what to do about kid failing

NikiChicken

Let him fail. You can't do the work for him and this is causing you much stress. Maybe learning the lesson the hard way is the answer. I have been there.

I also have a stepson. He failed 7th grade, 8th grade and was failing 9th grade when he dropped out (with his mother's permission). He enrolled in an "online" school to get past the requirements of having to be in school until he was 16. I put "online" in quotes in this case because this particularly online school was not accredited. I know there are some good ones out there and a viable option for some kids under some circumstances but this one was not. Anyway, to make a long story short, my stepson is now 19 and has come to the realization that he screwed up, with his mother's help. 9 months ago, he got his GED and enrolled in airplane mechanic school and is doing *really* well. He even APOLOGIZED to his father and me for not realizing we were only trying to help him when we were pushing him about doing his homework and going to school and being downright rotten to us.

Grimmerick

When I ask him how he feels like he is doing or did on a quiz or test, he ALWAYS says he feels like he did well. Then he always has failed it. I ask him what is wrong and he says he just doesnt' understand it, but before a test he tells me he feels confident that he will do well. He has done this everytime. I have even sat with him while he was doing homework to help and he did pretty well then still failed the test miserably or quiz miserably. So he tells me he understands it and then fails. Tutors Saturday, Monday stays after with the math teacher.

My_Own_Worst_Enemy

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

Whos helping him and checking the homework?

Hes not failing. YOU ARE

ETA: Most reasonable parents that put an effort toward their kids schooling will go over their homework WITH them (not do it for them) and help check to ensure they are understanding whats going on and help check to make sure the answers are right. It doesnt do anyone good if they come home, think they are doing it right, then go back to school with everything done completely wrong.

So if you arent willing to put forth an effort why should the kid? You are the adult and clearly not setting an example. And by quitting? What kind of message does that send? Im glad you arent my parent.

Send the kid to my house, Ill help him.

seltzermint555

What does his father say? I understand his father might not have been the custodial parent in the past but I assume he's been in his son's life from Day 1. Maybe he has some insight? I hate to sound rude since you were just giving us the rundown in a quick post but it seems like it's just you and the 17 yr old...what is his father's involvement? That may be part of the solution.

Good luck with this.

ItsCasey

If my parents felt like my failure was a result of lack of effort and not a learning disability, a really terrible teacher, or some other extenuating circumstance, they would've let me fail and forced me to deal with the consequences.

Grimmerick

Alright... First off - I don't think you should deter him more by calling him (or alluding to the fact that you think he is) lazy. If he's passing his other courses, then it doesn't sound like that's the issue.

I just want to put a perspective on the matter... I think I'm a fairly intelligent and motivated person; however, I was taking this course and just could not for the life of me wrap my mind around one of the chapters in my last class - because of this I kept procrastinating because I didn't want to face the thought of feeling so incompetent. I procrastinated to the point where I basically did 80% of the course in 3 days (a course that should have taken about 2 months). As a 28-year-old I don't have parents pushing me so I had to realize on my own why I needed to do this. The only reason why I was even able to get through those 3 days was knowing if I didn't pass the upcoming exam, I'd have to redo everything I just did (including the difficult parts) all over again. PS... I ended up with an 86% once I pushed through the one chapter...

Basically... My suggestion? Acknowledge the fact that it's difficult,adjusting to a new environment is also difficult and that that is demotivating, but remind him that it needs to be done or he'll have to attend summer school and do it all over again or whatever else he'll have to do to make up for the course if he doesn't pass this time around.

Just gotta be clear on this. I would NEVER call him lazy or treat him that way. He is passing his other classes but not with flying colors. The easy classes he has a's and b's in. History is a C and he has missing assignments that are IN class assignments, because she doesnt' give homework. How do you not complete and turn in an in class assignment? Anywho thank you for your advice and I have actually already done your suggestion, I try to be as real with him as I can. Sucks I am only 30 and don't have any kids of my own so I only have my own experience.

Grimmerick

If my parents felt like my failure was a result of lack of effort and not a learning disability, a really terrible teacher, or some other extenuating circumstance, they would've let me fail and forced me to deal with the consequences.

