Totally not cool.

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CharleePear
CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
in Chit-Chat
I am a kiwi girl, you know a girl from New Zealand. I am not sure if it is my culture or who I am or whatever, but I have never been asked out on a date. Is this a common thing? I am 31 years old, I look younger, I do prefer the younger guys, but at this point anyone who is decent and not too old would be nice. I am really quirky and out there but I don't feel that should be a problem. Just want to know what is wrong with the men out there that can't treat a woman with respect and kindness and actually ask her out?! Oh I have had plenty of guys want sex from me, no I don't dress like a slut, but I don't get dates and I have been completely single for 5 years. So I thought, since I was feel lonely and sad about it tonight, I would start a discussion about this. What do you all think? What is this about?
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Replies

  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    Have you ever tried approaching the guys you like first, perhaps? See if they're interested in you, as well?
    Hmm, maybe an over sharer, like myself? lol. I overshare things that other people would much rather not hear or know about me.

    I don't know, have you asked any of your friends, maybe?
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I am a kiwi girl, you know a girl from New Zealand. I am not sure if it is my culture or who I am or whatever, but I have never been asked out on a date. Is this a common thing? I am 31 years old, I look younger, I do prefer the younger guys, but at this point anyone who is decent and not too old would be nice. I am really quirky and out there but I don't feel that should be a problem. Just want to know what is wrong with the men out there that can't treat a woman with respect and kindness and actually ask her out?! Oh I have had plenty of guys want sex from me, no I don't dress like a slut, but I don't get dates and I have been completely single for 5 years. So I thought, since I was feel lonely and sad about it tonight, I would start a discussion about this. What do you all think? What is this about?

    both of these are it.

    IMO.

    we can get so caught up in "being ourselves" sometimes. the feedback or lack thereof to me indicates you might want to take a look at how you are being perceived. you may not have to "change" for anyone, but they also are under no obligation to date you, ask you out, or take you seriously. it's a two way street, dating. then the ensuing relationship is as well.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    @arpiagape1 - Left a message on your profile, hun. Unsure if your notifications are on or not.
  • Rosplosion
    Rosplosion Posts: 739 Member
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    I've never been asked out either. It's more of an evolving friendship rather than a "dating" experience that leads to a long-term relationship for me.

    Meh.

    I've heard dating sucks anyway.

    ETA: You're very attractive. I LOVE your piercings. YUM.
  • CharleePear
    CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
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    Yep, I know women can ask guys out now, I have in the past, but have always been rejected. I am at the point I just need someone to ask me, I do put myself out there, I flirt and stuff, I have a mass load of guy friends, none of which are suitable, like really not. IMaybe I do say too much or not the right things, but I feel as though people can tie themselves in knots worrying about what they do or don't do, like I am now. I just would like to know what it's like to have someone actually think you are amazing and pursue you. Unfortunately all my experiences of finding others amazing has not been recipricated. Gah, so over being single!
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
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    I am a kiwi girl, you know a girl from New Zealand. I am not sure if it is my culture or who I am or whatever, but I have never been asked out on a date. Is this a common thing? I am 31 years old, I look younger, I do prefer the younger guys, but at this point anyone who is decent and not too old would be nice. I am really quirky and out there but I don't feel that should be a problem. Just want to know what is wrong with the men out there that can't treat a woman with respect and kindness and actually ask her out?! Oh I have had plenty of guys want sex from me, no I don't dress like a slut, but I don't get dates and I have been completely single for 5 years. So I thought, since I was feel lonely and sad about it tonight, I would start a discussion about this. What do you all think? What is this about?

    it's tremendously flattering to men when women ask us out.

    why don't you try that?

    sidebar: your generation has suffered (IMHO) from growing up with the internet and social media and things like that which serve to substitute real world interactions with virtual online interactions. i think real life social/dating skills/experiences are less common with people in their 20's and early 30's now than they were with previous generations. from what i understand, much of what passes for dating in that age group these days is 1) a guy texting a woman to see if she "wants to hang out?", which inevitably leads to a very informal "date" watching TV where the guy usually expects to get sex at some point during the evening OR 2) a late night text for a "booty call". you're not really missing out by not dating these guys... they are idiots and so long as they are getting sex using the tactics of 1) or 2) above, they have little incentive to actually ask women out on proper dates. i think women should be pursued and wined & dined. that's part of the "dance of attraction" and it always has been. however it works both ways. women can certainly be the pursuers as well.
  • emtbabe326
    emtbabe326 Posts: 152
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    I know the feeling about being single

    When i gave up on it, i did find someone i love.
    So just take a pause in finding someone and then it will probably come to you.
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,530 Member
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    I have a mass load of guy friends, none of which are suitable, like really not.

