=controlled number of calories) rather than overeating from over-restriction (=uncontrolled number of calories). In that context, you might find it interesting to look at your intake on a weekly basis (weekly view of the food diary) and check if you're still in a deficit.

Also good to keep in mind: being over your calorie goal does not equal weight gain. There is a margin in between: eating over your calorie goal can still be eating in a deficit, just a bit slower than intended. Any progress is progress, there was a whole period where my goal was simply to eat below maintenance, whether it was 250 or 50 calories below, every bit helped.

springlering62

Reframe your thoughts. Don’t think of it as “failure”. You’re just starting out. It’s all a learning experience.

Did you get a 100% on every test in school? Was every date “the one”. If you’re a parent, were you always perfect? Or did you throw the diaper in the hamper by mistake when you were bleary eyed?

Give yourself the grace to make mistakes, learn from them, and then continue trying and learning some more.

Look at my food diary. It’s open. It was off the charts for twelve days while we were visiting new parents, somewhere Grandma couldn’t be a diet diva, because they’re still in survival mode.

Did I give up and say,”oh no! I ate 15,000 extra calories? I’m doomed to failure! Better pull out the fat pants!” Nope. Made my meal plan and grocery list on the plane and started back doing what I needed (and was sooooo happy to get back to!) toncontinue to be successful.

If you treat this as a diet in the moment, you won’t be successful. You’ll lose a few and be back in a year or two, with an “I’m back” post, upset that you gained it all (and more) back.

Instead, treat this as something you can do from here on out. Be sure to include foods you enjoy, learn new habits, learn to accurately weigh and portion foods, learn that sometimes you fall off the wagon by choice (meals with friends, birthdays, holidays) or circumstance (stress, health issues).

Give yourself the grace to be a human and go over calories once in a while, but always keep your eye on the big picture.

Create habits that will make maintenance successful.

Losing is easy. Everybody thinks “yay! I got here! I can relax!”

Nope, maintenance is the challenge. If you have those good habits and the gift of grace already in place, that’s what determines success, and does make maintenance a doddle.

springlering62

TL:DR

You’re not failing. You’re learning.



PS: don’t forget , when starting a new exercise regimen, it’s very common to get really sore. Your body reacts to soreness by retaining water to direct to the sore areas for repair and healing. Expect to put on several pounds of water weight til the soreness passes. You haven’t failed. You’ve started something new and will see results soon- if you’re properly weighing and hanging in there with your diary. Good for you!

Lietchi

springlering62 wrote: »

Instead, treat this as something you can do from here on out. Be sure to include foods you enjoy, learn new habits, learn to accurately weigh and portion foods, learn that sometimes you fall off the wagon by choice (meals with friends, birthdays, holidays) or circumstance (stress, health issues).

Give yourself the grace to be a human and go over calories once in a while, but always keep your eye on the big picture.

Create habits that will make maintenance successful.

Losing is easy. Everybody thinks “yay! I got here! I can relax!”

Nope, maintenance is the challenge. If you have those good habits and the gift of grace already in place, that’s what determines success, and does make maintenance a doddle.

Or better yet, there is no wagon 🙂 you're just on a journey and sometimes you take a little scenic detour.

thehealthyadventurer

88AViva wrote: »

It feels very close to my situation. I'm 163cms. Healthy weight 50 -52kgs. During the pandemic I got to 66. Now I'm working on getting back to 50.

It's hard to be positive everyday but everyday I'm trying to be consistent with something that will bring some progress.

Thanks for adding me as a friend! Hopefully we can now try to support eachother and keep ourselves accountable

thehealthyadventurer

springlering62 wrote: »

Reframe your thoughts. Don’t think of it as “failure”. You’re just starting out. It’s all a learning experience.

Did you get a 100% on every test in school? Was every date “the one”. If you’re a parent, were you always perfect? Or did you throw the diaper in the hamper by mistake when you were bleary eyed?

Give yourself the grace to make mistakes, learn from them, and then continue trying and learning some more.

Look at my food diary. It’s open. It was off the charts for twelve days while we were visiting new parents, somewhere Grandma couldn’t be a diet diva, because they’re still in survival mode.

Did I give up and say,”oh no! I ate 15,000 extra calories? I’m doomed to failure! Better pull out the fat pants!” Nope. Made my meal plan and grocery list on the plane and started back doing what I needed (and was sooooo happy to get back to!) toncontinue to be successful.

If you treat this as a diet in the moment, you won’t be successful. You’ll lose a few and be back in a year or two, with an “I’m back” post, upset that you gained it all (and more) back.

Instead, treat this as something you can do from here on out. Be sure to include foods you enjoy, learn new habits, learn to accurately weigh and portion foods, learn that sometimes you fall off the wagon by choice (meals with friends, birthdays, holidays) or circumstance (stress, health issues).

Give yourself the grace to be a human and go over calories once in a while, but always keep your eye on the big picture.

Create habits that will make maintenance successful.

Losing is easy. Everybody thinks “yay! I got here! I can relax!”

Nope, maintenance is the challenge. If you have those good habits and the gift of grace already in place, that’s what determines success, and does make maintenance a doddle.

Thank you for this! So much detail, so much advice - really appreciate it!

jtechmart

If you can find your triggers it can help to avoid common pitfalls. For me, when I'm cutting calories, leave the house in my car, and get really hungry while driving, I always hit up fast food. So, best bet is to make sure I eat well before I leave the house. Truth is, its mostly a mental game. There is no secret. Once you get serious enough and make fitness a priority, this won't happen much if at all.

LiveOnceBeHappy

jtechmart wrote: »

If you can find your triggers it can help to avoid common pitfalls. For me, when I'm cutting calories, leave the house in my car, and get really hungry while driving, I always hit up fast food. So, best bet is to make sure I eat well before I leave the house. Truth is, its mostly a mental game. There is no secret. Once you get serious enough and make fitness a priority, this won't happen much if at all.

100%. Eat before a crisis happens or carry "emergency" food with like a granola bar that is predictable calories. Way better than an emergency drive thru meal.