Fun for thought Only...Opinions Requested!
Replies
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I think it just depends on the person's preference. There's no right/wrong. If you, (male/female), are interested in someone and you prefer to wait for their approach, you run the risk of not ever getting the chance to find out. If you prefer to approach, you will run the risk of rejection. It's the approach method that matters. In my opinion, cat calls aren't a serious approach. Could be flattering for some, but not a serious, I'm interested in you approach. If you are approached and you don't share the same interest, making a scene or embarrassing the person that was brave enough to approach isn't respectful either. Here is where class versus no class would be decided, for me at least. Confident, shy, aggressive, passive, alpha, beta.....Who cares!? If the person your interested in is bothered by your preference, then they probably couldn't have made you happy anyway and your better off.
All great responses!! Love the individuality of all opinions! But this response is a home run!
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In life you have to go for it! You only live once0
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I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.0 -
Personally I wouldn't approach a man. I would rather the man approach me but its easy to catch someone's eye from a far and then flirt enough to make it happen
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Catching someone's eye / getting their attention = to approaching / pursuing, to me anyway. The only difference is that one tactic is more direct.
I still wouldn't approach direct I do feel there is a difference plus I wd be too scared off rejection so maybe it's a lack of confidence!0 -
Great response. I will add some notes to that myself.Topsking2010 -
Apparently, you only like trying to talk via PM so that you only irritate one person at a time but I have no more intention of engaging you in a PM conversation than TheSlorax did. However, allow me to respond.
You claim that you "date hot women who like being approached by a man" and that it's an "alpha male thing." I date hot women who welcome an approach from a man but are also confident enough to talk to someone they find interesting without relying on that person to make it happen. And alpha males aren't threatened by strong women.
I wouldn't date a man who refers to himself as an 'Alpha male". If you have to claim it, you aint got it.You also claim the people getting annoyed at your comments are from a different generation like me. You were born in 1962; I was born in 1973. Not that much younger than you chief, but apparently, a little more enlightened and a little more comfortable around women with a brain and a spine.
I was born in 1963. Never had a problem approaching a man to let him know I was interested. Never had one turn me away for being not classy enough. I introduced myself to my husband. He was smart enough to put a ring on it. We've been happily together for 16+ years. We are 'man' enough and 'women' enough to keep each other happy and at home.
We teach our son and our daughters to have confidence in themselves, while respecting others.You also suggest that I talk to my dad about this and listen to his comments. First off, my dad is 78 years old and has been married forever. He doesn't know the first thing about talking to women he might find interesting. Secondly, my dad works with and around strong women all the time and sees them as people and equals, not window dressing, chefs and babysitters.
It's 2014. Join the real world. Or, at the very least, don't keep your daughter from doing so.
I have known many men from my generation and even the generation of my parents, that put women into 2 different categories. Those you marry, (aka Classy) and those you cheat on your wife with. (aka NOT classy. or aggressive/confident in their opinion)
Fortunately, some real men have figured out you can have both in one woman, and everyone is happy! Except divorce lawyers.0 -
I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
This is interesting - I guess this depends on your idea of "pursue"... I like to make my husband coffee. I know it's weird but it's this little tiny thing I do in the morning to say I love you. I'm one of those people who shows love in acts of service. He's wordier and touchier, but it still works. So, from the outside there may be lots of little ways that people think I pursue him, but it's really not the case. We just show our affection slightly differently.
ETA: Despite what this might look like, I'm not submissive in the relationship... just wanted to be clear. This is only one very small aspect of our relationship, please don't make a bunch of assumptions about me or my relationship based on this little anecdote.0 -
News flash......Men cannot read minds !
I know it's shocking, but the upshot is that both sexes have to communicate with each other.0 -
pursue, why not?0
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News flash......Men cannot read minds !
I know it's shocking, but the upshot is that both sexes have to communicate with each other.
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I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
This is antiquated. Two of my exes pursued me, sure the relationships didn't work out in the end, but I had absolutely no interest in them at first but they persisted and I grew to have feelings for them. If they hadn't done that I never would've asked them out in the first place because I wasn't interested.
So what are they supposed to do. Sit there and pine? Is their role as a woman to forever sit around and look pretty in the hope that I'll eventually, for some unfathomable reason, turn around and reciprocate their feelings even if before there was absolutely no chance of it?
They wooed me, that's the long and short of it, they pursued me, and because of that, they got what they wanted.
It's not the woman's role in society to be the object that men chase anymore, a woman can now reach for what she wants, and get what she wants, because she is capable of it and not restricted by screwed up gender roles and sexist ideas about what a woman is allowed to do (to a certain extent, there are still a lot of obstacles that restrict women from full freedom, but that's a different topic). If anyone looks at a woman pursuing a man and thinks "She's so desperate going after him." or "That's not her job!" then they're sexist morons. That's the long and short of it, I don't care if it's a woman saying it (internalized) or a man (misogynist).
