Self Esteem Shot Because of Rude People.

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13

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  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
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    bump to let OP know they've got this.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm obese. I am making a lifestyle change, but can't lose all the weight overnight. Lately I've read some pretty nasty things online like: "obese people disrespect their bodies, so we will disrespect obese people", "obese women are child abusers because their kids will get fat", people fat shaming obese people, etc.

    I can't get these stories out of my mind. Sorry, fat shaming does NOT work for me at all. I feel embarrassed to leave my house now wondering what people think of me. We all have a story on why we got to where we are. How can people be so judgmental and down right nasty?? It really makes me feel so bad about myself especially since I can't lose it all overnight! :(
    People aren't exclusively mean to obese people. there are, in the world, people who are mean to people, in general. Obese people who bash skinny people. non-obese people who bash obese people. child -free people who hate helicopter parents. and let's not get started on race, color, gender, country-of-origin, country-of-residency... the list is endless.

    There are also a lot of really great people out there. people who love and accept others unconditionally. focus on them.

    you make a choice - you can do what you need to do in life, and ignore the mean people

    or you can let them occupy even one more moment of your time.
  • MyJourney1960
    MyJourney1960 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    You are going to lose the weight. They will be *kitten* forever.


    and this^^^
  • RebekahR84
    RebekahR84 Posts: 794 Member
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    Just wear a tshirt that says "I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You'll always be ugly."

    On a serious note, I used to be obese, and I felt the same way. Now that I'm not, whenever I see larger person running or working out, I always think, "you go girl!" (or guy.)
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
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    *kitten* em. People will consistently demonise difference. If you're very thin, very fat, very short, very tall... people will have something nasty to say. It doesn't make them right. Ignore them, focus on your own health (physical and mental), and let the small-minded scumbags say what they want.
  • mybonnieliesovertheocean
    mybonnieliesovertheocean Posts: 47 Member
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    Oh Honey, I understand 100%.

    I have been blessed with people in my life who are bold enough to tell me how fat I am personally. My boss threatened to fire me about a year ago solely on my weight (which is not against any federal rule apparently - I know, I called to find out). My mother enjoys sharing how I'm the only fat and disgusting one in our immediate family and how big of a butt I have just like my aunt... these people say things because they enjoy power. Maybe their intention somewhere waaaaaaaay past the insults were meant to be "please lose weight for your health" but it never comes across that way. And no, it's not from being "too sensitive" as my mother would say.

    The wonderful thing about the internet is... you are in control! You don't need to read negative/ignorant comments from people about us bigger girls, guess what? We don't have to subject ourselves to that. We just don't go to these kind of sites.

    I'm finally trying to get healthier for me, not my negative boss, not my negative mother, not even my other supportive family members and friends, but for me. I agree, it's not an overnight thing, but we didn't get to where we are overnight either is how I think about it.

    Just make slow changes and being healthy will become your new lifestyle. The weight won't be able to do anything but leave. Just keep your head up and stay strong. You are so important and these other people will always have their opinions (right or wrong). It's up to you to decide what you will become though and how you react to them.

    Feel free to friend me if you need a little extra positive support or an extra push. The more positivity, the better!
  • jadedhippo
    jadedhippo Posts: 95 Member
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    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    - Eleanor Roosevelt
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    People make judgements about everything and anything all the time, it's human nature. Some are worse than others,not all of us have the same thoughts on everything, surely you should know this by now.

    Get on with your life without worrying about everyones opinions and good luck with the weight loss!
  • cpego1
    cpego1 Posts: 39 Member
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    I can understand what you are going through. Just know you have made the CHOICE to make a change in your life and that change is for the better. You can do this and don't let what other petty people say to you matter. Love yourself. The Hell with the others!
    :smile:
  • suelegal
    suelegal Posts: 1,282 Member
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    Self esteem is achieved by doing esteemable things. You are already doing esteemable things! You've accepted your weight issues, you've made a start at lifestyle changes, you understand it's a slow process. It's not easy to set the other comments aside, I know, but you can do it, slowly - change the tapes, every time you hear the shame speak in your mind, say out loud that you are doing good things, and remind yourself just how much you've already done and why.

    Good luck! You're so worth this journey!!
  • pkw58
    pkw58 Posts: 2,039 Member
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    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

    - Eleanor Roosevelt

    Amen. The thing I discovered on my journey to being healthier, is that I have to like myself enough to want to change to get my health in line with my goals.

    No matter where we are in life, there are helpers. Move towards the helpers, and let the people who focus on negative reinforcement fade away. Too many positive, good people in the world to focus on those who are not.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    As many others have stated here, you are going to have to learn to ignore, or at least pretend to ignore, the negative, and embrace the positive that you come across in life, whether that be on the internet or in real life. If there is a place that provides more negativity than good in your life, then avoid it if you can. All internet sites are easily avoidable. All internet posts can easily be skimmed over or ignored.

    The good news about being overweight is that it can be "cured." People may stare at your now, but you can change that. You are not bald from chemotherapy treatment. You're not suffering from a face that has been mauled by a simian or canine. You don't have a missing limb. You don't have burns all over your body. You aren't starving and homeless. Learn to focus on the gifts you have been given, including the ability to change your lot in life. That particular gift is one of the greatest ones that many of us have, and that power to change is a real reason for hope. Don't waste it.
  • samammay
    samammay Posts: 468
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    I dont like you because you are fat.
    I dont like you because you made this choice.
    I dont like that you let yourself become like this.

