Frustrating Skinny Friend

SamanthaRuzicka

I work out 6 days a week at the gym with my "skinny friend" she keeps me moving, motivated, and in check....but some days she just makes me mad! I count my calories, I generally eat healthy calories, but today I made some bad choices (within my caloire goals) and she made me feel so bad for it. She is very pro-lo carb and I am more eat what i'm feeling like within my portion and calorie goals. I try to keep my protien high and my sodium low but otherwise I'm pretty happy with my choices....today I had Taco Bell. I know I know it was a bad choice, I had 2 sick kids, I was pulling my hair out, and that's what my little one asked for so we had it. I just want to stop feeling like I should feel so guilty for it.

beachlover317

There are no evil foods. None. You need to eat as healthy as possible leaving room for treats and snacks Working into your calories for the day, the things that you like to eat. Otherwise you will burn out and quit.

As far as your friend, stand up to her and explain that you are working your own plan. Exercise together - there's no problem there. Don't let others throw you off your plan. Find what works for you. Good luck.

lmarshel

Does she know she hurt your feelings...and did she apologize for it? If not, she's not a friend.

You should not feel guilty. Everyone has those days, and one meal is not going to derail you. You gotta see the bigger picture. It's a lifestyle change, right?? That means it's FOREVER. So you're gonna eat junk once in a while. That's how life works.

Sorry your "friend" made you feel bad. :flowerforyou:

thepetiterunner

If I may ask, how did she make you feel bad about it? She might honestly not know she's doing something wrong, or maybe she's blatantly being a brat. Either way, I think you should have an honest conversation with her about it, if it bothers you (and it does enough to post in an online forum).

It's your lifestyle and your choice. You don't need anyone else's validation nor judgement. You're the one that has to live with the consequences, so do as you please. I mean, food is such an incredibly personal choice, isn't it? I can't imagine telling someone else not to eat this, that or the other. But that's just me.

Cp731

lol

if ya asked to help you in your weight loss journey she can be as honest as she wants, cant fault an honest friend and then get your feelings hurt when she points out how terrible it is for you

and if you didn't ask for her help then ignore her and eat what ever you feel comfy eating
remind her one meal isn't going to set ya back

prairiewalker

There are no evil foods.

I disagree...

prairiewalker

It's your lifestyle and your choice. You don't need anyone else's validation nor judgement. You're the one that has to live with the consequences, so do as you please. I mean, food is such an incredibly personal choice, isn't it?

yes..this^^^

jwdieter

Maybe your friend wants you to stop doing this:

I can USUALLY stick to my calories, but there's that one week a month when I crave nothing but junk.

Because you say you want to stop doing that. And she wants to be there for you.

brraanndi

She's just miserable because she can't eat bread or something. Do what works for you, don't let her get you down.

sweetchildomine

I find it interesting that this thread is titled "Frustrating skinny friend". If she was overweight would it have made you feel the same way? Honestly, it sounds like she's just trying to help. Just as you explained to us that you had sick children and it's just a once in awhile thing, you can say the same to her.

MB_Positif

Tell her to shut the fruck up.

melham

So you've never asked her to keep you "on track"? If you've put her in the position of being the motivator, the coach, and the voice of reason, don't get all butt-hurt when that's what she does. If not, she may be out of line. Or you may be overly sensitive. Sorry, but you have to consider the fact that maybe you already felt guilty and you're lashing out at her.

SamanthaRuzicka

I have asked her for help in the gym....she likes to put her own imput in on what I should and shouldn't eat. I was just venting about my bad day and my bad choices when she went into how I ruined my day with that and how i'm never going to loose the weight that way.

I should be honest with her on how I felt, we aren't that close of friends at this point so I just let it fly past and wanted to vent here to just get it off my chest.

I have been oing so much better and I'm proud of most of my choices...this one was not the best, but I'm still not over my calories for the day so i guess i'll take it.

SamanthaRuzicka

Just venting here guys...No need to jump me on it.

juniperfox

I find it interesting that this thread is titled "Frustrating skinny friend". If she was overweight would it have made you feel the same way? Honestly, it sounds like she's just trying to help. Just as you explained to us that you had sick children and it's just a once in awhile thing, you can say the same to her.

Seriously, this. It's like OP is looking for validation in being upset with her friend for her own mistakes. Sorry, but that's how it comes off.

