Eating for your hair type

Oliviamarie05

This is a thing?

I don't want to live on this planet any more.

There are exits on your left and right, just follow the special safety lighting. Don't forget your life jacket and take your heels off before you jump on the inflatable ramp/raft thing.

Fantastic. I'll come back when raspberry ketones, cleanses, detoxes and eating for your DNA/hair/blood type is no longer a thing.

In the meantime I shall enjoy my red velvet chocolate chip cupcake. (I guess I'm eating for my hair type. damn)

Nicolee_2014

:laugh:

Mollysous

blondes:
eat: yellow and white food, e.g. bananas, white rice, white bread, pilau rice, saffron potatoes
don't eat: purple foods, so no aubergines or blueberries for you! and red grapes are not allowed even though they're called red grapes because in actual fact they are purple. Yep, no red wine either, sorry. But knock yourself out on white wine and champagne.

But I don't like pilau rice. :sad: Can I substitute it with cauliflower?

blondes can substitute anything with cauliflower

other hair colours will have to substitute cauliflower as follows:

gingers: butternut squash

brunettes: wood chips

black haired people: Guinness

Can I be a black-haired ginger?

Fullsterkur_woman

The things I miss when I'm busy all day and away from my keyboard!

karl39x

Wait a minute. Gingers don't have souls, therefore they don't eat. How do you explain that?

Oliviamarie05

Wait a minute. Gingers don't have souls, therefore they don't eat. How do you explain that?

When we ingest a soul it reflects the eating habits of person we have destroyed. I most like brunettes. Mmm chocolate flavoured soul.

colortheworld

Woo. I can deal with this. Chocolate and beer ftw. :drinker: Also, can I has whiskey? It's brown-ish. :drinker:

QuietBloom

Note: if like me you're heterozygous, you have to eat for both hair types. You see I have one copy of the ginger gene and one of the brown haired gene, so even though I've got brown hair, I need to follow both the brown and ginger haired advice as the "don't eat" foods for gingers still act on that recessive gene sitting in all my cells and I might spontaneously combust if I eat them even though said recessive gene is not expressed in my phenotype.

You really are part Neanderthal.

karl39x

Wait a minute. Gingers don't have souls, therefore they don't eat. How do you explain that?

When we ingest a soul it reflects the eating habits of person we have destroyed. I most like brunettes. Mmm chocolate flavoured soul.

Interesting. Then that means it is true, that for every soul a ginger takes they get a freckle.

Oliviamarie05

Wait a minute. Gingers don't have souls, therefore they don't eat. How do you explain that?

When we ingest a soul it reflects the eating habits of person we have destroyed. I most like brunettes. Mmm chocolate flavoured soul.

Interesting. Then that means it is true, that for every soul a ginger takes they get a freckle.

Actually it's for every hundred souls you gain a freckle. We would be entirely covered to soon if it worked out 1for 1.

hstoblish

I can totally stay on this diet!

karl39x

Wait a minute. Gingers don't have souls, therefore they don't eat. How do you explain that?

When we ingest a soul it reflects the eating habits of person we have destroyed. I most like brunettes. Mmm chocolate flavoured soul.

Interesting. Then that means it is true, that for every soul a ginger takes they get a freckle.

Actually it's for every hundred souls you gain a freckle. We would be entirely covered to soon if it worked out 1for 1.

HAHAHA! That's hilarious!

Otterluv

This is a new diet, you match your food according to your hair type. You need to determine your hair colour, and you follow the recommendations below. Because everyone knows that your hair roots go all the way down to your digestive system. And the diet works even better if you also take pills containing extract of unicorn pee and tail hair. (it's only $199.99 for a months supply).

Note: if like me you're heterozygous, you have to eat for both hair types. You see I have one copy of the ginger gene and one of the brown haired gene, so even though I've got brown hair, I need to follow both the brown and ginger haired advice as the "don't eat" foods for gingers still act on that recessive gene sitting in all my cells and I might spontaneously combust if I eat them even though said recessive gene is not expressed in my phenotype.

The eating plan:

gingers:
eat: orange food, e.g. oranges, carrots, anything seaasoned with garam masala, orange smarties and other orange candy
don't eat: blue food. This includes blueberries on account of the name in spite of the fact they're actually purple.

blondes:
eat: yellow and white food, e.g. bananas, white rice, white bread, pilau rice, saffron potatoes
don't eat: purple foods, so no aubergines or blueberries for you! and red grapes are not allowed even though they're called red grapes because in actual fact they are purple. Yep, no red wine either, sorry. But knock yourself out on white wine and champagne.

brunettes:
eat: you lucky things you, you get to eat all the chocolate you like and still stay thin.
don't eat: yellow foods. what I said about chocolate only applies to chocolate with about 50% cocoa or higher. Milky bar type of white chocolate will coagulate in your lymphatic system. Oh yeah and don't drink white wine or champagne either. But you can drink all the beer you like, and if you mix wine with beer that's okay because the resulting mixture is brown.

people with black hair (sorry you don't seem to have your own special word, blame the dictionary, not me):
eat: black foods, like blackcurrants, blackberries, black pepper and Guinness. And anything you mix into Guinness will be good for you.
don't eat: transparent foods, such as jelly and water. Anything you drink has to be viscous enough that you can't see your hand the other side of the glass. Stick to Guinness to be on the safe side.

people with grey or white hair:
eat: foods that are highly distinguished such as caviar and lobster, or anything that goes well with fava beans and a nice chianti
don't eat: new-fangled foods of the younger generation such as all these new fangled donut and cupcake varieties you get in food shops nowadays.

So there you have it! A simple diet whereby everyone can lose weight just by eating right for their hair type!

So, super strong coffee fits in there, right?! My hair is black, but with some brown if the light hits it just right, so I should get to eat from BOTH lists. That's science.

Santasmincepie

What can people who wear wigs eat? And what about those with the hair transplant thingies stitched into their scalps?

Easy. They can only eat Take out.

kaned_ferret

Is is sad that I actually do like to eat anything orange? especially butternut squash lol.

I don't think I eat anything blue. So, as somebody who is eating for my hair type, it's clearly working, I have yet to self combust :drinker:

Santasmincepie

Would Marge Simpson only be allowed to eat blue foods then?

spade117

Oh good, so if I eat carrots I can become ginger!

And have your soul disintegrate?

neandermagnon

bump because someone made a thread about the blood type diet

Go_Mizzou99

What the hell do bald people eat?
Guess I'll have to stick with Bourbon, Cigars and Strippers.

^^^this^^^