Child support- what do you think?

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  • VorJoshigan
    VorJoshigan Posts: 1,106 Member
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    My best friend has a child who is 3. From my understanding after she found out she was pregnant her child's father ran off b/c she would not get an abortion. She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job. I have been there for her supporting her b/c our kids are close to the same age.

    Back to the story. This man has never come to see his child, but does text on holidays but doesn't support the child at all. My friend is a college student with a part time job and she's struggling! her pride is too high to get on state assistance although she could use some of it (kudos to her for trying to do it on her own!) She is an excellent mother and a great example for her child!

    She just found out that her child's father has a new job working for the government and is making over 90k/year. (I barely make 35!!!! WoW!!!!!!!) she feels guilty about filing for child support b/c she does not want to look bad. I keep explaining to her that the money would be for her child to have a good life and to take some of the stress off of her. She is considering it but she feels that there would be some kind of society backlash or judgement if she files.

    I personally know as a single mother that rent, food, daycare, toilet paper, clothing, etc. cost money and she needs the help! I'd like to know what are other people's view points on child support. Is it something that should be done when a parent is not helping at all or should it be used regardless if the parent is doing a great job or not? I'm just trying to see the other side of things. FYI, I would have filed a lonnnng time ago!!!!

    OP for the roll.

    This is why I only date women who don't have a uterus. Also, that djeffreys dude is a damn genius.
  • blueboxgeek
    blueboxgeek Posts: 574 Member
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    I think parents should have to pay for their kids. If the mother has custody of the kid and provides all food, daycare costs, clothing etc, then the dad should pay, whether they want a relationship with the kid or not.

    I'm lucky in that I have a very good relationship with my ex and he pays without fail every month for our son. He has a good job and the money he gives me is a massive help at times.
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    She got pregnant. She decided to keep the child. Deal with it.

    WOW...
  • IanBee93
    IanBee93 Posts: 237
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    I personally think if women have the right to choose if they are ready to be a parent or not, then the father should have the same rights as well. The father should be able to give up full custody, and not have to pay, since he doesn't get a say in keeping the child in the first place. He clearly didn't want it, and didn't have a choice in getting rid of it, so why should he suffer and pay?
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
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    Men can and do give up their parental rights. I know of two men personally who have gone to court to give up the rights to their child and don't have to pay child support of any kind.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
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    Men can and do give up their parental rights. I know of two men personally who have gone to court to give up the rights to their child and don't have to pay child support of any kind.

    I was hoping that when my ex left the country he would do this, but I found out that where I am, unless there is somone willing to adopt my son, he can't sign over his rights. The way it's seen here is that 2 parents, even with one missing, is still better than 1.
  • IanBee93
    IanBee93 Posts: 237
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    That's what this guy needs to do, in order to protect his hard working money. I don't understand why more men don't do this :angry:
  • SakuraRose13
    SakuraRose13 Posts: 621 Member
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    Well my father opted to not pay child support , at the age of 18 I received a check for 75 dollars and than it stopped, lucky me , anyways he and my mother divorced when I was born or just a little bit before, I have an older brother who is 5 years older than me he left my mother and my brother and I to fend for ourselves. he remarried to a woman with one child and she couldn't have nay more , he never had anymore kids I did not find out till I was older that he in fact treated all his children the same when he was 17 he had 2 children those are my half siblings they are 42 and 43 I believe I'm the youngest at a few months shy of 30, anyways the money would have helped yes but it also would have helped more if he had just been my father , oh well what's done is done if she is able to get him to pay than great at least it will help with the basic necessities of life food, water shelter clothes those add up fast , if he doesn't than well she will have to do it on her own which she seems to be doing well at, as long as the child is loved than who cares who the dad is ? money isn't everything :)my mother did it by herself and my brother and I are fine no one would know that I didn't have a (real father )unless they asked. I say you cant miss what you never had .
  • tiggerhammon
    tiggerhammon Posts: 2,211 Member
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    "She got pregnant. She decided to keep the child. Deal with it."

