Do you men really want a low maintenance woman?

tiggerhammon

My BF loves that I am low maintenance, but we both understand that we shouldn't do everything together. I don't NEED him, I WANT him in my life.

Also I think every man has a different definition of LM.

1. Doesn't need constant attention, still fun to be around and easy to understand. Looks nice most of the time (but he doesn't notice the time taken to do it because she's good at hiding it or is really fast at it).
2. Doesn't need to spend a hundred years getting ready to go or primping. Not an expensive date. Not full of above-average expectations. Not super needy/clingy.
3. Likes sports, camping, can hang with the guys without clinging, can change her own spark plugs. ...but I think LM definition #3 is like the bonus round.

This! All 3, is the reason I have been told by both of my exes that I am the ideal woman. My idea of "maintenance" is good hygiene and keeping the eyebrows tweezed and legs shaved, and that's about it. I insist on shopping for and buying my own clothes, cause that's all the 'primping' I do. I get up, put on nice but comfortable clothes and I am done. I refuse to nag, if I ask the first time and it doesn't get done, I do it myself. I enjoy cooking and don't like eating out all the time. I enjoy a good date night out, usually a couple times a year though. And, I love love love camping, hiking, hunting and just spending a day outdoors target practicing with my bow or 9mm.
.... That being said though .... Why did both of my exes cheat on me with super high maintenance women?

tiggerhammon

this type of women for me Proverbs 31:10-31


A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

She gets up while it is still night;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her female servants.

She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I know women like this. And, they are single. They have no need for a man.

1shauna1

They do but they still want her to look hot....usually that doesn't happen without at least SOME work!

CorvusCorax77

A high maintenance woman will constantly put her man in a position where he must make otherwise unnecessary sacrifices--whether of his money, time, effort, or of his mental/emotional well being--because unlike a normal woman, who can understand and process many different forms of love and affection, she is only capable of understanding sacrifice.

:huh: you've got to be kidding right?
I pay for my own hair, nails, cosmetics, clothes, shoes, procedures, etc. I make more money than my SO. I require nothing from him other than friendship and love. Time, effort and sacrifice for the good of the family is something we BOTH put in and is to be expected for any relationship.

I believe I mentioned having my own definition of low/high maintenance before saying the excerpt you quoted. It has nothing to do with looks. I then went on to say that I do also appreciate a woman who tends to keep the aesthetic stuff to a minimum because I like what it says about her sense of practicality. Take for example high heels. I hate them with a passion. My ideal woman would wear sneakers whenever the situation permitted because of their practicality.

mmmk.
Well have fun on your next trip to the "build a woman workshop"

Ummm... k?

My ideal woman would wear whatever footwear she wants to wear because she's a human being who can make her own decisions, not some plaything that exists to please me.

And you're reading into this and getting what exactly? I would want that because of what it says about her personality. Not because she's doing it for me. You people are reading WAY too much into that.

Wait.

So.

High Heels = High Maintenance? :huh:

ooooohhhhhhhhhh kaaaaaaaay.

I have a closet full of high heels that I love to wear. Why? Because I like the way they look. They make me feel sexy and tall. They make my legs look long and my butt look great. I wear sneakers ONLY if I am going to be doing a lot of walking as I feel sneakers are quite dumpy.

"Sneakers whenever permitted" *snickers* Now that's funny. If I was with a man and he told me what I can and can't wear on my feet (or in general) because of something HE perceives you bet your butt I"d tell him to take a hike.

So, along with the sneakers does your "ideal woman" also have your dinner ready and waiting for you when you walk through the door from a hard days work? Does she massage your feet and obey your every command and does she end every sentence with "yes master"?

Again, reading comprehension. I stated earlier in my original post, which was abbreviated, that it was unrelated. That was another matter entirely. My original post was differentiating my definition of high maintenance from anything pertaining to appearance or grooming and then went on to give examples of both in order to hopefully explain how they differ in my eyes.

Seriously where are you getting this info? Sneakers when permitted = sneakers when at a place whose dress code allowed it. Where are you getting this idea that it's about what I allow? I do not want to be coddled and I do not want a slave girl. I want an independent person. I was merely stating that due to my rather over-the-top practical nature, a woman who was not equally practical (and used wearing heels as opposed to sneakers as an example) would probably not be compatible with me. I was merely stating that I want the type of woman who is too practically minded to ever WANT to wear heels and would only wear them if we were attending some sort of situation where formal dress code REQUIRED it.

