My gf

CarlosOnce443
CarlosOnce443 Posts: 1 Member
in Getting Started
She called me fat that’s why doing this :(

Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,979 Member
    But to the OP, if your girlfriend is focusing on just your physical appearance, be wary.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • ddsb1111
    ddsb1111 Posts: 870 Member
    edited April 23
    Ouch, yeah that hurts. Was it said just like that or was it a conversation where she brought up a concern? I think there’s a right and wrong way to approach it, and saying it maliciously isn’t the best way. However, I hope you find the boards educational and inspiring to create better habits if that’s what’s needed. Health isn’t just about appearance, it’s about feeling your best and most capable everyday. Hopefully you use this as positive motivation at the very least.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,092 Member
    springlering62 wrote: »
    Carlos , do this for you. Not anyone else - with the exception of kids, if any. They need a good healthy dad there for them.

    My husband has loved me from normal to obese to underweight back to normal again. He has never once said anything about my weight.

    The only time I have ever said anything to him was when we were trying to book a helicopter tour and he was too heavy. He asked why I couldn’t book it, and I had to telll him.

    I dunno. Maybe you’re younger, and y'all are more honest than us old folks. 🤷🏻‍♀️ but it sounds like, even if it wasn’t said in a hurtful way, you perceived it that way. Weight is one of the most sensitive subjects.

    Tell her you’re interested in losing some weight, and ask her if she’ll either join you here on MFP, or if she’d be willing to help by keeping more nutritious foods in the house, learning to weigh ingredients so you can log them properly, walking or working out with you, etc.

    MFP has tricks here that make it very easy for couples to share meals, so only one has to do the logging.

    Much success to you. 😘

    Not sure where the assumption comes from that the GF is responsible for the food in OP's house or for preparing the food (OP doesn-t even say they're living together, but even if they are, don't see how what goes in OP's mouth is the GF's responsibility). That aside, GF doesn't sound very kind. "You're fat" is very different "I'm concerned about your weight and your health."
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,421 Member
    Lynn, I guess I’m old and married enough to assume that if my SO called me fat, and it hurt that bad, we’d be significantly more involved than “just” dating. Otherwise SO’s butt would be on the curb.
  • lisakatz2
    lisakatz2 Posts: 534 Member
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.
    Personally I'd be okay if my girlfriend was honest with me about it. I think that a lot of people are overweight and obese today because we're too nice to say anything to anyone about their weight. If their friends and family just accept them that way, they have no initiative to change. Nowadays people seem to only change because they become alerted about a health issue with weight. Lol, in my culture there's pretty much no filter and they'll tell you in front of family.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 35+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    I suppose I'm the exception to the rule. I've always known that I'm overweight (to use the medical term, "obese") and I didn't need my husband there to remind me. I appreciated that he kept his mouth shut. He knew that at some point I would dial it in, just as I have a dozen times before. But now things are different. I have accountability and added support (an online fitness coach and the kind people here on MFP). I've lost 6 pounds and 1 and a half inches off my waist. He's my biggest cheerleader of them all.
  • watts6151
    watts6151 Posts: 905 Member
    Lost 9lbs in the last 2 days, obviously mostly water still got called fatty by my gf this morning 😅
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,190 Member
    Do it for you.

    Unless she was saying this in private in a kind way, and with concern for your health, I'm inclined to think "ditch that girlfriend" is good advice, especially if you're not deeply invested in that relationship.

    It's likely in successful long term relationships that we and our partner will each look quite a few different ways at one time or another. Harmonious, supportive partners don't insult each other over changes in appearance. That's at least borderline abusive, IMO.

    Lose weight for you, get fitter, commit to stay that way, then get the better girlfriend you deserve. (To be clear: You deserve a better one now. But there may be petty joy in losing her over this, and finding someone better.)

    I have to admit, I'm wondering how old you are. But no matter the answer to that, I'd think the same way.
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,755 Member
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    Do it for you.

    Unless she was saying this in private in a kind way, and with concern for your health, I'm inclined to think "ditch that girlfriend" is good advice, especially if you're not deeply invested in that relationship.

