Husband not supportive

mrslehan2013

I have a lot of trouble getting motivated. I hate eating healthy, I hate working out. I suffer from a lot of issues that limit my workouts. My shoulder, my knee, asthma, etc. I'll be honest, I don't work out. I want to, I know I need to and I know I'm the only one who can make myself do it. My biggest problem is my husband. I'm willing to eat healthy and workout so I can get into shape, but I want to spend more time with him and my son. I get home and he usually makes dinner and it's never healthy. I try to make dinner and he always says it's disgusting, I feel like I get yelled at for everything. If I try to make my own healthy alternative, I get yelled at. He turns on the TV as soon as he gets home and usually just sits on the couch watching it unless he is cooking. I get home and I want to clean or workout or take our son to the park but he complains. He complains if I go alone, he complains if I ask him to go, he complains when I don't go. I just can't win. He's in the Army and needs to lose weight and get in shape as well. I want us to lead a healthier lifestyle but he seems to be totally against it. I hate seeing out family like this, and I don't want our son to grow up like fat lazy slobs like us. Anyone have any ideas of activities that we can do as a family that can promote a healthy life in a fun way? Preferably something my 1 1/2 son can do or that he can be around for so we aren't leaving him out.

thrld

Something you should consider doing together: Counseling.

Because yelling at you has nothing to do with working out, or losing weight. It has to do with control and respect.

barbalari

You may not want to hear this but you need to cleanse your life. The first thing I would get rid of is your bully of a husband! You sound so lovely but he sounds like a pig. Good luck darling :flowerforyou:

ijohn001

Something you should consider doing together: Counseling.

Because yelling at you has nothing to do with working out, or losing weight. It has to do with control and respect.

^^ this. It's true... if he yells no matter what you do, then he's got other issues, and it's not that you want to get in shape. You need to seek professional help.

Mr_Bad_Example

Something you should consider doing together: Counseling.

Because yelling at you has nothing to do with working out, or losing weight. It has to do with control and respect.

This.

mrslcoop

Something you should consider doing together: Counseling.

Because yelling at you has nothing to do with working out, or losing weight. It has to do with control and respect.

I second this.

AbstractAsterism

I can't really comment on activities since I don't know what your area has to offer (the park is an awesome plan!), but I wanted to comment on something else.

I'm saying this from one military wife to another: if he's yelling at you for everything good you're doing as well as the bad, then you and he need to have a serious talk. That's not healthy for your mind, much less your body.

My husband and I have an agreement since he doesn't like the same things I do food wise. I'll make myself a healthy alternative while the boys get what they like, as my two year old doesn't need to diet and my husband's in good shape. We had to have a long talk about my health and compromise, and as long as it doesn't break the bank, then there's no reason not to. If he doesn't like something I made, he doesn't call it disgusting, he just says it's not for him, which is fine. Calling everything you make disgusting is making it more of a put down.

Him gaining weight threatens his health and his job. I don't think he really understands that or potentially doesn't care. If it's the latter, there may be more underlying issues.

MaiLinna

See a counselor. Your husband's the reason you've gotten and stayed so overweight, and no amount of MFP support will help you.

kristen6022

Hon, don't get me wrong and I'm not trying to be mean, but everyone needs a bit of tough love sometimes.

Everything you said was an excuse. Weight loss is something that takes A LOT of life changes. Like when you eat, how you eat, what you eat, planning, making time, etc. It's a huge adjustment. But blaming it on your husband, or any other object is just making excuses. I live with my BF. He likes beer (so do I), he drinks about 2-3 a night of high calorie/high % beer a night. I got to the point where I had to tell myself, who cares what HE's doing, it's about what I'M doing. When I lost a large chunk of my weight, I lived alone. But I still had excuses, like everyone. But I WANTED it. And I still want it, but it's harder. You have other reasons not to eat well, not exercise, etc. But hon, you have to find the strength, the power, the motivation, the WANT for yourself. Support from the outside is like 10%, everything else has to come from yourself.

