Child support- what do you think?
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yes, I have kids and have been a single mom so I fel for your friend. But then again, I dont.
She got pregnant, he TOLD HER that he would NOT be interested in having the child, he said get an abortion because he had no desire to be in that childs life. SHE MADE THE CHOICE to keep the child knowing that this was how he felt about it. People want to get all high and mighty that an abortion is the mother's choice, yep it sure is! And she made the choice not to hae one... Just like a friend of mine, got a girl pregnant and begged and begged her to LET HIM KEEP THE CHILD and she refused and had an abortion.. HE had NO CHOICE, it was all her decision. The reverse situation you are explaining is no different. That was her choice. So suck it up and take care of the kid.
My father begged my mother to abort me. She refused to . She then spent 18 years trying to force him into paying child support and being a part of my life. All this did was hurt me, because he would come around for a month or 2 and then dissapear for 6 months to a year, or longer. My sister was the same situation, different guy, her dad just flew the state and my mom couldnt try to force him into being around, my sister was much happier as a child, and even now as an adult, due to not having the "daddy" issues that I have from getting my hopes crushed over and over and over.
When I was pregnant, my boyfriend said "get an abortion." I refused and told him flat out, if you want to leave fine! but you will never come back. You will NOT be in and out of her life. And I will leave you alone and not request child support because if you have no interest, I would n ever force you into being a parent.
At the end of the day, he stuck around and is an excellent father, he was just scared. But I hate men getting called "deadbeat dads" when they gave their point of view (he didnt want the child, requested an abortion) and its all the mothers right to do what she pleases. She knew he wasnt a full time boyfriend, maybe work a little bit harder to NOT GET PREGNANT??? Hmmm...0 -
A little off topic, but as I post to this thread all of the sudden an advertisement for "Child Support Calculator" and finding a lawyer near me started showing up at the bottom....Disturbing...0
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I have never asked for help, never will and like it that way. yes it is hard some months but I GET TO DECIDE EVERYTHING with no interferance from him at all. I have been on my own from the start and he has not come around or even called once! so guess what she is ALL mine! and I walked away with the best gift of all, a wonderful child and my freedome from an deadbeat!
This is what's wrong. If he pays support, he's not BUYING your kid, he's just being responsible and taking care of his kid. You don't get custody just bc you pay support and you can't deny custody/visitation just bc the parent stops paying. You're letting your child go through hard times bc you want her all to yourself. Based on what you mentioned, he doesn't want to be in her life, so why not just file for support so that your child doesn't have to struggle?
Canadian laws are different. and besides you don't know the whole story..... He is not a resposible person (drugs, alcohol, gambling) or a good father figure. if he had to pay he would want visitation/cutstody rights just to be an *kitten*! and here in canada he would get them and I could not in good conscience send her with him into a bad situation just for $$$. Sorry but don't tell me I am selfish without the whole story!
See...there you go.0 -
yes, I have kids and have been a single mom so I fel for your friend. But then again, I dont.
She got pregnant, he TOLD HER that he would NOT be interested in having the child, he said get an abortion because he had no desire to be in that childs life. SHE MADE THE CHOICE to keep the child knowing that this was how he felt about it. People want to get all high and mighty that an abortion is the mother's choice, yep it sure is! And she made the choice not to hae one... Just like a friend of mine, got a girl pregnant and begged and begged her to LET HIM KEEP THE CHILD and she refused and had an abortion.. HE had NO CHOICE, it was all her decision. The reverse situation you are explaining is no different. That was her choice. So suck it up and take care of the kid.
My father begged my mother to abort me. She refused to . She then spent 18 years trying to force him into paying child support and being a part of my life. All this did was hurt me, because he would come around for a month or 2 and then dissapear for 6 months to a year, or longer. My sister was the same situation, different guy, her dad just flew the state and my mom couldnt try to force him into being around, my sister was much happier as a child, and even now as an adult, due to not having the "daddy" issues that I have from getting my hopes crushed over and over and over.
When I was pregnant, my boyfriend said "get an abortion." I refused and told him flat out, if you want to leave fine! but you will never come back. You will NOT be in and out of her life. And I will leave you alone and not request child support because if you have no interest, I would n ever force you into being a parent.
At the end of the day, he stuck around and is an excellent father, he was just scared. But I hate men getting called "deadbeat dads" when they gave their point of view (he didnt want the child, requested an abortion) and its all the mothers right to do what she pleases. She knew he wasnt a full time boyfriend, maybe work a little bit harder to NOT GET PREGNANT??? Hmmm...
