Self Esteem and Personal Image

Hauntinglyfit

Yes you are awesome . You were one of the very first people i added a long time ago, when i first found this site because of how awesome you are.

jenilla1

I've always been awesome. Once you make a habit of it, it's easy.

Cranquistador

cmcollins001

jofjltncb6

Dang, man, that's some heavy stuff.

I had no idea.

Glad you figured out that you're awesome. Hope life decides to throw you a bone to make your circumstances even awesomer too.

:flowerforyou:

wheird

I am glad that I read this.

nomeejerome

whitebalance

Slrajr

BinaryPulsar

nevertoooldtodoit

Thank you so much! This really strikes a cord.

amcsouth

I feel like I could've written this about myself. I am very, very introverted. I used to think something was wrong with me. Now, I understand that it's just who I am and that there are a LOT of similar people in the world.

When I was fat, I spent way too much time trying to match the labels other people gave me. I was the smart one or the quiet one or the chubby one or some other "type" that seemed to make the people around me more comfortable with themselves. And I tried really hard to live up to that so that I didn't have to be alone.

And then a funny thing happened about a year and a half after I started losing weight (and by that time, I had lost about 100 lbs). I suddenly became very sure of who I was and what I wanted from life. For the first time in my life, I had goals that did not revolve around school or work. My beliefs and values were clearer than ever. I felt this unbelievable sense of freedom, and I realized that it was because I no longer cared what other people wanted me to be or what they already thought I was. I don't need anyone else's approval, whether it's about my looks or my career or my training or anything else. You said it perfectly: I don't care. If I spend the rest of my life alone, I don't care because I feel really, really, fantastically lucky to be me. It is the most liberating feeling ever.

Congrats to you on a level of self-awareness that a lot of people fake really well but never actually achieve.

^^^ This exactly!!

Fantastic post :flowerforyou:

TavistockToad

:drinker:

vjohn04

Solid post!

drvvork

Love the posting....

I too felt this way for many years. Now I own it. I have only me to please and do not worry about whether or not I measure up to someone else - I need to measure up to my own expectations. I cannot expect society to make me happy about me - Only I can do that and I have succeeded in that portion. Kudos to you and your new enlightenment in your life. :drinker:

ladyj_sa

This is awesome... can you feel the love?

goodnamegone

YES YOU ARE!!!!!

Thanks for sharing this.

You're totally awesome!

joytron

Thank you for sharing. It's a good story. : )

EvgeniZyntx

Very nice piece and and glad of what you've gotten to.

Without disrespect to either your story or achievement in self esteem and personal image, I found something in your post that just doesn't sit 100% with me and I wanted to ask you about it (perhaps you don't care ) but it's exactly that phrase use...

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

Maybe it's a subtle thing - I tend to lean more towards "I do care, but it doesn't affect how I see myself".
I care about the opinion of others, it affects my interactions with people, I am not an animal ruled just by pure personal ego ...
Perhaps its a subtle poit that doesn't boil down easily to being free of the influence of opinion in terms of self esteem.

Anyway, all this reminds me of the "I'm OK, Your OK" method I read many, many years ago.
You are awesome, I am awesome is a better term.
I do care, I'm not governed by caring.

Does this make sense to you?

Kookyk9s

I know you are.... But what am I?

AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME

cmcollins001

Very nice piece and and glad of what you've gotten to.

Without disrespect to either your story or achievement in self esteem and personal image, I found something in your post that just doesn't sit 100% with me and I wanted to ask you about it (perhaps you don't care ) but it's exactly that phrase use...

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

Maybe it's a subtle thing - I tend to lean more towards "I do care, but it doesn't affect how I see myself".
I care about the opinion of others, it affects my interactions with people, I am not an animal ruled just by pure personal ego ...
Perhaps its a subtle poit that doesn't boil down easily to being free of the influence of opinion in terms of self esteem.

Anyway, all this reminds me of the "I'm OK, Your OK" method I read many, many years ago.
You are awesome, I am awesome is a better term.
I do care, I'm not governed by caring.

Does this make sense to you?

First, let me say that I have a feeling we are going to have to agree to disagree. You have your views, opinions, and beliefs and I have mine, both are based on life experience, personal interactions, and several other factors. I'm sure we are saying the same thing for the most part, we just have different delivery methods and we are trying to make sure the other sees it "from our perspective".

This isn't an "I'm OK, Your OK" post. It's simply a realization one person had that they are better then they originally thought of themselves. It's a post to let people see that it is possible to change their perspective on life and the things around them if they realize they can change the perspective they have of themselves. It's a post to tell people that they do matter.

