Totally not cool.
Replies
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Yep, I know women can ask guys out now, I have in the past, but have always been rejected.
are there any nice ones you are still in contact with? maybe ask them why they said no?0 -
i was just talkin to a friend bout that the other day
but arent just creeps on those online dat. pages? or has it changed in the past....5 years
Some creeps on there....but I met my husband online so it's not all bad!0 -
First of all, if where you live is so saturated with women, that could be a problem. Have you tried online dating? I've met some creeps, but I've met some really great guys too. I've had two major relationships come from guys I've met online. I didn't meet up with them right away; we emailed for awhile, then talked on the phone.
I also agree with what someone else said; join some group that interests you and you're bound to meet someone with similar interests. My one friend is really into biking and softball, and she constantly meets nice guys when doing either of these activities.
I do not recommend changing who you are or how you act; you should be yourself. However, perhaps something about you is intimidating to other men and they are afraid to ask you out? I'm not sure. I'm surprised your guy friends don't have any perspective. Do they ask girls out regularly?
I don't think the days of wining and dining are over, but I think it's much less frequent than it was years ago. However, you're right. You do deserve to be pursued; we all do.
Another thing I was thinking is perhaps you come off as desperate because inside you may feel that way? I'm not sure, but that's something you could ask close friends. As them to observe you in social situations and give you their opinion. You may not realize you're coming off that way. And I don't know if you are, but perhaps that's something to check.
So, what do you do to try to meet men? Perhaps try some other avenues, like I suggested. I agree though that it's hard to meet a nice guy who doesn't lie and cheat, but it's not impossible.
Good luck to you! Hope you try some new things that bring you success!0 -
let me be the one to be honest here then....
based on your pictures alone, you appear to be a sort of punk/emo/rebellious type.
this does not send the message that you want to formally asked out on a date.
its more of a 'hey lets go hit this rave i just heard about'
which i would consider a date!
because we are going together
i know you guys might think its wrong but the manner in which people aproach you has TONS to to with your appearance**
trust me - im a young black man in america - appearance dictates everything!!
i love your style and look,
but i think if i asked you out on a 'date' you would think im boring and square.
and if im attracted to you, as you are, then a 'date' will be boring for me too......
so lets go do what youre already dressed for0 -
Or if you are quite an extraverted person, maybe try some extraverted hobbies, acting classes, things like that
I was thinking of starting a band for fun.
I agree with YoungIronG though, outward appearances do make a difference, I would like someone like me into the rock scene etc, but the scene is pretty small here in NZ. Maybe I just have to keep chugging along at it. I am 31, the scene is usually a bunch of 16-20 year olds, but not always I guess. I approach people all the time and they find out pretty quick I am personable person, accepting of everyone, and I wouldn't turn a date down based on them not being from the scene. You never know who you might fall in love with.
As for internet dating, that is absolutely out for me, for personal reasons, I really, really can't go back to that.0 -
Yeah , something like that is a good idea. Where other like minded people are likely too be.0
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Online dating worked for me. It took a few years though... But part of that was me being too picky. Most of the men I went out with were proper and practically all of them paid for our date, even when I offered to pay my share. Only one or two were pushy physically (a small percentage).0
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OP blames the men for not asking her out? Get real. Most likely you come off as unapproachable and they sense a no from you before they even ask. Do you have any gay male friends? Ask them, they'll let you know.0
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You're gorgeous, so it must be the guys in your area. They're all defective! I gave up on finding local guys a long time ago. I decided to give online dating a try at around age 20. Have found a lot of dates that way and even met my husband online. Sometimes you have to look beyond where you live.0
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Without reading any of the responses, this is what I have to say, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way!