So you've never asked her to keep you "on track"? If you've put her in the position of being the motivator, the coach, and the voice of reason, don't get all butt-hurt when that's what she does. If not, she may be out of line. Or you may be overly sensitive. Sorry, but you have to consider the fact that maybe you already felt guilty and you're lashing out at her.

I agree with this as well.

SamanthaRuzicka

So excited that joined a great group of people to vent to about my struggles and goals on weight loss who understand and support each other...Just a vent people no need to drag me through the dirt and make me feel bad. I've spent 4 hours today in the ER with sick kids with a deployed hubby...wah wah poor me. I'm sure none of you have had a bad day and just needed somewhere to vent to.

BinaryPulsar

You shouldn't feel guilty at all. There is nothing wrong with eating what you ate, especially when you are under stress (sick kids and all). But it really doesn't matter. If you eat a mostly nutritious diet, count calories and stick within your goals for that as well as macros and micros, and exercise, then there is no problem. Eating at taco bell isn't even bad, imo, it's not like you eat every meal there, everyday. You should talk to your friend and tell her that you don't want her input on food because you have your way and she has her way and you count calories. The issue is not that your friend is skinny, it's that she is into a specific diet (low carb) and thinks other people need to eat like her. A low carb diet is unnecessary. I do not tolerate people telling me what to eat or not or shaming food choices. Input about recipe or food ideas is good. But, I don't want anyone policing my food choices (it varies from time to time depending on what is going on in my life in terms of stress).

brynnsmom

She was probably just trying to help you, but we all have our moments where we don't want anyone's input. Hopefully venting made you feel better. Sounds like you still had a good day and have nothing to feel bad about there. :flowerforyou:

Tysonlovesweights

this sounds like a case of my day is going soooooooooo badly, even when i try to get my kids something they want for dinner and will eat, i have to hear about it..........won't anything go my way today? just the icing on the cake of your bad day, if it wasn't that thing that set you off, it would have been the rep count during your workout, or the spotting ability of your skinny friend or whatever geesh don't these skinny folks know that just being their skinny selves can be a source of aggravation for the not-so-skinny among us?

seriously, your friend is just trying to help, and chances are as some other posters said, you were already feeling bad about the choice, and just didn't want to admit it to yourself. she is a good friend for telling it straight up.....we are all here because in the past we haven't admitted things to ourselves.

thepetiterunner

So excited that joined a great group of people to vent to about my struggles and goals on weight loss who understand and support each other...Just a vent people no need to drag me through the dirt and make me feel bad. I've spent 4 hours today in the ER with sick kids with a deployed hubby...wah wah poor me. I'm sure none of you have had a bad day and just needed somewhere to vent to.

We all have bad days, but you also have to realize this is an online forum and people have opinions (LOTS of opinions) and some (many) may not always agree with you. It's just how things go sometimes. I would suggest the next time you need to post a "vent" thread, preface it at the beginning with "I just need to vent about this..." and end it with "Thanks for reading, I just needed to get this off my chest" so people don't see it as you're asking for advice or a solution.

Then again, people have (many) opinions and experiences. Just the way the forum works sometimes. People here are largely supportive, I think. You just can't post always looking for validation, you may end up very disappointed.

Nicolee_2014

I guess she's just being a friend & doing what you asked her to do? (or not). Friends can be annoying but hey, I'm sure if she was doing the opposite (trying to make you eat bad food etc.) you would complain about that too. Don't let it get to you. It's a tough gig juggling everything with kids let alone sick kids. Don't be so hard on yourself or your friend.

She may be skinny but is she healthy? Just keep doing what you are doing

juniperfox

Sorry to rail on you, hope you have a better day. I suppose I am in no position to judge by not understanding the entire situation. Here's to making a better community where it's ok to vent.

-kana

Serah87

So excited that joined a great group of people to vent to about my struggles and goals on weight loss who understand and support each other...Just a vent people no need to drag me through the dirt and make me feel bad. I've spent 4 hours today in the ER with sick kids with a deployed hubby...wah wah poor me. I'm sure none of you have had a bad day and just needed somewhere to vent to.

Ignore them. At least you fit it into your goals and didn't just binged on it.

trogalicious

So excited that joined a great group of people to vent to about my struggles and goals on weight loss who understand and support each other...Just a vent people no need to drag me through the dirt and make me feel bad. I've spent 4 hours today in the ER with sick kids with a deployed hubby...wah wah poor me. I'm sure none of you have had a bad day and just needed somewhere to vent to.

