Am I being vein???

lilmissy2

hahahahahahaha Oh Holly, puts a whole new spin on 'for better or for worse' huh?

leavinglasvegas

When things get rough, laugh.

nehtaeh

I had a desination wedding and didn't pay for anyone else's stuff except mine. Had my MOH or BM needed some help, we would have done what we could - but they handled it. It was known up front that it was their responsibility. I don't think it should be expected of you to pay for her - assuming you want her to go. If you don't, that's a whole nother issue. If you really want her to go, talk to her about it and offer what help you can be.

I think you might need to evalute her being your MOH first. Well, I guess if she can't afford it - it solves your problem if you wanted to ask someone else.

nehtaeh

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/107835-stupid-news?hl=stupid+news#posts-1486656

Just thought I'd lighten the mood a little.

That's hilarious!!

LotusF1ower

Reading through this whole thread, these are my opinions for what they're worth.

To the OP, this is YOUR wedding, not hers. You did not ask her to be the MOH, she just presumed she would be - she hasn't thought about the cost or anything else for that matter. Everybody going on about how you should *****-foot around her - for crying out loud - this is YOUR wedding, your one and only wedding!!

Do as you see fit not as anybody else thinks it should be. They will be your memories, your photos, your wedding, in fact, it is YOUR day, not anybody elses, just you and your husband-to-be.

Personally, I do not think you are being vain and even if you were, you are allowed one day's worth of vanity on your special day and anyway, if it were happening to anybody else, they may be concerned too. All so easy for others to say "consider her, her feelings, how she feels, etc etc etc" - what about you though? One bloody day in your life and you are expected to cow-tow down to somebody who you haven't even invited to be your MOH!!!

She shouldn't have presumed, but now that she has, you need to make it painfully clear that she has to pay for the dress and everything else a MOH would be expected to pay for, because that is what bridesmaids and MOHs do. If she starts going off on one, ask her outright, what she expects then.

I don't envy you all this. I sincerely hope it all goes well on YOUR day xxx

LotusF1ower

Really? We're going to act like spelling and grammar is the main concern here? REALLY? Wtf ...

My thoughts too, talk about get away from the real issue here strewth!! :huh:

Mellie13

If it were me - I would be very offended if someone asked me to be in their wedding then asked if I could lose some weight. You picked her because of your relationship to you, not because of how she looks or that she could be skinny. I don't know about her, but a majority of people I know want to look good for weddings and do make an attempt to lose any extra weight they may have. However, if that's not her - it would be pretty rude. On the other hand, she is your friend - how do you think she'd take that request.

As for the money - she needs to be able to handle it. Maybe ask if she's ok with all that. Tell her you really want her to go and be your MOH but know that its expensive. Ask her if you can help her with anything, job-wise or even money if you are willing. Otherwise, think about who you might want as backup.

I never asked her to be in my wedding, she pretty much made herself my MOH

How does that happen?

She is my best friend and figured she would be the MOH. The second I told her I was engaged and when I was getting married she has been wanting to plan and keeps saying she is the MOH. Never once did "Will you be my MOH" come out of my mouth.

I have been in a lot of weddings and coordinated many others. One of the first things I tell a bride is to NEVER choose attendants out of obligation. You have to be firm and stand by what you want. If you have let her carry on about being your MOH, then that is going to be one tough conversation. If this just happened recently then it is a little more reversable. The conversation should have happened at the instant she assumed it. But, if you don't want her to be your MOH, then you have to tell her ASAP. Good luck!

PixieGoddess

Reading through this whole thread, these are my opinions for what they're worth.

To the OP, this is YOUR wedding, not hers. You did not ask her to be the MOH, she just presumed she would be - she hasn't thought about the cost or anything else for that matter. Everybody going on about how you should *****-foot around her - for crying out loud - this is YOUR wedding, your one and only wedding!!

Do as you see fit not as anybody else thinks it should be. They will be your memories, your photos, your wedding, in fact, it is YOUR day, not anybody elses, just you and your husband-to-be.

Personally, I do not think you are being vain and even if you were, you are allowed one day's worth of vanity on your special day and anyway, if it were happening to anybody else, they may be concerned too. All so easy for others to say "consider her, her feelings, how she feels, etc etc etc" - what about you though? One bloody day in your life and you are expected to cow-tow down to somebody who you haven't even invited to be your MOH!!!

She shouldn't have presumed, but now that she has, you need to make it painfully clear that she has to pay for the dress and everything else a MOH would be expected to pay for, because that is what bridesmaids and MOHs do. If she starts going off on one, ask her outright, what she expects then.

