Bullies, meanies, and Police! OH MY!

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  • 4homer
    4homer Posts: 457 Member
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    Ya know when ever says "all these mean bullies on mfp..." I think if that person ever been bullied in real life. Maybe Im wrong but someone saying "Hey what your doing is dumb and here is the right way..." isn't bulling to me. To me they are being honest and helpful. Now if a person said "omg your so fat do the world a favor and go kill your self" then ya that more like bulling to me. Just my 2 cents.
  • jillybeansalad
    jillybeansalad Posts: 239 Member
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    I'm always late to the party and the threads are like this:

    MoXaM6r.gif

    This one just has a little smoldering going on...
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    How do you figure? I haven't seen one butthurt response here.
    I disagree with you, but I'm certainly not offended if that was directed at me. :smile:

    I actually edited at the same time you wrote that. I changed it to reflect that some of the general complaints about mean people complainers scream butthurt. You're right, not really any of the butthurts here in this thread, except maybe a little butthurt that people disagree that people should be held accountable for their delivery and not get to blame it on being beaten down, withered and exhausted souls in the MFP wilderness :tongue: (not you)
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Ya know when ever says "all these mean bullies on mfp..." I think if that person ever been bullied in real life. Maybe Im wrong but someone saying "Hey what your doing is dumb and here is the right way..." isn't bulling to me. To me they are being honest and helpful. Now if a person said "omg your so fat do the world a favor and go kill your self" then ya that more like bulling to me. Just my 2 cents.

    I think sometimes people choose the word "bully" because we aren't allowed to walk around calling each other asshats. :happy:
  • Wilson929
    Wilson929 Posts: 100
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    OP
    *stands on couch jumping up and down* I-Heart-You !!!
    :blushing: :love:
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    My delivery is never unkind. In fact, in serious threads, I'm not even sarcastic. It doesn't matter. People read the words of others in whatever tone they decide to, thus creating the insult where none exists.

    It's true, tone can be misread, but if you are not trying to be unkind, chances are you will be seen as reasonable by the majority. I'd be surprised if anyone (save for the possible few, can't please everyone) considers you a mean person.

    I only wrote my response to this part of Mirey's post:
    MAYBE, just MAYBE, the bullies, the meanies and the police, have something to share. Maybe the delivery can suck, maybe it can be hilarious at times... but the value is there...

    just please... try to see it before you get mad?

    Honestly, only to those whose delivery really does suck, and when someone is trying to be unkind, it's not hard to see the delivery sucks.

    oh puh-leeze!

    very rarely have i seen genuine meanness and/or poor delivery on this site.

    and when i do, it's almost NEVER by the so called "MFP police" (using somebody else's term from this morning).

    if somebody is doing something stupid and asking to be supported doing something stupid, they should be told that what they are doing is stupid. and one shouldn't have to candy coat it.... because it's not just directed at them, but everyone else who is reading it who might have also been considering doing something stupid.

    here's the truth about this site. the derpers outnumber the non-derpers by a vast amount. the non-derpers are like the Texans at the Alamo. they know they are hopelessly outnumbered and outmanned and that defeat is inevitable, but they still try to help SOME people whenever and wherever they can. in my book, that earns them a long leash with respect to how they deliver their message. a really long leash.

    And ... those very rare times you speak of (let's not be ridiculous and claim they are as rare as unicorns, it's a public forum) are the ones I refer to. That Mirey referenced in her own post. That sometimes delivery sucks. You may find a long leash warranted if someone's delivery sucks, but I think there's a long leash warranted if someone wants to complain that someone's unkind delivery sucked.

