Husband not supportive

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  • She_Hulk
    She_Hulk Posts: 277
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    Okay. If you are in an abusive relationship, we can't help you. YOU need to be the one to get out of it. This is about a coward of a man abusing the woman he is supposed to protect. This is far bigger than you trying to lose weight. I'm really sorry you are going through this and you seriously need to seek help.
  • bkyoun
    bkyoun Posts: 371 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Why are you in this relationship? Stop tolerating the abuse and do what is best for you and your baby.

    Call the police? Great! Tell him to go ahead and call the police. What is he going to say? I am trying to hold my wife captive in our house and she wants to go to the grocery store?

    He clearly has mental issues. Run!

    You are worth more than that. Don't take it. Get out.
  • SpunkiMama
    SpunkiMama Posts: 70 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    I think you need to find your voice girl, and you need to stand your ground. You can't leave the house or he threatens to call the cops?? Do you laugh in his face?? LIke seriously who does that??

    Let him call the cops, to see you taking stroll with your baby??

    Something is really strange here...
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Leave the house. Let him call the cops. What are they going to do? Drag you back? It sounds like your husband is controlling and perhaps abusive. I'd say some serious counseling is in order. Good luck.
  • StacyReneO
    StacyReneO Posts: 317 Member
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    Sounds like he is projecting his misery, laziness and lack of self-respect on to you. Whatever he says or does, don't take it personally and don't let it beat you down. Basically, when someone acts like that...it's like he is drinking poison and hoping someone else gets sick. He is miserable with himself, not you. He is a grown man and he can take care of himself. You take care of you and your son.
  • Sporks42
    Sporks42 Posts: 44 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Or he'll what? If you walked out when he was yelling, what would he do? Would he get physical? Are you scared of him? I think you need to take your kid and run as fast as you can to a women's shelter or the police station. I think the excuses are less for weight loss and more for your marriage. You allow him to bully you, yell at you, treat you like garbage, and spit you out like you are useless (why else wouldn't you be allowed to go grocery shopping?), so if you don't think you can do it for you, do you want to raise your child to be just like daddy?
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
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    Is it just me or did this whole post seem like one whole big ball of an excuse. It kinda went from one thing, to another, to the husband? I don't know...I don't feel like we're getting the whole story here.

    She says this is the reason why she doesn't/can't/won't work out or eat healthy
    but I want to spend more time with him and my son.

    Then proceeds to say he's verbally abusive and not supportive.

    I donno, I'm not getting it I guess.
  • pg303030
    pg303030 Posts: 4 Member
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    hello
    my name is penny. I have a husband that doesn't support me either and i use to let that keep me from doing what i need to do to make my life healthier. I have a lot of health issues also............. diabetes 2, asthma, copd, bone and disk disease in my spine, heart problems. so i need to loose weight very bad......and i am. I finally asked God to be my support in this life changing journey. and he is helping.i fix my meals and let him fix his own food, if he wants to eat he has to. i put on my music and exercise. if i can do it so can you! keep me posted.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Something you should consider doing together: Counseling.

    Because yelling at you has nothing to do with working out, or losing weight. It has to do with control and respect.

    Yes.

    Also, stop calling yourself a fat lazy slob.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    This is way bigger than a fitness internet forum can help with. Please talk to a professional or women's shelter about your relationship. Your husband sounds depressed, controlling and abusive. It's not normal and not something you can just work around. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your child while he's still young enough not to be damaged for life.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Time to call a domestic abuse hotline and discuss it with them. This is more serious that your original post led people to believe.
  • AbstractAsterism
    AbstractAsterism Posts: 153 Member
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    Ok, if he's that controlling and threatening to call the cops on you just for leaving the house, he needs serious help. If you have a place to stay *WITH YOUR SON* then get there. You can call his command and tell them everything he has said/done at home and he needs help. Yes, it could jeopardize his career, but you're in danger right now. They will make him get counselling. I'd notify the police that he's made these threats to you, and write down EVERYTHING controlling and abusing he says to you.

    This is emotional abuse, plain and simple.
  • stephysd
    stephysd Posts: 2,410 Member
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    I feel like I get yelled at for everything. If I try to make my own healthy alternative, I get yelled at. He turns on the TV as soon as he gets home and usually just sits on the couch watching it unless he is cooking. I get home and I want to clean or workout or take our son to the park but he complains. He complains if I go alone, he complains if I ask him to go, he complains when I don't go. I just can't win.

    I agree with everyone that has recommended that you get counseling. Is there any chance that your husband has served a deployment overseas? What you described is my husband to a 'T' for the past 8 years of our relationship. I finally said enough to the abuse and gave him the option of counseling or leaving. He agreed to counseling and going into the VA and we have finally got him diagnosed with PTSD and on medication to help with his depression and anxiety from his year deployment in Iraq.

    We did marriage counseling through the VA until he could no longer stand our counselor, which the guy wasn't my favorite either. He currently goes to counseling for just himself and occasionally I will tag along to chat with her and let her know how things are going. That is what is currently working for us.

