Boyfriend always too skinny and doesn't try to gain weight

webbeyes · November 2013

Odd that I never saw this topic until now.

For most of my adult life (at least from the time I was 17), I've hovered around 145lbs. I'm 5'8" so it's on the low end of BMI.

I have thin wrists and "fine features". I jokingly say that I'm "not genetically predisposed to hulking muscles"

When I played soccer or did a lot of biking, my thighs and calves increased, but my overall weight remained the same.

I could eat 2 Big Macs, large Fries, another cheeseburger, go to bed, and wake up at exactly 145lbs again. As I got older, that really didn't change too much.

Over my life I've dated girls taller than me, shorter than me, lighter than me and heavier than me ... and various combinations thereof. Both of us made the choice to date each other, consciously knowing what each other's stature was (yup...they've ranged from 5'2 to 6'2!)

My wife is about an inch shorter than I am, and lighter than me (no, I'm not dumb enough to specify her weight LOL).

She jokingly says that if I ever get huge and fat, she's out of here.

Then again ... maybe not so jokingly. After all, if I intentionally let myself go, I'm showing I don't respect myself...and I don't respect the image that her and I put forward as a couple (no ... it doesn't show that I don't respect *her*). Intentionally getting huge is "changing the deal" that the two of us consciously (but not necessarily verbally) agreed to when we got started together.

Not every woman wants their man (or woman, for that matter) to be "buff" or to be "heavier than them". You consciously chose him the way he is, it sounds like. Now you want him to change, and that's not something he a) needs to do for health reasons, or b) desires to do at this point in time. You *asking* him to change is actually your hope in changing the conscious/unspoken agreements you came to when you chose each other.

So, he says "no" that he has no desire to change himself at this point in time (which may or may not change in the future). You have to choices: a) accept it, as per your original acceptance of him, or b) decide that you *insist* that he change, and it's significant enough of a deal for you that you're going to end the relationship.

Here's a couple of final thoughts:
* Let's say you convince him to change. Fast-forward to 10, 15, 20 or more years from now. You've spent years screwing up his eating patterns and metabolism...and suddenly he's got bulges where you don't want them - bulges and flab that he would not have had if he had remained in his previous state of fitness. Are you going to be back here saying "boyfriend is now too fat and doesn't try to lose weight"?

* I have personally added 8lbs of muscle in the last few months - by my own choice, at the age of 45. My wife has not even noticed. So, if you want him to "bulk up", a) will you even notice if he does, and b) what's your stopping point for him? (note: I said "your stopping point" because obviously you're not leaving it up to him, are you... it's all about *you*)