Where to get help

ghrmj
ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
edited November 2022 in Health and Weight Loss
I need to lose weight but I find it difficult to control my food intake. Seven years ago when I turned 50 I dropped from 175 (which was my highest weight in my life) to 158 for a birthday holiday. Now I am 220 and need to lose weight for health reasons (and because I hate myself like this). I am finding it exceedingly difficult. I tend to binge eat in the evenings and although I know what I need to do I start out fine in the mornings and by evening it seems like just another day of "starting again tomorrow". I am frustrated and angry with myself, but it seems obvious I can't do this by myself.
Has anyone used outside help, programs, support to lose weight? Maybe I need CBT or hypnosis or something. I am frustrated and angry with myself and I just don't seem to have the willpower that you all have to stick to my program.
I just don't know what to do. Not really sure what I am looking for, there is probably nothing anyone here can do to help. I am getting a CPAP machine for sleep apnea so maybe if I start sleeping better it might help with my motivation ...
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Replies

  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    edited November 2022
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Sleeping better should help. In the short run, maybe try losing weight slower?

    That "start out fine, binge in the evening" pattern suggests over-restriction (calories or food choices), or over-fatigue (from the sleep situation, or stress, or excessive exercise volume/intensity for current fitness level, or something similar).

    Anything under maintenance calories is a fat loss.

    You would think that but I'm not over restricting. I had a bagel with cheese for breakfast, scrambled eggs with spinach and veggies and dip for lunch - so a pretty good balance of food.
    Then when I got home from work my husband had bought potato chips and I just ate a bunch of those and some mini halloween chocolate bars. Just because they were there. Even though I didn't "want" to and knew I shouldn't.
    And then I was angry with myself because if I hadn't done that dinner wouldn't have been an issue, I would have had plenty of calorie room to eat whatever I wanted. It's almost like self sabotage.
    Yeah I probably have more issues than an online community can help with. Just wondering if anyone else used other resources to get over this kind of thing.
    Any my exercise currently is 30 minutes walking first thing every morning. At least I can stick to that, I get out of bed and it's the first thing I do.
  • Lori11223344
    Lori11223344 Posts: 14 Member
    edited November 2022
    Have you spoken to your doctor about medications for weight loss. Here in Canada there are several medicines that actually help, some injectable like semaglutide. They reduce hunger without stimulants, and make your body more sensitive to hormones that help control weight.
    It also really helps if you can speak to your husband about not bringing home high calorie/no nutrition foods like candy bars and chips. If they aren't in the house, you cant eat them.
  • spiriteagle99
    spiriteagle99 Posts: 3,743 Member
    If you have an hour and a half between the time you get home and dinner, maybe try going for another walk, doing yoga or an exercise video or lifting weights. I find when I'm exercising, I'm not thinking about food.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    edited November 2022
    There are a lot of books out there. I know "The Beck Diet Solution" was written by Judith Beck who is the daughter of the man who invented CBT in the 1960s, Dr. Aaron Beck. The book utilizes CBT techniques.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beck_Diet_Solution
  • DFW_Tom
    DFW_Tom Posts: 220 Member
    ghrmj wrote: »
    I've been thinking about it and part of my problem I believe is habit and structure/routine. I have a certain routine to my day, including meals, up until 5:30 when I get home, then the evening is just open. So I think I have to work on building some habits for the time of day between when I finish work and dinner, which for me is when I go off the rails.

    Part of that I think will be adding a planned snack - when I think about it lunch at 12:30 until dinnertime around 7 is a long time to go without food. I might even take it with me to work to have on the way home on my in-office days.

    (And I didn't mean to imply that I was some sort of "special case" and it is somehow harder for me than the rest of you. I know everyone works hard on themselves to get where they are. I am just finding this really difficult and frustrating at the moment. Hopefully I will come out the other side healthier and with good habits.)

    I agree whole heartedly with what you are saying. Good routines and habits seem to make the road to health less full of pot holes. An afternoon snack should help. I eat 5 meals a day because that is what is working for me. Keep at it and you WILL find what works for you. It can be extremely frustrating seeing what others are doing and knowing that eating like they are is not going to work for you. We are all special because we are all different. Anything you try that stresses you out is something that needs changed.

