Dealing with sabatagers

doglover1984

I don't know if I am the only one on here that has this problem but I am really at a loss. My husband was very supportive in the beginning but now that I am down almost 80 pounds I find that he is making comments, and bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me. I have been on my weigh loss journey for about 5 months now, but he has been going to the gym for 2 years and I have always supported him, and tell him how good he looks. But now I don't know if it's because he is worried that I am going to try and find someone new or something like that, or if he was more comfortable when I was bigger. We have 3 kids and I tell him everyday how much I care for him, so I am really at a loss. Has anyone else had this problem before?

moya_rargh

There are many threads on here regarding diet saboteurs. I think most of us have faced comments dressed up as 'concern' when losing weight. It's their insecurity that your succesful change is a reflection of their 'failure.'

lemur_lady

My partner is a bit like this. He prefers bigger women and so the thought of me getting smaller annoys him a little I think. He has said he wont find me as attractive once Ive lost weight which stung a bit. I am doing it to be more healthy, we have a 18 month old so she needs a good role model. I am determined to be that despite what my partners 'preferences' are.

Achrya

Interesting

ndj1979

in….for spouse on spouse sabotage...

LishieFruit89

Why don't you straight ask him what his deal is?


Also, you're a grown woman.
You don't have to eat what he brings in.
He is not sabotaging you.
Only you can do that.
Unless he's tied you to a chair and force fed you.

Mia_RagazzaTosta

inb4 "he's just jealous!"

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Have you talked to him about this?

I can't help but wonder if he's just tired after 5 months of not being able to have foods he loves in the house.

BrainyBurro

...you should worry more about the manager of the grocery store. that guy is DEFINITELY trying to sabotage you! have you seen how much food he has set aside in a special location just to tempt you to stray from your dietary regimen?!?!

ndj1979

I always found mr. goodbar to be the the biggest saboteur of them all …that guy is an a-hole….

ndj1979

any second now ..the 'divorce him" crew will come flying in here..that train is never late

Achrya

inb4 "he's just jealous!"

Oh just wait. It's coming.

Ophidion

I hate these threads a majority of the time because they are usually about people blaming others for their own decisions...but I will play nice.

Maybe he actually is inspired by your achievements hence why he going to the gym now.

Also just maybe because you have dropped the weight and have been doing so well for so long, he may think you have gotten over the trigger food phase and have developed self control.

As far as comments go since you have only hinted at them as opposed to actually letting us know what they are I have no opinion on this.

kgeyser

Wait, what? He brings food into the house, so the only possible reasons are that he is afraid you are going to leave him or likes it better when you're fat?

Maybe he just wanted to eat the food? Just because you're making lifestyle changes doesn't mean the rest of the world has to change as well. You don't have to eat the food.

Sabine_Stroehm

To me sabotage suggests he's sneaking calories into your food or changing the weights on your scale...or something like that.
Bringing food (that he probably enjoys) into the house and making comments is perhaps not thoughtful. But to me it doesn't really rise to the level of sabotage unless you have an eating disorder. YOU still control what you eat and do. YOU are responsible for your decisions and food choices.

BrainyBurro

inb4 "he's just jealous!"

Oh just wait. It's coming.

he's just jealous™ !

Maaike84

congrats on your weightloss! :flowerforyou:

also, if you have an issue with your husband, and his attitude towards you or him bringing food into the house, I think you should discuss it with him. Other than that, I have no opinion to offer you.

notworthstalking

Have you talked to him about this?

I can't help but wonder if he's just tired after 5 months of not being able to have foods he loves in the house.

Good point. My husbands only complaint seems to be the amount of plastic containers we have to wash up. He jokingly told me not to snack so much. I think that as much as it helps when our other halfs support us, we have to also think about them too. Whether it's remembering they need to eat more than us and can have treats more often, or in my case that he doesn't have to eat as much as I do at the moment.

Mother_Superior

ndj1979

OP - in all seriousness….can't you eat some of this food he brings into the house and still eat in a calorie deficit? Perhaps you are completely eliminating certain foods, that could be incorporated into your diet, and you would still be in a deficit and lose, and then maybe your husband would not feel so ostracized..? Just saying…

congrats on 80 pounds lost that is a great achievement…


but you may want to re-examine how you view certain foods..there are no "bad" or "good" foods…just food that you use for energy ..understanding this, may go a long way in your progress going forward and your relationship with husband.

ndj1979

LOL - I was thinking of this song/video when I came in here….awesome!