Perhaps you are intimidating to men? From what you described, you sound similar to my best friend (maybe not exactly the same in appearance, but in attitude and experiences) - she's young, tall, fit, thin, independent, great sense of humor, blonde, big tits, intelligent, not afraid to speak her mind, kind, and an all around catch, but the only attention she ever gets is from boys wanting to throw her down onto the bed for a good f**k and very little men looking for a relationship. :huh: The "good guys" may just think you are way out of their league, which is why they don't even try. Or because you emit such a strong personality it makes them shy away.
I wish I had some actual advice for you OP. It boggles my mind when wonderful women such as my best friend and yourself stay single for so long. Maybe you also have "high standards" without realizing it, so you're automatically turning people down based on superficialitites. At least I know my friend does :ohwell:0 -
I have no idea why you have not been asked out.
I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak. You talk about having many guy friends, but none are suitable. Additionally, men are often turned off by women with more guy friends than women friends, so in the long term, that does not work to your favor. I'm always amazed with women 30+ being incredibly fussy, when in fact the logical move is to become less selective. This 'tude breeds the perpetually single cat woman, but I digress.
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
What I would recommend is an offline approach. Get to meet people in person first, that way, you have a better sense of the in person experience of that person right away rather than wasting your time with someone who you only see words from. Communication entails far more than just words. You said you go to the gym. Get your body in rockin' shape. We're talking normal BMI range, flat stomach, some muscle definition. You don't need six pack abs or anything, you just want to look good. That'll help you attract the man you probably want. You have two ways in a gym setting to meet men. First, never wear headphones to the gym in a basic weight room and machines type setting. That'll make you more approachable. Also, you could take a fitness class. Fitness classes have a greater social component than the plain old typical weight room setting.
Other options include the grocery store, coffee shops, retail stores. Always wear skimpy clothing to accentuate your best physical asset. That ought to help you get asked out more in person.
Most of the women I interact with talk about getting too much attention. I think what I suggest will help you get more attention.
Happy hunting!0 -
You have to reevaluate your lifestyle and understand when and how you are giving opportunity for guys to ask you out. If you are always hanging out with your friends, there are a very few guys who would get up and try to get you out of your group and ask you out. If you want to be asked out, you have to make yourself look available and give the guys a hint. Here are some tips
Go clubbing and get up on dance floor by yourself. You can have your friends keep an eye on you from a distance, but don't make it look like you are with somebody.
At meetups, conference, trade shows etc, look for guys you might be interested in and ask simple questions to help you with something, let the guy lead you from then on.
On social networks, comment, like on guys posts you might be interested in and let them start a conversation with you and you can guide the conversation towards getting asked out.
Hope that helps.0 -
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I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak.
Every time you post, you endear yourself more and more to the women around here. You're such a great guy. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. Really. I bet you have women falling all over themselves to get to go out with you.0 -
I have no idea why you have not been asked out.
I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak. You talk about having many guy friends, but none are suitable. Additionally, men are often turned off by women with more guy friends than women friends, so in the long term, that does not work to your favor. I'm always amazed with women 30+ being incredibly fussy, when in fact the logical move is to become less selective. This 'tude breeds the perpetually single cat woman, but I digress.
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
What I would recommend is an offline approach. Get to meet people in person first, that way, you have a better sense of the in person experience of that person right away rather than wasting your time with someone who you only see words from. Communication entails far more than just words. You said you go to the gym. Get your body in rockin' shape. We're talking normal BMI range, flat stomach, some muscle definition. You don't need six pack abs or anything, you just want to look good. That'll help you attract the man you probably want. You have two ways in a gym setting to meet men. First, never wear headphones to the gym in a basic weight room and machines type setting. That'll make you more approachable. Also, you could take a fitness class. Fitness classes have a greater social component than the plain old typical weight room setting.
Other options include the grocery store, coffee shops, retail stores. Always wear skimpy clothing to accentuate your best physical asset. That ought to help you get asked out more in person.
Most of the women I interact with talk about getting too much attention. I think what I suggest will help you get more attention.
Happy hunting!