    Most people probably wouldn't have a problem with eating a bagel in the morning like you mentioned earlier, but that would make me miserable the rest of the day until I gave in to the cravings and consumed more carbohydrates (aka - sugar). That's just me. It took me a while to figure that out.

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    What is your goal weight?

    Is your weekly weight loss goal 2 pounds per week? That is probably too aggressive for you at your height. I have been your weight, and I’m 6 inches shorter, and a weekly weight loss goal of more than 1 pound per week was not sustainable for me.

    Slow and steady wins the race ;)
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,204 Member
    I'm not sure whether to apologize for this or not, but I think I started this "special case" rhetoric when I said:
    Don't assume you're some special hard case: Most of us needed to work through some of this kind of stuff early on. Hang in there, experiment, adjust.

    . . . which was consceived in response to OP's
    ie
    Yeah I probably have more issues than an online community can help with.

    and in a post where I also said
    Satiation is very individual, . . . . there may be a pattern that works better for you than your current one.

    So, yes: Everyone is a special case, but not necessarily a special hard case, completely beyond Community help, if that makes sense.

    I now understand that OP seems to have been having one of those "can this even work?" moments that most of us may have at one time or another, and has since regrouped a bit. S/he is engaging very productively with the thread overall, which is really great.

    There are IMO inevitably some bumps in the road - different types and at different times for each of us, but rarely anything completely unique in the MFP collective experience, nor out of reach of possible advice from folks here.

    Once in a while, there's an OP who sadly doesn't seem open to anything but a catastrophizing view of circumstances . . . but that doesn't seem to be true of @ghrmj. That openness to considering diverse (and sometimes even conflicting) advice . . . that leads me to think @ghrmj here has high odds of long-term success, with patience and persistence.
  • ToffeeApple71
    ToffeeApple71 Posts: 121 Member
    I second the suggestion for reading "The Beck Solution" I took bits and pieces from that book which worked for me. Some strategies were better than others but it got me thinking about my habits and helped break some of the negative ones.
    I made some fairly drastic changes, like giving up meat and dairy which had a huge impact. I started off putting a time limit on it (one month no dairy) so if I really wanted something I knew I could have it at a later date. Then the same with meat. I occasionally have meat now, but not often. Taking my coffee black cut out nearly 500 calories a day. That's significant. There's many more satisfying ways to have 500 calories!
  • IAmTheGlue
    IAmTheGlue Posts: 701 Member
    I did not read all of the replies, I just wanted to add a thought. Maybe you need more protein? If I personally ate a bagel and cream cheese, I would be ready to gnaw my arm off later. Some food combinations do not work for me. Some food combinations make me hungrier for more foods that don’t work for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    I need protein. That may not be the case for you, but I have figured out what does work for me. You might just need to take some time and figure it out. Ask your husband to keep his treats where you aren’t exposed to them.

    One more thought, just keep going. It’s trial and error. One bad day or one bad meal does not mean to give up, just re-assess, re-group and go on.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    If you pre log your food each morning, then when you get home from work, you'll know what the next thing on your "list" is to eat! That helps me a lot. My goal is literally to eat everything I have already logged.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    What is your goal weight?

    Is your weekly weight loss goal 2 pounds per week? That is probably too aggressive for you at your height. I have been your weight, and I’m 6 inches shorter, and a weekly weight loss goal of more than 1 pound per week was not sustainable for me.

    Slow and steady wins the race ;)

    I put 2 lbs per week but that put me at 1200 calories which I don't think is sustainable for me. Right now I am trying to do 1500 and see how that goes and how much I lose on that.
    I don't even know my final goal weight - I am going to see how it goes. I'd like to get down at least to 175 lbs, then I will reevaluate. I would like to feel comfortable in certain clothing - I want to be able to wear jeans and a T shirt and feel like I look OK. I carry most of my excess weight around my middle. Right now I am wearing a lot of leggings and tunics and I am over it.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    BCLadybug888 wrote: »
    ghrmj wrote: »
    Thank you everyone for your replies - they all have some good advice. I think I was a bit in "sorry for myself" mode last night when I posted. (Of course now it is morning and I am convinced today will be a good day. :smile: )
    ...
    (And I didn't mean to imply that I was some sort of "special case" and it is somehow harder for me than the rest of you. I know everyone works hard on themselves to get where they are. I am just finding this really difficult and frustrating at the moment. Hopefully I will come out the other side healthier and with good habits.)

