Guys in relationships.

BattleTaxi

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

He shouldn't be dragging other people into his BS drama-fest with his current girlfriend. Staying up "all night" to text back and forth with someone that is a potential romantic interest while you are in a relationship = CHEATING. But to each their own, I am sure people will agree/disagree with that.

OP should quit wasting her time with this troll. There are plenty of other "geeks" with "similar music interests" and whatever else under the sun that aren't going to falsely allude that they are available.

Also, don't sh-t where you eat.

BearEssentials

walk! a real man leaves his current situation before starting a new one!

+1

tootchute

Don't believe anything he tells you, if he didn't like his girlfriend he would have broken up with her way before. I know he lives with her, but at one point he could have told her. Hey I'm moving out, our relationship is not what it use to be and I think it would be better to split up, but because we live together I will give you some time to find someone to replace me. Our whatever he needs to tell her, and then tell you. Hey I have a ex I'm living with for the month till she finds a replacement but I want you let you know, so it could be your choice if you want to be with him.

skinnyinnotime

Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

No, just no, no way!!!!

pseudomuffin

I was in a similar situation, I backed off, he broke up with his girlfriend and now we are married. If it's meant to be it will be (cliche I know, but I believe it)

I'll back this method up if you're really serious about the guy, OP. Sometimes people get stuck in unhealthy relationships but they don't have motivation to leave because it's not THAT bad, they're just not happy. It happens.

Now, I do think he should have been upfront with you about the current girlfriend, but he might not have wanted to scare you off because he likes you. Back off a bit and tell him you're uncomfortable being as familiar as you've been because he's in a relationship. If it's meant to be, he'll break up with her on his own. If not, his loss.

thefragile7393

I was in a similar situation, I backed off, he broke up with his girlfriend and now we are married. If it's meant to be it will be (cliche I know, but I believe it)

I'll back this method up if you're really serious about the guy, OP. Sometimes people get stuck in unhealthy relationships but they don't have motivation to leave because it's not THAT bad, they're just not happy. It happens.

Now, I do think he should have been upfront with you about the current girlfriend, but he might not have wanted to scare you off because he likes you. Back off a bit and tell him you're uncomfortable being as familiar as you've been because he's in a relationship. If it's meant to be, he'll break up with her on his own. If not, his loss.

Exactly. Back way off and let him deal with his own emotional drama. Don't get sucked into it....a waste of time and emotional energy. You don't need that when there are plenty of other guys deserving of your time that are emotionally strong and stable and not wishy-washy. I don't think being coworkers is bad..sometimes it turns bad, sometimes it does not....not every workplace romance turns out the same. It's iffy either way.

desertSNOUT

There is Alpha, there is Beta, there is Omega... and then there is... this guy. On the one hand, he is trash looking for something on the side he clearly isn't getting at home; on the other hand, the fact that he didn't... well... let me put it another way - the fact that he told (fessed up) you all this tells scores of his insecurity and immaturity.

I am guessing millimeter peter with a side of World of Warcraft; is he on welfare by chance?

Run and do not look back; don't play with boys - find a man.

etoiles_argentees

A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.

Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

If they cheat once they will do it again. Some lack character.

afewexcuses

Way too much drama. Leave that one alone.

whierd

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

Uh, because you don't do the stuff that he did if you have a girlfriend? If you are secure in your relationship, you don't go getting feelings and attachments to someone else. If you are in a relationship that you are done with, you get out and move on. You don't continue a relationship that you aren't committed to while forming attachments elsewhere and then make the excuse that you're staying with them because you feel sorry for them. Good lord. Relationships are NOT that complicated. You are both either on the same page or not. If you're done, get out. It's only complicated if you make it that way.

Do what stuff? Befriend and talk to a coworker that you have common interests with? Develop feelings for them before you are aware that it has happened?


Christ, you are acting as if he is actively on the prowl.

whierd

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

He shouldn't be dragging other people into his BS drama-fest with his current girlfriend. Staying up "all night" to text back and forth with someone that is a potential romantic interest while you are in a relationship = CHEATING. But to each their own, I am sure people will agree/disagree with that.

OP should quit wasting her time with this troll. There are plenty of other "geeks" with "similar music interests" and whatever else under the sun that aren't going to falsely allude that they are available.

Also, don't sh-t where you eat.

I have friends that I text late at night that are of the opposite sex and that I don't have romantic interest in. I doubt he went into it LOOKING to develop feelings. He probably just thought she was a cool chick, MAYBE had some attraction, but was more interested in her personality.

At least let the guy do something wrong before assassinating his character.

steveinct

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

He shouldn't be dragging other people into his BS drama-fest with his current girlfriend. Staying up "all night" to text back and forth with someone that is a potential romantic interest while you are in a relationship = CHEATING. But to each their own, I am sure people will agree/disagree with that.

OP should quit wasting her time with this troll. There are plenty of other "geeks" with "similar music interests" and whatever else under the sun that aren't going to falsely allude that they are available.

Also, don't sh-t where you eat.

I have friends that I text late at night that are of the opposite sex and that I don't have romantic interest in. I doubt he went into it LOOKING to develop feelings. He probably just thought she was a cool chick, MAYBE had some attraction, but was more interested in her personality.

At least let the guy do something wrong before assassinating his character.

