Dealing with sabatagers
Replies
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"You look ill."
"You looked better before,"
"You don't need to lose any more weight."
"Go on, have one!"
"Go on, have another!"
"God, you're BORING, you!"
etc.
Um
Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.
Was just a bit contextless0 -
"You look ill."
"You looked better before,"
"You don't need to lose any more weight."
"Go on, have one!"
"Go on, have another!"
"God, you're BORING, you!"
etc.
Um
Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.
The OP said he was making comments, she didn't say what those comments were. Let's not pigeonhole this guy, his comments, and his motivations without knowing the facts of the situation.0 -
It's in the context of diet sabotage, which is the subject of this thread, regardless of whether or not the OP is mistaken, no?0
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None taken, some women can be freak'n' thick in the head with their blanket statements.Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men).
haha I won't argue. What can I say? I wanna be the controlling know-it-all in my relationship and I always know best. Though there are some situations where I prefer to hand over the reins
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"You look ill."
"You looked better before,"
"You don't need to lose any more weight."
"Go on, have one!"
"Go on, have another!"
"God, you're BORING, you!"
etc.
Um
Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.
The OP said he was making comments, she didn't say what those comments were. Let's not pigeonhole this guy, his comments, and his motivations without knowing the facts of the situation.
I wasn't pigeonholing anybody, I was referring to comments that I faced myself by people who were trying to sabotage my diet, you know, the subject matter of this very thread?0 -
None taken, some women can be freak'n' thick in the head with their blanket statements.Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men).
:laugh:0 -
I would try to use the quote button when answer replies, see where it says quote, that's the one.It's in the context of diet sabotage, which is the subject of this thread, regardless of whether or not the OP is mistaken, no?
I would recommend that yes use a little more context probably something like "I can sympathize because..."
But yes, best not to make assumptions about her husband.0 -
I don't know if I am the only one on here that has this problem but I am really at a loss. My husband was very supportive in the beginning but now that I am down almost 80 pounds I find that he is making comments, and bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me. I have been on my weigh loss journey for about 5 months now, but he has been going to the gym for 2 years and I have always supported him, and tell him how good he looks. But now I don't know if it's because he is worried that I am going to try and find someone new or something like that, or if he was more comfortable when I was bigger. We have 3 kids and I tell him everyday how much I care for him, so I am really at a loss. Has anyone else had this problem before?
Okay what comments??? please explain...
As for bringing food into the house ??? really? how is that sabatoge...maybe he wants to eat it? my husband brought me turtles and a gym membership....He buys me lindt all the time because he knows I love them...having food in the house you find tempting is not sabatoge...
I am sure that in the two years your husband has been going to the gym you didn't give up the foods you love, you continued to cook the way you felt like, ate the way you wanted? were you trying t sabatoge him????
If you don't ask him how will you know?0 -
I would try to use the quote button when answer replies, see where it says quote, that's the one.It's in the context of diet sabotage, which is the subject of this thread, regardless of whether or not the OP is mistaken, no?
I would recommend that yes use a little more context probably something like "I can sympathize because..."
But yes, best not to make assumptions about her husband.
Sorry.0 -
Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men). I have told my BF many times about the types of food I want to be eating and also the types I want to limit or avoid, and have even asked him not to bring certain types of junk food into the house (especially ice cream and chocolate!) cause my self control is very weak sometimes.... yet he stil asks me every now and then "do you wanna go out for ice cream?" or comes home with a big bag of chocolate covered blueberries and leaves them out on the kitchen table. I really don't think he means it, I think he just forgets. He doesn't need to watch what he eats as much as I do to maintain his health/weight, so why should he have to? He also perfectly capable of having just a small portion or a couple bites of something and then leaving it til next time he craves it... I struggle with this as I tend to binge and lose control over these things and eat the whole container/box/package.
I do warn him though, that if he leaves that stuff lying around too long it's either:
A: gonna get eaten by me in a moment of weaknes, or
B: It's gonna get thrown out by me in a moment of overcoming my weakness.
men are clueless and woman are all geniuses…right, got ya…
thanks for calling me clueless...0 -
The only person with the ability to sabotage is yourself. Unless he's making you slip on banana peels where you conveniently slip and the food is knocked into your mouth and consumed without your being able to stop it....
My husband has been kind of weird but I think it's me posting all those Ryan Reynolds pics up on FB... As for bringing food. My husband actually has asked me to stop buying so much ice cream for myself0 -
"You look ill."
"You looked better before,"
"You don't need to lose any more weight."
"Go on, have one!"
"Go on, have another!"
"God, you're BORING, you!"
etc.
Um
Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.
