Boyfriend always too skinny and doesn't try to gain weight

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Replies

  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    [quote[
    Read that quote edited to sound like a fit guy talking about his more heavy (but still healthy) girlfriend to realize that you sound like a horrible human being
    ...
    Thanks a lot
    I already have low self-esteem
    and now everyone is bagging on me rather than just helping me see the better way through this situation
    there. you made a young lady cry and wish she never existed.
    [/quote]



    NEWS FLASH:
    Everyone *IS* helping you see a better way through the situation. They aren't lying to you, coddling you and telling you what you want to hear. They're saying, it's a YOU issue, and YOU are the only one who can help yourself.

    I have a son your age, and I can tell you RIGHT NOW that if he said something like that, I'd tell him that he was being a terrible boyfriend and that he should let that girl go. (and I've done just that before)

    On a separate note, my 22 year old has a toothache. Guess who's going to the dentist today?
    He isn't crying and blaming ME for his dental issues.

    Need resources to help you get therapy? Ask for that. It's out there and available.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    OP - I think the sentiment of this thread can basically be summed up like this:

    1. You haven't recovered mentally and emotionally from your ED.
    2. If your boyfriend isn't making himself sick, then leave him alone.
    3. You are not a bad person for caring, but the way you care is not right. Fix it!
    4. You are making your relationship toxic.

    If you love yourself and you love him, you will step back from this relationship and get some more help with your ED. I'm not saying you have to break up. If he cares about you, then you can explain to him that you feel like you need to deal with some things before your relationship can move forward, and he will understand. And be specific about what things you feel like you need to work on and why you think it is interferring with your relationship. Trust me, if he is the right one, then everything will work out.

    Best of luck, OP, and don't let people on the forums get you down. Everyone has their own way of communicating and some are just less tactful with their words. You and your boyfriend will be fine.

    QFT
  • MisterDerpington
    MisterDerpington Posts: 604 Member
    Get off MFP forums and go find a therapist. I mean that in the most sincere way possible. The armchair psychology and "tough love" people spew on here isn't going to help you. Just find a way to talk to a professional please!
  • LuckyMunky
    LuckyMunky Posts: 200 Member
    Oh My God.

    Therapy sweetie, get your butt in there.

    It is NOT his job to make YOU feel good. YOU need to do that for yourself and, if you can't, find somebody who can teach you to (like a qualified counselor!)

    I mean.. wow. This just stinks of selfish entitlement. If you have a problem with your body image you need to fix it, not him. You don't need to fix him. HE DOES NOT NEED FIXING! You are projecting your problems onto him. STOP IT.
  • teamAmelia
    teamAmelia Posts: 1,247 Member
    you made a young lady cry and wish she never existed.

    original.gif
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    Well, look on the bright side. If he stays skinny, then he'll probably be unattractive to all the other women too. If he got all hot, then you'd have a lot more problems.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Oh My God.

    Therapy sweetie, get your butt in there.

    It is NOT his job to make YOU feel good. YOU need to do that for yourself and, if you can't, find somebody who can teach you to (like a qualified counselor!)

    I mean.. wow. This just stinks of selfish entitlement. If you have a problem with your body image you need to fix it, not him. You don't need to fix him. HE DOES NOT NEED FIXING! You are projecting your problems onto him. STOP IT.

    tumblr_inline_mrw28gTVUp1qz4rgp.gif
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    I don't think there is such a thing as "too skinny".

    :huh:
  • alyssajayds40
    alyssajayds40 Posts: 17 Member
    My man/husband of over 10 years is taller and weighs less than yours, has lean muscle and I have never thought anything of it other than admiring him and being jealous he can maintain a normal body weight for his frame size for over 10 years! The little Sh1t has it made! Only things that came to mind reading your post was shallow or jealous…maybe both (not saying you are just what I thought) maybe you should just not be in a relationship till you figure it out.
  • GamerGirly
    GamerGirly Posts: 158 Member
    Break up because your boyfriend deserves someone who will accept him as he is.

    Trying to change people against their will is not cool...nor is trying to shape them into your ideal.

    THIS!!!

    He deserves better. You think YOU deserve better!?!?! GO BUY A BARBIE DOLL!!
  • nikkylyn
    nikkylyn Posts: 325 Member
    Oh honey. Seek help. You can't Depend on ur bf weight or eating habits to get u thru ur bulemia. Have u seen anyone for this? Therapy? Anything. If u want to get better u have to do it for u.


    Besides for some gaining weight isn't easy. Not right to critisize his body so u will feel less bad about yours.
  • catmanor
    catmanor Posts: 85 Member
    I have only read the first post but all I can say is it's his life leave him alone.. If you just want a boyfriend to help you with your issues then you are screwed up..

    perhaps you are not the right girl for him
  • An8888
    An8888 Posts: 24 Member
    Even if he started doing everything you said tomorrow, that wouldn't fix your problems. The very fact that you're comparing yourself to him and focusing on changing him is an indication that you have much more healing to do in recovering from your past eating disorder. You're focusing all this energy on making his body the problem you have to fix, but that energy should be focused on changing your perceptions about food and body image. You may need the help of a counselor to do this.
  • raaraa17
    raaraa17 Posts: 1,225 Member
    Warning: tough love ahead. ;)

    This has nothing to do with him being a man. It has to be HIS choice to change his lifestyle, not yours.