I am positive he doesn't have a learning disability I have already looked into this.

michellelhartwig

I am going through the exact same thing as you except my son is 15. He is "LAZY". So, I took away his TV / XBOX, so when he comes home and goes to his room, there is NOTHING he can do BUT homework! (He wasn't doing it at all). He did tell me he doesn't understand it at all so I called the school and requested he get tested for an IEP. This way, if he passes the IEP, I know my son is just being lazy and I'll give up. If he fails the IEP, then he'll get the help he needs.

His coach told him he cannot come to practice until he gets 30 mins min of extra help each day with a note from the teacher saying that he did get the xtra help.

This just started on Monday. So I'll wait until he gets tested in 6 weeks (it's a long process before he can get tested)... if it turns out he passes this IEP, then I'll tell him he's gonna fail in life... oh well. TOUGH LOVE

Ok. I am a special education teacher....you CANNOT pass or fail an IEP. You complete a comprehensive assessment. IF he has a learning disability-which he very well could-I hope you apologize for calling him lazy. Students with learning disabilities have average IQ or intellect, but their brains process things differently than yours or mine...so while he may be 'smart' his brain cannot figure out math the way other kids his age would.
Oh, and another tidbit...if you want to expedite the process, you could ask that they complete the evaluation concurrent to the interventions. They may or may not do it, but it's worth a shot.

ItsCasey

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

Whos helping him and checking the homework?

Hes not failing. YOU ARE

ETA: Most reasonable parents that put an effort toward their kids schooling will go over their homework WITH them (not do it for them) and help check to ensure they are understanding whats going on and help check to make sure the answers are right. It doesnt do anyone good if they come home, think they are doing it right, then go back to school with everything done completely wrong.

So if you arent willing to put forth an effort why should the kid? You are the adult and clearly not setting an example. And by quitting? What kind of message does that send? Im glad you arent my parent.

Send the kid to my house, Ill help him.

He's 17 freaking years old, not 12. He's already getting tutoring and extra help. She's clearly checking in with him on a very regular basis, and he just lies to her. At some point, kids have to take responsibility for the learning process. You can't force-feed knowledge to people.

just_Jennie1

If my parents felt like my failure was a result of lack of effort and not a learning disability, a really terrible teacher, or some other extenuating circumstance, they would've let me fail and forced me to deal with the consequences.

From what the OP said it doesn't sound like it's a lack of effort. He's getting extra help after class and is also being tutored.

SexKittenlovesitrough

here's the thing....

i'm really smart and I know it.

always have been and always will be.

But math...damn...I KNOW math, I can DO math...but there was this moment in my life right after grade 11 math started where all of the sudden that light bulb clicked off and i swear to god every time I stared at it, it looked like Greek.

I knew I really really KNEW that I could figure it out. And I knew that I could do it.

But it meant really sitting down and working at it....and it terrified me.

Because what if I worked at it at my hardest and STILL didn't do well. What if I gave it my everything and it STILL didn't make sense?

it started as a vague uneasiness...and grew into a huge panic as the year progressed. Grade 12 was even worse.

if he's being tutored and he's putting his Mondays on working on it....then he's trying...

but maybe he's just really really scared that trying won't be enough.

(PS. I passed...i passed well because I wanted to, but it was the one of the most emotionally and psychologically terrifying points of my life, feeling that dread grow and grow in my stomach and living with it constantly)

maybe talk to him about it....see if it's not his head...so much as his feels.

Grimmerick

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

Whos helping him and checking the homework?

Hes not failing. YOU ARE

ETA: Most reasonable parents that put an effort toward their kids schooling will go over their homework WITH them (not do it for them) and help check to ensure they are understanding whats going on and help check to make sure the answers are right. It doesnt do anyone good if they come home, think they are doing it right, then go back to school with everything done completely wrong.

So if you arent willing to put forth an effort why should the kid? You are the adult and clearly not setting an example. And by quitting? What kind of message does that send? Im glad you arent my parent.

Send the kid to my house, Ill help him.

