what to do about kid failing

nohaynicknamesdisponibles

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

I was like your stepson: I hated the math teacher and he hated me, I hated that school and I almost hated my mom, I didn't gave a eff for all of them and had always the lowest grades in mathematics, not because I'm an idiot but I just wasn't interested. I was not even gone to a university and although all this I have become one of the best IT-security consultants. So, my advice is, ask him why he has no interest in maths and receiving your help and try to help him eliminating the reason for his constant failing or let him learn this life lesson on his own. Option #2 saves you time...

asimmons221

My stepson is 17 and taking algebra, he is absolutely failing miserably his highest grade was a 76 and that was a friggin homework grade. He came to live with us in August of last year and didn't have good influences or study habits where he was, he does ok in his other classes. He just can't seem to get his crap together in this algebra class, I have him tutoring Saturdays and staying after Mondays. I have been nice, mean, strict, lenient and now I feel like I just don't care anymore because I feel like he isn't TRULY putting in the effort. He turns in all of his assignments but he even fails the homework, I asked how he failed homework since he had time to check his answers to make sure he was doing it right. He acted like he didn't know how to check his answers which I know he does because I showed him how and by now should be friggin common sense. Also he can probably plug any problem into search on his tablet and get a step by step answer, he is just lazy and not using his brain. I am not sure what he hopes to accomplish by failing this class considering his butt is going to go to summer school or get held back. Either way he HAS to pass this class and I have told him this. I am at my wits end, what do I do? I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. But does anyone have any ideas before I do this or is it just better to let him learn this life lesson on his own?

I was like your stepson: I hated the math teacher and he hated me, I hated that school and I almost hated my mom, I didn't gave a eff for all of them and had always the lowest grades in mathematics, not because I'm an idiot but I just wasn't interested. I was not even gone to a university and although all this I have become one of the best IT-security consultants. So, my advice is, ask him why he has no interest in maths and receiving your help and try to help him eliminating the reason for his constant failing or let him learn this life lesson on his own. Option #2 saves you time...

Yup, I too was like your stepson. I was angry when I was younger and didn't really give a crap about school, more importantly math because it required more work then most classes. I'm now a physical Science major in college and no longer an angry person. Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way, and sometimes it's not the course material holding you back, but instead other things in your life.

Jennisin1

I tutored math in college... sometimes it takes more than one go around for some people. I have seen people struggle and struggle and struggle the first time through and do fine the second.

It is like the information had to do an initial imprint but they got so far behind that it was spinning wheels trying to catch up the rest of the year... but when they took the class again they were able to start at the begining ahead of the curve and never got behind again..... and passed with no problems.

misti777

I tried so hard in algebra and physics my junior year. I did okay in algebra, but I did make some choices that led to my failure, although I can't really imagine myself passing that class. However I probably would've failed physics even if I hadn't skipped school. I tried so hard, I paid attention in class, I tried doing the homework, but I always did something wrong. I just could not do it for the life of me. Seriously, if I had to solve a physics problem to save my life, I would be dead. No joke. And I felt stupid. Really stupid because I felt like I was the only one who couldn't do it.

Chances are, your stepson feels stupid and like he is the only one not getting it. I was also really depressed and paranoid at the time. I was having trouble focusing. Try observing him a while if he seems withdrawn or like he doesn't have a lot of energy he might be depressed.

GiddyupTim

If there is one thing I dislike, it is this notion that some people are good at math and some are not.
Not everyone is going to be a genius. But everyone with a reasonable has enough basic aptitude to get through to get through high school math, even calculus.
The problem with math is that everything you need to do is built on what you learned before. English, history, etc., are not like that.
In math, in order to do this week's assignment, I need to have a fair grasp of last week's assignment. In history, I could drop into a one class in the middle of a semester, and I could be tested on what happened in that class and I could do well.
That is why math is harder. If you miss something you get lost.
Your stepson goes to tutoring and stays late once a week. For a high school kid, that is being pretty diligent. Despite what he says, he has not given up. Sometimes kids do not want to admit they care about something that they possibly might not achieve.
He might need to take a step back, and restart the class. Or, even go back and retake the previous class.
It is hard to catch up in math.

Fit4_Life

I was in the same boat as you are. What I had done with my son who was totally interested in dirt bikes, if it was a fraction problem, I used his dirt bike for example as if we were building a bike together, and what the fraction would be, if we had 1/4, 1/2 or 3/4 of it put together...etc.

They will not learn if they are not interested in a subject. Somehow, someway...you need to make it fun.

HawkeyeTy

You sound like you have given up on him...awesome.

Grimmerick

You sound like you have given up on him...awesome.

you wanna know what you sound like.............prob not. Continue on being useless to others. Awesome.

I love these guys showing up saying absolutely nothing of importance for no other reason than to see there words on the screen.

What's the point of showing up and being useless? Just to be an @ss about something. Glad you have that kind of time in your day.
Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my grown up problems.

HawkeyeTy

You sound like you have given up on him...awesome.

you wanna know what you sound like.............prob not. Continue on being useless to others. Awesome.

I love these guys showing up saying absolutely nothing of importance for no other reason than to see there words on the screen.