So, ways around the excuses. Get up early, go out and take a 30 minute walk/day. Plan YOUR menu ahead of time and stick to the plan. Just because your husband makes dinner, doesn't mean you have to eat it. Just because your husband wants Pizza, doesn't mean you can't order a salad. See the pattern?

Now, either you WANT this or you don't. That's for you to decide.

TArnold2012

Been here and done !!! Counseling and if he won't go, then go alone. There is only so much one person can do to make a marriage a marriage. I have now lost 352 if you count the unsupporting EX !!! But what I have gained is even more amazing. The most wonderfully supportive husband a person could ask for. You must do this for YOU and no one else !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Julzanne72

Something you should consider doing together: Counseling.

Because yelling at you has nothing to do with working out, or losing weight. It has to do with control and respect.

^^^This, I can tell you from being in a relationship where I was treated like nothing I ever did was right, it was horrible for my self esteem and made me feel like I wasn't worth the effort. You need to get healthy, first and foremost for yourself, then your son, if your husband isn't supportive then maybe you really need to examine your relationship and talk to someone about it. You may never get him on board, but this isn't about him getting healthy, he is an adult and he needs to make it a priority for himself. You control your health and only you can make the change for yourself. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!

MercenaryNoetic26

How's about quit seeking his approval and just do what's right for you. Let him eat like **** and sit back while you get yourself together.

mackkcam87

I'm so sorry to hear that your efforts to be healthy are invalidated by someone who you would hope might always be your biggest advocate and cheerleader. It's a difficult journey to begin with and I'm sure it's not easy without your partner's support. I have included a link to a wonderful blog I follow. It has changed my life. You might consider looking at it or following them on Facebook. I also recommend any resources you can find from The Gottman Institute. It sounds like this season of your life is as much about getting healthy on the inside as it is on the outside. I would say some boundaries would be good and if you can go to counseling as couple, great. Individual counseling might also be beneficial. The way you're going to get through this is by recognizing your own strength, learning how to communicate in a respectful way that is honorable to both you and your husband, and being okay not being okay for a little while. Marriage is the union of two good forgivers. You are a noble woman, clothed in strength and dignity and you WILL become who you want to be in every way. I'm believing good things for you and I hope your situation turns around soon.

http://staymarriedblog.com

SpunkiMama

I agree with other posters, however, getting rid of a husband is great when typed on a computer keyboard...

I had this before, someone who was so unhappy with themselves that in order for you to be happy it somehow causes that other person a great deal of guilt within themselves...

Bottom line... no matter if you are married/single/engaged/living in a box with 40 cats & 3 dogs... this is YOUR life!! You are an individual...

If YOU want to eat better...........eat better

If YOU want to work out.........work out
If YOU want to go to the park with your son ..........go to the park with your son.

You do not need his permission to live your life the way you wish to live it............. now if you were talking about bar hopping I would not be saying GO BAR HOPPING.. but you get my point?

You have to stand up for yourself, find your voice, and tell him to shut up or join you.... this is your journey he can either Join you or watch you as you go for your walks/work outs/etc...

You do not have to sucumb to his yelling /berating/bull crap...........When he yells.. put your sneakers on, get your ear buds in, put the baby in a stroller and go Power Walking... block him out completely........ Just Go do your thing... He will get the point eventually...or he wont...whichever... Right now, You need to work on YOU!

He has problems within himself as his own individual that he needs to figure out, which is his problem.......not yours.

Much love and understanding from me!

bkyoun

I'm sorry to hear your story. Your relationship does not sound healthy.

You need to stand up for yourself and realize that you and only you are the one that controls what goes into your mouth. The single biggest factor that goes into losing weight is how many calories you put into your mouth.

You need to insist that you eat what you want to eat. Tell your husband that you appreciate the fact that he made dinner, but you need to eat something that fits within your calorie goals and he can save the leftovers for himself the next day. You are in control of yourself.

If your husband can't accept this, seek counseling. If that doesn't work, take your sweet baby and get the hell out of there.

