Guys in relationships.
Replies
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i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.0
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Don't walk. Run. This guy is a *kitten*. Assuming he's even telling you the truth, what he's doing to his current girlfriend is inexcusable, and he will do the same thing to you once he gets tired of you. Also, people who get involved with co-workers are pretty much the dumbest people in the world. My opinion. Don't crap where you eat, as they say.
I beg to differ. I have done it many times and never had a bad experience. My current GF of 3 years and I met working together. And I don't know what you do in your private time, but we don't crap.0 -
1) Never trust a guy who tells you his girlfriend/wife/mistress/whatever is a "psycho" or has psychological issues. 9 times out of 10, what she has is "tired of being cheated on-itis." This is how a *kitten* defines when the significant other dares to cry or get angry when someone is cheating. Cheaters love to toss around the word "psycho."
2) If a guy does in fact have a girlfriend/wife/mistress who has been Baker Acted, then stay as far away from that guy as possible, even if he is a complete saint with nothing but altruistic motives. A person who has been Baker Acted is not stable and can harm you or herself. Most definitely not the kind of drama you want in your life.
3) Presuming 2 is true, don't trust a guy who unloads another person's very personal, very private, problems on you. She's obviously trusted him to not tell the world, and he's betraying her by sharing her medical and emotional issues with you.
^^^This. You don't want to be with a guy that either says he has a mental girlfriend whether it's true or not. If he's lying then he's a real douchbag. If he's telling the truth, you don't want to be in anywhere around when she finds out about you. Stay friendly at work, but don't be alone with him.0 -
Classic. I'm quite a bit older than you - but cannot count the number of times I've heard that exact scenario come out of a man's mouth who is trying to "get to know me."
Yep. I've also heard the exact same excuses from men as to why they're looking for some side action. She's psycho, they don't have sex, they're just living together for the kids or financial reasons, they have separate rooms, she's given him permission to "date other women" (this one is great - just say "Okay, can I meet her and ask her about it?" and watch him squirm), she's got mental or physical health issues and he just can't abandon her...
And these are just the guys that admit to being in a relationship. Then there are the ones who will outright lie and say they're single when they're not. They'll say they have a female roommate, or like your situation, will say they just have a girlfriend when really what they have is a wife and kids. Have you Googled his name, his email addresses, his phone number, his usernames? You might find some surprises.0 -
I was in a similar situation, I backed off, he broke up with his girlfriend and now we are married. If it's meant to be it will be (cliche I know, but I believe it)
THIS0 -
As a male i live by the 'don't dip your poem in company ink'
If you dip your poem in any ink its going to ruin the paper it's written on and then not be a very good poem.0 -
The fastest way to resolve the situation to see if he will leave his wife for you or not is to fake a pregnancy.
Of course from your post I just got that this guy talks to you at work. Then he talked to you at night about his failing relationship. What I didn't get out of this is that he has put the moves on you, or that there is a relationship going on.
1. It's his GIRLFRIEND..NOT wife.
2. Really?? fake pregnancy??? WTF! I see you're a "drama queen."
Yea, she got pregnant from one of his sweet texts.0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
QFT!!!!!0 -
There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
so, when I say I read the OP's post entirely and all I remember was Blah Blah Blah Blah....Cleavage! is that the behavior you speak of? :smokin:0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.0 -
You should tell him straight out that until he breaks it off with his gf you aren't interested! Nothing good is gonna come from you guys "dating" when he is going home and living with his gf. And do you really wanna be a secret/the other woman?!0
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do not get tangled up in that web of lies. He may or may not be lying to you, but he sure is lying to her. If he can do it to her, he can do it to you, too. If that is even the real situation. Sounds more like a "is the grass greener on the other side" feeler before I dump my current.... I'd walk.0
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Forget about this guy. If he can do this to his current gf then what makes you think he won't do it to you if you started dating him? If he's unhappy he needs to leave, not wait until something better comes along. That's a complete slap in the face to his current gf.0
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i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.
Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.
Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.0 -
Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.
^ This is a very good point0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.
Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.
Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.
And I agree with you.0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.
Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.
Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.
And I agree with you.
Ditto here.0 -
Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.
Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.0 -
:laugh: yeah, as if it isn't stressful enough. Lets add dating drama and work talk at home to the mix.Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.
Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.
NO THANKS!0 -
:laugh: yeah, as if it isn't stressful enough. Lets add dating drama and work talk at home to the mix.Never and I mean NEVER date some one at work. It could do way too much damage to your career if things go bad, which we all know things USUALLY dont work out. No matter how innocent you are or were, you will come out of things looking unprofessional and that is never beneficial to your career.