I don't know how you can read my original post an extract anything that indicates a controlling nature. You're taking things WAY out of context, and the way you're interpreting it says a lot more about you than you think it does.

For the record, all I read is what is in this quoted box above...

but I will say the first thing that is quoted, and the fact that the speaker said he (? i'm assuming it's a dude) has his own definition of "high maintenance" all makes sense to me. Because in my mind, what I would consider "high maintenance" would not be the hair, nails, etc.... it has more to do with emotional needs. If I hear someone being called "high maintenance" in the context of relationships, I think of an emotional vampire that is too demanding or controlling, or both. So I think the argument here is that two folks have two different concepts about what we are talking about.

I also agree with the second person that if first person was insinuating that a woman who does her hair,nails etc was ipso facto an emotional vampire that this would be an illogical conclusion. But I think person #1 already agrees with that idea and isn't arguing that point.

So what we are fighting about?

http://youtu.be/YN1JoJcRvJg

contingencyplan

For the record, all I read is what is in this quoted box above...

but I will say the first thing that is quoted, and the fact that the speaker said he (? i'm assuming it's a dude) has his own definition of "high maintenance" all makes sense to me. Because in my mind, what I would consider "high maintenance" would not be the hair, nails, etc.... it has more to do with emotional needs. If I hear someone being called "high maintenance" in the context of relationships, I think of an emotional vampire that is too demanding or controlling, or both. So I think the argument here is that two folks have two different concepts about what we are talking about.

I also agree with the second person that if first person was insinuating that a woman who does her hair,nails etc was ipso facto an emotional vampire that this would be an illogical conclusion. But I think person #1 already agrees with that idea and isn't arguing that point.

So what we are fighting about?

http://youtu.be/YN1JoJcRvJg

I am the original poster and you are correct. I was basically saying the same thing as you, about how my definition for a high maintenance woman has absolutely nothing to do with looks, grooming, time spent preparing, etc. And is more or less an emotional vampire. The reason for the confusion/out-of-context reaction is because elsewhere in my original post I stated that, on an unrelated note, I do happen to prefer a woman who doesn't place so much stock in grooming/appearance due to what it says to me about her being a more practically minded person. I used sneakers vs. high heels as an example. This also was taken out of context and somehow led to people reacting as though I would not permit her to wear heels. Basically everything I said got taken out of context and the fact that the original post was trimmed down to what you saw in the box isn't helping.

fitmomhappymom

I'm not a man, but based on my experience with my fiance I say they THINK they want one but they really don't understand what that means. My fiance wishes I wouldn't take so long to get ready, but better believe he loves how I look when I'm ready. He notices and comments when I'm past due for a pedicure, but complains when I go to get a pedicure that he wishes I would just stay home with him. He loves when my hair is freshly done, but again complains that I have to go get it done. And don't even get me started on botox and cosmetics.
He points out other women (I know, it sounds horrible) that are wearing over sized Tees and hair just thrown up and says "I can't believe she's going out to dinner dressed like that!" and I remind him THAT is what natural usually looks like. Men think we should just wake up completely beautiful, but the reality is it takes time to do our hair, put on a little make up and a nice outfit. Totally worth it in my opinion.

Edit to add that I love fishing, video games and most outdoor activities and NO I don't require hair and make up to do those things. There is a time and place for every face.

Sometimes the things I read on this board make me think I don't appreciate the man in my life nearly enough.

I'm pretty sure he's never noticed more than the color of the polish on my toes and he's attracted to me whether I'm sitting home in a T-shirt and running shorts after work or in a dress and makeup to go out.

I don't leave my house in an oversized T-shirt with my hair just "thrown up," but throwing in a sundress is easy and comfortable and any man who doesn't love a simple sundress is probably not straight.

Almost entirely certain Quote 1's man plays for Elton John's team.

Yeah my fiance MUST be gay because he actually notices when people go out to nice places looking like trash. TOTALLY makes sense.
Get real.

fitmomhappymom

Men may say they want a low maintenance woman, but if many people like myself were truly low-maintenance, they'd be singing a different tune.