    And finally, I don't think the vast majority of people that think they are identified as MFP bullies or police really are seen as such by the vast majority of MFP users. Why care so much what that small minority thinks, particularly when you see them as derpy?

    the derpy ones are not the small minority... the derpy ones are the vast majority.

    that's why the ones fighting against the derp have earned goodwill in my eyes.

    wanna you know who hasn't earned any goodwill with me? obtuse people who try to hijack and derail threads with silly semantic arguments about "delivery".

    the actual meanness on this site mostly comes from the people who can't believe that anyone would dare tell them that their 500-calorie per day dietary goal is stupid.
  • 4homer
    4homer Posts: 457 Member
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    Ya know when ever says "all these mean bullies on mfp..." I think if that person ever been bullied in real life. Maybe Im wrong but someone saying "Hey what your doing is dumb and here is the right way..." isn't bulling to me. To me they are being honest and helpful. Now if a person said "omg your so fat do the world a favor and go kill your self" then ya that more like bulling to me. Just my 2 cents.

    I think sometimes people choose the word "bully" because we aren't allowed to walk around calling each other asshats. :happy:
    lol maybe
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    How do you figure? I haven't seen one butthurt response here.
    I disagree with you, but I'm certainly not offended if that was directed at me. :smile:

    I actually edited at the same time you wrote that. I changed it to reflect that some of the general complaints about mean people complainers scream butthurt. You're right, not really any of the butthurts here in this thread, except maybe a little butthurt that people disagree that people should be held accountable for their delivery and not get to blame it on being beaten down, withered and exhausted souls in the MFP wilderness :tongue: (not you)

    Like I said, there's no perfect delivery. Because no matter how you say it someone is going to get offended by it.

    Correct someone nicely 200 times and get called a bully because you don't "support" them in whatever insane thing they've chosen to do, and after awhile you just stop delivering it nicely out of exasperation.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    I'm always late to the party and the threads are like this:

    MoXaM6r.gif

    This one just has a little smoldering going on...

    OOOo I want pizza!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    the derpy ones are not the small minority... the derpy ones are the vast majority.

    that's why the ones fighting against the derp have earned goodwill in my eyes.

    wanna you know who hasn't earned any goodwill with me? obtuse people who try to hijack and derail threads with silly semantic arguments about "delivery".

    the actual meanness on this site mostly comes from the people who can't believe that anyone would dare tell them that their 500-calorie per day dietary goal is stupid.

    How shocking that the vast majority of people may object to being thought of as "derpy."

    I wasn't really interested in your goodwill, no. Sorry. But those who try to negate responsibility for rudeness (for themselves or others) by blaming being tired of the stupid people don't earn much goodwill from me, either. You would think the people who are such straight shooters wouldn't need everything so ... sugar coated.

    Simply because I don't want my responses to you to be used as further evidence that you cannot speak on this board if things are not sunshine and rainbows, no, I don't think you're a mean person or a bully. I do (obviously) disagree with you. I can do that without dressing it up in rainbows, right?
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Like I said, there's no perfect delivery. Because no matter how you say it someone is going to get offended by it.

    Correct someone nicely 200 times and get called a bully because you don't "support" them in whatever insane thing they've chosen to do, and after awhile you just stop delivering it nicely out of exasperation.

    But like I said, I addressed my remarks to those whose delivery truly does suck. Most of the time when we speak out of exasperation, our delivery could be a bit better. It's not unreasonable for someone to call us out on that, though.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    Like I said, there's no perfect delivery. Because no matter how you say it someone is going to get offended by it.

    Correct someone nicely 200 times and get called a bully because you don't "support" them in whatever insane thing they've chosen to do, and after awhile you just stop delivering it nicely out of exasperation.

    But like I said, I addressed my remarks to those whose delivery truly does suck. Most of the time when we speak out of exasperation, our delivery could be a bit better. It's not unreasonable for someone to call us out on that, though.

    In a non derpy world, sure.
    But here, if you disagree with someone you get called out on your delivery when nothing is necessarily wrong with your delivery.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    In a non derpy world, sure.
    But here, if you disagree with someone you get called out on your delivery when nothing is necessarily wrong with your delivery.