Wow. This post was a roller coaster. I nodded in agreement. I was puzzled. Offended. Nodded in agreement. Confused; not sure if I should be angry or amused. Then I was pretty sure you were quoting from some Cosmo magazine or '50's advice column as a joke. Then I was like...yeah, that makes sense. Back to offended.
Fun ride, thanks.0 -
I totally get where you're coming from OP, except in my case I have tons of dates.....that go nowhere. Like NOWHERE. And I have been beating myself up about why....after every one....WHY do they end? (For the record I do online dating, so this is not men asking me out in real life, rather over email or text)
And last night (after my date) it came to me. I'm a B!tch. Straight up b!tch. Now don't get me wrong...it's not all the time. And I'm so caring and compassionate and funny and generous. I have a heart of gold and I generally tend to put others first. BUT if I don't agree with something....or I don't like something.....I'm SO transparent. Like last night I could feel my eyebrows raise and my eyes squint :laugh: I think I roll my eyes too. Like the guy on last Saturday evening that told me he doesn't eat bread because it's "genetically modified". I mean COME ON!!!! Thinking back, the date went downhill after that because I was pretty much like WTF are you talking about? :laugh:
Anyway....I don't think you should change who you are either....I think you are gorgeous and fun! But maybe you are unapproachable.....or maybe overly picky (this happens to me a lot too). It's easy to start to think that all men are douche's (haha been there done that and will probably feel that way later today :laugh: ) but really they aren't. It's just a matter of finding the right ones
It will happen though....and when it does you will know why it took so long :flowerforyou: 0 -
I totally get where you're coming from OP, except in my case I have tons of dates.....that go nowhere. Like NOWHERE. And I have been beating myself up about why....after every one....WHY do they end? (For the record I do online dating, so this is not men asking me out in real life, rather over email or text)
And last night (after my date) it came to me. I'm a B!tch. Straight up b!tch. Now don't get me wrong...it's not all the time. And I'm so caring and compassionate and funny and generous. I have a heart of gold and I generally tend to put others first. BUT if I don't agree with something....or I don't like something.....I'm SO transparent. Like last night I could feel my eyebrows raise and my eyes squint :laugh: I think I roll my eyes too. Like the guy on last Saturday evening that told me he doesn't eat bread because it's "genetically modified". I mean COME ON!!!! Thinking back, the date went downhill after that because I was pretty much like WTF are you talking about? :laugh:
Anyway....I don't think you should change who you are either....I think you are gorgeous and fun! But maybe you are unapproachable.....or maybe overly picky (this happens to me a lot too). It's easy to start to think that all men are douche's (haha been there done that and will probably feel that way later today :laugh: ) but really they aren't. It's just a matter of finding the right ones It will happen though....and when it does you will know why it took so long :flowerforyou:
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products. Maybe this attitude is normal and I've just been extremely lucky with the women I've been in serious relationships with over the years.
I think this is a prime example why men would rather just "hang out" and grab coffee instead of going out to a nice dinner during the courting process. I couldn't imagine sitting across from someone after getting into this kind of trivial argument. Talk about awkward!0 -
Maybe you're putting a the "unavailable/unappoachable" sort of "vibe"?
Maybe guys are doing the old "ahh man, I'd love to ask her but she's totally out of my league and would never say yes..0 -
I have no idea why you have not been asked out.
I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak. You talk about having many guy friends, but none are suitable. Additionally, men are often turned off by women with more guy friends than women friends, so in the long term, that does not work to your favor. I'm always amazed with women 30+ being incredibly fussy, when in fact the logical move is to become less selective. This 'tude breeds the perpetually single cat woman, but I digress.
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
What I would recommend is an offline approach. Get to meet people in person first, that way, you have a better sense of the in person experience of that person right away rather than wasting your time with someone who you only see words from. Communication entails far more than just words. You said you go to the gym. Get your body in rockin' shape. We're talking normal BMI range, flat stomach, some muscle definition. You don't need six pack abs or anything, you just want to look good. That'll help you attract the man you probably want. You have two ways in a gym setting to meet men. First, never wear headphones to the gym in a basic weight room and machines type setting. That'll make you more approachable. Also, you could take a fitness class. Fitness classes have a greater social component than the plain old typical weight room setting.
