Do not eat sandwiches

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  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Guys,

    SandwichCorp has control over all 'food enclosed in another food' products. Stay away from all of it! I know it isn't easy, the siren call of the Sandwich is heard by us all, but we can't let those weasels win.

    (Our intelligence shows that SandwichCorp's marketing is handled by actual weasels)
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Your thread is horrible. I was feeling like arguing with you and proving to you with science and stuff that sandwiches are the gift of God, but then I learned this was just a funny ha ha joke. I'm so angry!! HOW DARE YOU! How dare you raise my cortisol levels this is going to cause me to rage eat and then I'll just get fatter. If I balloon up to 600lbs it's all your fault.

    PS after extensive google research for sandwich corp and corporate of sandwiches and even sandwich association there is nothing. Nothing how dare you trick us all
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Your thread is horrible. I was feeling like arguing with you and proving to you with science and stuff that sandwiches are the gift of God, but then I learned this was just a funny ha ha joke. I'm so angry!! HOW DARE YOU! How dare you raise my cortisol levels this is going to cause me to rage eat and then I'll just get fatter. If I balloon up to 600lbs it's all your fault.

    PS after extensive google research for sandwich corp and corporate of sandwiches and even sandwich association there is nothing. Nothing how dare you trick us all

    This is no joke. You won't find SandwichCorp on google. THEY ARE GOOGLE
  • cleotherio
    cleotherio Posts: 712 Member
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    Your thread is horrible. I was feeling like arguing with you and proving to you with science and stuff that sandwiches are the gift of God, but then I learned this was just a funny ha ha joke. I'm so angry!! HOW DARE YOU! How dare you raise my cortisol levels this is going to cause me to rage eat and then I'll just get fatter. If I balloon up to 600lbs it's all your fault.

    PS after extensive google research for sandwich corp and corporate of sandwiches and even sandwich association there is nothing. Nothing how dare you trick us all

    This is no joke. You won't find SandwichCorp on google. THEY ARE GOOGLE

    http://sandwichcorp.com/
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    Ate my first HAM SANDWICH today..well not my first but my first in two years. I didn't give it up cause I may die, I gave them up because I was cutting out what I call bad carbs. Breads, pasta's , things like that. But I have to tell you it was the best thing I've eaten in a very long time. I may have to do it again tomorrow. And I'm still within my carb and calorie count. Yep good stuff.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    Mind blown!
  • MzCongeniality70
    MzCongeniality70 Posts: 352 Member
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    ACID! Like what James Bond villains put in death pits! Go put some ACIDS IN YOU!!!!

    YEAH!! Go PUT SOME ACIDS IN YOU!!!! LMAO I like peanut butter and jelly the best. :drinker:
  • Mutant13
    Mutant13 Posts: 2,485 Member
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    Commoditising our souls!
  • jackson7478
    jackson7478 Posts: 700 Member
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    Awesome!!!! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Great writing.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    Got a PM Asking where I got my information for this thread from.

    I replied that most of the sources were in the thread and many were supplied by the King of Science.


    This is the 100%, no joke, copy pasted reply

    Really this is what I get when I ask for you information. YOU TELL ME TO READ A 16 PAGE BLOG AND LOOK FOR SOME OTHER USER THANKS DON'T BOTHER TO RECONSIDER AND HAVE CHANGE OF HEART...THANKS FOR NOTHING. YOUR YOUR GOING TO SHOW CARE AND CONCERN FOR THE COMMUNITY AND POST WARNINGS AND FDA FINDING BE PREPARED TO HELP THE INDIVIDUAL THAT ASK FOR INFORMATION AS WELL

    Well, I happen to agree. The King of Science should not hide his bushel under an basket, he should take his rightful place as KING OF THIS THREAD (of which, naturally, you are the QUEEN) and his knowledge should be spread far and wide (and even hither and yon) across the land so that more peasants can avoid the 'food within a food' plague which has swept this small burg. Perhaps a decree written with a quill pen on several rolls of parchment paper could then be scanned and posted on this very website, so that all the innocent citizens begging for information could subsequently become enlightened. I recommend that this decree should be written in all caps to designate its importance and make it easier for said naves comprehend.