    I did individual counseling through the Vet Center. They are not assocatied with the VA, but it is a free service for veterans, their spouses & children, and even extended family such as parents or siblings. Your husband will have to go and sign a form stating that he is with the army/veteran and that you are his wife for you to able to partake in the services. If you can get him to that is a wonderful and free opportunity for you. Here is a link for their website and information. http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/
    Another great source if your husband is a vet that might help you understand why he is acting the way he is a book titled, Tears of a Warrior. Link for Amazon so you can see what the book looks like: http://www.amazon.com/Tears-Warrior-Familys-Combat-Living/dp/0615213170/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380651761&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=vet+story+about+ptsd
    Me and my husband read this book together after we started counseling. It was wonderful because it gave him a chance to talk about how he felt as he stated this book described his thoughts and emotions perfectly, but that he could never articulate. It was wonderful from the wife perspective as it helped me explain to him the way that you treated me and our sons without a whole bunch of yelling happening. It was a huge turning point in our marriage after reading this book.

    In the end, you need to take control of your life. You are going to have to do what is right for you and your son, and if your husband can not control his 'drill sergeant' ways then you are going to need to step up and decide what is best for you two. For me and my two sons, it was leaving home for a month and not telling my husband where we were. It took losing his family for him to understand what he had and agree to get his anger under control. My husband never hit us. But his words were a constant slap in the face. I watched my sons be scared to death of their father to the point when he would enter the room they would exit as quietly and quickly as they could to make sure they would not upset him or have an outburst. I finally got tired of walking on eggshells and could no longer be the wall that tried to protect my sons from my husband's anger as I finally had to admit that I was not doing it anyway. They heard and saw everything. Your son is already picking up on things you it is your responsibility that you protect him the best that you can, even if it means protecting him from his father.
  • frommetobetterme
    frommetobetterme Posts: 124 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    This changes the game. If he was just a yeller, I'd say he was mentally abusive but that you should talk to him and try to get therapy. Given his occupation, he is at a higher risk of mental issues that need to be taken care of when they arise. If he is basically holding you captive, it's gotten to a level where if I were you, I would become scared for my safety. They must have therapists at the base, get him to talk to someone, talk to him about your relationship and how it makes you feel.

    If he doesn't listen and is not receptive, it is time for you to leave that situation. I am afraid for you that it is just a matter of time before he gets physically violent with you.

    I agree with others that this is more than can be handled on a weight loss forum. Seek help, from people at the base, from family, from a shelter if he won't listen to your concerns.... In my opinion, if he won't get help, it doesn't matter how much you love him (if that's your reason for staying). The most important thing in your world right now shouldn't be your weight loss, it should be the safety of your child, your safety, and your mental health (because his attitude will wear on you and affect you for the worst) and his.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Time to call a domestic abuse hotline and discuss it with them. This is more serious that your original post led people to believe.
    Um ...

    Either you have lived this so long that you think this is normal and OK behavior or you're trolling. I'm assuming it's the former.

    You have a serious, serious, serious problem and it isn't your weight.

    Has you husband been deployed to a war zone? I'm hoping this is a result of mental trauma, in which case you need to alert his CO and get him help.

    And if not, and he's just an abusive creep, get out of their and get your SON out of there NOW.
  • Sarahndipity30
    Sarahndipity30 Posts: 312 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Umm..what? Why are you with him if he is this controllin gof you??...you already know what you need to do. you just don't want to hear it. You have to do what is best for you. Why would anyone want to stay with a controlling man like this who doesn't want whats best for you and your health. sounds like he has some serious self-esteem issues himself. get out is my opinion.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    Sorry, this isn't an excuse. I don't get to go grocery shopping, I can't buy healthy food, I can't leave the house without him threatening to call the cops. I do want it, I have done it. If he makes dinner and it's not healthy and I decide to eat something else, he yells at me. Clearly you didn't read the first post. I DO want it. They aren't excuses.

    Okay, now that ish sounds cray. RUN! Why would you stay with someone like that? Do you see what a hold he has on you? Snap out of it. He doesn't want you to be happy :noway:
  • walkinthedogs
    walkinthedogs Posts: 238 Member
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    Are you afraid of him because of what he'll do to you? I don't think this is about weight loss. I think this is about self preservation and if what I think you are trying to portray here is accurate, you need to get some distance and work on your relationship or just get the hell out. If he is truly abusive, it will not change, you will not change him and if he doesn't get help you will be miserable for the rest of your life and possibly dead. If he is that controlling, it will not end there. This is not about a Husband not supportive, this sounds like a Husband who is controlling and abusive. "Idon't get to go grocery shopping?" REALLY. That's a problem. The words you choose to use there, are really saying, He controls my every movement. That is a problem!!!
  • mmouse90
    mmouse90 Posts: 83
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    1. Notify his chain of command of his behavior while he is at work and not home and 2 leave after making that call. Do not go back
  • robertlugg
    robertlugg Posts: 8 Member
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    Lehan. I hope you are still reading these messages:smile:

    I would like to suggest the following book:
    http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step---Step/dp/0452275350

    I know it doesn't seem related to your post, but I am fairly certain that it would be helpful.

    Hang in there. Everyone deserves more than that.

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