Other options include the grocery store, coffee shops, retail stores. Always wear skimpy clothing to accentuate your best physical asset. That ought to help you get asked out more in person.
Most of the women I interact with talk about getting too much attention. I think what I suggest will help you get more attention.
Happy hunting!
WTF!!
OP I think you have enough sense to ignore everything this guy says, don't you
:flowerforyou: 0 -
I totally get where you're coming from OP, except in my case I have tons of dates.....that go nowhere. Like NOWHERE. And I have been beating myself up about why....after every one....WHY do they end? (For the record I do online dating, so this is not men asking me out in real life, rather over email or text)
And last night (after my date) it came to me. I'm a B!tch. Straight up b!tch. Now don't get me wrong...it's not all the time. And I'm so caring and compassionate and funny and generous. I have a heart of gold and I generally tend to put others first. BUT if I don't agree with something....or I don't like something.....I'm SO transparent. Like last night I could feel my eyebrows raise and my eyes squint :laugh: I think I roll my eyes too. Like the guy on last Saturday evening that told me he doesn't eat bread because it's "genetically modified". I mean COME ON!!!! Thinking back, the date went downhill after that because I was pretty much like WTF are you talking about? :laugh:
Anyway....I don't think you should change who you are either....I think you are gorgeous and fun! But maybe you are unapproachable.....or maybe overly picky (this happens to me a lot too). It's easy to start to think that all men are douche's (haha been there done that and will probably feel that way later today :laugh: ) but really they aren't. It's just a matter of finding the right ones It will happen though....and when it does you will know why it took so long :flowerforyou:
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products. Maybe this attitude is normal and I've just been extremely lucky with the women I've been in serious relationships with over the years.
I think this is a prime example why men would rather just "hang out" and grab coffee instead of going out to a nice dinner during the courting process. I couldn't imagine sitting across from someone after getting into this kind of trivial argument. Talk about awkward!
Dodged a bullet is a pretty harsh statement, no? And it actually wasn't that I got "so bent out of shape" but I did challenge him on it and it wasn't an "argument" at all, rather a discussion. Perhaps I am the one that dodged a bullet if a man can't have a discussion/debate on something.
Thanks for coming out though.0 -
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products.
Yeah. It was her dates that dodged the bullet.0 -
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products.
Yeah. It was her dates that dodged the bullet.
Thank you :flowerforyou:0 -
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products.
Yeah. It was her dates that dodged the bullet.
Thank you :flowerforyou:
Stupidity and buying into every fad and media-hyped panic is enough reason to not want to see someone again, if you ask me. lol
Anyway, don't mind Mike. He's a bit of an egotistical misogynist.0 -
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
Quality over quantity is the name of the game (or should be).
There was a thread in another forum about a guy who made a fake OKCupid profile. The profile had an obese woman who said numerous times throughout her profile that she was HIV positive. The OP had screenshots of her inbox and it was full of men flat out asking for sex.
As a man, I just have to SMH at a lot of guys who do online. Though I'm sure there some good guys out there.0 -
I wouldn't stress so much. I'm also 31 and I haven't been on a date in over a year. I don't get approached or asked out. I know I'm intimidating though. I'm independent and fairly accomplished, which can be a bit much for a man's ego.
Like everyone has said, it's when you stop looking that someone comes into your life. This has been correct in almost every one of my previous relationships.
Keep in mind that people settle a lot later in life now. Single in your early 30s isn't that big of a deal. Plus, many couples divorce around this time, too. So there'll be more fish in the sea. Just focus on yourself and being happy.0 -
I have no idea why you have not been asked out.
