Is marriage a big waste of time ?

zebron123

Let me begin by saying that I am not against the institution of marriage.Also i wish all of those blissfully married people all the happiness in the life.May your marriage be blessed with love, joy and companionship for all the years of your lives.

Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's.It seems people get into relationship for fulfilling lustful desires & to attain financial gain.The good old love has been lost forever.

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.

Newmefor40

I agree 100%!! I have found that I don't even want to eventually get married anymore because of all the broken marriages and cheating I've seen. Women and men are both equally bad.

carla113

As someone who has been married for nearly 10 years, I know it isn't a waste of my time. Is it hard? Yep-one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Is it work? Absolutely-you have to work at it every single day. Is it worth it? Mine is-my husband is my best friend, my confidante, and my biggest challenger, and I love him every day for it.

I will say that, like a lot of things, marriage isn't for everyone. There are a lot of people out there who get really excited about "the wedding" but don't focus on "the marriage" and it's a hard road for them once the wedding event itself is over. It's not all puppies and sunshine. It's arguments over the laundry, sucky family members, where are we going for Christmas this year, and sick kids. But it's also beach vacations, inside jokes, Thursday nights on the couch, and knowing that you've got someone to talk to when you need them.

OP - you said, "In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his lifetime & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering?" If we're doing it right (and it's admittedly very hard - you have to be willing to and actually work at it every single day), then this life shouldn't be filled wit pain and suffering. There should be far more love and happiness than that.

I'll admit, I know I'm lucky. I love my husband very much. Has every day of the past 10 years been great? No, it hasn't. And those times when it's bad, it would be easy in a lot of ways to quit. But, I am fortunate enough to have chosen someone who is equally committed to this lifelong oath as I am, and we show that by being honest and faithful. There is a song out right now that says "The bad times make the good times better." I'm a believer.

Unknown

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nofearbebravelive

i was with my exhusband for 17 years, I was pregnant with our third child in three years when he decided to cheat. I offered him a six month hiatus from the marriage no questions asked and he chose her, they were first loves from high school. It crushed my soul, but really my anger was at me for thinking he was worth all the love I had given him, he wasn't. To that end though, I will NEVER get married again, nor will I ever date or fall in love again, I had what I thought was the fairy tale. I loved him with every ounce of my being, every single ounce, I won't be so stupid in the future, in the end, love wasn't worth the pain. Make a family with someone you respect and want to be friends with forever, love who you want, sometimes that's the same person, sometimes it's not. I am not against love, I am just not doing it again.

Sunbrooke

I agree and if you meet the person for you, you will marry them because you truly want to commit yourself to them, not because you are lonely, or want a certain lifestyle. I was very happily divorced and never expected to feel the way I do about my husband. I think that not needing (or even wanting to some degree) to be married actually makes it easier to find the person you just can't imagine being without. Without the insecurities and fear of loneliness, it becomes easy to be honest about relationships that just aren't what you really want. I got to the point that I thought I was just mean and cynical, but it turns out, that I had finally developed some real standards. How sad to stay in relationships because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or because they haven't done anything wrong, when you don't actually love that person; that's what I had done for years. I also didn't believe in marriage as an institution, but wanting to truly be my husbands partner in life, made marriage feel like the most natural thing.

bd0027

I know a lot of people who are so in love after 20 years of marriage. However, I personally do not see one man pleasing me for the rest of my life. I mean, maybe it's possible, but after seeing how much people change over time and grow apart, it's doubtful.

rowlandsw

I think a large part of the reason for marriages falling apart was it used to be if you were married for 30 years that was your entire life and you'd be dead soon but now you have people married for 70 years. It's never easy, you have 2 people who both think they're right at times butting heads. Another issue these days is nobody wants to actually put effort into it. They'd rather just give up then try and make things work like their parents and grandparents did. My folks have been married since 1971 and never had a major issue and my grandparents were married for nearly 50 years without it falling apart. It's a symptom of modern throw away society that we think so little of each other that we'd throw away love just because we can't get along for 5 minutes.
That said some folks shouldn't have married each other in the first place, we've all met them. They're the ones who think yelling at each other is normal communication.

