Ex dumped me because I was too fat

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  • RyanDryFly
    RyanDryFly Posts: 92 Member
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    This absolutely breaks my heart. Stay away from men altogether for a while and put some time in to yourself. You need to love yourself first before you find the one that's right for you. It all starts right here getting healthy and self-confident. Go for it and put everything you got into it. You deserve it.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Get thee to a couselor ASAP.

    You really, really need to see a professional.
  • Howdoyoufeeltoday
    Howdoyoufeeltoday Posts: 481 Member
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    abusers do it because of the control not because it has anything to do with the person they are abusing at all. They break ppl down so they can feel better. He might be fit and built but there's something seriously not right on his end. He's battling some kind of demon that makes it hard for him to just trust ppl in a relationship. Instead he needs to bully them into thinking they can't be happy or find love and support anywhere else. So when you wonder why he did it and start thinking about the things he said to you, remember that in reality it has NOTHING to do with you. Just remember you deserve better and can have better, you just have to go after it. Best of luck! :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • bluesy8899
    bluesy8899 Posts: 68 Member
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    I can relate on more than one level. I was is a similar situation Although he did not force feed me, he would blame me for his actions and make me feel there was something lacking in me. It is now several years later and I am still cleaning up the fallout of the damage done to my self confidence. Being told or shown that you are 'less than' on a consistent basis starts to seep in. The good news is that he is gone and it gets so much better, I promise. Being able to live a sane, drama free life is invaluable. I'm sorry you were exposed to that.
  • fitmomhappymom
    fitmomhappymom Posts: 171 Member
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    Just get to the gym and get in the groove of working out. Exercise is the best therapy. Don’t do it to lose weight (although you probably will lose weight as a bonus side effect) Do it to clear your mind. You will start to feel better about yourself and your mind will begin to function more clearly. I’ve been through a terrible break up where I would literally be crying on my elliptical at home (emo, I know) and the gym/working out was the only thing that kept my spirit up.
    As for this guy, realize what attracted you to some one that was so unhealthy for you (mind and body) and make a conscious choice to avoid toxic people like this in the future. This break up is probably the best thing that could have happened for you. You will get healthier and now you have a chance to love yourself more, and find some one who is actually worthy of being called your significant other.
  • Phildog47
    Phildog47 Posts: 255 Member
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    You're young, you're attractive, you deserve much better than that.

    I had an ex, a story JUST LIKE YOU... when I was in my 20s. Oddly enough that relationship also lasted 4 years until she "dumped me" because I caught her lying to me and screwing around. I am much the better person now.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
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    He sounds like an abusive bully; there would have been something else to attack you for if he hadn't focused on your weight. Please don't blame yourself! You aren't a moron for staying, you were in a typical abusive situation where leaving is very difficult. Get thee to a support group of abuse survivors or find a good therapist to help you heal. The weight will come off, but the head games you dealt with for 4 years is what you need to focus on.

    Just my two cents! <3

    PS- you're beautiful- don't let anyone let you think otherwise!
  • mmouse90
    mmouse90 Posts: 83
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    I have a socipath ex-boyfriend too, I was with him for 3 years and I now look back on it and ask myself if I was drunk those three years (keep in mind I don't drink and didn't drink then). I think we all have that one in our past and we just need to make sure we leave them in the past. We just learn from that mistake and focus on ourselves. Working out will help with the depression so don't stop trying to be healthy because of what he did or how you feel at this moment, these feelings will pass. My ex contacted me after the girl he cheated on me with broke up with him and what I did was take all of the negative things he said about me and put it into a question back to him; it was something like "you said none of your friends or family liked me, always asked you why were you with me, said I was psychotic, etc so why would you want someone like me back in your life if I was that bad of a person?" Then I asked him "and why would I want some one who treated me as bad as you did and degraded me that way back in my life? I don't so do not contact me every again." I did it that way to throw what he said to me back in his face in a way a manipulative SOB like him would understand and see that I was calling him out for his lies and sociopath behaviors (it was longer than that but that was the basic). He never contacted me again and I am more than happy he is gone. Don't try to figure him out or why you stayed like you did, I simply refer to it as a momentary lapse in judgement that lasted longer than a moment :) you are really better off without him
  • mommy3457
    mommy3457 Posts: 361 Member
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    I'm sorry he was even in your life. Period. I will keep you in my prayer for your healing and restoration. I wish I could give you a hug as I can hear the pain in your heart.
  • jeannie55
    jeannie55 Posts: 22 Member
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    I know how you feel, I was there once and I know the verbal, mental, and physical abuse can take away who you are. You have to tell yourself, Is this who I really am? NO!!! That's when you tell yourself enough is enough and tell yourself that this is what I am going to do and this is how I an going to live, the hell with him. Believe it in you heart and soul, working out helps so much because all that built up anger that you have hidden inside will work its way out and push you along. Its not going to happen overnight but there are great people here how will encourage you and help push you along. If you need any help at all just let me know.
  • LAnne16
    LAnne16 Posts: 272 Member
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    All your stories break my heart. I have tears in my eyes while reading this at work.

    A guy I used to see straight up told me that I was bigger than he was usually attracted to, he wanted to control my diet and my money so that I could lose weight and look good for HIM. He would pretend it was for my benefit, but when I protested certain things, he would force me to do it anyways. I stayed with him for a year and a half, but we never officially "dated" because he didn't feel that for me. He just wanted sex and control and I stayed, all the while knowing he was trying to get with other girls and wasn't really attracted to me. Finally, one night he came into my room looking for comfort because he was upset that a girl he was after didn't want to get with him... That was when I said enough. You don't get to come looking for comfort when you're in my bed talking about another girl! I was stupid, but I thought that if I was supportive enough, if I lost the weight, if I opened up, that he'd change his mind. My self esteem was so goddamn low and I felt like there was something wrong with me. Why couldn't he love me? But I digress.