I sense that you are overly picky given your own "market value" so to speak. You talk about having many guy friends, but none are suitable. Additionally, men are often turned off by women with more guy friends than women friends, so in the long term, that does not work to your favor. I'm always amazed with women 30+ being incredibly fussy, when in fact the logical move is to become less selective. This 'tude breeds the perpetually single cat woman, but I digress.
Anyway, you could do online dating. I wouldn't recommend it, but here's what it is likely to happen for you. Your inbox will be full, as you will have hundreds of messages. Many will be creepy. But you could sequence 5 dates in 5 days no problem.
What I would recommend is an offline approach. Get to meet people in person first, that way, you have a better sense of the in person experience of that person right away rather than wasting your time with someone who you only see words from. Communication entails far more than just words. You said you go to the gym. Get your body in rockin' shape. We're talking normal BMI range, flat stomach, some muscle definition. You don't need six pack abs or anything, you just want to look good. That'll help you attract the man you probably want. You have two ways in a gym setting to meet men. First, never wear headphones to the gym in a basic weight room and machines type setting. That'll make you more approachable. Also, you could take a fitness class. Fitness classes have a greater social component than the plain old typical weight room setting.
Other options include the grocery store, coffee shops, retail stores. Always wear skimpy clothing to accentuate your best physical asset. That ought to help you get asked out more in person.
Most of the women I interact with talk about getting too much attention. I think what I suggest will help you get more attention.
Happy hunting!
WTF!!
OP I think you have enough sense to ignore everything this guy says, don't you :flowerforyou:
Exactly where should I be ignored? Just want to know. The OP isn't being asked out. Things aren't working. I suggest shaking things up a bit. I think she'd be asked out more, and with less time wasting guys, by doing exactly what I say. And this is the thanks I get? I'm shaking my head.0 -
I totally get where you're coming from OP, except in my case I have tons of dates.....that go nowhere. Like NOWHERE. And I have been beating myself up about why....after every one....WHY do they end? (For the record I do online dating, so this is not men asking me out in real life, rather over email or text)
And last night (after my date) it came to me. I'm a B!tch. Straight up b!tch. Now don't get me wrong...it's not all the time. And I'm so caring and compassionate and funny and generous. I have a heart of gold and I generally tend to put others first. BUT if I don't agree with something....or I don't like something.....I'm SO transparent. Like last night I could feel my eyebrows raise and my eyes squint :laugh: I think I roll my eyes too. Like the guy on last Saturday evening that told me he doesn't eat bread because it's "genetically modified". I mean COME ON!!!! Thinking back, the date went downhill after that because I was pretty much like WTF are you talking about? :laugh:
Anyway....I don't think you should change who you are either....I think you are gorgeous and fun! But maybe you are unapproachable.....or maybe overly picky (this happens to me a lot too). It's easy to start to think that all men are douche's (haha been there done that and will probably feel that way later today :laugh: ) but really they aren't. It's just a matter of finding the right ones It will happen though....and when it does you will know why it took so long :flowerforyou:
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products. Maybe this attitude is normal and I've just been extremely lucky with the women I've been in serious relationships with over the years.
I think this is a prime example why men would rather just "hang out" and grab coffee instead of going out to a nice dinner during the courting process. I couldn't imagine sitting across from someone after getting into this kind of trivial argument. Talk about awkward!
Dodged a bullet is a pretty harsh statement, no? And it actually wasn't that I got "so bent out of shape" but I did challenge him on it and it wasn't an "argument" at all, rather a discussion. Perhaps I am the one that dodged a bullet if a man can't have a discussion/debate on something.
Thanks for coming out though.