A_Fit_Mom

I agree it isn't for everyone. But for us, it has been wonderful and I couldn't see it any other way. Almost 10 years married and I wouldn't change it for anything. We got married young..so we also beat that statistic of young marriages not lasting. You have to marry for the right reasons and keep working at your marriage throughout your life and it just works. It isn't hard if you are both committed to it.

Derp_Diggler

Ask yourself:

Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

Are you willing to reciprocate?

RabbitLost

It's not for everyone. That being said, I would be lost without my wife.

Amen, brother!

RabbitLost

Let me begin by saying that I am not against the institution of marriage.Also i wish all of those blissfully married people all the happiness in the life.May your marriage be blessed with love, joy and companionship for all the years of your lives.

Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's.It seems people get into relationship for fulfilling lustful desires & to attain financial gain.The good old love has been lost forever.

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.

People been screwing around since there was people. Why do you think it's in the Top Ten Laws of All Time? And why can't you be married AND paint the perfect painting or cure cancer or crack the aging gene. I think it would be way more satisfying to have that someone special to share it with.

paperpudding

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.

Well, I wouldn't say adultery and betrayal have become the norm - at any rate have never committed either myself nor had them committed to me.
Have been married for 28 years and I do not consider it to have been full of pain and suffering.

has had its down moments of course - but so does everything.

Realistically, whatever most of us do with our lives, we will end up beneath a gravestone remembered by 2 generations of our own family and that's it. Most of us will not be forever immortalized in the minds of future generations.

However a very few of us will write a new scientific theory or paint the Mona Lisa of our day - I don't think being married excludes doing this though.

I do agree marriage is not for everyone.

But the reasons you give for not marrying seem rather odd.

The only reason I would have for not marrying would be if I were happier being single or I didnt find someone with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.
Wanting to do something amazing to immortalize myself for future generations wouldn't come into it.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I don't think there is anything wrong with not getting married but I also think that you don't have to limit yourself if you choose to marry.

Maybe marriage helps people to cultivate those good qualities you say are necessary. I've been with my husband for 27 years, married for 24. I think the worse periods we ever had in all those years were times when we didn't paint pictures or pursue our dreams. You can have it all:)

JessieGurlJb

Amen

i was with my exhusband for 17 years, I was pregnant with our third child in three years when he decided to cheat. I offered him a six month hiatus from the marriage no questions asked and he chose her, they were first loves from high school. It crushed my soul, but really my anger was at me for thinking he was worth all the love I had given him, he wasn't. To that end though, I will NEVER get married again, nor will I ever date or fall in love again, I had what I thought was the fairy tale. I loved him with every ounce of my being, every single ounce, I won't be so stupid in the future, in the end, love wasn't worth the pain. Make a family with someone you respect and want to be friends with forever, love who you want, sometimes that's the same person, sometimes it's not. I am not against love, I am just not doing it again.

TattooedNici

I agree 100%!! I have found that I don't even want to eventually get married anymore because of all the broken marriages and cheating I've seen. Women and men are both equally bad.

My thoughts exactly.

dakotababy

I think with tv shows such as "4 weddings" and "say yes to the dress" help to push the idea of marriage. Girls like the fantasy of marriage. These shows sell the idea, and I think marriage has become more of a big deal for the party, rather than the marriage itself.

I plan to either 1 - just sign the papers, change my name and purchase some rings. or 2 - get married in vegas or 3 - not bother to get married at all. Times have changed, and I think in the case of marriage - it has changed for the worst.

dakotababy

Ask yourself:

Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

Are you willing to reciprocate?

You do not need to be married to accomplish this.

RaggedyPond

It's worth it when you find the right person.

DopeItUp

Yep, but it's a good big waste of time.

Besides, what else is life but a giant waste of time in the first place? Might as well waste it with someone you care about.

40Jamieful

I do love being married, but now that we are divorced - it was a big waste of time! I would love to get married again someday, but only if my man agreed to commit to a marriage accountability church group. Now, my situation is that I will lose my disability benefits if I marry and that makes me sad, because all my child's friends at her Christian school have married parents and she is the only one with a single mom.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

Ask yourself:

Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

Are you willing to reciprocate?

You do not need to be married to accomplish this.

No, you don't have to be married, but you do have to share your life with someone to accomplish these this.

jenilla1

...Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's...

