Funniest Fat joke you said about yourself

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  • thedean1td1
    thedean1td1 Posts: 24 Member
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    At my high weight of 741 pounds, I'd say, I may be fat but I know how to have fun, hell I use I-90 as my personal slip-n-slide.

    Now in Florida, the joke is the same, but now I have I-4 , don't believe me, ask anyone that travels it often what they call it, that's right, the parking lot. Because my slip-n-slid is free.

    The last belt I ever owned was called an Orion's belt.
  • jadethief
    jadethief Posts: 266 Member
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    Someone asked me if I knew of any good gyms in town and I said, "Do I look like I know where any gyms are?"
  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    My whole profile is a fat joke.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2mLAajm7ZY

    I'm a reginald perrin fan. If I'm at a party and someone offers me something yummy I often come out with 'yes thanks, I didn't get where I am today by not eating all the gorgeous chocolate puffs' etc.

    people laugh. It cheers them up. They can sigh a big sigh of relief now that they know, that I know, that I'm actually fat and they don't have to worry about how the hell they're going to tell me.

    :D
  • Velum_cado
    Velum_cado Posts: 1,608 Member
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    No one was around to hear this except me, but it genuinely made me laugh. I was super depressed about a mark I had received on some uni work that I busted my @ss on and was finding it hard to muster the energy to work out. I finally just said out loud to myself, "If you keep sitting here, you'll be stupid AND fat, when you *could* be just stupid." That did the trick.
  • TattedInStilettos
    TattedInStilettos Posts: 331 Member
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    I have two sayings I used and still use on occasions. My favourite is 'It aint over till the fat lady sings, and Im not damn well singing!' and the other is 'I might be fat but thats an easy fix I just need to lose weight, at least I dont need plastic surgery or a personality transplant!'


    YES!!! I love it....
  • bluefox9er
    bluefox9er Posts: 2,917 Member
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    I never needed to make 'fat jokes' at myself...every single person in my life was willing to crack them at my expense....

    turns out the joke's on them now...


    " I run more miles in a month than you drive, mofo!!! "

    " How's the personal trainer thing working for you?"

    " All you can eat is an invitation, not a challenge"

    " You did an entire HALF an HOUR on a treadmill?? That's cute..."


    And I am pretty juvenile...after I run my first Ultra marathon, I am going to xerox my butt and send copies to all of these hateful *kitten* and ask them to kiss my butt. I'll never ever forget the relentless, merciless abject humiliation they put me through..

    Now It's my TURN.
  • Smallbluepebble
    Smallbluepebble Posts: 49 Member
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    My *kitten* is so big that it affects the tides...


    Me (to my son): If you don't behave I will sit on you & call the policeman!

    My son: Mum, if you sit on me please call an ambulance and not the police...!


    My *kitten* is so big that, no matter where I sit in the house, I am sat next to you...
  • airdale8263
    airdale8263 Posts: 2,155 Member
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    I do not have a beer belly -- it is a liquid grain storage.

    Yes used a have very big chest, one day it decided to take a "vacation" downsouth and took up residence.

    I was joking about pedaling my a** and had even gotten a dime yet. They suggested I do it wearing a speedo. So I did and got pulled over by the Fish and Game Department, along with a news crew...some had said they saw a whale pedaling a bike...:laugh: :laugh:
  • onwarddownward
    onwarddownward Posts: 1,683 Member
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    I have often called myself an egg with legs, because I have thin arms and legs, all my weight is in the midsection. It's true and people laugh, but it hurts. I have to stop making jokes at my own expense.
  • fishgutzy
    fishgutzy Posts: 2,807 Member
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    I have a six pack ab. It is just covered by a pillow top mattress.
  • sarahthin
    sarahthin Posts: 221 Member
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    I odn't know that I've ever made fun of myself, just some of my actions. When it comes to weight my grandsons tell me they have a six pack it's just well padded. And of course they are really not over weight.
  • BL_Mark
    BL_Mark Posts: 183 Member
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    I wasn't the one that made the joke... but it was a smarta** minister at my best-friend, Alex's wedding. Everyone standing up in the wedding was big... the groomsmen's combined weight probably tipped the scale easily at 1500lbs if not more... anyway... we're all standing up there, backs to the crowd and the minister says, "Wow Al... what'd you do, bring your own defensive line?! I mean... look at these guys... can you imagine the amount of cloth it took to COVER these guys today?!?!" ......... have you ever tried to suck in back-fat? There went MY chance at scoring with ANY of the female wedding guests.....

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