Guys in relationships.

jenjencin78

What you allow is what will continue.

ravegee

Some men are *kitten*. Why don't you just enjoy the single life.

Chieflrg

In all respect you're quite young and he is playing you.

Would it be okay if he was your live-in boyfriend and was talking to a young lady the way he is talking to you?

It doesn't matter what excuses he comes up with, he is a douche.

tiggerhammon

Even if he did leave her for me, I wouldn't take him. I don't want someone like that. You mentioned having someone like that in the past, why do you want someone like that again?

MyM0wM0w

In all respect you're quite young and he is playing you.

Would it be okay if he was your live-in boyfriend and was talking to a young lady the way he is talking to you?

It doesn't matter what excuses he comes up with, he is a douche.

Agreed! Even if you wait until he's single, when things get tough (because relationships will ALWAYS go through tough times) is he going to start complaining about YOU to strange girls instead of you?

Not cool.

kycfj

You already know what you should do...you're just looking for someone to tell you its okay to keep seeing him... Have some respect for yourself & drop him.

steveinct

Yeah.. The girlfriend is at fault for not wondering why he is talking to someone all night.

Yes, because I am clearly assigning blame to her. Way to leap to a conclusion.

No leaping to a conclusion necessary. A quote from you:

" if she doesn't know then I'd be curious as to why, considering that they live together. "

jojo86xdd

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

Uh, because you don't do the stuff that he did if you have a girlfriend? If you are secure in your relationship, you don't go getting feelings and attachments to someone else. If you are in a relationship that you are done with, you get out and move on. You don't continue a relationship that you aren't committed to while forming attachments elsewhere and then make the excuse that you're staying with them because you feel sorry for them. Good lord. Relationships are NOT that complicated. You are both either on the same page or not. If you're done, get out. It's only complicated if you make it that way.

Do what stuff? Befriend and talk to a coworker that you have common interests with? Develop feelings for them before you are aware that it has happened?


Christ, you are acting as if he is actively on the prowl.

I'm sorry but I have nothing to talk to my coworker about all through the night. What he is doing is wrong because HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND and it is obviously not an "innocent friendship". What he is doing IS cheating because he is STILL in a committed relationship and spending more than necessary time with a woman that is NOT his girlfriend while admitting he as feelings for said woman. So yes, he is actively on the prowl, and yes the guy is a douche and a coward for not growing some balls and ending things with his current girlfriend before pursuing another woman. Stop trying to sugarcoat it to make him look innocent. I have more balls than this dude, and like I always say, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a hoe. But if you're going to be a hoe, be a single hoe. Its not that ****ing difficult.

Cp731

A cheater is a cheater. Women cheat, men cheat. Everyone will give reasons to cheat but its never good enough.

Honestly, I'd just call the girl and let her know.

Thats not very wise.

a guy approached me and we exchanged #'s

talked on the phone a few times, he told me all about his baby mama drama and said they weren't together

a few days later I got a call from the guys wife asking me how I knew her husband..

that ended well, I dodged that bullet

emmawoolf84

Relationships are super complicated & dynamic - not everything is so black & white as some here are purporting.

That said, I don't think one should ever get involved with someone who is in a relationship or otherwise not 100% emotionally available. Its just trouble - avoid it at all costs!

arathena720

The fastest way to resolve the situation to see if he will leave his wife for you or not is to fake a pregnancy.

Of course from your post I just got that this guy talks to you at work. Then he talked to you at night about his failing relationship. What I didn't get out of this is that he has put the moves on you, or that there is a relationship going on.

He invited me over to his house, we played video games and literally talked all night. He never made a move on me, we aren't together or anything etc.. He just told me after work yesterday that he really likes me, but he has a girlfriend. That's it really.

Honey, he's making a move some can have the best of both worlds. That line about "She's gonna kill herself if I dump her" is a load of crap used by guys who want an excuse to stay with the old while banging the new. Right up,there with "I'm only with her for the kids" and "She's sickly and needs my support". I'm sure it came with such things as "we've been living like roommates" and "I never felt about her lime I felt about you." He's testing the waters to see if you'll become the other woman. Trust the old gal, guys have been doing this for centuries.

arathena720

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

Oh, please. If you are in a happy, well adjusted relationship, at some point you use the words "we" "my girlfriend and I" etc and present yourself as a couple. By avoiding use of all couple terminology, he sounds a lot like he's testing the water to see if he can hook her emotionally before springing the gf thing on her. They live together, they've done things together, and yet he manages to have hours of conversations with her without letting on he's attached? Really?