    Well sure, but then you just roll with the derp and don't worry about it. I got called out because someone said her mother only eats one tiny meal a day and is in starvation mode and is actually creating fat and gaining weight. I suggested that none of us can be aware of what another person eats unless we are monitoring them 24/7, and if the scenario is accurate, the mother needs to get to a doctor, pronto. The person accused me of trying to pick a fight. I scratched my head, told her she was wrong. The story stood out to me because it was kind of huh, but I can't remember who it was.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    In a non derpy world, sure.
    But here, if you disagree with someone you get called out on your delivery when nothing is necessarily wrong with your delivery.

    Well sure, but then you just roll with the derp and don't worry about it. I got called out because someone said her mother only eats one tiny meal a day and is in starvation mode and is actually creating fat and gaining weight. I suggested that none of us can be aware of what another person eats unless we are monitoring them 24/7, and if the scenario is accurate, the mother needs to get to a doctor, pronto. The person accused me of trying to pick a fight. I scratched my head, told her she was wrong. The story stood out to me because it was kind of huh, but I can't remember who it was.

    That sort of thing happens all the time. I think that a lot of posters aren't looking for advice so much as they are looking for their preconceived thoughts to be validated.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    In a non derpy world, sure.
    But here, if you disagree with someone you get called out on your delivery when nothing is necessarily wrong with your delivery.

    Well sure, but then you just roll with the derp and don't worry about it. I got called out because someone said her mother only eats one tiny meal a day and is in starvation mode and is actually creating fat and gaining weight. I suggested that none of us can be aware of what another person eats unless we are monitoring them 24/7, and if the scenario is accurate, the mother needs to get to a doctor, pronto. The person accused me of trying to pick a fight. I scratched my head, told her she was wrong. The story stood out to me because it was kind of huh, but I can't remember who it was.

    And that's a pretty typical scenario. Wait until you go through it another 200 times and see if you're still responding as politely. :smile:
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    That sort of thing happens all the time. I think that a lot of posters aren't looking for advice so much as they are looking for their preconceived thoughts to be validated.

    BINGO. Exactly.
    And then they're offended when people offer advice.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    That sort of thing happens all the time. I think that a lot of posters aren't looking for advice so much as they are looking for their preconceived thoughts to be validated.

    BINGO. Exactly.
    And then they're offended when people offer advice.

    Like the lady who is upset that her boyfriend likes to eat out and isn't more supportive of her lack of willpower, then considers people, who tell her she needs to take responsibility for her actions, to be rude?
  • freebirdfitness
    freebirdfitness Posts: 38
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    On the boards it's always been this way: People who have gained knowledge, you may think are coming off as mean, BUT they take their time, go through threads and give the SAME advice, out of their kindness.
    They baby people by hand feeding them answers because the OP cant search for the last thread on the info or use google. So these people are giving you a gift by passing down knowledge. I told a girl today who thought some posters were being mean to try google. It's great to put on your adult pants and be able to source out answers. Needing to be spoon fed answers and have people use kit gloves when they speak with you is immature. Not everyone types in the same manner so you can also mis-read tone in a message.

    I love this post by OP and this site is what you make it. It was a gift to me, Ive gained so much knowledge here! :drinker:
  • freebirdfitness
    freebirdfitness Posts: 38
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    That sort of thing happens all the time. I think that a lot of posters aren't looking for advice so much as they are looking for their preconceived thoughts to be validated.

    BINGO. Exactly.
    And then they're offended when people offer advice.

    Like the lady who is upset that her boyfriend likes to eat out and isn't more supportive of her lack of willpower, then considers people, who tell her she needs to take responsibility for her actions, to be rude?

    we wrote about this at the same time :tongue:
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    That sort of thing happens all the time. I think that a lot of posters aren't looking for advice so much as they are looking for their preconceived thoughts to be validated.

    BINGO. Exactly.
    And then they're offended when people offer advice.

    Like the lady who is upset that her boyfriend likes to eat out and isn't more supportive of her lack of willpower, then considers people, who tell her she needs to take responsibility for her actions, to be rude?

    i wish i had $0.05 for every one of those threads that has been posted here. seriously, just a nickel for each thread EXACTLY like that and i could temporarily retire for an "as yet to be determined" period of time.

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