what to do about kid failing

redladywitch

This really breaks my heart. Love him and accept him for who he is. He's giving up on so much...maybe everything. I feel so bad for him right now. I feel bad for you also.

He is old enough to where he really is responsible for his own education. He's not going to change. If he doesn't want to put forth a great effort and complete his school work, then it's really on him. Maybe he won't graduate? That's on him.

My youngest is going to be 19 in less than two weeks. It was so difficult for us and for him during his senior year in high school. He was dealing with a lot of peer pressure, trying to figure out what to do after high school, my health and my team of doctors telling us that I was going to die soon, ...and more.

I just know that I din't give up on him. My friends were there for me and listened to me complain, cry, and get angry with being so frustrated.

I can't change what is going on, but I can be there for you. I will listen and give advice if you ever want it.

I honestly hope things get better.

bearkisses

I have a stepmom and I hate her

Cause many stepmoms act like this

I failed grade 10 math and ****ing passed my university stats class, so suck it and appreciate your stepson, he ain't your son to be disappointed in, build him up or suck it

Fit2Strip

I have a stepmom and I hate her

Cause many stepmoms act like this

I failed grade 10 math and ****ing passed my university stats class, so suck it and appreciate your stepson, he ain't your son to be disappointed in, build him up or suck it

he might prefer the latter... awkward...

bearkisses

I have a stepmom and I hate her

Cause many stepmoms act like this

I failed grade 10 math and ****ing passed my university stats class, so suck it and appreciate your stepson, he ain't your son to be disappointed in, build him up or suck it

he might prefer the latter... awkward...

it's fact

Fit2Strip

I have a stepmom and I hate her

Cause many stepmoms act like this

I failed grade 10 math and ****ing passed my university stats class, so suck it and appreciate your stepson, he ain't your son to be disappointed in, build him up or suck it

he might prefer the latter... awkward...

it's fact

I prefer to use word problems and real life situations when teaching math.

bearkisses

SherryTeach

When a 17-year old changes households, that is a major disruption. Your comments seem to indicate that some conflict or behavior difficulties resulted in this change. I would not discount the emotional upheaval that is causing your stepson to act out, get everyone's attention, and make all the people around him to go ballistic. I've been working with teenagers in a public school for 38 years. . . I do not believe this is an algebra problem.

I advise that you step back, make sure that the boy has the resources, including tutoring, Kahn academy materials, school-tutoring, and a peer study group, and leave it up to him. Observe if there are other areas of his life that seem to be troubling, get his father involved in some problem-solving, and see what happens.

Fit2Strip

Greytfish

Still really curious where "Dad" is during all of this...

...and why no one here is as harsh on him as they are on the person who isn't actually the child's parent.

HawkeyeTy

Still really curious where "Dad" is during all of this...

...and why no one here is as harsh on him as they are on the person who isn't actually the child's parent.

Because the dad didn't come in here saying what a failure his son is..

I LOVE how everyone bags on the dad, like he's a horrible father...

Greytfish

Still really curious where "Dad" is during all of this...

...and why no one here is as harsh on him as they are on the person who isn't actually the child's parent.

Because the dad didn't come in here saying what a failure his son is..

I LOVE how everyone bags on the dad, like he's a horrible father...

It's not "bagging" on a father to ask what he has done, given he, not the OP, is actaully responsible for raising *his* child to the age of majority - and has been for 17+ years.

Which is more likely, that the child in question is suffering because the person not his parent but who has chosen to involve herself in trying to help him has damaged him....or that the people who brought him into the world and failed to parent him have put him in this situation - a situation in which it may very well matter very little how much this woman does for him, especially if his parents aren't on board with it.

AmykinsCatfood

Ever heard of Dyscalculia? I can't do math either, for a good reason. Maybe instead of giving up on him (which would be completely obvious to him, btw. He knows and it probably makes it worse, so good job), try helping him different ways. Clearly what you're doing now isn't working.