Lol I was waiting for you, knew you would show up and here you are. Wow way to be an Ahole about it with not a lot of information to work with you sure just filled it right in didn't you. I was going to write a whole big thing how I have tried everything including ALL of that, I also don't believe in nursing 17 year olds from my teet like you apparently do. That I am 30 have no kids of my own to have had any previous experience with and work 7 days a week. But you aren't worth it because you are prejudging based on what you think you know. So your advice FAILED. God some people sheesh.......

Grimmerick

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

Whos helping him and checking the homework?

Hes not failing. YOU ARE

ETA: Most reasonable parents that put an effort toward their kids schooling will go over their homework WITH them (not do it for them) and help check to ensure they are understanding whats going on and help check to make sure the answers are right. It doesnt do anyone good if they come home, think they are doing it right, then go back to school with everything done completely wrong.

So if you arent willing to put forth an effort why should the kid? You are the adult and clearly not setting an example. And by quitting? What kind of message does that send? Im glad you arent my parent.

Send the kid to my house, Ill help him.

He's 17 freaking years old, not 12. He's already getting tutoring and extra help. She's clearly checking in with him on a very regular basis, and he just lies to her. At some point, kids have to take responsibility for the learning process. You can't force-feed knowledge to people.

Thank you, some people are just d!cks. There can't be a worthy thread without one you know.

Grimmerick

I am going through the exact same thing as you except my son is 15. He is "LAZY". So, I took away his TV / XBOX, so when he comes home and goes to his room, there is NOTHING he can do BUT homework! (He wasn't doing it at all). He did tell me he doesn't understand it at all so I called the school and requested he get tested for an IEP. This way, if he passes the IEP, I know my son is just being lazy and I'll give up. If he fails the IEP, then he'll get the help he needs.

His coach told him he cannot come to practice until he gets 30 mins min of extra help each day with a note from the teacher saying that he did get the xtra help.

This just started on Monday. So I'll wait until he gets tested in 6 weeks (it's a long process before he can get tested)... if it turns out he passes this IEP, then I'll tell him he's gonna fail in life... oh well. TOUGH LOVE

Ok. I am a special education teacher....you CANNOT pass or fail an IEP. You complete a comprehensive assessment. IF he has a learning disability-which he very well could-I hope you apologize for calling him lazy. Students with learning disabilities have average IQ or intellect, but their brains process things differently than yours or mine...so while he may be 'smart' his brain cannot figure out math the way other kids his age would.
Oh, and another tidbit...if you want to expedite the process, you could ask that they complete the evaluation concurrent to the interventions. They may or may not do it, but it's worth a shot.

Thank you for your advice there was some good stuff but I must impress that not every kid failing has a learning disability so there will be NO apologizing, I don't say that to his face anyway. But you wanna know something else My parents called me lazy when I WAS being lazy and I am doing just fine. Babying teenagers creates adults with no accountability. But I did already check and he is free and clear on the learning disability.

arghbowl

I sucked at math, too, but I at least put the effort in.

Maybe failing will help him realize he's being a turd and needs to step up his game?

neandermagnon

I am going through the exact same thing as you except my son is 15. He is "LAZY". So, I took away his TV / XBOX, so when he comes home and goes to his room, there is NOTHING he can do BUT homework! (He wasn't doing it at all). He did tell me he doesn't understand it at all so I called the school and requested he get tested for an IEP. This way, if he passes the IEP, I know my son is just being lazy and I'll give up. If he fails the IEP, then he'll get the help he needs.

His coach told him he cannot come to practice until he gets 30 mins min of extra help each day with a note from the teacher saying that he did get the xtra help.

This just started on Monday. So I'll wait until he gets tested in 6 weeks (it's a long process before he can get tested)... if it turns out he passes this IEP, then I'll tell him he's gonna fail in life... oh well. TOUGH LOVE

Ok. I am a special education teacher....you CANNOT pass or fail an IEP. You complete a comprehensive assessment. IF he has a learning disability-which he very well could-I hope you apologize for calling him lazy. Students with learning disabilities have average IQ or intellect, but their brains process things differently than yours or mine...so while he may be 'smart' his brain cannot figure out math the way other kids his age would.
Oh, and another tidbit...if you want to expedite the process, you could ask that they complete the evaluation concurrent to the interventions. They may or may not do it, but it's worth a shot.

and some have significantly above average intelligence.

arghbowl

I am going through the exact same thing as you except my son is 15. He is "LAZY". So, I took away his TV / XBOX, so when he comes home and goes to his room, there is NOTHING he can do BUT homework! (He wasn't doing it at all). He did tell me he doesn't understand it at all so I called the school and requested he get tested for an IEP. This way, if he passes the IEP, I know my son is just being lazy and I'll give up. If he fails the IEP, then he'll get the help he needs.