    This might have someting to do with it.
    For all the bluster and bravado, lots of guys are secretly quite easily intimidated and nervous. If they see you constantly surrounded by men, it ight make them wary of approaching you. Also, is there any possibility that any of you're friends actively discourage men from approaching you? I have a lot of female friends and I know when we're out socialising, I have to be very conscious not to be over protective or discourage guys from chating to them.
  • CharleePear
    CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
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    I have a mass load of guy friends, none of which are suitable, like really not.

    This might have someting to do with it.
    For all the bluster and bravado, lots of guys are secretly quite easily intimidated and nervous. If they see you constantly surrounded by men, it ight make them wary of approaching you. Also, is there any possibility that any of you're friends actively discourage men from approaching you? I have a lot of female friends and I know when we're out socialising, I have to be very conscious not to be over protective or discourage guys from chating to them.
    Good points, but I don't hang with guys in bars or anything and in church we all mix and mingle. It could be true, but I dunno. If I am in clubs I go with the girls, but still don't get approached. I know I am not a thin woman but I am sure I am not horrible to look at.
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,530 Member
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    To be fair, it can be even harder to ask a girl out in a bar or club, because you're already out, so to speak.
  • Whyareyoumad
    Whyareyoumad Posts: 268 Member
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    You are a very attractive person, and you say you have a large amount of guy friends. The question is also asked why cant there be any nice guys that are available. There may be, and there may be a few that are in Friend Zone.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
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    Have you ever tried approaching the guys you like first, perhaps? See if they're interested in you, as well?
    Hmm, maybe an over sharer, like myself? lol. I overshare things that other people would much rather not hear or know about me.

    I don't know, have you asked any of your friends, maybe?

    Do guys like it when a girl is forward and asks? I have always been pretty forward myself because I find that's the best way to get what I want and make sure we are both on the same page
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,530 Member
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    Do guys like it when a girl is forward and asks? I have always been pretty forward myself because I find that's the best way to get what I want and make sure we are both on the same page

    Personally I'm easy either way.
    It's not particularly a turn on, but at the same time it doesn't intimidate me.
  • blably
    blably Posts: 490 Member
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    ahhh i ask myself the same thing. im 'on the market' since sept of this yyear.
    and its even harder cause i have to look at my ex and my ex best friend bein all in love aand such

    what i dont get i know a girl...whos not really good lookin- well she is ok but she doesnt give much on showering and being clean...if u know what i mean...yet shes with a guy all the time (well they change pretty quick but hell)

    i think communication has become awfull with internet and all that jaaz


    ahh i dont know, all of this is just new to me i guess
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,530 Member
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    I wouldn't get overly hung up on it.
    Everyone has dry spells and purple patches.
  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
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    What about online dating?
  • blably
    blably Posts: 490 Member
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    i was just talkin to a friend bout that the other day


    but arent just creeps on those online dat. pages? or has it changed in the past....5 years
  • CharleePear
    CharleePear Posts: 1,948 Member
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    You are a very attractive person, and you say you have a large amount of guy friends. The question is also asked why cant there be any nice guys that are available. There may be, and there may be a few that are in Friend Zone.

    Trust me I have thought about this, I have thought about pretty much ever scenario, and tonight I was having one of those times of wondering what's up. I have been like COMPLETELY single for 5 years!! God wtf am I doing wrong?! Been talking it over with friends both guys and girls before, no one has an answer. Truth be told, if you are a single guy, you all should come to NZ cos the stats are 3 women to 1 man, that makes it harder, then I like guys who are not skinny and who are tall, for some reason there are a lot of short folk around me, or skinny guys.
  • BigDougie1211
    BigDougie1211 Posts: 3,530 Member
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    , for some reason there are a lot of short folk around me, or skinny guys.

    Hobbits.
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
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    Have you tried volunteering? You might choose something you're really interested in -- everything is out there, from medical to the environment to helping the poor and working with animals.

    Volunteering gives you a chance to interact with people and get to know them in a natural setting without pressure. I made lifelong friends that way, plus met my wonderful late husband (and I asked him out to coffee).

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