The OP said he was making comments, she didn't say what those comments were. Let's not pigeonhole this guy, his comments, and his motivations without knowing the facts of the situation.
I wasn't pigeonholing anybody, I was referring to comments that I faced myself by people who were trying to sabotage my diet, you know, the subject matter of this very thread?
This thread isn't about people trying to sabotage your diet. This thread is about a situation the OP is facing in her life with her spouse, and how to deal with that specific situation, not asking people in general to share their stories of dieting woe. Perhaps, again, we should wait for more details, since we don't know what was said to her, and bringing food into the house doesn't always have an ulterior motive.0 -
Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men). I have told my BF many times about the types of food I want to be eating and also the types I want to limit or avoid, and have even asked him not to bring certain types of junk food into the house (especially ice cream and chocolate!) cause my self control is very weak sometimes.... yet he stil asks me every now and then "do you wanna go out for ice cream?" or comes home with a big bag of chocolate covered blueberries and leaves them out on the kitchen table. I really don't think he means it, I think he just forgets. He doesn't need to watch what he eats as much as I do to maintain his health/weight, so why should he have to? He also perfectly capable of having just a small portion or a couple bites of something and then leaving it til next time he craves it... I struggle with this as I tend to binge and lose control over these things and eat the whole container/box/package.
I do warn him though, that if he leaves that stuff lying around too long it's either:
A: gonna get eaten by me in a moment of weaknes, or
B: It's gonna get thrown out by me in a moment of overcoming my weakness.
This bugs me...I was going to ignore it but I am having a morning.
WTH...men are clueless eh? Then why have one in your life?
You are not his mother and you can't dictate what he buys or eats for that matter, and throw the stuff out because you lack discipline psh....you are lucky he is still around...
Controlling much? Sounds like you are jealous and sabatoging him.0 -
Hey! that is my go-to excuse for accidentally cheating, don't ruin it.The only person with the ability to sabotage is yourself. Unless he's making you slip on banana peels where you conveniently slip and the food is knocked into your mouth and consumed without your being able to stop it....
My husband has been kind of weird but I think it's me posting all those Ryan Reynolds pics up on FB... As for bringing food. My husband actually has asked me to stop buying so much ice cream for myself
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In terms of the initial post, I"m not sure what comments your referring to. If they are negative, maybe talk to him about it and say that your doing this for your health and you would like his support.
However as far as food goes you need to keep these things in mind.
1) Maybe he wants to eat it
2) maybe he bought the food thinking you would enjoy it, not because he wanted to sabotage you. This may sound hard to believe but you can enjoy the foods you love you just need to measure/weigh them so you know how many calories to log.
3) You are ALWAYS gonna have temptations, even in the home, learning self control or how to portion things out is a skill you need to learn.
If he is saying these things because he thinks you will leave him or something, and you reassure him and stuff like that, maybe see a marriage counselor so you can both just lay everything out on the table on a level playing field. Seeking counsel does not mean anything is wrong with either of you, it just gives you a clear way of communicating without misunderstandings.0 -
i have a similiar problem with my husband.. After giving birth in august i didn't start actively start this journey till November but now i'm lost 45 lbs and he makes comments that i'm trying to be someone i'm not and why do i wanna be skinny he doesnt want that... i get mad i told him i just wanna be healthy and fit not "skinny" . Now he even started brings really bad foods home every few days donuts,cuban bread, chocolate, cinnabuns etc. I've been giving in to it a little and i'm very stressed about it because i'm only 17 lbs away from my first goal . i just try to be a strong as possible or if i take the donut i look in the mirror with it and that usually helps stop me0
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I see where the original poster is coming from: when I first started losing weight my partner started buying foods that I specifically love (but are fattening) where he didn't before.
We had a fairly frank conversation: turns out he was thrown sideways by my sudden change in lifestyle and wondered if I was getting bored of him and looking for someone else - hence being nice to me by getting the stuff he knows I like. Once I pointed out my motivation was pretty much to stave off diabetes for as long as possible and enjoy a healthy body in middle/old age, he chilled his boots.
He still buys chocolate and cake and crisps and biscuits for himself (and for me on occassion): I've just learned to ignore them.0 -
you are so right!In terms of the initial post, I"m not sure what comments your referring to. If they are negative, maybe talk to him about it and say that your doing this for your health and you would like his support.
However as far as food goes you need to keep these things in mind.
1) Maybe he wants to eat it
2) maybe he bought the food thinking you would enjoy it, not because he wanted to sabotage you. This may sound hard to believe but you can enjoy the foods you love you just need to measure/weigh them so you know how many calories to log.
