Another stupid relationship post... Need opinions :/

SpicyJ0614

this is why i want to stay in shape, so i can be 40 and pick up 26 year olds

Nothing wrong with that as long as you can please them in bed...

Yeah, it's pretty important for the 40-year-old to be able to give the 26-year-old an orgasm!

Hear, hear! :drinker:

lyzmorrison

It only gets harder. Remember that. If it's this hard now.......

SpicyJ0614

FWIW No one can tell that he's 40. Maybe I make him look younger... Everyone always guesses early 30's. He gets carded all the time for drinks/buying beer and the employee's jaw always drops when they see his age.

I know that his next relationship will likely be with some poor girl in their mid-20s. Lol.

RockWarrior84

Sounds like it is a deal breaker with kids and he sounds like he has wet feet. Maybe its the kid thing that is keeping him from proposing. He might be having doubts.

The sex thing you can survive, speaking from experience. I am like you and wife is like him. You will survive but it is def not anything to brag about. As long as there is sex there and it does not stop.

pobalita

omg, I 've been in this relationship. Please *listen* to what he is saying. He is telling you the truth (except for the age thing).

If he says he thinks he will be a bad dad, he does NOT want to have kids.

If he jokes about getting married yet does not talk about a date or a time or even a year, he does NOT want to be married.

He is (and maybe unintentionally) stringing you along because he is content with what he has right now and he has no interest in changing it. He doesn't want to tell you the truth directly because he will lose you if he does. He will dance around these topics to keep you - not necessarily because he is an *kitten*, but because he is comfortable and has everything he wants from the relationship already.

He's 40. He hasn't been married and doesn't have kids - most likely this is the way he will be for the rest of his life. If he wanted these things, he'd be talking about these things. There are a lot of people out there who are content to be in a relationship that goes no where - doesn't mean they are bad people, they are just content with that. If you want to be with someone who wants kids and marriage, you need to find that person.

I just wasted three years on someone just like this.

odusgolp

I'm going to give you one little piece of advice (regardless of what you decide with this particular relationship).

Stop making assumptions about what someone else is thinking, feeling, intending, etc.

"It's crystal clear he has no intention of proposing." No, actually, it's not. You're assuming that. He did not say that what-so-ever.

"I'm starting to understand that he doesn't want kids... ever." (or whatever you said) is again... a huge assumption on your part.

Maybe you're right, but maybe you're dead wrong. A fatal flaw in relationships is making assumptions instead of communicating and taking what your partner says at face value.

If he says, "I don't want kids, ever." when you have a serious conversation about it, then you have your answer. Don't add "right now" or "maybe later" in your head... What he says is what he means. (If it's not, then he sucks, but that's a whole different topic).

rexiecatmeow

Don't waste any more of your time, i'd pull the plug.

dbmata

Old proverb say, "If the sex does not work, nothing else will."

mccindy72

Sounds like it is a deal breaker with kids and he sounds like he has wet feet. Maybe its the kid thing that is keeping him from proposing. He might be having doubts.

The sex thing you can survive, speaking from experience. I am like you and wife is like him. You will survive but it is def not anything to brag about. As long as there is sex there and it does not stop.

That makes no sense. He's not giving her orgasms and she wants them. That's not survivable, in a relationship. A healthy relationship has two people who are satisfied with their sex life and enjoy and appreciate their intimacy.

wheird

Don't waste any more of your time, i'd pull the plug.

He is vanilla, there was no plug inserted in the first place.

RockWarrior84

Sounds like it is a deal breaker with kids and he sounds like he has wet feet. Maybe its the kid thing that is keeping him from proposing. He might be having doubts.

The sex thing you can survive, speaking from experience. I am like you and wife is like him. You will survive but it is def not anything to brag about. As long as there is sex there and it does not stop.

That makes no sense. He's not giving her orgasms and she wants them. That's not survivable, in a relationship. A healthy relationship has two people who are satisfied with their sex life and enjoy and appreciate their intimacy.

she is not saying she is getting none, she just wants more. Several times a week is not bad, could be worse.

The no orgasm thing is bad though. Sounds like time for ultimatums.

Ed98043

It's not even an age thing, it's a compatibility issue. There comes a time when you have to decide if the relationship you're in is the one you want to have for the rest of your life. He's not going to change on some of the key issues because they have to do with his character. You can polish men up a bit, but you can't change their basic nature.

I've been there, and frankly I wasted WAY too much time with men that weren't right for me, either because the relationship was "okay but not great" (and suddenly 5 years had passed) or because I thought they would change. Where that got me was single for life. You have to make a decision to make do and try to be happy, or get out.

SpicyJ0614

omg, I 've been in this relationship. Please *listen* to what he is saying. He is telling you the truth (except for the age thing).

If he says he thinks he will be a bad dad, he does NOT want to have kids.

If he jokes about getting married yet does not talk about a date or a time or even a year, he does NOT want to be married.

He is (and maybe unintentionally) stringing you along because he is content with what he has right now and he has no interest in changing it. He doesn't want to tell you the truth directly because he will lose you if he does. He will dance around these topics to keep you - not necessarily because he is an *kitten*, but because he is comfortable and has everything he wants from the relationship already.

He's 40. He hasn't been married and doesn't have kids - most likely this is the way he will be for the rest of his life. If he wanted these things, he'd be talking about these things. There are a lot of people out there who are content to be in a relationship that goes no where - doesn't mean they are bad people, they are just content with that. If you want to be with someone who wants kids and marriage, you need to find that person.

I just wasted three years on someone just like this.

If you don't mind me asking, how did the relationship ultimately come to an end? Most of my friends IRL have no idea how to offer any advice as they have never been in my shoes. I'm not even sure how I'd start off the conversation without breaking his heart (which I think is inevitable). Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post here.

mgorham13

It never going to work the age thing gets worse not better. Image being a vibrant 36 year old with a 50 year old hermit. Throw kids in the mix and you have a recipe for disaster

redlipsticklyfe

I once got a great piece of advice from a friend. If you didn't have to consider his feelings, the pet, and the shared home would you stay? If you weren't afraid of being alone forever would you stay? I was in a situation similar to this. Feel free to PM if you need someone to talk to in more depth about this.

LoggingForLife

You would be signing up for a life without children, marriage and orgasms. Run now...

odusgolp

omg, I 've been in this relationship. Please *listen* to what he is saying. He is telling you the truth (except for the age thing).

If he says he thinks he will be a bad dad, he does NOT want to have kids.

If he jokes about getting married yet does not talk about a date or a time or even a year, he does NOT want to be married.

....

I just wasted three years on someone just like this.

This was your guy, perhaps... But I'm willing to bet some guys do not mean, "I think I'll be a bad dad" to = I never want kids.

Maybe they're scared, not ready, don't think they're with the right person, or really don't want them, but again... each situation is unique and it sounds like you haven't ACTUALLY discussed what this guy means...

Granville_Cocteau

The age difference could be overcome in theory, but disagreements about marriage and kids usually can't be. I'd have a serious conversation about those issues.