BattleTaxi

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

He shouldn't be dragging other people into his BS drama-fest with his current girlfriend. Staying up "all night" to text back and forth with someone that is a potential romantic interest while you are in a relationship = CHEATING. But to each their own, I am sure people will agree/disagree with that.

OP should quit wasting her time with this troll. There are plenty of other "geeks" with "similar music interests" and whatever else under the sun that aren't going to falsely allude that they are available.

Also, don't sh-t where you eat.

I have friends that I text late at night that are of the opposite sex and that I don't have romantic interest in. I doubt he went into it LOOKING to develop feelings. He probably just thought she was a cool chick, MAYBE had some attraction, but was more interested in her personality.

At least let the guy do something wrong before assassinating his character.

What I perceive as wrong may not be the same for you. What he is doing is wrong in my book, hence my comment. Trying to make any assumption about his intentions to begin with is pointless; we aren't in his head.

Just sayin' what I think is wrong, just as you are saying it's right. NBD

Funny how opinions can tend to change though when a person is in a committed relationship. And as I said before, simple truth: don't sht where you eat. It leads to nothing but drama and stress.

whierd

Also, I'm shocked that everyone is calling him scum, a *kitten*, a cheater, etc. He hasn't made a move on her. Her hasn't tried to kiss her. He hasn't flirted with her.

He admitted he has feelings for her and told her that he has a girlfriend.


How on earth does this make him a bad guy?

Oh, please. If you are in a happy, well adjusted relationship, at some point you use the words "we" "my girlfriend and I" etc and present yourself as a couple. By avoiding use of all couple terminology, he sounds a lot like he's testing the water to see if he can hook her emotionally before springing the gf thing on her. They live together, they've done things together, and yet he manages to have hours of conversations with her without letting on he's attached? Really?

He isn't in a happy, well adjusted relationship by his own admission.

whierd

Yeah.. The girlfriend is at fault for not wondering why he is talking to someone all night.

Yes, because I am clearly assigning blame to her. Way to leap to a conclusion.

No leaping to a conclusion necessary. A quote from you:

" if she doesn't know then I'd be curious as to why, considering that they live together. "

Yes, because if they live together and he is on the phone with the OP all the time, then at some point I'd assume that she'd ask who he has been on the phone with the whole time.

Also, the OP said that she has been to the guy's house to play video games. How the hell she managed that and still doesn't know he is dating someone is beyond me.

ladytinkerbell99

You train people how to treat you. If you continue this you are training him to treat you like a "chick on the side". Do you want to be the chick on the side? If not, it's up to you to let him know that you're main chick material only and if he want's a chick on the side he need's to look somewhere else.

^ Wow, this is fantastic advice!! Thanks. :flowerforyou:

SmileCozYouCan

:indifferent:

rml_16

So I started a new job, this guy and I have been talking (ugh I know work relationships are the worst.) and I started to like him... a lot. We have so much in common, we are both geeks, similar music interest, we have the most amazing conversations and have stayed up all night just asking each other questions; enjoying each other's company. I just recently found out (yesterday.) that he has a girlfriend of almost 3 years. I was devastated, because I felt like THAT girl that everyone talks about and hates (if that makes sense?) I've been cheated on before and I feel terrible... He said his relationship has been deteriorating for quite a while, but he can't break up, because he lives with her and pity's her (made me feel worse since that's apparently how my ex felt about me.)
It's not right for a man to be in a relationship with someone if they don't love each other and especially if you pity her..
Has anyone been in this situation? Advice would be nice.

RUN AWAY.

You haven't done anything wrong, but any guy who claims he's with a woman out of pity is a liar. And he's already shown he'll lie about other things. Even if he and the GF split up, this is not a man you want to be with.

sj_1970

You train people how to treat you. If you continue this you are training him to treat you like a "chick on the side". Do you want to be the chick on the side? If not, it's up to you to let him know that you're main chick material only and if he want's a chick on the side he need's to look somewhere else.

The guy was a *kitten* before he met you otherwise he wouldn't be all over you he'd be fixing up his current relationship or ending it to be with you. This has nothing to do with you other than if you accept being a fling, he'll be happy I'm sure.

SACasto

I say you end the 'emotional' relationship you are having with him now. Tell him that if he wants things to go further or continue with you, then he has to end it with her. If he does not end it with her, then he is not man enough for you. Be the bigger person. I agree that you do not want to be THAT girl, which is a hard choice at times.