Between having PCOS, high testosterone levels and all of the side effects of that: cystic acne that is no longer an issue but has left scarring all over my face, excessive hair growth that makes me have to shave not only me legs and armpits, but also my belly, chest and neck. If I didn't wear enough makeup to smooth out my complexion, you would think I was in some kind of chemical spill.

To regulate my condition and my hormones I have to eat right, constantly struggle to lose weight, take medication. It takes a lot of effort for me to just feel normal and feminine and be happy with myself, let alone look attractive or presentable to others.

To me, that's a different animal than a woman who already looks fine and then plasters makeup all over her face.

To be fair, thats not really your situation.

fitmomhappymom

Men may say they want a low maintenance woman, but if many people like myself were truly low-maintenance, they'd be singing a different tune.

Between having PCOS, high testosterone levels and all of the side effects of that: cystic acne that is no longer an issue but has left scarring all over my face, excessive hair growth that makes me have to shave not only me legs and armpits, but also my belly, chest and neck. If I didn't wear enough makeup to smooth out my complexion, you would think I was in some kind of chemical spill.

To regulate my condition and my hormones I have to eat right, constantly struggle to lose weight, take medication. It takes a lot of effort for me to just feel normal and feminine and be happy with myself, let alone look attractive or presentable to others.

Agreed. I have PCOS too and I know exactly where you are coming from. Its a constant struggle just to feel like your normal self when you aren't taking care of yourself (eating right, working out, etc). So for people like us, if we stop doing those things everything just goes down hill with it.
I have found (like i'm sure you have as well), that minocycline along with my horomone treatment works wonders with the acne problem. Also that tons of cardio makes you feel on top of the world and reduces the pain in the ovaries.

adamgottlob

This! All 3, is the reason I have been told by both of my exes that I am the ideal woman. My idea of "maintenance" is good hygiene and keeping the eyebrows tweezed and legs shaved, and that's about it. I insist on shopping for and buying my own clothes, cause that's all the 'primping' I do. I get up, put on nice but comfortable clothes and I am done. I refuse to nag, if I ask the first time and it doesn't get done, I do it myself. I enjoy cooking and don't like eating out all the time. I enjoy a good date night out, usually a couple times a year though. And, I love love love camping, hiking, hunting and just spending a day outdoors target practicing with my bow or 9mm.
.... That being said though .... Why did both of my exes cheat on me with super high maintenance women?

Because unfortunately, sex is not the same as a long term relationship. What men look for in a woman for one is often opposed for what they look for in another. (NOTE: Female birds do the same thing.) But a guy will *rarely* stay with a girl he considers high maintenance for long. The best you can hope for is that he realizes the low-maintenance girl is worth sacrificing the occasional fling for.

tiggerhammon

This! All 3, is the reason I have been told by both of my exes that I am the ideal woman. My idea of "maintenance" is good hygiene and keeping the eyebrows tweezed and legs shaved, and that's about it. I insist on shopping for and buying my own clothes, cause that's all the 'primping' I do. I get up, put on nice but comfortable clothes and I am done. I refuse to nag, if I ask the first time and it doesn't get done, I do it myself. I enjoy cooking and don't like eating out all the time. I enjoy a good date night out, usually a couple times a year though. And, I love love love camping, hiking, hunting and just spending a day outdoors target practicing with my bow or 9mm.
.... That being said though .... Why did both of my exes cheat on me with super high maintenance women?

Because unfortunately, sex is not the same as a long term relationship. What men look for in a woman for one is often opposed for what they look for in another. (NOTE: Female birds do the same thing.) But a guy will *rarely* stay with a girl he considers high maintenance for long. The best you can hope for is that he realizes the low-maintenance girl is worth sacrificing the occasional fling for.

It does seem to boil right down to that a lot, doesn't it?
I am low maintenance cause I want to be. I am too lazy to pick a fight and too lazy to do hours of hair and makeup, blah. I pick outdoor activities every time and don't see the need to dress up for the sage brush. I am just plain old me and I am happy the way I am. Their loss.

_tam_

How to impress a man: show up naked, bring beer!

marvybells

How to impress a man: show up naked, bring beer!

that is over complicating things. "bring beer" just about covers it