You are responsible for your own happiness.

And I'm not buying "I can't lose weight and it is my husband's fault". You are the one that controls what goes into your mouth. It is no one's fault but your own. The sooner your take responsibility, the better.

I really do wish you the best in working out your relationship though. It sounds like you have a tough road.

mrslehan2013

Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

ladymiseryali

Do you still love him and want to be with him? If so, tell him that you both need counseling. If he won't go for it, you may have to make a choice on whether or not you're willing to stay with someone who is mentally/emotionally abusive. You have a son with him. Your son probably sees how he treats you. Is that the kind of example you want to set for him? That it's normal for daddies to yell at mommies?

There's more issues than him not supporting your efforts to take care of yourself.

She_Hulk

Hon, don't get me wrong and I'm not trying to be mean, but everyone needs a bit of tough love sometimes.

Everything you said was an excuse. Weight loss is something that takes A LOT of life changes. Like when you eat, how you eat, what you eat, planning, making time, etc. It's a huge adjustment. But blaming it on your husband, or any other object is just making excuses. I live with my BF. He likes beer (so do I), he drinks about 2-3 a night of high calorie/high % beer a night. I got to the point where I had to tell myself, who cares what HE's doing, it's about what I'M doing. When I lost a large chunk of my weight, I lived alone. But I still had excuses, like everyone. But I WANTED it. And I still want it, but it's harder. You have other reasons not to eat well, not exercise, etc. But hon, you have to find the strength, the power, the motivation, the WANT for yourself. Support from the outside is like 10%, everything else has to come from yourself.

So, ways around the excuses. Get up early, go out and take a 30 minute walk/day. Plan YOUR menu ahead of time and stick to the plan. Just because your husband makes dinner, doesn't mean you have to eat it. Just because your husband wants Pizza, doesn't mean you can't order a salad. See the pattern?

Now, either you WANT this or you don't. That's for you to decide.

This^^^ All of it. You started out with saying how YOU hate to eat healthy meals and YOU hate to work out. You're making a lot of excuses. Yes, counseling would be good, but you don't need his permission to work out or to eat/cook healthy meals. You have to want to and it doesn't sound like you do. At least not from your post.

ladymiseryali

Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

You NEED to get out. Go to a women's shelter and call the cops on him YOURSELF. He's abusing you THIS IS ABUSE!

Stop with the non-action! Your son needs a strong mother who is willing to protect him and herself.

jerryvo

I am the husband in your original post (not yours obviously, but that was me 6 months ago minus the call the cops on you thing). I do most of the cooking in my house and I hated eating healthy. My ideal dinner was hot dogs and chips with no vegetables or something along those lines. My wife always wanted to go out walking but I was afraid for her safety even through we are in a decent neighborhood, but I hated to walk myself so I would never go with her either. Your post could be about the old me. Do not listen to the people that tell you to leave him, or that he is a bad guy, or trying to be controlling as that is not it (at least it was not in my case) it was more a matter of being thoughtless, not intentionally hurtful. You can get through this but it will take time and you need to take baby steps. My wife badgered me for years before I changed. For me it started with simple requests. Make my bad for you dinner but she would have a smaller portion and would ask me to make a vegetable for her. She would then request I try a small bite, just a spoonful. Then since I love to cook I started preparing things in a way that I would like more. She started working out in the house (workout videos, weights, yoga, etc...) and always asked that I joined her even through I never did. Once she started seeing results I started to feel bad that she was doing all of this stuff to look good for me and I was a lazy *kitten* slob that sat on the couch. That was the motivation I needed to get my self in gear. I still make a bad for you meal occasionally and I still cook many of the things I love, just slightly modified, but I always keep it in our calorie count. Don't give up on him but don't sacrifice your happiness either. Find ways to work within the limits of what keeps everyone happy then push the boundary a little. He will come along.

nomeejerome

Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

It sounds like there is much more to this than can be explained and solved on an internet forum. It might be a good idea to seek some help in your area.