Do you "check" your spouse?

MyChocolateDiet

Why would women check other women? And men other men? What would you be checking?

I think it means when nosy busy bodies tell each other what to do. Which is a PITA and to my knowledge leads to ending up with no friends.

ironanimal

wut :indifferent:

Some_Watery_Tart

Absolutely! We're avid campers, so we always check each other for ticks when we get back. No reason to make one of his friends do it. I've seen everything he's got. :bigsmile:

Cindyinpg

I don't even know what you mean.

Me neither so I tried to cover all of them. I think she means nag.

As a Canadian this is what I thought of first.

MyChocolateDiet

I don't even know what that is?
<====not canadian.

I don't even know what you mean.

Me neither so I tried to cover all of them. I think she means nag.

As a Canadian this is what I thought of first.

Chieflrg

ironanimal

I don't even know what that is?
<====not canadian.

I don't even know what you mean.

Me neither so I tried to cover all of them. I think she means nag.

As a Canadian this is what I thought of first.

That's a hip check.

And I'm not even Canadian.

MyChocolateDiet

Hey it's fergie look what she can do...."check it out!"

ItsCasey

Leaving aside the fact that a lot of people marry total morons/*kitten*/*kitten*, I am going to assume that you're talking about a woman who is married to a truly decent man. In that case, I think as a wife and partner, part of your responsibility is to demand the best of your husband and not allow him to walk around with the comforting notion that average is all anyone expects him to be. That means when he does or says something that is unacceptable, you let him know it, and you do it a) in private, b) in a kind, compassionate way that suggests you are aware he is human, and c) firmly enough so that he knows you mean business.

Since I do not believe in bringing other people (aside from trained professionals, in the case of marriage counseling) into your marital issues, I absolutely disagree with the notion that "women should check women and men should check men." I also think it's important to understand that a man is not a mind reader. If he says or does something that bothers you and you carry on as though nothing is wrong (i.e. "acting right" in the hopes that he will "act right" in return), he will assume nothing is wrong and will continue behaving in the same way.

michellekicks

In the event that OP is srs, I will venture to say 1) The OP is worded horribly, but 2) I think it is unwise in any relationship to try and correct or mention EVERY single thing we don't like about what our partner does. It's called "picking and choosing your battles". It's the same for friendships and parental relationships too.

I wouldn't want someone calling me out on everything I don't do in the best manner... I should also not call out my husband on his every improper move.

omgliam

Yeah I'm pretty sure I saw on Dr. Phil that not communicating in a relationship is a great idea.

mister_universe

I don't even know what that is?
<====not canadian.

I don't even know what you mean.

Me neither so I tried to cover all of them. I think she means nag.

As a Canadian this is what I thought of first.

That's a hip check.

And I'm not even Canadian.

Poke check and gentle check into the boards are the only allowable and wife approved checks.

BeachIron

I like to check out her *kitten*.

FatHuMan1

I thought this was about breast and prostate cancer.

Booksandbeaches

I sometimes check out my husband when he's in fitted clothes. Does that count?

Slrajr

Hey it's fergie look what she can do...."check it out!"

Oh yeah. I'll check out Fergie any day!

KathieSwenson

I recently read an article that says that women should check women and men should check men. The wife needs to focus on being a great wife and not say anything to the husband about how he should act and the husband should do the same for his wife. How do you feel about that? Do you check your spouse?

Check for what? Contraband?

Tell him what he's doing wrong. Do you let your spouse know what they should be doing? The article stated that a woman should not tell a man what he should be doing and a man shouldn't tell a wife what she should be doing. Each needs to focus on themselves to be a better person.

ummm Okay. Being the subject of being married, I think it is the wifes duty (as the other half) to let the hubby know if what he did was wrong and visa versa.. IF my spouse goes out and spend money and I look at the bank account and we have no money it is my duty to tell him not to spend money. (had that happen) Marriage is about compromise, knowing your spouse inside out, respecting your spouse and loving him even when he's wrong but it is not about being submissive and following a "role" for the sake of keeping "roles" separate. What may be a woman's role in one household may be the Man's role in another household. For example my Dad always cooks. He likes to cook. in my house I'm the cook. I completely disagree with what this woman stated. 100% disagree. A household such as what she is stating to me would be an abusive household that will allow one of the other to take advantage of their spouse. That just my opinion though.

Slrajr

I sometimes check out my husband when he's in fitted clothes. Does that count?

Sometimes I check to see if my husband has some extra cash when I go shopping:-)
Should I stop doing that?