    Of course that crap would come out of a man's mouth.
  • freak4iron
    freak4iron Posts: 995 Member
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    I've seen WAY too many friends get fuked by the system and way to many girls reap the benefits to support it at all. I think everyone should grow the fuk up and handle their *kitten* on their own instead of hiring a corrupt gang of thugs (govt) to do it for you.....
  • Clameater
    Clameater Posts: 317
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    Damn. If you got the Hoe pregnant, man up and pay, unless she won't share custody rights with you...
  • JustYandy
    JustYandy Posts: 221 Member
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    Then..... she is not a dumb *kitten* for sleeping with a married man and no protection too?Was she trying to get prego just to collect because why wouldn't she use protection...Some chicks are crazy too ya know I have ran into a few in my life that brag about trapping Men for cash and make a living off of collecting from different fathers and Welfare.
  • Collier78
    Collier78 Posts: 811 Member
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    Then..... she is not a dumb *kitten* for sleeping with a married man and no protection too?Was she trying to get prego just to collect because why wouldn't she use protection...Some chicks are crazy too ya know I have ran into a few in my life that brag about trapping Men for cash and make a living off of collecting from different fathers and Welfare.

    In the OP it states they were in a long term relationship for about a year. When she found out she was pregnant he dropped her and THEN she found out he had a family...
  • FitFabStar
    FitFabStar Posts: 23 Member
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    I think some of these comments are horrible.

    At the end of the day it's a child we are talking about. An innocent child who needs to be taken care of. Kudos to the mother for going back to school and working a job regardless of what she makes. She seems to be trying. The dad regardless of how much he makes should be willingly trying to help take care of his child. It takes 2 to make a baby so both should split the costs of raising that child. If he wants nothting to do with that child, he could have legally signed away his rights before the child was born and also in some states after the child has been born.

    i wonder what that child will feel like 10 years from now knowing not only was daddy not around, but he didn't find me worth it enough to help profide for me. smh.

    my mother always said if you lay down with dogs you might get up with fleas
  • FitFabStar
    FitFabStar Posts: 23 Member
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    Then..... she is not a dumb *kitten* for sleeping with a married man and no protection too?Was she trying to get prego just to collect because why wouldn't she use protection...Some chicks are crazy too ya know I have ran into a few in my life that brag about trapping Men for cash and make a living off of collecting from different fathers and Welfare.

    In the OP it states they were in a long term relationship for about a year. When she found out she was pregnant he dropped her and THEN she found out he had a family...


    that person obviously couldn't read. it does say that it was after a year and had no idea he was married b/c he was traveling for work
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
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    Damn. If you got the Hoe pregnant, man up and pay, unless she won't share custody rights with you...

    You still gotta pay regardless
  • SemperAnticus1643
    SemperAnticus1643 Posts: 703 Member
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    I've seen WAY too many friends get fuked by the system and way to many girls reap the benefits to support it at all. I think everyone should grow the fuk up and handle their *kitten* on their own instead of hiring a corrupt gang of thugs (govt) to do it for you.....

    I would actually be one of those WOMEN that got "fuked" by the system. I have my children. Been raising both of them without their "father's" help for the last 10 years. Child support COURT ORDER has been in play for years. Since then, my ex has been picked up for several different crimes and not once has the court order been enforced. They are actually still sending me court papers wanting me to tell them where he is.

    Before I ever filed for child support, I even tried to handle it all outside of court. Told him after 6 years of not being around I needed to see some sort of stability and responsibility before I introduce him to "our" daughters. He could pay me $20 a month for 6 months and he could get his visitation. He told me to have my boyfriend pay for them and this was AFTER he acted like he wanted to come back and be "daddy". (My then boyfriend is now my husband) Two weeks later I went down and filed for child support. Not to nail him with it. But to have documentation in family court to prove that he legally abandoned my children and it would be easier to push through an adoption.
  • MFPRat
    MFPRat Posts: 201 Member
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    Take their $$, take their sh*^

    I raised my two on my own, little to no child support money. He didn't bother me or them.

    Of course now that the kids are older and he is sick he wants to be involved.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    I got divorced when my son was four years old.
    I paid $400.00 a month even while he was in college.
    I did not see him from the time he was four until he turned 19. It was always one excuse after another with his Mother.
    Long story and I won't get into it now.
    Anyway, he decided to drop out of college. I begged him not to but, he did it anyway.
    I stopped paying child support.
    She called the state.
    Well, after talking to the state, it turns out that I SHOULD have only been paying $335.00 per month. I don't know how they do their calculations but, she owes ME something like 5 grand.
    I don't expect to ever see that money.

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