    Just wanted you to know that we ARE (all) special cases, including you, and have our unique quirks of genetics & circumstances to personally navigate in our shared battle, and who among us hasn't wondered at some point if they were not uniquely doomed to obesity and failure while the rest of the world figures it out??

    Or is that just me lol?? 😁

    Thank you for posting as the responses are helpful for many.
    My only suggestion is, if you are not hungry first thing, delay your first meal until you are (to lunchtime even) and that shifts your whole eating cycle to later on, so that evening eating becomes part of the plan. And make sure you get enough sleep, sometimes we are eating to boost energy, especially later in the day. Okay, that was my 2nd suggestion lol 😆.

    Thank you for your comment. :) I actually really like to eat in the mornings. I prefer to eat breakfast. I am fine after dinner in the evenings and can easily not eat after dinner, it is just that afternoon before dinner period that I struggle with. I think some better planning is helping with that.
    I am still waiting for my CPAP machine referral, I am hoping that will help with my sleep, and make this whole journey a little easier.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    ToffeeApple71 wrote: »
    I second the suggestion for reading "The Beck Solution" I took bits and pieces from that book which worked for me. Some strategies were better than others but it got me thinking about my habits and helped break some of the negative ones.
    I made some fairly drastic changes, like giving up meat and dairy which had a huge impact. I started off putting a time limit on it (one month no dairy) so if I really wanted something I knew I could have it at a later date. Then the same with meat. I occasionally have meat now, but not often. Taking my coffee black cut out nearly 500 calories a day. That's significant. There's many more satisfying ways to have 500 calories!

    Thanks for seconding that suggestion, I will definitely get that book. I seem to have misplaced my kindle but maybe I'll order a hard copy of amazon or something (of course once I do that the kindle will for sure turn up.)
    I mostly don't eat meat already, I was a vegetarian for 20 ish years but now do eat a little bit of fish and eggs since menopause I was having some issues with cortisol, anxiety and hair loss a few years back and revamped my diet. I don't drink coffee at all though, lots of green tea. I think if I was going to make a drastic change it would be processed carbs that I would try cutting out (bread, chips, sugar). That is something I don't really need and tend to over indulge on.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    I'm not sure whether to apologize for this or not, but I think I started this "special case" rhetoric when I said:
    Don't assume you're some special hard case: Most of us needed to work through some of this kind of stuff early on. Hang in there, experiment, adjust.

    . . . which was consceived in response to OP's
    ie
    Yeah I probably have more issues than an online community can help with.

    and in a post where I also said
    Satiation is very individual, . . . . there may be a pattern that works better for you than your current one.

    So, yes: Everyone is a special case, but not necessarily a special hard case, completely beyond Community help, if that makes sense.

    I now understand that OP seems to have been having one of those "can this even work?" moments that most of us may have at one time or another, and has since regrouped a bit. S/he is engaging very productively with the thread overall, which is really great.

    There are IMO inevitably some bumps in the road - different types and at different times for each of us, but rarely anything completely unique in the MFP collective experience, nor out of reach of possible advice from folks here.

    Once in a while, there's an OP who sadly doesn't seem open to anything but a catastrophizing view of circumstances . . . but that doesn't seem to be true of @ghrmj. That openness to considering diverse (and sometimes even conflicting) advice . . . that leads me to think @ghrmj here has high odds of long-term success, with patience and persistence.

    No need to apologize. I appreciate your responses and thank you for taking the time to help me.
    I just thought on rereading that maybe my original comment might have sounded disparaging, or diminishing of other people's struggles which was not my intention. I know that sometimes written communications, especially on these types of boards, can get a little fraught, so I wanted to clarify.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    csplatt wrote: »
    If you pre log your food each morning, then when you get home from work, you'll know what the next thing on your "list" is to eat! That helps me a lot. My goal is literally to eat everything I have already logged.