Yeah, but you originally stated that "I'm a btch, a straight up btch" in your original post. And then you escalate an argument over something pretty insignificant and then blame the guy?0 -
If the ratio of women to men in New Zealand is 3/1 the odds are stacked against you to begin with. You do have a unique style, which I applaud, but the men that style attracts most likely are not the type you are looking for. Most men hitting 30 have a career where they can't have a style like yours and the women they are approaching are the ones they can take home for holiday. I am sure they can take you to meet family and friends but if their family/friends is not into the style....they would need to do the whole get to know her, you'll get why she is so great, thing. For a lot of men that would be a lot of extra work that without already knowing you, they may just not want to put in.
You also say you have many male friends, why are none of them date-able?
With a 3/1 ratio then your unique style, the odds are just not in a womans favor. Living in California again would make dating a lot easier for you probably :flowerforyou:
I do believe what the others have said, try to just be single without the worry and the right man will come to you.0 -
I totally get where you're coming from OP, except in my case I have tons of dates.....that go nowhere. Like NOWHERE. And I have been beating myself up about why....after every one....WHY do they end? (For the record I do online dating, so this is not men asking me out in real life, rather over email or text)
And last night (after my date) it came to me. I'm a B!tch. Straight up b!tch. Now don't get me wrong...it's not all the time. And I'm so caring and compassionate and funny and generous. I have a heart of gold and I generally tend to put others first. BUT if I don't agree with something....or I don't like something.....I'm SO transparent. Like last night I could feel my eyebrows raise and my eyes squint :laugh: I think I roll my eyes too. Like the guy on last Saturday evening that told me he doesn't eat bread because it's "genetically modified". I mean COME ON!!!! Thinking back, the date went downhill after that because I was pretty much like WTF are you talking about? :laugh:
Anyway....I don't think you should change who you are either....I think you are gorgeous and fun! But maybe you are unapproachable.....or maybe overly picky (this happens to me a lot too). It's easy to start to think that all men are douche's (haha been there done that and will probably feel that way later today :laugh: ) but really they aren't. It's just a matter of finding the right ones It will happen though....and when it does you will know why it took so long :flowerforyou:
Sounds like all of your dates have dodged a bullet. I couldn't imagine being with someone who gets so bent out of shape after talking about GMO wheat products. Maybe this attitude is normal and I've just been extremely lucky with the women I've been in serious relationships with over the years.
I think this is a prime example why men would rather just "hang out" and grab coffee instead of going out to a nice dinner during the courting process. I couldn't imagine sitting across from someone after getting into this kind of trivial argument. Talk about awkward!
Dodged a bullet is a pretty harsh statement, no? And it actually wasn't that I got "so bent out of shape" but I did challenge him on it and it wasn't an "argument" at all, rather a discussion. Perhaps I am the one that dodged a bullet if a man can't have a discussion/debate on something.
Thanks for coming out though.
Yeah, but you originally stated that "I'm a btch, a straight up btch" in your original post. And then you escalate an argument over something pretty insignificant and then blame the guy?
Calling yourself a female dog is not a good thing. There's an expression that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Guys like a sweet, feminine woman.
The whole GMO bread thing is absurd, but the main point I see because I see the bigger picture is how the dates are happening. Perhaps trifling discussions over GMO bread wouldn't happen on dates if VegasBaby met more men offline first and then went on a date with them. A lot of dates that happen from online/app sources really have no business happening if the two people met offline in a grocery store, fitness class, or quiet bar for 10 mins first and spent some quality time together.0 -
If the ratio of women to men in New Zealand is 3/1 the odds are stacked against you to begin with. You do have a unique style, which I applaud, but the men that style attracts most likely are not the type you are looking for. Most men hitting 30 have a career where they can't have a style like yours and the women they are approaching are the ones they can take home for holiday. I am sure they can take you to meet family and friends but if their family/friends is not into the style....they would need to do the whole get to know her, you'll get why she is so great, thing. For a lot of men that would be a lot of extra work that without already knowing you, they may just not want to put in.
Wow, where did you find the 3:1 female to male ratio? Census data for New Zealand has it at 1.05 : 1, male : female ratio.
The most extreme ratio on planet is China with a 1.12 : 1, male : female ratio.0
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