Dealing with sabatagers

doglover1984
doglover1984 Posts: 54 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I don't know if I am the only one on here that has this problem but I am really at a loss. My husband was very supportive in the beginning but now that I am down almost 80 pounds I find that he is making comments, and bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me. I have been on my weigh loss journey for about 5 months now, but he has been going to the gym for 2 years and I have always supported him, and tell him how good he looks. But now I don't know if it's because he is worried that I am going to try and find someone new or something like that, or if he was more comfortable when I was bigger. We have 3 kids and I tell him everyday how much I care for him, so I am really at a loss. Has anyone else had this problem before?
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Replies

  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    There are many threads on here regarding diet saboteurs. I think most of us have faced comments dressed up as 'concern' when losing weight. It's their insecurity that your succesful change is a reflection of their 'failure.'
  • lemur_lady
    lemur_lady Posts: 350 Member
    My partner is a bit like this. He prefers bigger women and so the thought of me getting smaller annoys him a little I think. He has said he wont find me as attractive once Ive lost weight which stung a bit. I am doing it to be more healthy, we have a 18 month old so she needs a good role model. I am determined to be that despite what my partners 'preferences' are.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    Interesting
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    in….for spouse on spouse sabotage...
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
    Why don't you straight ask him what his deal is?


    Also, you're a grown woman.
    You don't have to eat what he brings in.
    He is not sabotaging you.
    Only you can do that.
    Unless he's tied you to a chair and force fed you.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    inb4 "he's just jealous!"
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    Have you talked to him about this?

    I can't help but wonder if he's just tired after 5 months of not being able to have foods he loves in the house.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    ...you should worry more about the manager of the grocery store. that guy is DEFINITELY trying to sabotage you! have you seen how much food he has set aside in a special location just to tempt you to stray from your dietary regimen?!?!

    :tongue:
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    I always found mr. goodbar to be the the biggest saboteur of them all …that guy is an a-hole….
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    any second now ..the 'divorce him" crew will come flying in here..that train is never late
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    inb4 "he's just jealous!"

    Oh just wait. It's coming.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    I hate these threads a majority of the time because they are usually about people blaming others for their own decisions...but I will play nice.

    Maybe he actually is inspired by your achievements hence why he going to the gym now.

    Also just maybe because you have dropped the weight and have been doing so well for so long, he may think you have gotten over the trigger food phase and have developed self control.

    As far as comments go since you have only hinted at them as opposed to actually letting us know what they are I have no opinion on this.
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    Wait, what? He brings food into the house, so the only possible reasons are that he is afraid you are going to leave him or likes it better when you're fat?

    Maybe he just wanted to eat the food? Just because you're making lifestyle changes doesn't mean the rest of the world has to change as well. You don't have to eat the food.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    To me sabotage suggests he's sneaking calories into your food or changing the weights on your scale...or something like that.
    Bringing food (that he probably enjoys) into the house and making comments is perhaps not thoughtful. But to me it doesn't really rise to the level of sabotage unless you have an eating disorder. YOU still control what you eat and do. YOU are responsible for your decisions and food choices.
  • BrainyBurro
    BrainyBurro Posts: 6,129 Member
    inb4 "he's just jealous!"

    Oh just wait. It's coming.

    he's just jealous™ ! :angry:
  • Maaike84
    Maaike84 Posts: 211 Member
    congrats on your weightloss! :flowerforyou:

    also, if you have an issue with your husband, and his attitude towards you or him bringing food into the house, I think you should discuss it with him. Other than that, I have no opinion to offer you.
  • notworthstalking
    notworthstalking Posts: 531 Member
    Have you talked to him about this?

    I can't help but wonder if he's just tired after 5 months of not being able to have foods he loves in the house.