    My goal for this coming week is to pre log my day each morning.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    IAmTheGlue wrote: »
    I did not read all of the replies, I just wanted to add a thought. Maybe you need more protein? If I personally ate a bagel and cream cheese, I would be ready to gnaw my arm off later. Some food combinations do not work for me. Some food combinations make me hungrier for more foods that don’t work for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    I need protein. That may not be the case for you, but I have figured out what does work for me. You might just need to take some time and figure it out. Ask your husband to keep his treats where you aren’t exposed to them.

    One more thought, just keep going. It’s trial and error. One bad day or one bad meal does not mean to give up, just re-assess, re-group and go on.

    That could be it - this week I am going to try do more protein first meal of the day. Either some greek yogurt or eggs.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    I decided to weigh myself every Monday morning and am down 1 lb from last week. So that's a start anyway.
  • LifeChangz
    LifeChangz Posts: 456 Member
    edited December 2022
    @ghrmj ~ so, a few weeks later, middle of the holiday feasting, how's it going?

    I found some helpful tidbits in the Beck book as well - including ideas for dealing with special occasions like the holiday treats we encounter this time of year.

    on regular days - which we'll get back to soon, i think a bit of structure in the evenings can help - instead of freeform eating. I found it helpful to schedule meals/snacks and close the kitchen inbetween - so there was no argument in the brain.

    bingeing, real 'can't help myself' extra eating is a bit of a different ball game - and often leads to feelings of anger/failure after it happens... get up, dust off, look at what happened, strategize what you can do next time - the Beck book is helpful in analyzing these types of things. perhaps most importantly, don't beat yourself up... get up, make a plan, try more.... assess, adjust, try again. eventually you'll fix whatever and take on something else.... can't wait to hear how you're doing again! Cheers :)
  • Lark13
    Lark13 Posts: 21 Member
    Your idea about an afternoon snack is a good one. I eat an apple everyday before leaving work, because I know if I don’t i am going to come home too hungry and nosh whatever is available. I don’t even particularly love apples, but they are very filling, and for me and do the trick.
  • Kiwi2mfp
    Kiwi2mfp Posts: 166 Member
    Sometimes it can help to cut one or two things at a time. I found that cutting cream and sugar out of my coffee helped me a lot....I drank A LOT of coffee. Then I cut out energy drinks....then sodas except maybe once a week. Then I got to only drinking black coffee, plain teas, water, and some milk occasionally. Then I started cutting processed foods and eating more veggies. I used to be a sailor and ended up with a very bad cursing habit. I broke that one word at a time. Same goes for diets. Okay, so you have breakfast and lunch taken care of....let's say you start binge eating candy tomorrow...if you stop yourself one candy earlier than you would have the day before...you've made progress. Every single good step forward should be celebrated. Instead of beating yourself up with each mistake, congratulate yourself for each success. Attitude has everything to do with this also. Beating yourself up is only going to lead to giving up and thinking what use is it to try? Right? Encouraging yourself will lead to another success tomorrow. You got this. One goal at a time.
  • ghrmj
    ghrmj Posts: 86 Member
    LifeChangz wrote: »
    @ghrmj ~ so, a few weeks later, middle of the holiday feasting, how's it going?

    I found some helpful tidbits in the Beck book as well - including ideas for dealing with special occasions like the holiday treats we encounter this time of year.

    on regular days - which we'll get back to soon, i think a bit of structure in the evenings can help - instead of freeform eating. I found it helpful to schedule meals/snacks and close the kitchen inbetween - so there was no argument in the brain.

    bingeing, real 'can't help myself' extra eating is a bit of a different ball game - and often leads to feelings of anger/failure after it happens... get up, dust off, look at what happened, strategize what you can do next time - the Beck book is helpful in analyzing these types of things. perhaps most importantly, don't beat yourself up... get up, make a plan, try more.... assess, adjust, try again. eventually you'll fix whatever and take on something else.... can't wait to hear how you're doing again! Cheers :)

    Thanks for asking but I am doing not well. I gained the 5 lbs I lost back over the holidays - so I went back in my usual cycle of sticking to it for a while, losing a bit, and then falling back and failing.
    I honestly don't know why this is so difficult for me, I literally eat things that I know AS I AM EATING them that I shouldn't be, and I don't want them, but I do it anyway. I am reading a book on binge eating, and it talks about breaking that habit so maybe there will be something there that might help. It's honestly embarrassing at this point.

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