    I'm so proud of all of you for leaving these boys. Because they are NOT men. And OP, you CAN get over this. Learn from this, focus on yourself, see someone to talk to, learn to love yourself, and if that means losing weight.. Do it the healthy way. As others have said, if you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me :)
  • salsera_barbie
    salsera_barbie Posts: 270 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the positive messages :). It's just so hard to get my confidence back. I mean, in the back of my mind I know there isn't anything really wrong with me, but every single thing he said keeps coming back to me. I want to stay motivated, but I have no idea how to

    It might still be in the back of your head until you meet someone who idolizes you and treat you the way you should have been treated to begin with.

    You look pretty young from your pics. As you get older you gain confidencen in who you are and all those insecurities don't seem to matter as much. Always believe in yourself, f**k what anyone thinks.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
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    "Ex dumped me because I was too fat"

    Translation:
    He's an a**hole who didn't deserve you to begin with.

    There are better things on the horizon for you, OP. Keep at it.
  • ajsjourney
    ajsjourney Posts: 22 Member
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    what a ......

    Listen, dont give in to depression. exercise really helps for that and once you have lost the weight dont even brag or let him notice. do it for yourself (if you want to) and go and enjoy life.


    I agree.....do this.....
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    It's definitely helped me to get this all out...I actually do feel a bit more relieved now. And I'm definitely not going back, he's already tried once, and now he's trying to be friends :/. I think a lot of what's bothering me is trying to figure out what in the world his reasoning is. I'm trying to get over this situation, get myself in better health, etc, because I know it's what's best for my health and my own well being

    His reasoning is completely irrelevant. People can be manipulative and self serving, and he knew how to push your buttons. If you want to think about something, think about what it was, about yourself, that made you stay when you knew you needed to get out, and (gently) fix those patterns in your life.
  • HeyGoRun
    HeyGoRun Posts: 550 Member
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    Well it also blows when you get jerked around cuz you lose weight and get fit then gain back weight and be loved again.
    Dont let a man f with your motivation! Do you!
  • MelRC117
    MelRC117 Posts: 911 Member
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    Let that be motivation for you! When I first lost a chunk of weight, it was great seeing everybody that doubted me before. I've been big pretty much all my life, but it finally clicked when I really wanted it. When I didn't do it for my mom, my friends, to get a boyfriend, to shop in normal stores....it wasn't until I truly wanted it that I finally stayed on the wagon and pushed through. Do it for YOURSELF..you deserve it. Let him see what you can do on your own, but don't let that be your only motivation, or the only reason.
    Good luck with your weight loss, it won't be easy, you'll hit bumps along the way, and it seems like you'll never get there, but you can't lose 10 pounds before you lose 1 pound. It all adds up.
  • SailorKnightWing
    SailorKnightWing Posts: 875 Member
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    This is an incredibly disturbing story. Please go see a counselor because I can't imagine a person going through this and not having issues. You deserve peace of mind.
  • dorisbunker39
    dorisbunker39 Posts: 80 Member
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    How long have you been separated?
    I ask because you should allow yourself to morn the end of a long term relationship. Our emotions go through a similar feeling to the death of someone even if they have been stupid in the way they have treated you. As morbid as that sounds it will do you good to understand your emotions.
    The next stage after you have finished calling yourself a moron (which you are not)! is acceptance and you will find a sudden rush of motivation and for the first time in a long time you will better yourself for yourself and not the guilt or pressure from others (such as the d**k that left such a beautiful girl).
    So in short it is not depression but a natural progression to let him go. Promise yourself you will not allow yourself to repeat that treatment to you again xxx
  • NeverCatchYourBreath
    NeverCatchYourBreath Posts: 197 Member
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    I put up with an abuser for 2 years. It doesn't make any sense, does it? You can be the outsider looking in at OTHER people's relationships and give the best advice, yet you always feel like yours is "different." I'm glad you got out. Take some you-time and do whatever the hell you want. My guy wanted me to be fat to prevent me from "straying," so I got healthy afterwards. If you don't want to think about your body, give yourself a little vacation. But make it temporary, because, in the end, it's not just about the looks, but about your health. The best way to heal is to be your best self.

    And, oh yeah, forget that mope!

    I honestly don't get why he did it, and I'll probably never find out, but that reason seems likely. I mean when I saw him checking out other women, it wasn't the bigger ones. I just feel stupid and that I wasted 4 years.

    And again, thank you everyone for the wonderful and encouraging replies :)

    I was with a guy that verbally abused me regarding my physical appearance for 3 years. I was a size 4 yet all I heard was that I don't workout enough, I'm not strong enough, he would tell me I was sucking my stomach in and I wasn't really as skinny and I acted like I was. And then he would turn around and tell me that the only raeson he stayed with me was because I was pretty.

    People who do that *kitten* don't make sense. And I still hear the things he says in the back of my mind on almost a daily basis even though that was almost 2 years ago now. But at least now I am a strong enough person to say "F\/CK you" to that voice when it pops up. I will never understand why he did what he did. And I don't want to. I just have to remember the reason he did it was because of a problem he had WITH HIMSELF, not a problem with me.

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