Well, people with qualities of "selflessness,magnanimity, pragmatism, empathy & candor" don't find marriage to be hard at all. In fact, it's a crap ton of fun most of the time. Sure there are brief moments of irritation, but they are brief and so worth it when you've got the right partner. Enjoying marriage is ALL about attitude and putting your spouse in a place of compassion, honor and respect in your life. You need to love your spouse at least as much as you love yourself. (Sorry all you "self-centered, egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's" out there, but it's true. It's not all about YOU.) There should be no score-keeping, grudge-holding or game-playing. Don't think about what you can get out of it, but rather what you can bring to it. And if it's the real deal, it gets EVEN BETTER over time! That's the part I love most.

OP, I'm sorry that you have had some rough experiences in your relationships. We tend to find what we're looking for, so if all you're seeing is negativity, maybe you should change your outlook. If you seek goodness, you have to be open to it. If you are expecting the worst, you're sure to find it. Remember, you don't have to be married to live a happy life. if it's not right for you, don't do it. Good luck in the future. :flowerforyou:

claudineer

It's not for everyone. That being said, I would be lost without my wife.

Yeah!

TorontoDiane

if you marry the wrong person yes

if you marry the right person then it would be not enough time in the world

devil_in_a_blue_dress

It's worth it if you're married to somebody who doesn't view you as an accessory.

My husband is my partner and father to my child. He's my family and we try to make each other's lives better with us being together than we would be apart. That said, it's not always sunshine and rainbows -- and we accept that each of us are human and we don't make impossible demands of each other.

Derp_Diggler

Ask yourself:

Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

Are you willing to reciprocate?

You do not need to be married to accomplish this.

True, but it can facilitate it. Immensely. So to answer the OP's question, no, it's not a big waste of time.

Jewlz280

I think marriage is really about what you want to accomplish. Before I met my husband, I was engaged to another man. I thought we were in love and we should get married. I wanted 'the dream'. But we knew something was off. There were days I would breathe a sigh of relief that he was gone or that I had to work. I would be GLAD to have a break. And when we did break, I thought my world was over. Snap. Just like that. But then I met the man I actually did marry and it was so very different. I can't even put into words the difference, but I'll try. I just wanted him there. He brings out the best in me and says I do the same for him. We aren't perfect, but we 'fit'. I can't imagine life with anyone else and I don't WANT anyone else. Do we have rough times? Of course! Lots of people do. But the difference is do we dwell on those rough times and let the bitterness eat at us, destroy us and bury us in the muck or do we work through it and find the love again? So far, we've opted to drag out the shovels and dig. I want him to be who I sit with at night. I want him. I want him to be who I'm angry with. No other. I want to share all those quiet moments, all those fun moments, those sad and ugly cry moments. I want to be that for him. Always. I want him to know that even when he feels like he's failed, he hasn't. I want to be quiet, and let him feel what he needs to feel but know that he doesn't have to do it alone. I want that partner, that friend, that lover, that other half of me that somehow makes all my craziness balanced. And it has to be him. I still feel this way after 15yrs. together -- 14 of them married. Even after the times I've felt like strangling him! I can't imagine caring so much for anyone else that I would get to that point except maybe my kids! We work on it. We fight, we work together, we make it right and move on. That's what marriage is. As for the whole you can have it all but not be married.... that's bunk and everyone knows it. You can SAY you aren't married to someone and be with them for say 15yrs., but in reality YOU ARE MARRIED. Marriage isn't about that piece of paper. It's about your commitment to each other. For some, it's also about a commitment to God. For many, it means absolutely nothing and is only for show. Marriage, relationships, are what you make of them. And they CAN be fantastic. Do they sometimes not work and it's best to go opposite ways? Sure. But too many times, it's due to lack of work or lack of understanding of what marriage really was to begin with.

RebelliousRibbons

It's not for everyone. You can have a perfectly happy and fulfilling life without being married.

I will say I probably would never have gotten married had I not met the man who has become my husband.

The thing people don't realize is... marriage doesn't change anything about your relationship:who you are, how you feel, how you treat each other, etc. It neither creates problems nor fixes them.

ldrosophila

The shacking up thing has been working for us all the benefits without the legalities

Leonidas_meets_Spartacus

No