A healthy relationship is one where both partners want the other and will continue to make efforts to feel the other wanted and cared for. That's just normal, it's not just housewives waiting for their man to get home and give them some nice jewelry anymore.0 -
^^^^^^^ well said! Go for it! Be bold.... what do you have to lose... nothing at all.0
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Wow...can't believe how viciously people jump all over someone for merely having a difference of opinion.
Although I've been out of the game for a while, personally I've never been the type to approach a man or make the first move. Flirt? Yes. Make eye contact and smile? Yes. Give clear signs I'm interested in being approached? Yes.
But ask out, ask for phone number, ask to dance, make date arrangements, etc...Maybe i'm a little old-school but I always just felt if he wasn't coming up to me, calling me, pursuing me, he just wasn't THAT interested. And I wanted someone THAT interested. From my experience there are plenty of men who are THAT interested so why settle for anything less?
I realize it's 2014 but I would still advise my daughter not to chase boys.
For the record, this is not a judgement on any woman who shares a different opinion. We all have our own values, beliefs and methods to our madness.0 -
Wow...can't believe how viciously people jump all over someone for merely having a difference of opinion.
Although I've been out of the game for a while, personally I've never been the type to approach a man or make the first move. Flirt? Yes. Make eye contact and smile? Yes. Give clear signs I'm interested in being approached? Yes.
But ask out, ask for phone number, ask to dance, make date arrangements, etc...Maybe i'm a little old-school but I always just felt if he wasn't coming up to me, calling me, pursuing me, he just wasn't THAT interested. And I wanted someone THAT interested. From my experience there are plenty of men who are THAT interested so why settle for anything less?
I realize it's 2014 but I would still advise my daughter not to chase boys.
For the record, this is not a judgement on any woman who shares a different opinion. We all have our own values, beliefs and methods to our madness.
I suck at all forms of flirting, eye contact, and otherwise generally accepted forms of body language. So my options were sit and wait or just get my butt up and handle it myself. I'm a direct person, some guys were ok with that, my husband being one of them, admittedly a lot of guys weren't, but my dating experience was limited mostly to highschool so that probably had more to do with that issue than anything else.0 -
I think women approaching is fine. I never once viewed it as desperate. Approach away ladies.
I've gotten approached a few times at bars. Unfortunately, I was never interested in the women who approached me. I've always had much better luck being the pursuer and not the pursue.0 -
Wow...can't believe how viciously people jump all over someone for merely having a difference of opinion.
Although I've been out of the game for a while, personally I've never been the type to approach a man or make the first move. Flirt? Yes. Make eye contact and smile? Yes. Give clear signs I'm interested in being approached? Yes.
But ask out, ask for phone number, ask to dance, make date arrangements, etc...Maybe i'm a little old-school but I always just felt if he wasn't coming up to me, calling me, pursuing me, he just wasn't THAT interested. And I wanted someone THAT interested. From my experience there are plenty of men who are THAT interested so why settle for anything less?
I realize it's 2014 but I would still advise my daughter not to chase boys.
For the record, this is not a judgement on any woman who shares a different opinion. We all have our own values, beliefs and methods to our madness.
So pawning off the responsibility is not settling.
Check.0 -
Honestly? You'll probably get various, contradicting replies from people of both genders. This is why dating in this modern day is tough. :grumble:
I approach girls if I know for sure they're les/bi. Guys? I've never approached guys. I tend to let him subtly know I'm interested. Though, if he approaches me, I'm not beyond a little flirting. :blushing:0 -
I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
This is antiquated. Two of my exes pursued me, sure the relationships didn't work out in the end, but I had absolutely no interest in them at first but they persisted and I grew to have feelings for them. If they hadn't done that I never would've asked them out in the first place because I wasn't interested.
So what are they supposed to do. Sit there and pine? Is their role as a woman to forever sit around and look pretty in the hope that I'll eventually, for some unfathomable reason, turn around and reciprocate their feelings even if before there was absolutely no chance of it?
They wooed me, that's the long and short of it, they pursued me, and because of that, they got what they wanted.
It's not the woman's role in society to be the object that men chase anymore, a woman can now reach for what she wants, and get what she wants, because she is capable of it and not restricted by screwed up gender roles and sexist ideas about what a woman is allowed to do (to a certain extent, there are still a lot of obstacles that restrict women from full freedom, but that's a different topic). If anyone looks at a woman pursuing a man and thinks "She's so desperate going after him." or "That's not her job!" then they're sexist morons. That's the long and short of it, I don't care if it's a woman saying it (internalized) or a man (misogynist).
A healthy relationship is one where both partners want the other and will continue to make efforts to feel the other wanted and cared for. That's just normal, it's not just housewives waiting for their man to get home and give them some nice jewelry anymore.