What's the point of showing up and being useless? Just to be an @ss about something. Glad you have that kind of time in your day.
Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my grown up problems.

Sounds to me like I struck a nerve.

Escloflowne

You sound like you have given up on him...awesome.

you wanna know what you sound like.............prob not. Continue on being useless to others. Awesome.

I love these guys showing up saying absolutely nothing of importance for no other reason than to see there words on the screen.

What's the point of showing up and being useless? Just to be an @ss about something. Glad you have that kind of time in your day.
Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my grown up problems.

Wow, Hawkeye, I think you really hit the bulls-eye there, a response like that proves it

qwertymcherty

"If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will believe it's whole life it's stupid" - Albert Einstein.

Personally, being a 2nd year uni student, I'm not that far removed from highschool. If he's not a math person and doesn't wish to be, why force him to. I taught most of the other people in my math classes how to do it yet I still did poorly in it. The public education system isn't geared towards teaching kids and making them smarter, it's about making sure they do work. It teaches them to do work, not think critically.

I mean, if you want him to get a 9 - 5 job for the next 40 some years and do menial work as opposed to being a smart worker, ie. opening his own business, having a fulfilling career etc. By all means force him to spend extra time on things that he hates.

He will most likely end up passing, though a great deal of resentment will be felt towards you, especially since you are trying to replace his mom.

Just my thoughts.

Greytfish

:huh: He definitely won't need math to start his own business...

cmcollins001

You sound like you have given up on him...awesome.

you wanna know what you sound like.............prob not. Continue on being useless to others. Awesome.

I love these guys showing up saying absolutely nothing of importance for no other reason than to see there words on the screen.

What's the point of showing up and being useless? Just to be an @ss about something. Glad you have that kind of time in your day.
Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my grown up problems.

Original post says "I've kinda just stopped caring because he's gotta grow up sometime and realize some things just don't go away. Part of me wants to just let this happen and him just learn the hard way. "

And yet...

OP gets mad when someone says the same thing, but worded just a little bit different.

Seems legit.

Also, by "grown up problems," do you mean posting a personal question in a public forum and then getting mad when someone doesn't post the exact responses you want?

ElyseL1

I sucked at math in school. I failed a year in geometry and then the next year got straight A's. It all depends on the teacher and if they can relate to the student. I would get to the point my first year where I was so frustrated I would just give up and I didnt want to ask for help because all of my other classes were straight A's. Did you have him take an evaluation to see how he learns the best?

My_Own_Worst_Enemy

You sound like you have given up on him...awesome.

you wanna know what you sound like.............prob not. Continue on being useless to others. Awesome.

I love these guys showing up saying absolutely nothing of importance for no other reason than to see there words on the screen.

What's the point of showing up and being useless? Just to be an @ss about something. Glad you have that kind of time in your day.
Now if you don't mind, I'll get back to my grown up problems.

Sounds to me like I struck a nerve.

So, you didnt tell her what she wanted to hear and she disagreed with your opinion and her response was that you are useless. The same thing happened to me, except I was called names.

She sure has a lot of time to be here on MFP, but not enough to spend on Algegra at home. Thats kind of a bummer for the kid. I was hoping to see a post about the experience of doing homework with him last night and what the outcome was. You know, something to show moving in a positive direction. But no, I didnt see it. Just more combative remarks about not giving any advice or kissing the OPs *kitten* telling them how awesome they are and everything they wanna hear.

Wow. What a sad thread full of excuses. Everyone is suddenly jumping in on this kid and labeling lazy, or with some mental disorder because he is failing algebra.

Bs.

There is a tutor and an adult and the homework isn't being checked? Well, two people are failing.

I taught remedial math 20 years ago to students that had failed in the year.
The basic issue was that they had not learned the basics, we usually had to go back and rebuild on a lot of stuff that wasn't learned.

Focus on the work and just do it over and over again. Every damn day.
If the parent or the tutor can't identify the exact weaknesses within the subject area, there is the weakness not some internet diagnosis of ADHD.

The best advice was right here, but she over looked that and decided to get argumentative when similar advice was presented in a different format that she didnt like.

Oscarinmiami

I can relate, math is hard and boring...you may have to do the reward system...if you get an A you get x amount of money, if you get a b you get less if you get a c or lower you get nothing....if he wants to go to the movies or out on dates he needs money...no good grades no money.

beachlover317

I find it interesting that any "grown up" would bring their child's problem to an internet forum on My Fitness Pal. There are tons of Parenting Networks that would be more useful. What did you really expect?

RLDeShazo

I can relate, math is hard and boring...

For you. Some people love math. :flowerforyou:

jennifer_417

When a person is good at something, it can be really difficult to understand the mindset of someone who just isn't. Your stepson may be bad at math, but he may also have developed something of a mental block wherein he no longer believes he can do it at all. So, you telling him how it's not that friction' hard and he's not using his brain and he has to pass or else is only creating greater pressure and probably making the problem worse.

Try telling him you believe in him. Try sitting down with him and encouraging him when he struggles. Explain how to do a problem for the 12568643679th time if necessary. The kid has already given up on himself; don't you do it, too.

ilizzyd

bump