Is marriage a big waste of time ?

zebron123

Let me begin by saying that I am not against the institution of marriage.Also i wish all of those blissfully married people all the happiness in the life.May your marriage be blessed with love, joy and companionship for all the years of your lives.

Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's.It seems people get into relationship for fulfilling lustful desires & to attain financial gain.The good old love has been lost forever.

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.

Newmefor40

I agree 100%!! I have found that I don't even want to eventually get married anymore because of all the broken marriages and cheating I've seen. Women and men are both equally bad.

carla113

As someone who has been married for nearly 10 years, I know it isn't a waste of my time. Is it hard? Yep-one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Is it work? Absolutely-you have to work at it every single day. Is it worth it? Mine is-my husband is my best friend, my confidante, and my biggest challenger, and I love him every day for it.

I will say that, like a lot of things, marriage isn't for everyone. There are a lot of people out there who get really excited about "the wedding" but don't focus on "the marriage" and it's a hard road for them once the wedding event itself is over. It's not all puppies and sunshine. It's arguments over the laundry, sucky family members, where are we going for Christmas this year, and sick kids. But it's also beach vacations, inside jokes, Thursday nights on the couch, and knowing that you've got someone to talk to when you need them.

OP - you said, "In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his lifetime & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering?" If we're doing it right (and it's admittedly very hard - you have to be willing to and actually work at it every single day), then this life shouldn't be filled wit pain and suffering. There should be far more love and happiness than that.

I'll admit, I know I'm lucky. I love my husband very much. Has every day of the past 10 years been great? No, it hasn't. And those times when it's bad, it would be easy in a lot of ways to quit. But, I am fortunate enough to have chosen someone who is equally committed to this lifelong oath as I am, and we show that by being honest and faithful. There is a song out right now that says "The bad times make the good times better." I'm a believer.

nofearbebravelive

i was with my exhusband for 17 years, I was pregnant with our third child in three years when he decided to cheat. I offered him a six month hiatus from the marriage no questions asked and he chose her, they were first loves from high school. It crushed my soul, but really my anger was at me for thinking he was worth all the love I had given him, he wasn't. To that end though, I will NEVER get married again, nor will I ever date or fall in love again, I had what I thought was the fairy tale. I loved him with every ounce of my being, every single ounce, I won't be so stupid in the future, in the end, love wasn't worth the pain. Make a family with someone you respect and want to be friends with forever, love who you want, sometimes that's the same person, sometimes it's not. I am not against love, I am just not doing it again.

Sunbrooke

I agree and if you meet the person for you, you will marry them because you truly want to commit yourself to them, not because you are lonely, or want a certain lifestyle. I was very happily divorced and never expected to feel the way I do about my husband. I think that not needing (or even wanting to some degree) to be married actually makes it easier to find the person you just can't imagine being without. Without the insecurities and fear of loneliness, it becomes easy to be honest about relationships that just aren't what you really want. I got to the point that I thought I was just mean and cynical, but it turns out, that I had finally developed some real standards. How sad to stay in relationships because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, or because they haven't done anything wrong, when you don't actually love that person; that's what I had done for years. I also didn't believe in marriage as an institution, but wanting to truly be my husbands partner in life, made marriage feel like the most natural thing.

bd0027

I know a lot of people who are so in love after 20 years of marriage. However, I personally do not see one man pleasing me for the rest of my life. I mean, maybe it's possible, but after seeing how much people change over time and grow apart, it's doubtful.

rowlandsw

I think a large part of the reason for marriages falling apart was it used to be if you were married for 30 years that was your entire life and you'd be dead soon but now you have people married for 70 years. It's never easy, you have 2 people who both think they're right at times butting heads. Another issue these days is nobody wants to actually put effort into it. They'd rather just give up then try and make things work like their parents and grandparents did. My folks have been married since 1971 and never had a major issue and my grandparents were married for nearly 50 years without it falling apart. It's a symptom of modern throw away society that we think so little of each other that we'd throw away love just because we can't get along for 5 minutes.
That said some folks shouldn't have married each other in the first place, we've all met them. They're the ones who think yelling at each other is normal communication.