His coach told him he cannot come to practice until he gets 30 mins min of extra help each day with a note from the teacher saying that he did get the xtra help.

This just started on Monday. So I'll wait until he gets tested in 6 weeks (it's a long process before he can get tested)... if it turns out he passes this IEP, then I'll tell him he's gonna fail in life... oh well. TOUGH LOVE

Ok. I am a special education teacher....you CANNOT pass or fail an IEP. You complete a comprehensive assessment. IF he has a learning disability-which he very well could-I hope you apologize for calling him lazy. Students with learning disabilities have average IQ or intellect, but their brains process things differently than yours or mine...so while he may be 'smart' his brain cannot figure out math the way other kids his age would.
Oh, and another tidbit...if you want to expedite the process, you could ask that they complete the evaluation concurrent to the interventions. They may or may not do it, but it's worth a shot.

and some have significantly above average intelligence.

ADHD and dyslexic checking in.

EvgeniZyntx

Wow. What a sad thread full of excuses. Everyone is suddenly jumping in on this kid and labeling lazy, or with some mental disorder because he is failing algebra.

Bs.

There is a tutor and an adult and the homework isn't being checked? Well, two people are failing.

I taught remedial math 20 years ago to students that had failed in the year.
The basic issue was that they had not learned the basics, we usually had to go back and rebuild on a lot of stuff that wasn't learned.

Focus on the work and just do it over and over again. Every damn day.
If the parent or the tutor can't identify the exact weaknesses within the subject area, there is the weakness not some internet diagnosis of ADHD.

neandermagnon

I am going through the exact same thing as you except my son is 15. He is "LAZY". So, I took away his TV / XBOX, so when he comes home and goes to his room, there is NOTHING he can do BUT homework! (He wasn't doing it at all). He did tell me he doesn't understand it at all so I called the school and requested he get tested for an IEP. This way, if he passes the IEP, I know my son is just being lazy and I'll give up. If he fails the IEP, then he'll get the help he needs.

His coach told him he cannot come to practice until he gets 30 mins min of extra help each day with a note from the teacher saying that he did get the xtra help.

This just started on Monday. So I'll wait until he gets tested in 6 weeks (it's a long process before he can get tested)... if it turns out he passes this IEP, then I'll tell him he's gonna fail in life... oh well. TOUGH LOVE

Ok. I am a special education teacher....you CANNOT pass or fail an IEP. You complete a comprehensive assessment. IF he has a learning disability-which he very well could-I hope you apologize for calling him lazy. Students with learning disabilities have average IQ or intellect, but their brains process things differently than yours or mine...so while he may be 'smart' his brain cannot figure out math the way other kids his age would.
Oh, and another tidbit...if you want to expedite the process, you could ask that they complete the evaluation concurrent to the interventions. They may or may not do it, but it's worth a shot.

and some have significantly above average intelligence.

ADHD and dyslexic checking in.

ditto.... inattentive ADHD and dyslexia...

RLDeShazo

First of all, I am obviously in the minority here. I am good at math. I love math. I get paid to do math.

That being said, part of my job is helping people understand math. Judging by some of the things you said, I don't think it is necessarily a "Lazy" problem. He is doing his work in other classes and is passing those. I'm not one of those people who believe that "some people just can't do math". Everyone can do math. Everyone does math every day. It is just easier for some than others.

What I would suggest. Talk to his teacher and see where his problem is. Talk to the tutor. Ask if it is a concept issue, basic skills issues, or just poor work/study skills. If the tutor doesn't know what you are talking about or can't satisfactorily answer your questions, get a new tutor. Talk with him and see if he can articulate what the issue is. It could be that everything else came easy for him, and that this is the first time he has really struggled, and doesn't know what to do. Don't expect him to be able to really tell you what his problem is, but be able to read between the lines.