Ex dumped me because I was too fat

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  • SkinnyWannabeGal
    SkinnyWannabeGal Posts: 143 Member
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    I was also in a very similar situation in the past. I was with my ex for a few years. I remember that he used to tell me I was fat all the time. He would pull food out of my hands, restrict my meals to whatever could fit in a tiny little bowl, call me a fat tub of lard, force me to run miles and miles every day when I worked 12-15 hrs a day 7 days a week. I had a physically demanding job too, so I was always on my feet moving around. At 5'5 and 115 lbs, I was "HUMONGOUS" in his eyes (a lot of the weight was muscles). Because I didn't fit into a size zero, that was unacceptable in his eyes. I was always sad and exhausted. The worst part was that my family agreed with him. They thought a woman my height should weigh no more than 95 lbs. His mom didn't see anything wrong with the way he treated me either. One day I decided that I wouldn't listen to the negativity and put up with it anymore. We had many discussions about this, but he never changed. I left and never looked back.

    You are better off without that type of abuser for a boyfriend. I know I am. It takes a lot to get over this type of abuse. I struggle with my weight today, but I am happy to say that I no longer break down and cry every time I look in the mirror. I believe that healthy is sexy and us women are beautiful and powerful.

    P.s. my SOB ex actually bought me weight loss pills as my "gift" for one of my birthdays. It gave me heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath and chest pains. My doc told me to stop taking them right away, as others have died from taking diet pills. I stopped just in time to hear on the news that some young athlete had just died from taking the same pills. Never again. I will only lose weight through exercise, getting enough sleep and a healthy diet. Kudos to you for sharing your story!

    Much luck to you!
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    I honestly don't get why he did it, and I'll probably never find out, but that reason seems likely. I mean when I saw him checking out other women, it wasn't the bigger ones. I just feel stupid and that I wasted 4 years.

    And again, thank you everyone for the wonderful and encouraging replies :)

    He broke down your self-esteem in order to have complete control over you. He considered it an ideal situation that he would be able to do WHATEVER he wanted and know that he would still have you around, because he convinced you that you couldn't do any better.

    I'm so happy you made it out of this. Yes, it feels like you wasted 4 years, but you learned a lesson at least. And you'll recognize warning signals from potential boyfriends from here on out. My 2 year experience with an abuser taught me to hone in on certain characteristics and weed the losers out of my life. I'm now in a healthy, happy marriage with an amazing, supportive man.
  • JDMarlowe
    JDMarlowe Posts: 327 Member
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    1- Looking at your profile pic, you are a BEAUTIFUL woman!!
    2- Thank God you got out of that relationship!!!!
    3 - Your ex is a dipsh*t and d*ckhead!!!!!
    4 - I HATE to think that he will be someones personal trainer by what he has done to you!!!
    5 - Enter the heatlhy life again, but do it in small steps and YOUR pace so it's not something you hate and dread doing.

    You ARE worth it, you ARE beautiful, you ARE better off without him, you CAN do it if it's what you want to do. Don't look at it as "loosing weight" look at it as gaining health!!

    Good luck to you ma'am!!!
  • koukla0808
    koukla0808 Posts: 11
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    It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends :/. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being
  • jessiefied
    jessiefied Posts: 167
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    Oh Hun! I wish I could go and give you a giant hug. There is a guy out there who will love you no matter what the scales say or not matter how good or bad you feel about yourself! Never forget that you are beautiful and unique. Don't settle for second best, find the guy who treats you like a princess. Make sure you want to loose weight or become more healthy because its what you want to do, even if it takes some time. But love yourself because your gorgeous and amazing and any guy should treasure you!
  • RAFValentina
    RAFValentina Posts: 1,231 Member
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    He sounds dangerous and like he shouldn't be working in the health and fitness or healthcare industries... and like hes a psychopath...

    Report it to the police as domestic abuse, which is what it was. Even retrospectively.

    Sorry to hear your ordeal but glad you're at the other end of it.
  • JDMarlowe
    JDMarlowe Posts: 327 Member
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    It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends :/. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being

    Don't even allow the "just friends" title to happen...that's just a stepping stone for him to be back in the picture completely. There is NO reasoning behind what he has done... I bet he can not justify it at all.... this dude needs professional help with himself!!
  • RotterdamNL
    RotterdamNL Posts: 509 Member
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    Sounds like a real *kitten* to me, good that he is gone!
  • ameryati
    ameryati Posts: 18 Member
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    It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends :/. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being

    Don't even allow the "just friends" title to happen...that's just a stepping stone for him to be back in the picture completely. There is NO reasoning behind what he has done... I bet he can not justify it at all.... this dude needs professional help with himself!!