FedUpFattie

As a psychologist who has worked with both mentally ill adolescents and mainstream adolescents, I can tell you that they will respond more favorably when you focus on what they did right and not on what they did wrong. Sit down and do his homework with him, and tell him he's doing a good job, even if its only one step of the problem he got correct. My guess is, he is feeling out of place in his new home and doesn't feel he is getting the encouragement he needs (whether you are providing enough or not, some kids just feel this way). Do not get angry when he fails, do not get angry or criticize him on a low score. Pick through the tests or homework and circle what he did correct and tell him "Ok, lets apply these principals you used in these problems to re-think some of these other ones."

No one likes to be told they are wrong all the time. It violates our social-psychological need for accuracy, and our need to feel loved. Don't think about how you feel you've handled it, think about how he might be feeling. His emotions on this issue deserve to be validated, and once you do you will probably see a drastic improvement in his scores.

Fit2Strip

In all seriousness, it just sounds like the kid is being emo and lazy. Instead of trying lots of different methods, stick to one and get the dad to address the source of the emo/lazy issue. Also tutors are worthless if the kid is insincere in his attempts to learn the material.

HollisGrant

Dont give up on him just yet. Why not continue to work with him and possibly try another tutor?

I feel like it isn't the tutor, I feel like it is him. I have seen him understand and do problems and he does ok. But I feel like he only works to understand the problems that come easily to him and refuses to put in the effort to understand the ones he doesn't get right away, no matter what I say or do to help him.

He doesn't understand the consequences of failing -- which can be severe and lifelong.

I would do everything possible as a parent to get him to do that homework. I would turn off the TV, take away social media, remove all distractions, sit down with him after dinner, and go over the homework every day. Homework done and answers checked before any other activities can be done and you have to see it completed.

Get personally involved. Fight for this kid.

Don't be like my mother -- when I got my first D in math in elementary school, I was terrified to show my report card to my mother and relieved when she said, "I couldn't do math either." I didn't understand at the time that she didn't care and didn't look out for me.

I failed or got low grades in math throughout school because I was afraid of it. It didn't come easy like my other subjects. Worst of all, it builds on what went before, so once you fall behind you're completely lost. After a while, I would glance at it and just give up. I didn't apply myself. I didn't want to struggle, I couldn't understand the teacher because I was so far behind and didn't grasp the concepts. But I wasn't dumb at all. In high school I failed algebra, took it over in summer school, and got an A -- the teacher was friendly, firm, and personally involved with all of us.

CommandaPanda

I kind of read through the first page of posts and didn't really nod my head to many of the responses you got.

I can kind of relate to your son in a few ways:

When I was in high school, my weakest points were just about everything. My intent was honestly to just graduate and get the hell out (but I think my motivations were mainly girls and fun at the time). I started off in doing incredible in high school, all A's my freshman year. Then in my sophomore year, I was introduced to Geometry. Word was, our teacher's previous work experience was Toys R Us - I don't think you could have lesser faith in a teacher unless their past job was as a Sandwich Artist at Subway. But that didn't really bother me too much until I started seeing my grades fall into a steep decline in that class. It wasn't my lack of effort, I was asking questions, doing my homework, staying after class - and not because anybody asked me, but because I wanted to get the grade.
Well, eventually I realized that this teacher was a wasting school resources and if she can discourage a, what was once, hardworking student, like me, then this school system is screwy and I'm not going to bother. When I was sitting down with her, I seemed to get it but then you put me in front of a quiz/test and I barely make it through.

My parents did all the things I've seen recommended...
$50/A - $25/B
I ended up just forging all of my report cards and giving myself all A's and B's. I eventually got caught, but it wasn't because of poor skills.

Video games didn't do it for me because I only ever played one game.

Taking things away helped though. Mainly because I didn't have anything else to do.