    If you can't handle him being skinnier than you (your issue, not his) then you need to have that conversation honestly with him. When all is said and done you either love him for who he is - or you don't. The rest is just petty detail.

    Excellent reply
  • raaraa17
    raaraa17 Posts: 1,225 Member
    maybe if you slimmed down a bit he wouldnt look so small

    Also an excellent reply!
  • Amadbro
    Amadbro Posts: 750 Member
    I'm bulking. Wanna hook up?
  • j75j75
    j75j75 Posts: 854 Member
    When you got together he was skinny. So you have a thing for skinny guys, or at least you did then. Why are you trying to change him? :laugh: :tongue: :laugh: :tongue:
  • Dunsirn
    Dunsirn Posts: 82 Member
    wow.gif
  • afat12
    afat12 Posts: 178 Member
    Maybe skinny guys just aren't your type-- you can't help that! If he doesn't want to change then it is OK to break up, to me it sounds like you just aren't attracted to him. Good luck with everything!
  • CountryGirl8542
    CountryGirl8542 Posts: 449 Member
    You can't change people. They have to want to change.
  • rbcrawford1
    rbcrawford1 Posts: 29 Member
    I'm not sure if someone posted this link, but there is a group on MFP for relapse prevention for ED:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/17316-relaspe-prevention

    That doesn't take the place of professional care, but it might be worth checking out. People have posted that your BF deserves someone who is happy with who he is right now and that's true--we all deserve that. But YOU also deserve to be really truly healthy, and that means that someone else's eating habits, especially when they are innocuous, don't trigger such a self-destructive relapse.
  • teamAmelia
    teamAmelia Posts: 1,247 Member
    maybe if you slimmed down a bit he wouldnt look so small
    You just made a young lady think that she's fat and wish that she never existed. Are you happy?
  • Lexandreia
    Lexandreia Posts: 82
    The problem's you, not him. He isn't a crutch for you. You're trying to force him to do something to make yourself feel better and that's not fair to him.
  • Hegemone
    Hegemone Posts: 12 Member
    For support around restrictive eating, I highly recommend Kathleen DesMaison's program at www.radiantrecovery.com She has a specific group to support people with a history of restriction. (I'm not paid to say this, lol, and the information and the online support group is free.) I'm just really sending you a wish that you focus on you and your healing, and put that recovery at the center of what is going on. You cannot control another human being. Often people with a history of addictive behaviors find themselves struggling with codependence: if I can just control this one person everything will be great. That kind of thing. Not saying that's you, just wondering. Is your boyfriend kind, sweet, funny, loyal, supportive, smart, caring--? What are the ways the two of you connect and have fun? Hoping you are happy and that you both love each other unconditionally, because that's a really special feeling that I wish for everyone. Bless you and take care of yourself!
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Didn't make it past the OP. :noway:

    WTF are you with this poor man????? Geesh.......he needs to run.
  • jwdieter
    jwdieter Posts: 2,582 Member
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  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    My boyfriend works very hard, burns a huge amount of calories every night he goes to work, and does not eat enough to 'bulk'. But, he'll wolf down his food quiet happily and eat whatever is cooked for him. The man eats! He just has a huge calorie burn.

    This is the man who he is, and the man he was when I fell for him. If you do not love the man your boyfriend is, then you do not love your boyfriend.

    The problem is with you, not him. I am sorry to be mean. But I'm a fatty with a skinny bf, and I kinda get where you're coming from, but just like I wouldn't like him squishing my chub and saying, "I wish you'd slim down, sweetums!" He wouldn't like me touching his slender body and saying, "I wish you'd bulk up, babe!"

    It's mean either way. Don't expect your partner to change for you. I'm changing for myself. If your bf decides to change for himself, fine, but you can't force feed him. And if you have food issues, don't expect his behaviors to solve your food issues. :\ Sorry I don't have any kinder advice.

    This. How would you like it if he kept harping on YOU to lose weight all the time? Nice double standard.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
    you made a young lady cry and wish she never existed.

    original.gif

    Off topic: this makes me laugh every time.
  • selfepidemic1
    selfepidemic1 Posts: 159 Member
    The ****? How would you feel if your SO started slagging you off about your body on the internet?

    Grow the FUC.K up. No one needs that ****, ever. It is his body and only his. If he wants to gain, lose, jiggle with it that is up to him. You make me ashamed >: now go back to the corner you came from and consider the consequences of your actions to how he would feel if he seen this post!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I just read the OP and skimmed the rest of this thread. Seems everyone has the basics covered.

    Best of luck, OP.

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