There are millions of men in this world you DON’T work with. Stick to them. That way whatever happens between you will not be top story in the office gossip pool.
Cut ties with this guy completely; other than in a strickly professional manner.
Bad advice. Nothing makes work better than bringing your work home.
NO THANKS!
I've really never had a bad experience. Met my current GF of 3 years working together with a staff size of like 20. I have never really seriously "dated" anyone else from work per say but still haven't had any drama from it.0 -
Oh wow, sorry I haven't been on here, I was working. Damn, thanks for all the advice everyone, I can't respond to you all, but I told him I can't get on a personal level with him in fear of losing my job and ruining his relationship.
Taking it real slow and if he wants to break up finally when he has los cojones to do so, then I'll think about it in time.0 -
He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her.
And you don't see the BIG AZZ RED FLAG right there? Gurrrrrl....grow a pair and don't be a doormat. You are MUCH better than that!0 -
I actually really like this response, considering you read my past conversation about how he hasn't tried anything on me ( :Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.
He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.
How on earth does this make him a bad guy?
I genuinely think he's a nice guy, he has told me has never cheated on his girlfriend and he supports her financially and does everything for her (even cooks, really? what woman doesn't know how to cook?? lol) I told him already and he understood that he needs to grow a pair and break up finally. However long it takes I'm still gonna work there and be civil with him so I told him lets just take it slow and not make it obvious.
Thank you.0 -
gettin' all dr who deep up in her0 -
Classic. I'm quite a bit older than you - but cannot count the number of times I've heard that exact scenario come out of a man's mouth who is trying to "get to know me."
Yep. I've also heard the exact same excuses from men as to why they're looking for some side action. She's psycho, they don't have sex, they're just living together for the kids or financial reasons, they have separate rooms, she's given him permission to "date other women" (this one is great - just say "Okay, can I meet her and ask her about it?" and watch him squirm), she's got mental or physical health issues and he just can't abandon her...
And these are just the guys that admit to being in a relationship. Then there are the ones who will outright lie and say they're single when they're not. They'll say they have a female roommate, or like your situation, will say they just have a girlfriend when really what they have is a wife and kids. Have you Googled his name, his email addresses, his phone number, his usernames? You might find some surprises.
A guy told me he lived with his ex-wife "for the sake of the kids" and that they were just friends who were free to date other people. I found her email and had a talk with her, and she was definitely not cool with it! I guess he didn't think I would go that far, but I do not like when someone insults my intelligence.0 -
i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.
Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.
Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.
And I agree with you.
Ditto. Men in serious relationships who are living with their girl do not talk on the phone with a new female friend for countless hours day and night. Something is way off about that.0 -
Agreed. My views may be off, but I dont see this as "innocent" like some people are arguing. There is nothing I would have to discuss with a new male "friend" that I wouldnt rather talk to my fiance about or my girlfriends. To quote Drake, "No new (male) Friends". :laugh:i find it incredibly ironic that there are those are quick to point out that people are different when it comes to their preferences (body type, hair color/length, etc) yet there are those are certain that people behave the same when it comes to situations.
Yup.
I struggle with this too. I used to be all black and white on this topic... And life had a way of changing it to gray. I refuse to judge now because I realized that every person is unique, every situation is unique, and until I've walked a mile in their shoes, I'm not going to bash them and call them down.
People screw up. All the time. In all areas of life. There's a huge difference between making a bad decision versus embracing disgusting pattern of behavior.
We, on the outside, cannot discern that.
That is how I feel. People are too quick to jump to a conclusion about this situation when it is gray at best. He didnt make a move, sleep with her, kiss her, or anything. Up until he admitted his feelings and said he had a girlfriend, they were just hanging out as friends. After admitting it, some might say that he is having an emotional affair, though I think it needs more context to be sure. I am just not willing to condemn him as "scum" until he reveals his true character. Not to mention that there are some holes in the whole story anyway.
I think people let bad past relationships influence their judgement too strongly. And I do not believe "once a cheater, always a cheater" because sometimes people make stupid decisions.
Ok. I can maybe buy into this. Although, if my boyfriend was talking to a new friend for countless hours, day and night, I'd be pretty hurt and, considering that he has now admitted he has feelings for her, I'd be right to leave if I found out.
Now that he has admitted he has feelings for her he either needs to leave his girlfriend or leave her alone. Period.
And I agree with you.
Ditto. Men in serious relationships who are living with their girl do not talk on the phone with a new female friend for countless hours day and night. Something is way off about that.0
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