    I love you because you are fat but dont want to be.
    I love you because you are making better choices.
    I love you because you are letting yourself become the person you feel you should be.

    I tell myself this every day.
  • overthefluff
    overthefluff Posts: 4 Member
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    OP here-

    Wow thanks for all the comments. I was surprised to wake up to 50+ comments. :)

    I think my issue has been is that I didn't know how to handle other people's judgements. Yes it is the internet, but I've learned a lot about other people's opinions that really shocked and saddened me. I've read stories about people going to the gym and feeling that people were staring at them, which of course we don't really know what the person is staring at. In the back of my mind, I always hope that when someone sees me exercising that they are thinking "good for them" opposed to something bad.

    I've been overweight since I was a child. Clearly, as a child it was not my fault. As an adult, I've allowed it to continue. However, since I've had kids it has really "woke me up" so to say.

    I started my weight loss journey (seriously losing weight) after the birth of my 2nd child. The shock of my life happened when I found out I was pregnant with number 3 (i'll spare you the details, lol). That pregnancy postponed me losing weight, but now I am postpartum and ready to pick back up where I left off.

    I think I am very sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions, so it is hard to see people be so nasty. I am educated enough to know that generally there is something going on with somebody for them to gain weight, so it makes me mad for people to say "oh they are just lazy".. For me, it has been due to emotional eating or because I was totally ignorant when I moved out about food. It really seems to be a lifelong process to educate myself about food.

    I knew somebody that gained 100+ pounds when her mom died tragically. To know that people are possibly judging her behind her back makes me sick.

    In my real life, nobody has been downright nasty like what I've read online. However, as a teen and child of course I was made fun. As an adult, the only people to really make comments to me are strangers (happened only a couple of times though), and a couple of people I know.

    My hang up on what people think probably goes back to my childhood, the way I was raised and what I suffered with at school.

    Thanks for all the comments and I love seeing the quotes and gifs.

    Thank you. I will just say screw them in my mind.
  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
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    Hi everyone, this is my first post. I'm obese. I am making a lifestyle change, but can't lose all the weight overnight. Lately I've read some pretty nasty things online like: "obese people disrespect their bodies, so we will disrespect obese people", "obese women are child abusers because their kids will get fat", people fat shaming obese people, etc.

    I can't get these stories out of my mind. Sorry, fat shaming does NOT work for me at all. I feel embarrassed to leave my house now wondering what people think of me. We all have a story on why we got to where we are. How can people be so judgmental and down right nasty?? It really makes me feel so bad about myself especially since I can't lose it all overnight! :(

    I was reslly heavy. When I made the decision to lose weight I did what had to be done. I started to eat less and move more. I did not obsess about the scale (I could not tell you when I hit wonderland as the peeps say) I learned to enjoy moving more (aka exefcising). I startedto indulge in old passions (horses/dancing) I did not worry about other people. Put down the blogs....go dance in the sunshine a bit! You can do it. much love Miss Dibs
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    The things that people say about obesity reflect only on them. It has nothing to do with you. Keep moving on with your life, your goals, and the things that make you happier and healthier.
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    You know what?

    You are really ****ing brave for openly admitting this vulnerability. A lot of people in your situation lie and act like they're happy with (even proud of) themselves and their behaviors, or at the very least pretend that outside judgments don't influence them. People like this are way out of line, and it's not your fault that they think your weight is their business.

    But what if you have the power to prove them wrong? How good would that feel to finally wake up one day, think back on all those *kitten*, look in the mirror, and know you beat them? It might take some time, it might take a lot of time. But if you're determined, it can't not happen.

    Feel free to add me if you want.
  • zoli908
    zoli908 Posts: 3
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    I started few weeks ago , mostly cause i want to be fit for my young sons , nothing crazy just walking , i dint even have a fitbit lol , my motivation is SIMPLE trying to be the best husband & father for the longest possible time ...( MOTIVATION IS BULLET PROOF)....and i knew at my current state im robbing myself off those times and memories....(face it girls live longer) ...so come rain,hail,wind ...im out there backyard or track, field or roads trying to take that extra step ....went from 44+ waist to 38 ....

    ps-seen family members in there last weeks of living , allot with 6-7 digit bank accounts some nasty as vipers when younger, all would trade everything for another week with loved ones ..........even the ones they been trashing for the last 35yrs - we all will have our week.....im hoping i will have much less to regret by then
  • Fiona_Cami89
    Fiona_Cami89 Posts: 42 Member
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    Listen, you've made a conscious decision to make a positive change in your life for yourself. You're brave and willing to walk this journey!

    What have these internet trolls ever done to be proud of? Everyone can act big and smug behind a computer screen but I guarantee they wouldn't have the guts to say it to someone in person. These types of people tend to be either a) pimply teenagers with nothing better to do or b) condescending, obnoxious, immature people who have never had to struggle with self-esteem!
    Who gives a flying rat's a** what they think?! Karma is real...s'all I'm saying!

    You're doing brilliantly and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! :)
  • AryaSnow
    AryaSnow Posts: 26
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    Yeah, I don't like criticism either. Maybe they think they're helping in some way, but they're just doing more damage. Anyway, learn to care only about the opinion of your loved ones and make the decisions that are right for you and that will make you feel OK with who you are. Oh, and listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I

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