If you read the OP he only requested the abortion AFTER she was pregnant. There is no mention of him telling he didn't want children prior to her already having conceived. So she didn't go ahead and get pregnant according to the information we have. :-)0 -
A little off topic, but as I post to this thread all of the sudden an advertisement for "Child Support Calculator" and finding a lawyer near me started showing up at the bottom....Disturbing...
Your husband is going to wonder what you've been searching and why...0 -
I don't HAVE to do things like take care of sick kids, dentists, etc. I GET to do things like take care of sick kids, dentists, etc. Looking at the situation any other way paints the children as a burden, and one for which the primary custodian should be financially compensated for bearing. The 6 months I didn't have my kids a few years ago, my ex would complain that I got to do whatever I wanted through the week, while she was stuck with the kids. I have never once been stuck with my kids. I have been blessed with every second I spend with them, including the time that I was up at midnight sunday night cleaning my sons room where he got sick.
Amen
Enjoy the times with and the blessings that are your kids.
They grow up so damn quick.
I have 5 amazing children from 2 all the way up to 18. I consider them blessings and wouldn't trade them for the world. I don't complain about having to do things for them because I WANT to be the ones to do things for them. I love being their mom. That doesn't mean it's easy doing it alone. I didn't sign up for being a single mom with either of my exes when I had any of my children and they should be a part of their lives just as much as I am ... but they're not. I will never, ever consider my children as a burden but my exes have burdened me by leaving me with a pretty complicated situation.0 -
I don't HAVE to do things like take care of sick kids, dentists, etc. I GET to do things like take care of sick kids, dentists, etc. Looking at the situation any other way paints the children as a burden, and one for which the primary custodian should be financially compensated for bearing. The 6 months I didn't have my kids a few years ago, my ex would complain that I got to do whatever I wanted through the week, while she was stuck with the kids. I have never once been stuck with my kids. I have been blessed with every second I spend with them, including the time that I was up at midnight sunday night cleaning my sons room where he got sick. This is not something that should ease my financial obligation towards my children and increase their moms, it is something for which I should be thankful I am blessed to do.
Inorite.0 -
A little off topic, but as I post to this thread all of the sudden an advertisement for "Child Support Calculator" and finding a lawyer near me started showing up at the bottom....Disturbing...
Your husband is going to wonder what you've been searching and why...
HA HA I didn't think about that...would be funny too considering we just had one of our own...my 3 at home are 13, 7, and 6 months...0 -
Right... I just didn't understand what you were getting at. So basically you think that I am being treated unfairly for having to be required to pay more than 1/2 the cost that they have calculated. And that no state should require more than a 50% contribution from any parent.... right??
No, you are confusing THE ACTUAL COST TO MEET THE KIDS NEEDS with the amount the court expects that you would pay given your income. The court does not consider the cost to meet the kids needs. The court considers what is likely a much higher amount, which is a percentage of your income they expect you would spend towards the kids. The cost to meet the kids needs has NOTHING to do with income.0 -
yes, I have kids and have been a single mom so I fel for your friend. But then again, I dont.
She got pregnant, he TOLD HER that he would NOT be interested in having the child, he said get an abortion because he had no desire to be in that childs life. SHE MADE THE CHOICE to keep the child knowing that this was how he felt about it. People want to get all high and mighty that an abortion is the mother's choice, yep it sure is! And she made the choice not to hae one... Just like a friend of mine, got a girl pregnant and begged and begged her to LET HIM KEEP THE CHILD and she refused and had an abortion.. HE had NO CHOICE, it was all her decision. The reverse situation you are explaining is no different. That was her choice. So suck it up and take care of the kid.
My father begged my mother to abort me. She refused to . She then spent 18 years trying to force him into paying child support and being a part of my life. All this did was hurt me, because he would come around for a month or 2 and then dissapear for 6 months to a year, or longer. My sister was the same situation, different guy, her dad just flew the state and my mom couldnt try to force him into being around, my sister was much happier as a child, and even now as an adult, due to not having the "daddy" issues that I have from getting my hopes crushed over and over and over.
When I was pregnant, my boyfriend said "get an abortion." I refused and told him flat out, if you want to leave fine! but you will never come back. You will NOT be in and out of her life. And I will leave you alone and not request child support because if you have no interest, I would n ever force you into being a parent.
At the end of the day, he stuck around and is an excellent father, he was just scared. But I hate men getting called "deadbeat dads" when they gave their point of view (he didnt want the child, requested an abortion) and its all the mothers right to do what she pleases. She knew he wasnt a full time boyfriend, maybe work a little bit harder to NOT GET PREGNANT??? Hmmm...