    What say ye?
  • ziggyc
    ziggyc Posts: 191 Member
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    Got a PM Asking where I got my information for this thread from.

    I replied that most of the sources were in the thread and many were supplied by the King of Science.


    This is the 100%, no joke, copy pasted reply

    Really this is what I get when I ask for you information. YOU TELL ME TO READ A 16 PAGE BLOG AND LOOK FOR SOME OTHER USER THANKS DON'T BOTHER TO RECONSIDER AND HAVE CHANGE OF HEART...THANKS FOR NOTHING. YOUR YOUR GOING TO SHOW CARE AND CONCERN FOR THE COMMUNITY AND POST WARNINGS AND FDA FINDING BE PREPARED TO HELP THE INDIVIDUAL THAT ASK FOR INFORMATION AS WELL

    weird-science.gif
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
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    I'd rather eat a different kind of sandwich...
  • mister_universe
    mister_universe Posts: 6,664 Member
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    I'd rather eat a different kind of sandwich...

    Do tell...
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I'd rather eat a different kind of sandwich...

    Do tell...

    Yeah you better cause my minds going in a million different directions and all of them are pretty gross directions. Is salad involved?
  • srogers89
    srogers89 Posts: 190 Member
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    This made my day!!
  • allaboutthecake
    allaboutthecake Posts: 1,531 Member
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    As a representative of Sandwich Corp, I am disheartened by much of what I have read here today. We, and sandwiches, have always been there for you. Through your elementary school days, on picnic's, late at night when you couldn't even find a friend, we were just a trip to the kitchen away. For you to turn on us, through the hate filled propaganda spewed by this "mutant" person, I am just . . . well, when you find yourself with hunger pangs, and only bread and meat in the house (or a suitable spread) - we will once again be there fo you.

    We will never turn our backs on you. We love you all, and we know you love us in return.

    This has been a public service announcement by Sandwich Corp.

    Do not let SandwichCorp appeal to your sentimentality!

    Yes, they were there for you- peering over your shoulder as you shamefully scoffed a ham and Swiss in front of your computer
    They were there for your children- whispering in their ears over their Pb&J, teaching them that culinary evolution is a lie!
    They were there for your parents- feeding them cabbage and brisket and teaching them to commit hate crimes against celiacs.

    SandwichCorp was there for you- LIKE HITLER WAS THERE FOR THE NAZIS!

    That is a little bit over the top. . .

    We have never recommended putting cabbage and brisket together.

    That's interesting.

    Because in this quote from 1941, your then president Lucifer Onepercent said

    "You guys should totally eat cabbage and brisket sandwiches. It will be f*ckin awesome"

    The quote, taken in its entirety reads:
    "I would never say something as improbable as, you guys should eat cabbage and brisket sandwiches. It will be f*ckin awesome, when we can strike this intestinal abomination from existence."

    Come back, we welcome you with open arms, and all the condiments your heart desires.

    Most sincerely,
    Sandwich Corp



    NoMercyIIPS.jpg


    EDITED TO ADD: SHOW NO MERCY (Sorry do not know how to make it smaller to fit screen....it has a sammich virus)
  • shinkalork
    shinkalork Posts: 815 Member
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    Oh god thanks..good to know, I will not eat the sandwich in front of me.... I will mix instead chocolate cookies with pickles,jam,honey,nutella,chips and hotdogs...that should help me kill any sandwiches left inside me!

    :laugh:
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Oh god thanks..good to know, I will not eat the sandwich in front of me.... I will mix instead chocolate cookies with pickles,jam,honey,nutella,chips and hotdogs...that should help me kill any sandwiches left inside me!

    :laugh:

    your intestines will implode if you eat that combo
  • Kadoober
    Kadoober Posts: 289 Member
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    Oh god thanks..good to know, I will not eat the sandwich in front of me.... I will mix instead chocolate cookies with pickles,jam,honey,nutella,chips and hotdogs...that should help me kill any sandwiches left inside me!

    :laugh:

    your intestines will implode if you eat that combo

    That should kill the sandwiches right good!
  • sepulchura
    sepulchura Posts: 95 Member
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    I got sandwiched the other day. I curled up on the floor my shower in a fetal position and cried for an hour, but I've had trouble moving on since.

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