Also, I don't care. I don't need to care about peoples perspective of me to interact well with others. I'm not saying that I can go naked through a 5th grade girls gymnastics practice because "I don't care" and think it's ok. I just don't need to care about what people think I should do, in order to fall in line with their preconceived notion of who I should be.

Basically, I have my own life and my own opinions, and they matter. Even if they only matter to me, they matter. They are just as important as the opinions of those around me. I shouldn't fear expressing them, I shouldn't fear acting on them just because the off chance that things get royally screwed or someone may get upset or mad at me. I don't need people to like me in order for me to function, and once I realized that some people just AREN'T going to like me, and that I was fine with that, my life got simpler.

I do care about the opinions of those people I respect, those who have earned that respect. I care about the feelings and opinions of my family. I just don't care about the opinions of the random stranger or general acquaintance in terms of how they view me.

EvgeniZyntx

We are saying the exact same thing, based on you clearing things up above.

The concept behind "I'm OK, you are OK" is just as you say, exactly "a realization one person had that they are better then they originally thought of themselves."

Transaction analysis is just a tool that helps work with interactions (voiced and attitudinal) of others.

From wiki:
1.I'm OK and you are OK. This is the healthiest position about life and it means that I feel good about myself and that I feel good about others and their competence.
2.I'm OK and you are not OK. In this position I feel good about myself but I see others as damaged or less than and it is usually not healthy,
3.I'm not OK and you are OK. In this position the person sees him/herself as the weak partner in relationships as the others in life are definitely better than the self. The person who holds this position will unconsciously accept abuse as OK.
4.I'm not OK and you are not OK. This is the worst position to be in as it means that I believe that I am in a terrible state and the rest of the world is as bad. Consequently there is no hope for any ultimate supports

Just putting it out there, if it helps or is of interest as a methodology. It's got good and bad points.

cmcollins001

Now, let's get back to our regularly scheduled program...and...

chelsiem87

I just THIS!!

JoRocka

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

This has been my attitude now for several years. I have to say it's made me even less popular than I was before, but I really don't care. Most people are just out to use each other for something anyway. And therefore I can live without most people. And I do.

Really- you hang out with the wrong types of people.

All my friends are very pragmatic- we know our own worth- and we have know problem saying we work hard for what we have- and that we don't care if you don't like our stuff. Benefits of working with a lot of artists. we all have a very fug off attitude. We get along great.

EDIT: OP- great post. Good for you for stopping feeling sorry for yourself and moving on- that's a HUGE step- VERY happy for you. I wish I could bottle that up and give it to people!

cmcollins001

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

This has been my attitude now for several years. I have to say it's made me even less popular than I was before, but I really don't care. Most people are just out to use each other for something anyway. And therefore I can live without most people. And I do.

Really- you hang out with the wrong types of people.

All my friends are very pragmatic- we know our own worth- and we have know problem saying we work hard for what we have- and that we don't care if you don't like our stuff. Benefits of working with a lot of artists. we all have a very fug off attitude. We get along great.

EDIT: OP- great post. Good for you for stopping feeling sorry for yourself and moving on- that's a HUGE step- VERY happy for you. I wish I could bottle that up and give it to people!

JoRocka

boom like that

if only it were so easy!

PikaKnight

Very nice piece and and glad of what you've gotten to.

Without disrespect to either your story or achievement in self esteem and personal image, I found something in your post that just doesn't sit 100% with me and I wanted to ask you about it (perhaps you don't care ) but it's exactly that phrase use...

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

Maybe it's a subtle thing - I tend to lean more towards "I do care, but it doesn't affect how I see myself".
I care about the opinion of others, it affects my interactions with people, I am not an animal ruled just by pure personal ego ...
Perhaps its a subtle poit that doesn't boil down easily to being free of the influence of opinion in terms of self esteem.

Anyway, all this reminds me of the "I'm OK, Your OK" method I read many, many years ago.
You are awesome, I am awesome is a better term.
I do care, I'm not governed by caring.

Does this make sense to you?

First, let me say that I have a feeling we are going to have to agree to disagree. You have your views, opinions, and beliefs and I have mine, both are based on life experience, personal interactions, and several other factors. I'm sure we are saying the same thing for the most part, we just have different delivery methods and we are trying to make sure the other sees it "from our perspective".

This isn't an "I'm OK, Your OK" post. It's simply a realization one person had that they are better then they originally thought of themselves. It's a post to let people see that it is possible to change their perspective on life and the things around them if they realize they can change the perspective they have of themselves. It's a post to tell people that they do matter.