I'll typically yell in the car all the way home from work. It gets interesting looks and no one can say anything back to me.. unlike a forum.

danasings

There are no evil foods. None. You need to eat as healthy as possible leaving room for treats and snacks Working into your calories for the day, the things that you like to eat. Otherwise you will burn out and quit.

As far as your friend, stand up to her and explain that you are working your own plan. Exercise together - there's no problem there. Don't let others throw you off your plan. Find what works for you. Good luck.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

zyxst

Enjoy your Taco Bell and ditch the guilt. If you must feel guilty, do so because I can`t have Taco Bell (the only shop in town closed 2 years ago).:laugh: :flowerforyou:

youngcaseyr

I find it interesting that this thread is titled "Frustrating skinny friend". If she was overweight would it have made you feel the same way? Honestly, it sounds like she's just trying to help. Just as you explained to us that you had sick children and it's just a once in awhile thing, you can say the same to her.

Seriously, this. It's like OP is looking for validation in being upset with her friend for her own mistakes. Sorry, but that's how it comes off.

So you've never asked her to keep you "on track"? If you've put her in the position of being the motivator, the coach, and the voice of reason, don't get all butt-hurt when that's what she does. If not, she may be out of line. Or you may be overly sensitive. Sorry, but you have to consider the fact that maybe you already felt guilty and you're lashing out at her.

I agree with this as well.

I'm the "skinny friend" among my friends and, when they ask me to help them get in shape and lose weight, I will give them my advice and give them input when I see them doing things that might be working against their goals. I'm not trying to be the food police or anything but, if they ask for help and I see them eating in a way I might consider to be unhealthy or to be similar to the old habits that made them gain weight in the first place, I'm probably going to say something- but I'll try to say it in a way that's not, "wow, I can't believe you're eating that," and more along the lines of, "hey, I thought you were trying to make healthier food choices..."

just4nessa

She's just miserable because she can't eat bread or something. Do what works for you, don't let her get you down.

^Agreed! If you're within your calorie goals, eat whatever you want. Your friend might just be a little cranky from the lack of carbs in her diet. Smile, nod, and back away slowly.

LilRedRooster

Why is the "skinny" clarification necessary? Would you feel the same way about the advice if she were fatter? I'm confused as to why that part matters so much.

No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. Obviously, you don't like that you bought Taco Bell or eat junk, either, or you wouldn't be allowing yourself to feel guilty about it. She isn't doing anything except trying to give you advice that you apparently wanted, since she's your workout buddy.

If you want to change your habits, change them. She's giving you advice that she think will help. If it's not helpful, and you don't want to change your habits, then own up to your decisions, and be happy with them. Right now, you sound like you're looking for validation for a choice that you made that you don't like, but can't entirely claim as your own, because you don't want to accept it as "bad".

Food isn't bad. Deciding to get fast food for one night because hey, it's just easier, is not bad. (I'm a single parent in nursing school.. Trust me, been there, got that t-shirt.) Right now, you seem stuck on believing that what you're doing is bad, but you're looking for validation or excuses for it, yet trying to get someone else to help you change it at the same time. That's going to be a frustrating place until you tip the scales definitively in one direction or the other.

missbp

So don't be. Move on. Tomorrow is a new day. I am all about making healthy choices. But, this really needs to be a lifestyle if you are hoping to achieve lasting results. The truth is, when you try to eliminate foods you really enjoy from your diet, altogether, you are more likely to go back to your old habits eventually.

The rare Taco Bell or another occasional indulgence is OK. Enjoy it for what it is, and move on to eating as healthy as you can for the rest of the day. The week. The month. It's much more important that you change your lifestyle and develop healthy habits and kick unhealthy ones to the curb. Forever!

My thing is peanut butter. Regular ole Skippy. I eat it occasionally, and enjoy every bit of it. I don't even want to think of living in a world without it.

Also, take the motivation and support your friend is offering. Be appreciative. But, this is your journey. Her journey is hers.

MB

DonaGail

Im like you, I am good enough most of the time and I try to stay under my caloric goal, but I really do eat whatever I want.
I dont like anybody getting too interested in what Im eating either.
I have never vented here (that I can remember!) because I cant take the feedback..Im a delicate flower..lol