    I concur. Sever all ties with the guy.
  • BlackStarlight
    BlackStarlight Posts: 554 Member
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    I'm sending you a massive hug now huni.
    You are so brave. Never be ashamed for feel dumb. You are brave. He's worn you down but you'll get strong again.
    You are beautiful woman. He's made you feel ugly but you will feel beautiful again. Do not let that waste of space take anymore from you.
    He's gone and he can't hurt you anymore.
    This is your time now.
    And it'll take time but you'll get there.
    xx
    :flowerforyou:
  • AryaSnow
    AryaSnow Posts: 26
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    What a ****ing piece of **** that guy is! I know what it's like for someone important to you to say mean things and I know how much it hurts, so please please stay away from that guy. He's just an idiot who likes to hurt other people to feel better about himself, so tell him to **** off. No friends, no nothing, he doesn't deserve anything. And you just focus on yourself, on being healthy and feeling good. MFP is a great place to start doing that.
  • mygoins
    mygoins Posts: 7 Member
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    oh sweetie.. i am sorry you endured this..

    step one: stop beating yourself up for putting up with him.
    step two: find a picture of yourself happy BEFORE him.. post it where you see it often..
    step three: join weight watchers/curves/gym where you can get positive reinforcement. & stay on myfitnesspal
    step four: remember you are not your weight or your past.. losing weight, finding another boyfriend... those are not critical for your happiness.. Be true to yourself and get fit for YOU! you are worth the time/energy..

    ** If you were strong enough to "handle it" from your ex - you are strong enough to win this battle over depression and to be the best you there is!
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
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    It sounds like you have had a very difficult situation, and it's definitely time to move beyond that. It may be worth considering some counselling to help address the issues he has left you with, and the challenge of rebuilding a self-esteem that has taken years of abuse. Someone who specialises in issues relating to body image may be your best bet, and getting your mind and emotions in a healthy and positive place will certainly help with your fitness and weight-loss goals.
  • Giovanna_Isabella_Santarelli
    Giovanna_Isabella_Santarelli Posts: 50 Member
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    Firstly, I am sorry you feeling this way and had to go through such a hard time because of an IDIOT!

    Secondly, he is not worth it, nobody has the right to make you feel bad.

    Thirdly, YOU can do anything you set your mind to... that being said, it is time to pull yourself together as hard as it might be... Drop the weight, get in shape and be healthy for YOURSELF! Your confidence will slowly come back and you know the saying... "when you look good... you feel good..."

    Best of luck to you!

    And if you need a friend, you free to add me... :)
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
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    Sweetheart, your life is *yours* now. No abusive, controlling a-holes are making you lose weigh to please them. Make your life what you want it to be. Turn this time into a time of healing and regaining your health.
  • CollieFit
    CollieFit Posts: 1,683 Member
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    Look at the fact that this man has left you as the luckiest escape you've ever had.
  • Quieau
    Quieau Posts: 428 Member
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    Darling OP,

    As much of a sick and disgusting *kitten* as he was, my first concern is for you and why you would put yourself and more importantly, KEEP YOURSELF in that situation on a daily basis? And you were a size 10 at the time? I say this with every bit of love and compassion in the world, but you need professional help as quickly as possible.

    I say that as someone who has herself had professional help in just such emergency situations at several times in her own past. I say this as someone would tell a starving woman, HERE! Please, please eat this warm bread! I say this as a sister would say to her own as I see her beating herself in the face—STOP! Why are you abusing yourself? You know how to get rid of abusers. You obviously know the situation and the pattern, as you identified it yourself in your letter. This isn't about educating a young teenager about the ways of love. You are abusing yourself.

    If you need someone to talk to, PM me. I will continue to push you to get professional support (it's available for free if you can't afford it through county mental health services), but I will offer you my own too. It hurts me to read what you wrote. No person deserves what you are doing to yourself.

    With abundant love,
    SBM
  • mazdauk
    mazdauk Posts: 1,380 Member
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    You can do better. You will do better. Believe in yourself - I know its hard but remember that in fact its a GOOD thing he dumped you you know have your life back and you can rebuild it around yourself, not his crazy ideas.

    Keep logging and celebrate every success, don't beat yourself up about a little slip (we all have them), just keep looking forward.

    And try Zumba - not only is it great exercise, but its fun and totally non-judgemental (my friend has a bad back and no rhthym, so anything too fast shejust freestyles away in the corner!) Its like a fantastic party without the hangover :drinker: , and it really is poeple of all ages and sizes.
  • TamaraKat
    TamaraKat Posts: 533 Member
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    I think that you can totally ROCK THIS - Let's get the show on the road! :drinker:
    This means a whole, fresh new start for you; lets make it happen. I was involved in two relationships myself where one liked it when I was chubby and then the other liked it when I was stick thin and would call me "whale" "obese" etc in front of his friends. But I believe in changes and Im keen to support you if you are keen for this journey!

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