Ah ha! Now we see why you are the only dude defending this guy... Because you ARE this guy! Well, maybe not. Maybe you just aren't seeing the situation because it cuts a little too close to home. I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

You ask how it makes him a bad guy? Let him do something wrong before assassinating his character? Allow me paint you a picture: There is a woman at home who is feeling secure in her relationship with this man. She thinks she doesn't have to worry about him. Heck, they have been dating for three years and he moved into her home! She probably thinks the next logical step is an engagement and eventual marriage, kids, etc. Meanwhile, elsewhere IN HER HOUSE, the dude is talking to another girl until all hours of the night. Do you REALLY think his girlfriend knows? You ask what makes him a bad guy? You can't see it? Sorry man, but you are blind if you can't see why that is a scumbag maneuver.

MireyGal76

A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.

Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

If they cheat once they will do it again. Some lack character.

So once a person cheats, they are doomed to be alone forever? Is that it? And if a person has lied once, then maybe they're should don the mantle of liar? Maybe someone who fudged their taxes, should be forever branded a thief. Is character something that is developed and refined through decisions made, and lessons learned, or is it a commodity distributed at birth and once spent, can never be regained?

People are so quick to judge and name call, and he they have only a limited understanding of the situation. Is he behaving the best he can? Possibly not. Has every single person who has slammed him to the ground based on a short OP made only right decisions in their lives? I think not.

Stop judging people.

OP. You know your part of the situation. Find out his. And the two of you need to decide what is the right thing in terms of your relationship together. If there is one. Just remember, you have to live with your decisions.

Eta... On a site where people come to change themselves for the better, I find it ironic how quick we are to write people off as garbage. Once fat, always fat? No, wait, don't say that here. Only when it comes to food can we change our behavior and choices for the better.

hookilau

So I started a new job, this guy and I have been talking (ugh I know work relationships are the worst.) and I started to like him... a lot. We have so much in common, we are both geeks, similar music interest, we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions; enjoying each other's company. I just recently found out (yesterday.) that he has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. I was devastated, because I felt like THAT girl that everyone talks about and hates (if that makes sense?) I've been cheated on before and I feel terrible... He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her (made me feel worse since that's apparently how my ex felt about me.)
It's not right for a man to be in a relationship with someone if they don't love each other and especially if you pity her..
Has anyone been in this situation? Advice would be nice.

you don't need me to tell you what you already know :huh:

eta: if you're uncomfortable with the circumstances, that is...this is how it appears to me, anyhow.
If it makes you feel grimy, it's not right.

whierd

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

He shouldn't be dragging other people into his BS drama-fest with his current girlfriend. Staying up "all night" to text back and forth with someone that is a potential romantic interest while you are in a relationship = CHEATING. But to each their own, I am sure people will agree/disagree with that.

OP should quit wasting her time with this troll. There are plenty of other "geeks" with "similar music interests" and whatever else under the sun that aren't going to falsely allude that they are available.

Also, don't sh-t where you eat.

I have friends that I text late at night that are of the opposite sex and that I don't have romantic interest in. I doubt he went into it LOOKING to develop feelings. He probably just thought she was a cool chick, MAYBE had some attraction, but was more interested in her personality.

At least let the guy do something wrong before assassinating his character.

Ah ha! Now we see why you are the only dude defending this guy... Because you ARE this guy! Well, maybe not. Maybe you just aren't seeing the situation because it cuts a little too close to home. I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

You ask how it makes him a bad guy? Let him do something wrong before assassinating his character? Allow me paint you a picture: There is a woman at home who is feeling secure in her relationship with this man. She thinks she doesn't have to worry about him. Heck, they have been dating for three years and he moved into her home! She probably thinks the next logical step is an engagement and eventual marriage, kids, etc. Meanwhile, elsewhere IN HER HOUSE, the dude is talking to another girl until all hours of the night. Do you REALLY think his girlfriend knows? You ask what makes him a bad guy? You can't see it? Sorry man, but you are blind if you can't see why that is a scumbag maneuver.

I could care less if you give me the benefit of the doubt or if you think it is cutting too close to home. Whether or not it is is irrelevant.

I don't believe the OP said specifically that it is HER house. She said he lives with her, which is fairly ambiguous without more information (she may have stated it elsewhere, but I didn't notice).

And do you think for a single moment that one person in a relationship could be on the verge of leaving and the other one is completely oblivious and think everything is perfectly fine? No, if it is deteriorating, then both parties are very likely aware that there is an issue. I don't know if his girlfriend is aware that he is talking to another girl late into the night, but if she doesn't know then I'd be curious as to why, considering that they live together.

steveinct

Yeah.. The girlfriend is at fault for not wondering why he is talking to someone all night.

whierd

Yeah.. The girlfriend is at fault for not wondering why he is talking to someone all night.

Yes, because I am clearly assigning blame to her. Way to leap to a conclusion.

bennysammysofie

I see nothing wrong with this situation. Have fun and see where it goes...I mean real fun. Ask his gf/wife to join u guys out one night and see where it leads.
If he begins to pull away from u start vicious rumors about his penis size. Then once he confronts u about these rumors punch yourself in the face and go to work the next day. When someone asks what's wrong, just say, "I don't know, ask small penis guy."

tlou5

He is an a**. Don't consider starting anything with him. He is obviously not trustworthy. Is that a trait you want in your man?

getitamb

I was in a similar situation, I backed off, he broke up with his girlfriend and now we are married. If it's meant to be it will be (cliche I know, but I believe it)

This happened to my bestie. But the important word is they Backed off.