Is marriage a big waste of time ?

Options
135678

Replies

  • wozkaa
    wozkaa Posts: 224 Member
    Options
    If you get married to 'tick a box' then yes. If you marry someone who isn't compatible with you, then yes.

    I've been married for 5 years, but actually been friends/dated/lived with my husband for 18 years this year.

    I admit, I have wondered what life would be like if we didn't get together - would life be easier? Would I have married someone else? Who knows.

    My husband is a great guy, he's clever, caring, thoughtful, skillful and loving. He can't cook, he would talk the leg off an iron pot if it asked for advice, and he's been sick on and off for as long as I have known him (ABI, Bipolar, Rheumatoid Arthritis). Together we have experienced a great many things, good (and very good) and bad (and very bad).

    He's my no #1 fan. And I am his.

    My brother has been engaged 3 times, married twice, and had relationships with more people than i can count. He got married twice, because he thought it was 'the next step' that he had to make. It's The Thing You Do to keep the relationship going.

    My 2c. anyway.
  • dinnam
    dinnam Posts: 17
    Options
    yes
  • RosyBest
    RosyBest Posts: 303 Member
    Options
    I don't see it in my future. When I get settled, I'd like to adopt and call it a day. Don't need a hubby for that.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
    Options
    In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm...
    I don't think people are more inclined to cheat today, but there is probably more opportunity.

    Been married 30 years. It's working out great.

    Too many people trying to find the right person and not enough trying to be the right person.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
    Options
    Is anything that can offer huge rewards and also carry its share of disappointment a big waste of time? A career, higher education, parenthood, etc? Life itself???

    I think the answer to that question depends on how you look at life. It life about what you get out of it or what you put into it?

    But a huge key to the value of marriage is marrying the right person for the right reason. Do that and you can decrease the chances of disappointment exponentially.

    If the you believe the qualities of selflessness, magnanimity, pragmatism, empathy & candor are important to the success of a marriage, find someone with those qualities. We are still out there (however, many of us are married to like-minded people).
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    No, to me it's not a big waste of time. With the right person, it's wonderful. With the wrong person, it's terrible. I married the first time at 18 to the man I had my first serious relationship with. It was a horrible relationship, the only good thing that came from it was my son. Well, him and the knowledge of what I DIDN'T want in my next relationship/marriage.

    Then I met my current husband. That was 23 years ago and we'll have been married 22 years in May. We just knew we were meant to be together and there was never a doubt in either of our minds. We've had ups and downs. Luckily, we've had more ups, which helped us cope during our downs. What we have going for us is that we are best friends who enjoy spending time with each other. We share core values, which is something that I think is really important in a long term relationship. One of those core values is fidelity. Neither of us believes in cheating. It's just not something either of us would consider doing.
  • BenjaminMFP88
    BenjaminMFP88 Posts: 660 Member
    Options
    I've been a christian for 22 years and If I weren't, there's no way I would ever get married.
  • TrevNiel22
    TrevNiel22 Posts: 182
    Options
    I agree 100%!! I have found that I don't even want to eventually get married anymore because of all the broken marriages and cheating I've seen. Women and men are both equally bad.

    My thoughts exactly.

    but one day overall I would still like to try, be divorced or whatever the case may be,
    I know with my aunt she has had a 10 year relationship after being divorced, so
    I guess in the end it is all a trial and error, or an experience to have.
  • WontShareChocolate
    WontShareChocolate Posts: 107
    Options
    Ask yourself:

    Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

    Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

    Are you willing to reciprocate?

    Amen.
  • Go_Mizzou99
    Go_Mizzou99 Posts: 2,628 Member
    Options
    Getting married is the 2nd best thing that has ever happened to me...having kids is first.

    No sure where grand-kids will fall, but probably will be a new first and have to reorder the other 2 lol.

    For me, 27 years and counting...every day is not a honeymoon and I am sure we would like to strangle each other from time to time. 3 days later, when you look back, most fights were over stupid stuff.
  • jobegone
    jobegone Posts: 91
    Options
    Wow, as someone who has only just got engaged I wish I hadn't read this post ! Somewhat depressing!
    I have been with my partner for 5.5 years, it's been up and down but I wouldn't change it or be without him.
    We aren't getting married in an over the top ceremony (infact we're running off to Seattle) and we aren't getting married for tax breaks we are getting married because we want to have a family and start a new chapter of our lives and most importantly we love each other more today than yesterday.

    It's not for everyone, but being in a relationship (the right relationship) is amazing and I can't imagine not sharing my life with someone I love so much .
  • Billy323
    Billy323 Posts: 182 Member
    Options
    I have been married for 14 years and its certainly not a waste of time. I had 10 good years and 3 cool kids because of it. The last 4 years have sucked hard and I am ready to move on. No infidelity, just straight up don't get along anymore.

    I would love to say that I will never get married again but all it will take is finding someone who isn't mean and treats me nice for me to toss all my eggs in her basket.
  • nofearbebravelive
    nofearbebravelive Posts: 49
    Options
    I would like to add that in my personal experience and in conversations I have had with many other people who's marriage didn't survive, we thought we HAD married the right person. It's very easy to say "if you marry the right person" but in the end you never really know if you did until the end and that could take a while. I never thought I would get divorced and if I had had to swear my life on my vows I would have when I got married. So, please take into account that some of us really did think we married the right person, our error was in assuming that our partner did too.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    I have been married for 14 years and its certainly not a waste of time. I had 10 good years and 3 cool kids because of it. The last 4 years have sucked hard and I am ready to move on. No infidelity, just straight up don't get along anymore.

    I would love to say that I will never get married again but all it will take is finding someone who isn't mean and treats me nice for me to toss all my eggs in her basket.

    That's such a shame! The hardest years in marriage are the 15-20 years married. Things get stale, spouses start taking each other for granted and treating each other as well as you treat your friends becomes too much of a chore. Those are the years where you need to figure out whether you are going to fight for it or let it go. I wanted to let it go, my husband wanted to fight for it, so we went to marriage counseling. We had been married just short of 20 years. That marriage counseling saved our marriage. Now we are happier than ever and love each other more than ever. We learned how to communicate more effectively. We learned how to let each other know just how much we appreciate the other.
  • vvendy_darling
    vvendy_darling Posts: 75
    Options
    It's a waste of time if you think it's a waste of time.

    If you don't think it's a waste of time then it isn't.
  • kborton1122
    kborton1122 Posts: 914 Member
    Options
    I am at the end of a 20 year marraige. Our divorce should be final soon. I can say that it wasn't a waste of time. We did have some good times, and we have a beautiful and intelligent daughter as a result of our union. We started dating at 17 and got married at 20. Too young and we changed and grew apart. While I am happy to be moving on, I am hoping to one day try marraige again. It would need to be with the right person, as I've learned alot from my first marraige and wouldn't want to go through another divorce, ever.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Options
    One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch.
  • SuperCrsa
    SuperCrsa Posts: 790 Member
    Options
    Bump cause I dont believe in marriage but interested to have a read at some replies.
  • livingfortheone
    livingfortheone Posts: 273 Member
    Options
    A good marriage cultivates the qualities that make you a good person. Too much focus is on marrying the right person, instead of becoming a better person to be right for someone.
    Marriage based on anything less, is nearly doomed to fail.
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
    Options
    The first 30 years are the hardest.


    (Married for 51 years so speak from experience.)

Categories