A_Fit_Mom

I agree it isn't for everyone. But for us, it has been wonderful and I couldn't see it any other way. Almost 10 years married and I wouldn't change it for anything. We got married young..so we also beat that statistic of young marriages not lasting. You have to marry for the right reasons and keep working at your marriage throughout your life and it just works. It isn't hard if you are both committed to it.

Derp_Diggler

Ask yourself:

Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

Are you willing to reciprocate?

RabbitLost

It's not for everyone. That being said, I would be lost without my wife.

Amen, brother!

RabbitLost

Let me begin by saying that I am not against the institution of marriage.Also i wish all of those blissfully married people all the happiness in the life.May your marriage be blessed with love, joy and companionship for all the years of your lives.

Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's.It seems people get into relationship for fulfilling lustful desires & to attain financial gain.The good old love has been lost forever.

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.

People been screwing around since there was people. Why do you think it's in the Top Ten Laws of All Time? And why can't you be married AND paint the perfect painting or cure cancer or crack the aging gene. I think it would be way more satisfying to have that someone special to share it with.

paperpudding

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.

Well, I wouldn't say adultery and betrayal have become the norm - at any rate have never committed either myself nor had them committed to me.
Have been married for 28 years and I do not consider it to have been full of pain and suffering.

has had its down moments of course - but so does everything.

Realistically, whatever most of us do with our lives, we will end up beneath a gravestone remembered by 2 generations of our own family and that's it. Most of us will not be forever immortalized in the minds of future generations.

However a very few of us will write a new scientific theory or paint the Mona Lisa of our day - I don't think being married excludes doing this though.

I do agree marriage is not for everyone.

But the reasons you give for not marrying seem rather odd.

The only reason I would have for not marrying would be if I were happier being single or I didnt find someone with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.
Wanting to do something amazing to immortalize myself for future generations wouldn't come into it.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I don't think there is anything wrong with not getting married but I also think that you don't have to limit yourself if you choose to marry.

Maybe marriage helps people to cultivate those good qualities you say are necessary. I've been with my husband for 27 years, married for 24. I think the worse periods we ever had in all those years were times when we didn't paint pictures or pursue our dreams. You can have it all:)

JessieGurlJb

Amen

i was with my exhusband for 17 years, I was pregnant with our third child in three years when he decided to cheat. I offered him a six month hiatus from the marriage no questions asked and he chose her, they were first loves from high school. It crushed my soul, but really my anger was at me for thinking he was worth all the love I had given him, he wasn't. To that end though, I will NEVER get married again, nor will I ever date or fall in love again, I had what I thought was the fairy tale. I loved him with every ounce of my being, every single ounce, I won't be so stupid in the future, in the end, love wasn't worth the pain. Make a family with someone you respect and want to be friends with forever, love who you want, sometimes that's the same person, sometimes it's not. I am not against love, I am just not doing it again.

TattooedNici

I agree 100%!! I have found that I don't even want to eventually get married anymore because of all the broken marriages and cheating I've seen. Women and men are both equally bad.

My thoughts exactly.

dakotababy

I think with tv shows such as "4 weddings" and "say yes to the dress" help to push the idea of marriage. Girls like the fantasy of marriage. These shows sell the idea, and I think marriage has become more of a big deal for the party, rather than the marriage itself.

I plan to either 1 - just sign the papers, change my name and purchase some rings. or 2 - get married in vegas or 3 - not bother to get married at all. Times have changed, and I think in the case of marriage - it has changed for the worst.

dakotababy

Ask yourself:

Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

Are you willing to reciprocate?

You do not need to be married to accomplish this.

RaggedyPond

It's worth it when you find the right person.

DopeItUp

Yep, but it's a good big waste of time.

Besides, what else is life but a giant waste of time in the first place? Might as well waste it with someone you care about.

40Jamieful

I do love being married, but now that we are divorced - it was a big waste of time! I would love to get married again someday, but only if my man agreed to commit to a marriage accountability church group. Now, my situation is that I will lose my disability benefits if I marry and that makes me sad, because all my child's friends at her Christian school have married parents and she is the only one with a single mom.