In the end, I would tell your son that failing isn't fun. Algebra can be useful in the future, but often isn't. However, it's something that he needs to pass to get out of high school. Because there is no ****tier feeling than to watch your classmates walk across the stage to get their diploma on graduation day, while you sit in the stands cheering them on, knowing that all you had to do was put a little more work into his homework for Algebra then maybe you might've been able to graduate and go to college like everybody else. Colleges don't want flunks.

But really though, that was my biggest motivation. You can tell me I was going to work at McDonald's every day of my life for being a bad student, but I would never listen because I was a stupid kid and believed that I would grow up to be successful no matter what.

I knew what I wanted to do since I was incredibly young, that certainly helped me scrape through school to where I am today.

HollisGrant

As a psychologist who has worked with both mentally ill adolescents and mainstream adolescents, I can tell you that they will respond more favorably when you focus on what they did right and not on what they did wrong. Sit down and do his homework with him, and tell him he's doing a good job, even if its only one step of the problem he got correct. My guess is, he is feeling out of place in his new home and doesn't feel he is getting the encouragement he needs (whether you are providing enough or not, some kids just feel this way). Do not get angry when he fails, do not get angry or criticize him on a low score. Pick through the tests or homework and circle what he did correct and tell him "Ok, lets apply these principals you used in these problems to re-think some of these other ones."

No one likes to be told they are wrong all the time. It violates our social-psychological need for accuracy, and our need to feel loved. Don't think about how you feel you've handled it, think about how he might be feeling. His emotions on this issue deserve to be validated, and once you do you will probably see a drastic improvement in his scores.

^^^ This is a great post.

FlaxMilk

I haven't read through the other pages, but if he came from a situation lacking good influence and had to move at the age of 17, maybe counseling would benefit him. Maybe he has something on his mind.

Sactown900

Don't give up.

I was watching two DVD's on Adult ADD. I am sure my grown son and have it. When I get organized and practice good project management I GET THINGS DONE, even Math (and learning guitar).

My father is a brilliant retired History professor. I KNOW he is ADD. He is so worried he will get the Alzheimer's his mom and older brother had, he is "disciplining" himself to learn Quantum Physics.

Do not stop trying. My son shines when we focus on his good points, not that he bailed on another college class.

__Di__

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

Does he study properly in his other subject and how does he do in those?

Look, perhaps his brain is not algebra-friendly, we can't be good at all subject for crying out loud, if we were, the world would be full of geniuses!

WHY is it imperative he does well at algebra? If he is doing well at all other subject and is studying hard, then please give the poor sod some slack here, before he has a breakdown - you think that is exaggeration? Think again, because it has happened and if you continue, it will happen in this case.

I remember many years back when dyslexia, for instance, was not publicized or well known. How many poor kids suffered at the hands of their teachers or other kids because they could hardly read or write - bloody thousands believe me. Made to feel stupid because they could not do so easily what the majority of the population was able to do.

The brain is a weird thing, the way it works is a bit of a mystery, do NOT berate your stepson because his brain does not work the way yours does. I bet he can do some stuff you are unable to, but doesn't go on about it.

Give him some slack!!!

Vex3521

Please don't say it's lazy or another choice. He didn't have good study habits coming to you and at 17 that is a LOT of missing foundation blocks to fill in with something like an applied subject which algebra is. How were his grades previously? I'm willing to bet they were the same or worse.

Maybe he senses this "Omg this kid is a <insert whatever word>" stance from your frustration. He's getting tutored and you have him staying after for extra time with the teacher. That combined with the continued struggle he is having could only be creating more anxiety and causing the issue to continue instead of relaxing it. The fact he is turning in the work even when it's coming back with bad grades shows he is trying and he does care.

Please go forward to the child study team and see about the IEP. You said "OK" in the other classes. That doesn't mean that there isn't something there that they can help with. Maybe he's got better coping skills for those other areas and Math where you Really need all the building blocks in place is the subject that highlights his troubles the most. Yes the testing period can take time but in the end it is worth it. If nothing else you have an answer instead of speculation.