I like this. Well said.0 -
I think.....0
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I think.....
......I already know! Thanks 0 -
I never approach. Not because I doubt a female would be interested, I am aware I am moderately attractive and in pretty good shape. So I would make it past most women's "looks" filter I think. And my cowboy hat seems to work miracles lol. But I am horrible at carrying on a conversation if I don't know someone. I blame it on being very shy and introverted. So beyond "hello," I would have no idea what to say.
That being said, I get approached pretty much every time I go out to a bar to listen to live music. I don't see anything wrong with it. And I will usually chat with the person as long as they want to chat. But not like I am going to pick up anyone in a bar anyway, regardless of who approaches.0 -
Clear signals and flirting can usually encourage him to make the first "move". And it never hurts to not rush things0
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I haven't read all responses ---
I would say approach YES, pursue, NO.
I wouldn't want to be with a man who didn't pursue me, and not that the woman should feign disinterest either and play hard to get - quite the opposite! Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
This is antiquated. Two of my exes pursued me, sure the relationships didn't work out in the end, but I had absolutely no interest in them at first but they persisted and I grew to have feelings for them. If they hadn't done that I never would've asked them out in the first place because I wasn't interested.
So what are they supposed to do. Sit there and pine? Is their role as a woman to forever sit around and look pretty in the hope that I'll eventually, for some unfathomable reason, turn around and reciprocate their feelings even if before there was absolutely no chance of it?
They wooed me, that's the long and short of it, they pursued me, and because of that, they got what they wanted.
It's not the woman's role in society to be the object that men chase anymore, a woman can now reach for what she wants, and get what she wants, because she is capable of it and not restricted by screwed up gender roles and sexist ideas about what a woman is allowed to do (to a certain extent, there are still a lot of obstacles that restrict women from full freedom, but that's a different topic). If anyone looks at a woman pursuing a man and thinks "She's so desperate going after him." or "That's not her job!" then they're sexist morons. That's the long and short of it, I don't care if it's a woman saying it (internalized) or a man (misogynist).
A healthy relationship is one where both partners want the other and will continue to make efforts to feel the other wanted and cared for. That's just normal, it's not just housewives waiting for their man to get home and give them some nice jewelry anymore.
Eh, screw that pursuit crap. Tried that for a little while, was nothing but frustration. If I ask you out, and you are interested, say yes. Any other response is a lack of interest no matter what bull chit accompanies it. So move on. Leave the games for kids.0 -
A classy lady should never approach a man!! It's looks like she is desperate.
A smile while making eye contact is enough and a real man will approach the woman!!
pffft! guess i'm not classy. i go after what i want, i get it, and i like it that way. i've never had any complaints on my approach. guess guys don't like classy ladies either... :huh:
i'm like a heat-seaking missile when i want something. nothing keeps me away from the target. go cold on me and i'll go away. and i won't have my little butt hurt over it either. i'm not afraid to try, and not afraid to get shot down.0 -
A classy lady should never approach a man!! It's looks like she is desperate.
A smile while making eye contact is enough and a real man will approach the woman!!
pffft! guess i'm not classy. i go after what i want, i get it, and i like it that way. i've never had any complaints on my approach. guess guys don't like classy ladies either... :huh:
i'm like a heat-seaking missile when i want something. nothing keeps me away from the target. go cold on me and i'll go away. and i won't have my little butt hurt over it either. i'm not afraid to try, and not afraid to get shot down.
Awesome attitude and confidence. Love it!0 -
Many men (note: not all) would appreciate a woman taking the first move. Men like to feel wanted and pursued too.
I also imagine there would be far less bitter, alone women, sitting at home upset at the world if they did take the initiative more often. A lot of people are alone because they CHOOSE to be by living with some antiquated idea that some guy is going to just come up to them one day, see their unique awesomeness, and they don't have to lift a finger to make it happen. Might work for you if you look like Halle Berry or Olivia Wilde, but chances are you don't, so why not get out there, shuck off tired "norms", and meet some great guys.0 -
Some men are too shy to approach women. A family member of mine is like that. He is very attractive according to all of my female friends, but he is too insecure to approach girls. He says they have to approach him.
I personally will ask a guy out if I'm interested. We either go on a date or I move on and find another guy.
It's scary but fun, so give it a try. (:0 -
Personally I like a manly man who will then, after we are together, still pursue me with thoughtful and romantic gestures. Not the other way around.
Are you saying that you would like a man to continuing pursuing you indefinitely, with thoughtful and romantic gestures, but you have no intention to ever do the same?0 -
where in the hell does this happen!?Some men are too shy to approach women. A family member of mine is like that. He is very attractive according to all of my female friends, but he is too insecure to approach girls. He says they have to approach him.
I personally will ask a guy out if I'm interested. We either go on a date or I move on and find another guy.
It's scary but fun, so give it a try. (:0
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