If you read the OP he only requested the abortion AFTER she was pregnant. There is no mention of him telling he didn't want children prior to her already having conceived. So she didn't go ahead and get pregnant according to the information we have. :-)
Thats normally what happens when an abortion is thought about, the pregnancy was not planned... my mother and father were engaged for 3 years before she got pregnant, he left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. I still would have had a better life if she would NOT have tried to force him into parenting me when he had no interest in doing so. It does nothing bad drag out a situation and trust me, the kid will know that their father really doesnt want to pay or have anything to do with them. Better to cut ties and do it on her own. I will never change that opinion, becuase I have been that child.0 -
yes, I have kids and have been a single mom so I fel for your friend. But then again, I dont.
She got pregnant, he TOLD HER that he would NOT be interested in having the child, he said get an abortion because he had no desire to be in that childs life. SHE MADE THE CHOICE to keep the child knowing that this was how he felt about it. People want to get all high and mighty that an abortion is the mother's choice, yep it sure is! And she made the choice not to hae one... Just like a friend of mine, got a girl pregnant and begged and begged her to LET HIM KEEP THE CHILD and she refused and had an abortion.. HE had NO CHOICE, it was all her decision. The reverse situation you are explaining is no different. That was her choice. So suck it up and take care of the kid.
My father begged my mother to abort me. She refused to . She then spent 18 years trying to force him into paying child support and being a part of my life. All this did was hurt me, because he would come around for a month or 2 and then dissapear for 6 months to a year, or longer. My sister was the same situation, different guy, her dad just flew the state and my mom couldnt try to force him into being around, my sister was much happier as a child, and even now as an adult, due to not having the "daddy" issues that I have from getting my hopes crushed over and over and over.
When I was pregnant, my boyfriend said "get an abortion." I refused and told him flat out, if you want to leave fine! but you will never come back. You will NOT be in and out of her life. And I will leave you alone and not request child support because if you have no interest, I would n ever force you into being a parent.
At the end of the day, he stuck around and is an excellent father, he was just scared. But I hate men getting called "deadbeat dads" when they gave their point of view (he didnt want the child, requested an abortion) and its all the mothers right to do what she pleases. She knew he wasnt a full time boyfriend, maybe work a little bit harder to NOT GET PREGNANT??? Hmmm...
If you read the OP he only requested the abortion AFTER she was pregnant. There is no mention of him telling he didn't want children prior to her already having conceived. So she didn't go ahead and get pregnant according to the information we have. :-)
Thats normally what happens when an abortion is thought about, the pregnancy was not planned... my mother and father were engaged for 3 years before she got pregnant, he left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. I still would have had a better life if she would NOT have tried to force him into parenting me when he had no interest in doing so. It does nothing bad drag out a situation and trust me, the kid will know that their father really doesnt want to pay or have anything to do with them. Better to cut ties and do it on her own. I will never change that opinion, becuase I have been that child.
Completely agree..forced parenting never has a good resolution. If someone does not want to be a parent they won't no matter what you try to convince them with.0 -
I think child support is tricky, I get it once in a while, I think things that should be taken into consideration when calculating, like a base line but then extras. Who pays for the health insurance or what if the child is handicapped in some way, those are all things that need to be considered. But in general I don't think things should be based on pay but on how much a child takes to raise for 18 years and divided in half. Although I say this I think if my ex started paying child support after not seeing our son for a year and a half I would feel guilty about taking it. I've made it this long and while it's been a struggle at times I wouldn't have missed it for the world, he missed out on way more then just paying child support. And it sucks for him but it was his choice and it's this guys to choice to not be involved in this childs life and that's the saddest part, not the money or the fact that she is struggling a little but that his father is missing out.0
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yes, I have kids and have been a single mom so I fel for your friend. But then again, I dont.
She got pregnant, he TOLD HER that he would NOT be interested in having the child, he said get an abortion because he had no desire to be in that childs life. SHE MADE THE CHOICE to keep the child knowing that this was how he felt about it. People want to get all high and mighty that an abortion is the mother's choice, yep it sure is! And she made the choice not to hae one... Just like a friend of mine, got a girl pregnant and begged and begged her to LET HIM KEEP THE CHILD and she refused and had an abortion.. HE had NO CHOICE, it was all her decision. The reverse situation you are explaining is no different. That was her choice. So suck it up and take care of the kid.
My father begged my mother to abort me. She refused to . She then spent 18 years trying to force him into paying child support and being a part of my life. All this did was hurt me, because he would come around for a month or 2 and then dissapear for 6 months to a year, or longer. My sister was the same situation, different guy, her dad just flew the state and my mom couldnt try to force him into being around, my sister was much happier as a child, and even now as an adult, due to not having the "daddy" issues that I have from getting my hopes crushed over and over and over.
