Needing a man's perspective...

Tigg_er

I know you wanted this from a mans perspective, but I thought I'd share anyway :laugh:

For years I worked while my ex husband stayed at home with the kids (he was only making enough to cover gas and daycare expenses anyway, it was a mutual decision). He didn't care that I made all the money for the household, but it did eventually start to bother me. We agreed that he would stay home as long as it didn't hurt us financially, and it never really did. However, he wouldn't do much around the house while he was home. I was still doing laundry, still doing dishes, still cleaning up the house. It was very frustrating for me. Plenty of other things happened that led to us divorcing, but this was part of it. I began to resent him for not pulling equal weight (not financial weight, but household weight) in our partnership.

I have been through exactly this. My problem now is I feel like I shouldn't have to do EVERYTHING around the house. I don't bring up the money issue with him bc I don't care about it, but I shouldn't have to bust my butt at work all day, then come home to cook, clean, homework, pets, everything while the man comes home and kicks off his boots and grabs a beer. Venting complete.

I totally get where you're both coming from, but I also get IPAkiller's point(s).
I only work part time, but it's 2nd shift as a nurse.
Some nights I really bust my butt and by the time I get home, I'm dead tired and I don't want to have to worry about school lunches, home work etc. for the next day.
It's not so easy to see him sitting there with his feet propped up in the recliner, watching a movie with a beer in his hand.
But I take a swig of his beer and remember what he DOES do.
(He's cared for our daughter and already put her to bed before I get home.)
As a paramedic in a violent urban setting, his job is a lot more stressful than mine and he may not sleep at all on his 24 hour shift which just adds to the stress.
He needs to be able to come home, decompress and get some rest.
However, he doesn't do any of that until he makes sure he takes cares of all his responsibilities at home.
He does ALL the "outside" type work at home. I never have shovel, snowblow, cut the grass or do any type of home repair.
He also does all the maintenance and repair on all our vehicles, appliances etc. Very rarely do we pay someone to do repair work on anything.
And while we agreed that I would be the primary caregiver to our daughter, he values the relationship he has with her and will offer to drive her to school so I can sleep in after a rough night or make a lunch or help with a book report.
He just wants me to respect his role as breadwinner and not pressure him with extra expectations when he's already carrying a lot on his shoulders.
It's the way we do our marriage and it works for us.
For others, a different agreement works better.
Just my two cents.

More like a couple bucks, and well worth it. Nice post.

Mustang_Susie

I know you wanted this from a mans perspective, but I thought I'd share anyway :laugh:

For years I worked while my ex husband stayed at home with the kids (he was only making enough to cover gas and daycare expenses anyway, it was a mutual decision). He didn't care that I made all the money for the household, but it did eventually start to bother me. We agreed that he would stay home as long as it didn't hurt us financially, and it never really did. However, he wouldn't do much around the house while he was home. I was still doing laundry, still doing dishes, still cleaning up the house. It was very frustrating for me. Plenty of other things happened that led to us divorcing, but this was part of it. I began to resent him for not pulling equal weight (not financial weight, but household weight) in our partnership.

I have been through exactly this. My problem now is I feel like I shouldn't have to do EVERYTHING around the house. I don't bring up the money issue with him bc I don't care about it, but I shouldn't have to bust my butt at work all day, then come home to cook, clean, homework, pets, everything while the man comes home and kicks off his boots and grabs a beer. Venting complete.

I totally get where you're both coming from, but I also get IPAkiller's point(s).
I only work part time, but it's 2nd shift as a nurse.
Some nights I really bust my butt and by the time I get home, I'm dead tired and I don't want to have to worry about school lunches, home work etc. for the next day.
It's not so easy to see him sitting there with his feet propped up in the recliner, watching a movie with a beer in his hand.
But I take a swig of his beer and remember what he DOES do.
(He's cared for our daughter and already put her to bed before I get home.)
As a paramedic in a violent urban setting, his job is a lot more stressful than mine and he may not sleep at all on his 24 hour shift which just adds to the stress.
He needs to be able to come home, decompress and get some rest.
However, he doesn't do any of that until he makes sure he takes cares of all his responsibilities at home.
He does ALL the "outside" type work at home. I never have shovel, snowblow, cut the grass or do any type of home repair.
He also does all the maintenance and repair on all our vehicles, appliances etc. Very rarely do we pay someone to do repair work on anything.
And while we agreed that I would be the primary caregiver to our daughter, he values the relationship he has with her and will offer to drive her to school so I can sleep in after a rough night or make a lunch or help with a book report.
He just wants me to respect his role as breadwinner and not pressure him with extra expectations when he's already carrying a lot on his shoulders.
It's the way we do our marriage and it works for us.
For others, a different agreement works better.
Just my two cents.

More like a couple bucks, and well worth it. Nice post.

:flowerforyou:

morehealthymatt

As long as i keep given her that sweet, sweet loving, she is way more then happy. ...and the dishes also.