3) You are ALWAYS gonna have temptations, even in the home, learning self control or how to portion things out is a skill you need to learn.0 -
To eat or not to eat? Every food choice you make is your own decision. If he brings the crap in the house, don't eat it and make a healthy smoothie.0
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Wait what? the guy is going to the gym...maybe His "preferences" are she learn self control.Good on you, girl. His "preferences" aren't as important as your health, short and long term. He'll just have to get used to the slimmer you!0 -
bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me.
Tell him, if you can't eat the food it goes in the trash and trash it, while he is looking or put it in his car..0 -
bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me.
Tell him, if you can't eat the food it goes in the trash and trash it, while he is looking or put it in his car..
There is no reason to waste perfectly edible food. Take it to a food bank at least. Jeez.0 -
bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me.
Tell him, if you can't eat the food it goes in the trash and trash it, while he is looking or put it in his car..
Guys, this is silly. Maybe he wants to eat the food. There is no reason why he can't have food he likes in the house. Learning self control is part of the process of learning to live a better lifestyle.0 -
Have you tried having a calm conversation with him about it?0
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Guys can be pretty clueless somethimes (no offense, men). I have told my BF many times about the types of food I want to be eating and also the types I want to limit or avoid, and have even asked him not to bring certain types of junk food into the house (especially ice cream and chocolate!) cause my self control is very weak sometimes.... yet he stil asks me every now and then "do you wanna go out for ice cream?" or comes home with a big bag of chocolate covered blueberries and leaves them out on the kitchen table. I really don't think he means it, I think he just forgets. He doesn't need to watch what he eats as much as I do to maintain his health/weight, so why should he have to? He also perfectly capable of having just a small portion or a couple bites of something and then leaving it til next time he craves it... I struggle with this as I tend to binge and lose control over these things and eat the whole container/box/package.
I do warn him though, that if he leaves that stuff lying around too long it's either:
A: gonna get eaten by me in a moment of weaknes, or
B: It's gonna get thrown out by me in a moment of overcoming my weakness.
This bugs me...I was going to ignore it but I am having a morning.
WTH...men are clueless eh? Then why have one in your life?
You are not his mother and you can't dictate what he buys or eats for that matter, and throw the stuff out because you lack discipline psh....you are lucky he is still around...
Controlling much? Sounds like you are jealous and sabatoging him.
Why have a clueless man in my life? .... all the better to control him, my dear..haha *evil snicker
In all honesty, I do my best to control myself and I think that's all I can do. I'm really not trying to take it out on him. I have a weird relationship with food, and I will admit that yes, I am jealous of him because his eating patterns are much more 'normal' than mine. But this shouldn't turn into a conversatino just about me. I mostly wanted to point out that if someone isn't thinking about food all the time (like I always do, or dieters in general), then I can see how they could easily forget about someone else's preferences and choices. It's a two way street. I gotta respect his choices just as he should respect mine, am I wrong?
oh and btw, don't take me so seriously guys!
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bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me.
Tell him, if you can't eat the food it goes in the trash and trash it, while he is looking or put it in his car..
Whoa. I'm sorry. If my husband dumped out my ice cream or Greek yogurt, he'd be on the couch for a very long time.
I'm assuming we're all adults here...so having said that, would it not make sense to NOT eat something if it doesn't fit into your day? Otherwise, if it's tempting it must be tasty... ergo, fitting into a person's day sounds fabulous.0 -
+1"You look ill."
"You looked better before,"
"You don't need to lose any more weight."
"Go on, have one!"
"Go on, have another!"
"God, you're BORING, you!"
etc.
Um
Um what? I faced all of those comments in the past few months, including borderline tantrums about 'wasting money on food' when I stuck to my guns and refused.
The OP said he was making comments, she didn't say what those comments were. Let's not pigeonhole this guy, his comments, and his motivations without knowing the facts of the situation.0 -
The only person that can sabotage you is yourself.
You do what YOU want in order to look the way YOU want to look.
In the end your husband sould love you not for your looks but for who you are. If he doesn't than you got bigger problems than just him trying to ''sabotage'' you...0 -
Good on you, girl. His "preferences" aren't as important as your health, short and long term. He'll just have to get used to the slimmer you!
Thas right guuuurrrrlllll! *hand on hip, 1 finger in the air* Cause a good relationship ain't got nothin to do with compromise or communication. You get yours and tell him to get outta the way! *dramatic snap*0 -
this also sounds like ED.bringing food into the house that he knows is tempting to me.
Tell him, if you can't eat the food it goes in the trash and trash it, while he is looking or put it in his car..0
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