When I was pregnant, my boyfriend said "get an abortion." I refused and told him flat out, if you want to leave fine! but you will never come back. You will NOT be in and out of her life. And I will leave you alone and not request child support because if you have no interest, I would n ever force you into being a parent.
At the end of the day, he stuck around and is an excellent father, he was just scared. But I hate men getting called "deadbeat dads" when they gave their point of view (he didnt want the child, requested an abortion) and its all the mothers right to do what she pleases. She knew he wasnt a full time boyfriend, maybe work a little bit harder to NOT GET PREGNANT??? Hmmm...
If you read the OP he only requested the abortion AFTER she was pregnant. There is no mention of him telling he didn't want children prior to her already having conceived. So she didn't go ahead and get pregnant according to the information we have. :-)
Thats normally what happens when an abortion is thought about, the pregnancy was not planned... my mother and father were engaged for 3 years before she got pregnant, he left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. I still would have had a better life if she would NOT have tried to force him into parenting me when he had no interest in doing so. It does nothing bad drag out a situation and trust me, the kid will know that their father really doesnt want to pay or have anything to do with them. Better to cut ties and do it on her own. I will never change that opinion, becuase I have been that child.
However, it did not absolve him of his responsibility. He could have chosen to pay his child support and not taken advantage of his visitation rights.
This is why the state doesn't allow mothers to keep the children from the father if he doesn't pay the child support he has been assigned.0 -
Right... I just didn't understand what you were getting at. So basically you think that I am being treated unfairly for having to be required to pay more than 1/2 the cost that they have calculated. And that no state should require more than a 50% contribution from any parent.... right??
No, you are confusing THE ACTUAL COST TO MEET THE KIDS NEEDS with the amount the court expects that you would pay given your income. The court does not consider the cost to meet the kids needs. The court considers what is likely a much higher amount, which is a percentage of your income they expect you would spend towards the kids. The cost to meet the kids needs has NOTHING to do with income.
AHHHHH I see what you are saying!! Boy... I sure am frustrating aren't I?? I was confused for a bit there! I had to go through the courts unfortunately because of my specific situation, but now I am totally picking up what you are putting down..... You should feel fortunate that you are able to do it on your own terms!!
All the cost stuff aside, I do salute you and your situation. There are a lot of men out there that do NOT see parenting the same way that you do. Your kiddies are very lucky to have you!!
And we are all lucky to have your abs smiling at us every day :drinker:0 -
I found this just for fun:
http://www.babycenter.com/cost-of-raising-child-calculator
But it asks how much you make before it'll tell you how much it costs. :huh: If I'm married and make the maximum my kid is going to cost $300,000 more than if I was single and make the minimum (without college).0 -
The best thing about this thread is that it's made my work day fly by!!0
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yes, I have kids and have been a single mom so I fel for your friend. But then again, I dont.
She got pregnant, he TOLD HER that he would NOT be interested in having the child, he said get an abortion because he had no desire to be in that childs life. SHE MADE THE CHOICE to keep the child knowing that this was how he felt about it. People want to get all high and mighty that an abortion is the mother's choice, yep it sure is! And she made the choice not to hae one... Just like a friend of mine, got a girl pregnant and begged and begged her to LET HIM KEEP THE CHILD and she refused and had an abortion.. HE had NO CHOICE, it was all her decision. The reverse situation you are explaining is no different. That was her choice. So suck it up and take care of the kid.
My father begged my mother to abort me. She refused to . She then spent 18 years trying to force him into paying child support and being a part of my life. All this did was hurt me, because he would come around for a month or 2 and then dissapear for 6 months to a year, or longer. My sister was the same situation, different guy, her dad just flew the state and my mom couldnt try to force him into being around, my sister was much happier as a child, and even now as an adult, due to not having the "daddy" issues that I have from getting my hopes crushed over and over and over.
When I was pregnant, my boyfriend said "get an abortion." I refused and told him flat out, if you want to leave fine! but you will never come back. You will NOT be in and out of her life. And I will leave you alone and not request child support because if you have no interest, I would n ever force you into being a parent.
At the end of the day, he stuck around and is an excellent father, he was just scared. But I hate men getting called "deadbeat dads" when they gave their point of view (he didnt want the child, requested an abortion) and its all the mothers right to do what she pleases. She knew he wasnt a full time boyfriend, maybe work a little bit harder to NOT GET PREGNANT??? Hmmm...