    Good point. My husbands only complaint seems to be the amount of plastic containers we have to wash up. He jokingly told me not to snack so much. I think that as much as it helps when our other halfs support us, we have to also think about them too. Whether it's remembering they need to eat more than us and can have treats more often, or in my case that he doesn't have to eat as much as I do at the moment.
  • Mother_Superior
    Mother_Superior Posts: 1,624 Member
    giphy.gif
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    OP - in all seriousness….can't you eat some of this food he brings into the house and still eat in a calorie deficit? Perhaps you are completely eliminating certain foods, that could be incorporated into your diet, and you would still be in a deficit and lose, and then maybe your husband would not feel so ostracized..? Just saying…

    congrats on 80 pounds lost that is a great achievement…


    but you may want to re-examine how you view certain foods..there are no "bad" or "good" foods…just food that you use for energy ..understanding this, may go a long way in your progress going forward and your relationship with husband.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    giphy.gif

    LOL - I was thinking of this song/video when I came in here….awesome!
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    giphy.gif

    LOL - I was thinking of this song/video when I came in here….awesome!
    X2...actually got it playing on YouTube.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    OP - in all seriousness….can't you eat some of this food he brings into the house and still eat in a calorie deficit? Perhaps you are completely eliminating certain foods, that could be incorporated into your diet, and you would still be in a deficit and lose, and then maybe your husband would not feel so ostracized..? Just saying…

    congrats on 80 pounds lost that is a great achievement…


    but you may want to re-examine how you view certain foods..there are no "bad" or "good" foods…just food that you use for energy ..understanding this, may go a long way in your progress going forward and your relationship with husband.

    This

    OP, I know it seems like he is trying to break you down, but realize that you can eat whatever he brings home as long as you keep your calorie deficit. You've come a long way and have done a great job with your loss.
  • Lives2Travel
    Lives2Travel Posts: 682 Member
    I don't get why someone buying and bringing home things they like to eat = sabotage. Unless he's holding you hostage and forcing you to eat what he buys, I don't see a problem.
  • melmckay99
    melmckay99 Posts: 358
    Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men). I have told my BF many times about the types of food I want to be eating and also the types I want to limit or avoid, and have even asked him not to bring certain types of junk food into the house (especially ice cream and chocolate!) cause my self control is very weak sometimes.... yet he stil asks me every now and then "do you wanna go out for ice cream?" or comes home with a big bag of chocolate covered blueberries and leaves them out on the kitchen table. I really don't think he means it, I think he just forgets. He doesn't need to watch what he eats as much as I do to maintain his health/weight, so why should he have to? He also perfectly capable of having just a small portion or a couple bites of something and then leaving it til next time he craves it... I struggle with this as I tend to binge and lose control over these things and eat the whole container/box/package.

    I do warn him though, that if he leaves that stuff lying around too long it's either:
    A: gonna get eaten by me in a moment of weaknes, or
    B: It's gonna get thrown out by me in a moment of overcoming my weakness.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    "You look ill."
    "You looked better before,"
    "You don't need to lose any more weight."
    "Go on, have one!"
    "Go on, have another!"
    "God, you're BORING, you!"

    etc.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    "You look ill."
    "You looked better before,"
    "You don't need to lose any more weight."
    "Go on, have one!"
    "Go on, have another!"
    "God, you're BORING, you!"

    etc.

    Um
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    Maybe he thinks "ah, she's lost enough...back to "normal eating habits" now"

    I know that's not correct. But some people do think that way. I honestly do not think it sounds like he is trying to sabotage your efforts.
  • Ophidion
    Ophidion Posts: 2,065 Member
    Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men).
    None taken, some women can be freak'n' thick in the head with their blanket statements.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    "You look ill."
    "You looked better before,"
    "You don't need to lose any more weight."
    "Go on, have one!"
    "Go on, have another!"
    "God, you're BORING, you!"

    etc.

    Um

    Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
    "You look ill."
    "You looked better before,"
    "You don't need to lose any more weight."
    "Go on, have one!"
    "Go on, have another!"
    "God, you're BORING, you!"

    etc.

    Um

    Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.

    It wasn't related to the situation at hand dude or useful in any way, shape, or form.

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