KathieSwenson

In the event that OP is srs, I will venture to say 1) The OP is worded horribly, but 2) I think it is unwise in any relationship to try and correct or mention EVERY single thing we don't like about what our partner does. It's called "picking and choosing your battles". It's the same for friendships and parental relationships too.

I wouldn't want someone calling me out on everything I don't do in the best manner... I should also not call out my husband on his every improper move.

I kinda agree to this. I wouldn't call my husband out on everything he does. I wouldn't go up tonight and out of the random tell him he never cleans, or he never cooks etc. but there is a time when the wife is responsible as well and it needs to be said. For example when He goes and eats out everyday then one day we look at the bank account and find out that we have no money. IF you don't say anything its going to go in the red. You can't just not say anything.

KathieSwenson

Leaving aside the fact that a lot of people marry total morons/*kitten*/*kitten*, I am going to assume that you're talking about a woman who is married to a truly decent man. In that case, I think as a wife and partner, part of your responsibility is to demand the best of your husband and not allow him to walk around with the comforting notion that average is all anyone expects him to be. That means when he does or says something that is unacceptable, you let him know it, and you do it a) in private, b) in a kind, compassionate way that suggests you are aware he is human, and c) firmly enough so that he knows you mean business.

Since I do not believe in bringing other people (aside from trained professionals, in the case of marriage counseling) into your marital issues, I absolutely disagree with the notion that "women should check women and men should check men." I also think it's important to understand that a man is not a mind reader. If he says or does something that bothers you and you carry on as though nothing is wrong (i.e. "acting right" in the hopes that he will "act right" in return), he will assume nothing is wrong and will continue behaving in the same way.

LOVE THIS !!!!!

angie007az

I never keep my mouth shut if I have something to say. I may think twice about how to say it, but it's gonna come out.

BeckyMBisMe

in for the amusement; but staying out of the conversation.:bigsmile:

Ophidion

How I like to be kept in check...


Oh I think think thread is ridiculous, as someone else mentioned welcome to the 21st century.

brower47

Better check yo self befo you wreck yo self!

Never commenting on actions and attitude doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. However, women/men shouldn't shouldn't get into a relationship thinking that they can change their partner. Don't try to force spare pegs into round holes.

chani8

Check it out. I think you're just checked out on this concept, which sounds like it's coming from the Surrendered Wife method to marriage. Simply put, it means, let your man, man up. If he's basically a good guy, if you stop checking him, he'll start checking himself. Also, instead of checking on your man, you go vent your worries to your women friends and they'll help you check yourself, to shut up and let your man be a man.

That said, that whole concept is based on the men are from mars women are from Venus theory, putting men and women in traditional boxes within the marriage. I agree with the poster earlier in this thread who said that not every couple functions best in traditional roles. So if your man is not manning up in an area that you expect him to, then just maybe it's a personality thing and rather than be the traditional-helpless-woman, woman up and take over for him and let him be human and fallible. Accept his weaknesses, cover his back, and love him anyway. A perfect husband would be rather gross if you ask me. Rather, run with the excitement of imperfection. Where will it take you? Is poverty the worse case scenario? Not the end of the world, that. So chill, and check yourself, leave your DH to check himself, and hope he doesn't check you too much.

And learn to laugh and lighten up. 20 years from now, if your marriage makes it, these checks will be way outdated and you'll wonder why you worried so much and judged so harshly.

Unknown

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wolverine66

I love how people see the word "roles" and automatically assume is old fashion, gender specific roles that are being talked about. I think it's clear that it isn't. And the woman wrote that NEITHER party should be telling what the other should do. So I don't think the original article is sexist or out of the 50's or anything archaic (as it's been described, I haven't read the article),

That said, I think the article, as it has been describes, is wrong.

TavistockToad

The article also said that women have their roles and men have their roles. Those roles don't need to be crossed, exchanged or anything.

I would love to know what these 'roles' are??

BeachIron

The article also said that women have their roles and men have their roles. Those roles don't need to be crossed, exchanged or anything.

I would love to know what these 'roles' are??

Grabs whip and rope. Wait! Wut?

3foldchord

I love how people see the word "roles" and automatically assume is old fashion, gender specific roles that are being talked about. I think it's clear that it isn't. And the woman wrote that NEITHER party should be telling what the other should do. So I don't think the original article is sexist or out of the 50's or anything archaic (as it's been described, I haven't read the article),

That said, I think the article, as it has been describes, is wrong.

I saw that, too. The article said the husband shouldn't be telling the wife what to do/how to do it either, but everyone seems to only focus on the part about the wife keeping quiet.