If you read the OP he only requested the abortion AFTER she was pregnant. There is no mention of him telling he didn't want children prior to her already having conceived. So she didn't go ahead and get pregnant according to the information we have. :-)
Thats normally what happens when an abortion is thought about, the pregnancy was not planned... my mother and father were engaged for 3 years before she got pregnant, he left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. I still would have had a better life if she would NOT have tried to force him into parenting me when he had no interest in doing so. It does nothing bad drag out a situation and trust me, the kid will know that their father really doesnt want to pay or have anything to do with them. Better to cut ties and do it on her own. I will never change that opinion, becuase I have been that child.
However, it did not absolve him of his responsibility. He could have chosen to pay his child support and not taken advantage of his visitation rights.
This is why the state doesn't allow mothers to keep the children from the father if he doesn't pay the child support he has been assigned.
Which I think is unfair, because again as i stated why is it all up to the mother about whether or not the child is aborted? Maybe a father should be able to legally request an abortion, and if the mother declines all responsibility falls on her. If she cant afford the child on her own, she probably should have had the abortion? (I dont even believe in abortion, but other people do, so why is fair that only the mother gets to decide what the fate of that child is??) Again, my friend still cries over the fact that his upborn baby was aborted, he had no choice because it was "her body."0 -
There is so much BS in this thread that I could argue about, so I will just try to stick with the OP. Child Support is NOT government assistance. There is no shame in asking for someone to pay to help care for the child they helped create. Even if he did ask for an abortion and did not stick around....he's still partially responsible for the child being here and should definitely pay his fair share.0
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No easy answers to the overall comments on this thread except the one from the OP - Yes, the father of the child has a legal and moral obligation to assist with the support of the child.
That said, I noted comments about how much should be paid when the parent with a majority of the custody has less income than the parent who doesn't have as much time. In that situation, legally the parent with more will pay a significant amount to the one with less. Most of the time that money will not be reflected in the child's overall lifestyle. The parent with the majority time will likely, from my experience, spend most of the money on general living expenses and very little will be spent on actual items for the child like food, clothing, school and after school, let alone a college fund.
My personal situation is reflected in my opinion. I have a 17 year old who lives with me full time and a 13 year old who is with her mom during the week and myself every weekend. Due to the differences in income I pay a fairly large amount of what is called family support, a majority of which is supposed to go towards her support and that of her brother who doesn't live with his mom at all. My ex often asks my daughter to ask me for money or to buy her clothing and pay for extra curricular activities which should be more than covered by the support paid. What I hate is that my children end up having a different life style due to who they live with. It is not fair to my daughter or my son (he gets nothing from his mother even though she gets money to support him even though he is living with me - the last time I went to court it cost $20,000 and going back to court to change it at this stage would cost more than I would have saved from the point that he stopped going to his mom's). If I were to say yes to everything my daughter is told to ask form, I would end up quickly doubling what I spend which would significantly effect my own budget. Doubling the budget then effects my son, step children (I have two at home as well) and wife who works a lot more than my ex and is rightfully not interested in helping my ex work any less.
In the end, child support is about the children and not the ex/other parent and the money is not what the child needs most.0 -
Right... I just didn't understand what you were getting at. So basically you think that I am being treated unfairly for having to be required to pay more than 1/2 the cost that they have calculated. And that no state should require more than a 50% contribution from any parent.... right??
No, you are confusing THE ACTUAL COST TO MEET THE KIDS NEEDS with the amount the court expects that you would pay given your income. The court does not consider the cost to meet the kids needs. The court considers what is likely a much higher amount, which is a percentage of your income they expect you would spend towards the kids. The cost to meet the kids needs has NOTHING to do with income.
AHHHHH I see what you are saying!! Boy... I sure am frustrating aren't I?? I was confused for a bit there! I had to go through the courts unfortunately because of my specific situation, but now I am totally picking up what you are putting down..... You should feel fortunate that you are able to do it on your own terms!!
All the cost stuff aside, I do salute you and your situation. There are a lot of men out there that do NOT see parenting as the same way that you do. Your kiddies are very lucky to have you!!
A lot of people do have to go through the courts. My ex drug out our divorce for 15 months hoping to find dirt on my to use in court. But you can't get dirt from a clean house. So she settled out of court. I gave her more than I should, because my lawyer recommended I do so to keep it out of court. My possesion of a penis put me at serious risk of only getting 50/50, regardless of the facts of the case. So I gave her a better deal than the standard order to end it.
There is nothing wrong with going through courts, but the way the courts make rulings needs to be seriously modified.0
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