    It's likely in successful long term relationships that we and our partner will each look quite a few different ways at one time or another. Harmonious, supportive partners don't insult each other over changes in appearance. That's at least borderline abusive, IMO.

    Lose weight for you, get fitter, commit to stay that way, then get the better girlfriend you deserve. (To be clear: You deserve a better one now. But there may be petty joy in losing her over this, and finding someone better.)

    I have to admit, I'm wondering how old you are. But no matter the answer to that, I'd think the same way.

    Agree with most of this. My boyfriend has been with me at a variety of weights, from way too skinny and underweight to chunky to a healthy weight. Never once, at any point, did he say anything. Ever. He understood I had to work through it, and nothing he could say would really affect it much.
  • ddsb1111
    ddsb1111 Posts: 870 Member
    edited May 3
    she’d be willing to help by keeping more nutritious foods in the house, learning to weigh ingredients so you can log them properly, walking or working out with you, etc.

    MFP has tricks here that make it very easy for couples to share meals, so only one has to do the logging.

    I had to look twice to see that you posted this! 🫢 I completely get teaming up for support but it sounds like she is held responsible for his success. H*LL No! There’s enough weaponized incompetence, let’s not encourage it. He needs to learn these things for himself anyway. But, teaming up for fun and simplicity, that’s all good. My husband has been incredible as a teammate, I’m really grateful for that. But he isn’t responsible for keeping nutritious food in the house, weighing food, or logging for me. Maybe I need to tell him to get his act together 😆.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,421 Member
    edited May 3
    ddsb1111 wrote: »
    she’d be willing to help by keeping more nutritious foods in the house, learning to weigh ingredients so you can log them properly, walking or working out with you, etc.

    MFP has tricks here that make it very easy for couples to share meals, so only one has to do the logging.

    I had to look twice to see that you posted this! 🫢 I completely get teaming up for support but it sounds like she is held responsible for his success. H*LL No! There’s enough weaponized incompetence, let’s not encourage it. He needs to learn these things for himself anyway. But, teaming up for fun and simplicity, that’s all good. My husband has been incredible as a teammate, I’m really grateful for that. But he isn’t responsible for keeping nutritious food in the house, weighing food, or logging for me. Maybe I need to tell him to get his act together 😆.

    Not sure where you’re coming from with that. IMHO a good couple are a team.

    I cook, he cleans up. I do laundry, he takes out the trash. I clean house, he changes oil, gases up the car, feeds the critters, cleans the cat box (🤢). I plan meals and make the list, he often shops for me, brings in and puts away the groceries.

    I am by far the more accurate logger, because I spend more time here than him. I have no issues whatsoever logging and letting him copy from my diary. I sincerely appreciate that MFP has a mechanism in place to this.

    It’s not like he’s copying my homework! 🤣

    But I’m also bright enough to know, if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done, and his health is very important to me.

    If it works the other way around for OP, then yippee, as long as they work as a team and one or both take the responsibility for accuracy.
  • ddsb1111
    ddsb1111 Posts: 870 Member
    edited May 3
    Teamwork is what it’s all about! But she can be a team without us encouraging him to ask her to weigh, log, and shop for him. Why can’t he do this by himself?

    I encourage OP to do these steps on his own, heck he may even learn he actually loves the process! I think it’s a generational thing, if someone told my husband to have me do these things I would cringe. But I’m sensitive to that stuff 😬.

    But, absolutely find what makes a team work in your relationship OP. And not a bad idea to discuss boundaries as well.
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,092 Member
    I don't think you sound sensitive. I think you sound like you have a perfectly reasonable sense that you're not obligated to wait on your husband hand and foot in all matters related to food.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    edited May 4
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.

    Depending on the context of the conversation, potentially disagree. If the people closest to us can’t point out something true about our health — and at this point culturally some people even think doctors don’t have the right—where does that leave us? Now, if this was done in a cruel way to cause emotional hurt, of course there’s more to it.

    You have to want to do this for yourself! If it’s not important to you, may end up more difficult than you hope - and it’s already difficult.