I don't envy you all this. I sincerely hope it all goes well on YOUR day xxx

I must disagree with at least some of this. If I were getting married right now, I would have to choose between 2 friends to be my MOH, and the other would be invited to be a bridesmaid. One of them is very overweight, but I still wouldn't ask her to lose weight for my wedding (and my boyfriend and I are serious enough that I have given all this stuff serious thought!) Yes, it's "my day" but it's not worth losing a friend over, and nothing is an excuse to be rude.

amysj303

I am not even sure what the question is, anymore?! You cannot ask someone to lose weight for your wedding and why would you even want to? Being the bride doesn't mean making everyone "cow-tow" to you, it means you're the one getting married.
I had nine bridesmaids. I didn't pay for anything, but I let them wear any black dress that they wanted. I wanted to make my wedding accessible and affordable for my friends and family so I did not do a destination wedding. I don't think the couple at a destination wedding is obligated to pay for transportation or accommodations for the guests or bridal party.
The OP has said she didn't ask the girl to be her MOH but said this girl is her best friend, without suggesting that she had someone else in mind for the "honor" so we're just assuming that she doesn't want her as MOH, or maybe she does not want a wedding party and that's ok too.

xxgoriexx

I wouldn't ask her to loose weight, maybe ask her if she'll join you at the gym // for some work outs? Asking her to loose weight for your wedding, while you want it to be perfect, would probably REALLY hurt her feelings, and ruin parts of your wedding in the end.

DizzieLittleLifter

I didn't read any responses so at the risk of sounding harsh: Wow, yeah if my close friend wanted me to lose weight because of how I'd look in her wedding I'd tell her to shove off. I think it's inconsiderate, self centered, rude, and uncompassionate. Are you not a member of a weight loss board? Have you not gone trough the mental trepidations and heartache of being over weight or at the very least needing to lose a few pounds? On a side note, I think it's ridiculous for people to stress and go over board so much about a wedding. It's a day! The marriage is what counts and no matter how much time, money ,or how "perfect" the wedding day is has NO BARING on your marriage. Try to relax, stop micromanaging things and enjoy the day for what it is meant to be. Celebrating your commitment.


Well, I read some of the other responses and don't feel as bad now. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way. I also wanted to add that every wedding party I have been in the expenses (including hair and make-up) were paid for by the bride and groom. My Dh and I had a very small ceremony in our backyard, but had we had the big wedding we started planning we would have paid for the wedding parties expenses. It's an honor for someone to be witness to your wedding. Good luck.

DizzieLittleLifter

Vein is what your blood is traveling through. Vain is what you mean.

:drinker:

JeanneTops

Ok, I'm probably going to sound old-fashioned, out of touch and fuddy-duddy here but where did this idea come from that a wedding is the bride's "special day?"

When I got married, oh so many years ago, all I wanted was the people I loved and who loved me, to be there to celebrate the major commitment that my husband and I were making to each other. I was very touched and grateful that they came. We made a lot of revisions to our wedding plans so that everyone could attend. I would have been crushed to think that someone didn't come because she couldn't afford it and I would have done everything in my power, financially and otherwise, to prevent that from happening.

And now, looking back over the decades, what I remember is the love and happiness I felt on that day. No picture, no dress, no location could ever come close to that.

Get married at City Hall, wear your everyday clothes, throw a great party and take an expensive honeymoon. Cost = $$$. Have the same best friend after 30 years = priceless.

ivyjbres

I though etiquette for destination weddings dictated that the couple (and possibly their families) paid for almost everything seeing as they're the ones inviting people to a place the guests would likely never go?

I'm totally not going to address your question, because I think you're letting yourself be distracted by small details. What I am going to say is that if you can't afford to pay her way, you will have to decide which is more important, getting married wherever, or having your best friend be your maid of honor at the (hopefully) only wedding you'll ever have.

PJilly

Ok, I'm probably going to sound old-fashioned, out of touch and fuddy-duddy here but where did this idea come from that a wedding is the bride's "special day?"

When I got married, oh so many years ago, all I wanted was the people I loved and who loved me, to be there to celebrate the major commitment that my husband and I were making to each other. I was very touched and grateful that they came. We made a lot of revisions to our wedding plans so that everyone could attend. I would have been crushed to think that someone didn't come because she couldn't afford it and I would have done everything in my power, financially and otherwise, to prevent that from happening.

And now, looking back over the decades, what I remember is the love and happiness I felt on that day. No picture, no dress, no location could ever come close to that.

Get married at City Hall, wear your everyday clothes, throw a great party and take an expensive honeymoon. Cost = $$$. Have the same best friend after 30 years = priceless.

Old-fashioned, out of touch, and fuddy duddy sound great to me! I wanted my MOH to be my best friend, so I asked my brother. I thought people would think it was weird, but I didn't care. You would not believe all the positive comments I got about my choice. We got married in the living room of some friends of ours with our family and a few close friends, then had a big reception/party with all our friends. If I had it to do all over, I wouldn't change a thing.

Jennyzfit

Forget about the big wedding! Just elope that way you'll save yourself a ton of $$$'s. And have a party afterwards at home where everyone can be invited. This day and age who needs all the extras? Sorry just had to say. Weddings are so expensive and the monies could be used elsewhere like finanicing a home etc. Hope everything works out no matter what you decide.:flowerforyou:

dbb280

Matron of honor A married woman acting as chief attendant to the bride at a wedding I would ask a married friend or relative, who you know is going, to join you on this day that way you have a back up plan just in case your freind deside to back out of the wedding i had both at mine.

recipe4success

If you want her in your wedding, it shouldn't matter what she looks like. If you don' t want her in your wedding, then tell her.

In terms of financial issues, yes I think everyone should be made aware of that.