Also, I don't care. I don't need to care about peoples perspective of me to interact well with others. I'm not saying that I can go naked through a 5th grade girls gymnastics practice because "I don't care" and think it's ok. I just don't need to care about what people think I should do, in order to fall in line with their preconceived notion of who I should be.

Basically, I have my own life and my own opinions, and they matter. Even if they only matter to me, they matter. They are just as important as the opinions of those around me. I shouldn't fear expressing them, I shouldn't fear acting on them just because the off chance that things get royally screwed or someone may get upset or mad at me. I don't need people to like me in order for me to function, and once I realized that some people just AREN'T going to like me, and that I was fine with that, my life got simpler.

I do care about the opinions of those people I respect, those who have earned that respect. I care about the feelings and opinions of my family. I just don't care about the opinions of the random stranger or general acquaintance in terms of how they view me.

I prefer CM's assertive method of "I don't care" versus a passive aggressive: "I do care but....".

For me, being passive aggressive about what I mean or how I feel is the same as making allowable excuses as to why I can't do something or let something bother me that I shouldn't. This isn't a matter of a debate saying, "I may not agree with you but I respect your viewpoint."

If someone tells me they don't like who I am and that I should be someone else (for example) I sure in the hell am not going to say, "I respect your opinion but...." because really, how can you respect something that is disrespecting who you are?

BinaryPulsar

Very nice piece and and glad of what you've gotten to.

Without disrespect to either your story or achievement in self esteem and personal image, I found something in your post that just doesn't sit 100% with me and I wanted to ask you about it (perhaps you don't care ) but it's exactly that phrase use...

You don't like me? I don't care
You think I need to be a certain way to please you? I don't care
You don't want to go out with me? I don't care

Maybe it's a subtle thing - I tend to lean more towards "I do care, but it doesn't affect how I see myself".
I care about the opinion of others, it affects my interactions with people, I am not an animal ruled just by pure personal ego ...
Perhaps its a subtle poit that doesn't boil down easily to being free of the influence of opinion in terms of self esteem.

Anyway, all this reminds me of the "I'm OK, Your OK" method I read many, many years ago.
You are awesome, I am awesome is a better term.
I do care, I'm not governed by caring.

Does this make sense to you?

First, let me say that I have a feeling we are going to have to agree to disagree. You have your views, opinions, and beliefs and I have mine, both are based on life experience, personal interactions, and several other factors. I'm sure we are saying the same thing for the most part, we just have different delivery methods and we are trying to make sure the other sees it "from our perspective".

This isn't an "I'm OK, Your OK" post. It's simply a realization one person had that they are better then they originally thought of themselves. It's a post to let people see that it is possible to change their perspective on life and the things around them if they realize they can change the perspective they have of themselves. It's a post to tell people that they do matter.

Also, I don't care. I don't need to care about peoples perspective of me to interact well with others. I'm not saying that I can go naked through a 5th grade girls gymnastics practice because "I don't care" and think it's ok. I just don't need to care about what people think I should do, in order to fall in line with their preconceived notion of who I should be.

Basically, I have my own life and my own opinions, and they matter. Even if they only matter to me, they matter. They are just as important as the opinions of those around me. I shouldn't fear expressing them, I shouldn't fear acting on them just because the off chance that things get royally screwed or someone may get upset or mad at me. I don't need people to like me in order for me to function, and once I realized that some people just AREN'T going to like me, and that I was fine with that, my life got simpler.

I do care about the opinions of those people I respect, those who have earned that respect. I care about the feelings and opinions of my family. I just don't care about the opinions of the random stranger or general acquaintance in terms of how they view me.

I prefer CM's assertive method of "I don't care" versus a passive aggressive: "I do care but....".

For me, being passive aggressive about what I mean or how I feel is the same as making allowable excuses as to why I can't do something or let something bother me that I shouldn't. This isn't a matter of a debate saying, "I may not agree with you but I respect your viewpoint."

If someone tells me they don't like who I am and that I should be someone else (for example) I sure in the hell am not going to say, "I respect your opinion but...." because really, how can you respect something that is disrespecting who you are?

I didn't think he was saying that. I thought he was saying that initially he "cares" to listen to what the person is saying. Then he evaluates it for himself to see where they are coming from before coming to a conclusion. Having self awareness and being able to take potential criticism. And if it is something that needs to be worked on he will (without thinking he is a terrible person for having something to work on), and if it's not then he goes on his merry way same as before. Thinking about where the criticism is coming from to determine if it is something to listen to or not listen to. If they are a person you respect that is asking you for something or if it is someone that is disrespecting you. The response is different after evaluating the source and what is being said.

PHr34k0wt

goodness, you should do motivational speeches. You ARE awesome!