    If I was drinking too much alcohol, I think my spouse would have the right to bring it up. If I was way overtraining - running myself terribly skinny and tired - he would have the right to bring it up. So to me… if it’s done out of concern (and not spite or ridicule), it’s a go.
  • sollyn23l2
    sollyn23l2 Posts: 1,755 Member
    csplatt wrote: »
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.

    Depending on the context of the conversation, potentially disagree. If the people closest to us can’t point out something true about our health — and at this point culturally some people even think doctors don’t have the right—where does that leave us? Now, if this was done in a cruel way to cause emotional hurt, of course there’s more to it.

    You have to want to do this for yourself! If it’s not important to you, may end up more difficult than you hope - and it’s already difficult.

    If I was drinking too much alcohol, I think my spouse would have the right to bring it up. If I was way overtraining - running myself terribly skinny and tired - he would have the right to bring it up. So to me… if it’s done out of concern (and not spite or ridicule), it’s a go.

    I could see this... if somehow someone you cared about didn't realize they were fat... for example they talk about being thin and very healthy but are actually 250 lbs.... but honestly, I think most heavy people realize they're heavy, and are aware of their own health issues.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,205 Member
    edited May 4
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    csplatt wrote: »
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.

    Depending on the context of the conversation, potentially disagree. If the people closest to us can’t point out something true about our health — and at this point culturally some people even think doctors don’t have the right—where does that leave us? Now, if this was done in a cruel way to cause emotional hurt, of course there’s more to it.

    You have to want to do this for yourself! If it’s not important to you, may end up more difficult than you hope - and it’s already difficult.

    If I was drinking too much alcohol, I think my spouse would have the right to bring it up. If I was way overtraining - running myself terribly skinny and tired - he would have the right to bring it up. So to me… if it’s done out of concern (and not spite or ridicule), it’s a go.

    I could see this... if somehow someone you cared about didn't realize they were fat... for example they talk about being thin and very healthy but are actually 250 lbs.... but honestly, I think most heavy people realize they're heavy, and are aware of their own health issues.

    Maybe the goal is not just for them to be aware of it. Maybe it really matters to you either in the relationship, for the sake of the types of activities you want to do long term together, for the health risks, etc. Therefore you actually want to request that they address the weight and work towards better health. In a loving relationship, appropriate.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,421 Member
    edited May 4
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    csplatt wrote: »
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.

    Depending on the context of the conversation, potentially disagree. If the people closest to us can’t point out something true about our health — and at this point culturally some people even think doctors don’t have the right—where does that leave us? Now, if this was done in a cruel way to cause emotional hurt, of course there’s more to it.

    You have to want to do this for yourself! If it’s not important to you, may end up more difficult than you hope - and it’s already difficult.

    If I was drinking too much alcohol, I think my spouse would have the right to bring it up. If I was way overtraining - running myself terribly skinny and tired - he would have the right to bring it up. So to me… if it’s done out of concern (and not spite or ridicule), it’s a go.

    I could see this... if somehow someone you cared about didn't realize they were fat... for example they talk about being thin and very healthy but are actually 250 lbs.... but honestly, I think most heavy people realize they're heavy, and are aware of their own health issues.

    As a total OT aside, I didn’t realize how fat I was until I started culling a collection of 30,000 digital family photos a couple weeks ago. I was appalled looking at myself. At the time, I thought I was totally rocking the leggings and tunic look. I probably could have used someone to tell me that, although I would have been crushed/hurt/angry/in denial to hear it.

    No, we don’t always realize we’re fat versus “pleasingly plump”, especially when it creeps up on us over decades.

    The same grey cells that gift us with body dysmorphia when we lose, convince us otherwise in the other direction.
  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 2,987 Member
    springlering62 wrote: »
    sollyn23l2 wrote: »
    csplatt wrote: »
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.

    Depending on the context of the conversation, potentially disagree. If the people closest to us can’t point out something true about our health — and at this point culturally some people even think doctors don’t have the right—where does that leave us? Now, if this was done in a cruel way to cause emotional hurt, of course there’s more to it.

    You have to want to do this for yourself! If it’s not important to you, may end up more difficult than you hope - and it’s already difficult.

    If I was drinking too much alcohol, I think my spouse would have the right to bring it up. If I was way overtraining - running myself terribly skinny and tired - he would have the right to bring it up. So to me… if it’s done out of concern (and not spite or ridicule), it’s a go.

    I could see this... if somehow someone you cared about didn't realize they were fat... for example they talk about being thin and very healthy but are actually 250 lbs.... but honestly, I think most heavy people realize they're heavy, and are aware of their own health issues.

    As a total OT aside, I didn’t realize how fat I was until I started culling a collection of 30,000 digital family photos a couple weeks ago. I was appalled looking at myself. At the time, I thought I was totally rocking the leggings and tunic look. I probably could have used someone to tell me that, although I would have been crushed/hurt/angry/in denial to hear it.

    No, we don’t always realize we’re fat versus “pleasingly plump”, especially when it creeps up on us over decades.

    The same grey cells that gift us with body dysmorphia when we lose, convince us otherwise in the other direction.

    I too was completely unaware of how large I really was, way back in the day before I first began my first attempt at weight loss. (Back in my Weight Watchers days)

    My husband never mentioned it. He loved me no matter what I looked like.
    And no one else ever mentioned it either.
    Including my doctor…. And they probably should have, at least once.

    I remember we had a Ford F150 at the time. My wake up call was when I couldn’t fit the seatbelt around myself.

    I bought a treadmill. “For my son and husband” I told myself. But I was absolutely shocked that I couldn’t walk a quarter mile on it.

    We didn’t have a scale in the house. So I have no idea what my highest weight was.
    But I am pretty sure it was over 300.

    I loved that treadmill. Burned the motor out on it…. 🫣🤣
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 10,092 Member
    csplatt wrote: »
    lisakatz2 wrote: »
    She's not your friend. Cruel thing to say.

    Depending on the context of the conversation, potentially disagree. If the people closest to us can’t point out something true about our health — and at this point culturally some people even think doctors don’t have the right—where does that leave us? Now, if this was done in a cruel way to cause emotional hurt, of course there’s more to it.

    You have to want to do this for yourself! If it’s not important to you, may end up more difficult than you hope - and it’s already difficult.

    If I was drinking too much alcohol, I think my spouse would have the right to bring it up. If I was way overtraining - running myself terribly skinny and tired - he would have the right to bring it up. So to me… if it’s done out of concern (and not spite or ridicule), it’s a go.

    We don't have a lot to go on here (less than a dozen words from OP) but "my gf called me fat" doesn't sound like "I'm worried about how all that excess weight is affecting your health."
  • Adventurista
    Adventurista Posts: 1,732 Member
    edited May 6
    And OP was a flybye - created account, 1 post same day, has not returned since.
  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 2,987 Member
    Adventurista wrote: »
    And OP was a flybye - created account, 1 post same day, has not returned since.

    My suspicious paranoid side is beginning to suspect that some of these posts are content farming for diet and exercise blogs.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,190 Member
    MargaretYakoda wrote: »
    Adventurista wrote: »
    And OP was a flybye - created account, 1 post same day, has not returned since.

    My suspicious paranoid side is beginning to suspect that some of these posts are content farming for diet and exercise blogs.

    IMO, if they're harvesting content here to post elsewhere, that's maybe not all bad: Higher quality crop here than in most of the blogosphere. :D

    I still wonder if OP was . . . like 15, or something. Maybe not. But.
  • nighthawk584
    nighthawk584 Posts: 2,023 Member
    drop the weight and drop the girlfriend.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,421 Member
    Or someone who simply needed to vent lol. And then carried on as per usual.
  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 2,987 Member
    springlering62 wrote: »
    Or someone who simply needed to vent lol. And then carried on as per usual.

    The problem with being paranoid is how can you tell when they’re not spying on you?
    :D
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,421 Member
    MargaretYakoda wrote: »
    springlering62 wrote: »
    Or someone who simply needed to vent lol. And then carried on as per usual.

    The problem with being paranoid is how can you tell when they’re not spying on you?
    :D

    By checking their last login date to the boards lol. I do that a lot because feels like I pour heart and soul into these posts - as do you, Margaret- and it breaks my heart to see so many one visit wonders.

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