Is marriage a big waste of time ?

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  • RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle
    RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle Posts: 1,349 Member
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    Ask yourself:

    Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

    Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

    Are you willing to reciprocate?

    You do not need to be married to accomplish this.

    No, you don't have to be married, but you do have to share your life with someone to accomplish these this.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    ...Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's...

    Well, people with qualities of "selflessness,magnanimity, pragmatism, empathy & candor" don't find marriage to be hard at all. In fact, it's a crap ton of fun most of the time. Sure there are brief moments of irritation, but they are brief and so worth it when you've got the right partner. Enjoying marriage is ALL about attitude and putting your spouse in a place of compassion, honor and respect in your life. You need to love your spouse at least as much as you love yourself. (Sorry all you "self-centered, egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's" out there, but it's true. It's not all about YOU.) There should be no score-keeping, grudge-holding or game-playing. Don't think about what you can get out of it, but rather what you can bring to it. And if it's the real deal, it gets EVEN BETTER over time! That's the part I love most. :heart:

    OP, I'm sorry that you have had some rough experiences in your relationships. We tend to find what we're looking for, so if all you're seeing is negativity, maybe you should change your outlook. If you seek goodness, you have to be open to it. If you are expecting the worst, you're sure to find it. Remember, you don't have to be married to live a happy life. if it's not right for you, don't do it. Good luck in the future. :flowerforyou:
  • claudineer
    claudineer Posts: 144 Member
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    It's not for everyone. That being said, I would be lost without my wife.

    Yeah!
  • TorontoDiane
    TorontoDiane Posts: 1,413 Member
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    if you marry the wrong person yes

    if you marry the right person then it would be not enough time in the world
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    It's worth it if you're married to somebody who doesn't view you as an accessory.

    My husband is my partner and father to my child. He's my family and we try to make each other's lives better with us being together than we would be apart. That said, it's not always sunshine and rainbows -- and we accept that each of us are human and we don't make impossible demands of each other.
  • Derp_Diggler
    Derp_Diggler Posts: 1,456 Member
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    Ask yourself:

    Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?

    Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?

    Are you willing to reciprocate?

    You do not need to be married to accomplish this.

    True, but it can facilitate it. Immensely. So to answer the OP's question, no, it's not a big waste of time.
  • Jewlz280
    Jewlz280 Posts: 547 Member
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    I think marriage is really about what you want to accomplish. Before I met my husband, I was engaged to another man. I thought we were in love and we should get married. I wanted 'the dream'. But we knew something was off. There were days I would breathe a sigh of relief that he was gone or that I had to work. I would be GLAD to have a break. And when we did break, I thought my world was over. Snap. Just like that. But then I met the man I actually did marry and it was so very different. I can't even put into words the difference, but I'll try. I just wanted him there. He brings out the best in me and says I do the same for him. We aren't perfect, but we 'fit'. I can't imagine life with anyone else and I don't WANT anyone else. Do we have rough times? Of course! Lots of people do. But the difference is do we dwell on those rough times and let the bitterness eat at us, destroy us and bury us in the muck or do we work through it and find the love again? So far, we've opted to drag out the shovels and dig. I want him to be who I sit with at night. I want him. I want him to be who I'm angry with. No other. I want to share all those quiet moments, all those fun moments, those sad and ugly cry moments. I want to be that for him. Always. I want him to know that even when he feels like he's failed, he hasn't. I want to be quiet, and let him feel what he needs to feel but know that he doesn't have to do it alone. I want that partner, that friend, that lover, that other half of me that somehow makes all my craziness balanced. And it has to be him. I still feel this way after 15yrs. together -- 14 of them married. Even after the times I've felt like strangling him! I can't imagine caring so much for anyone else that I would get to that point except maybe my kids! We work on it. We fight, we work together, we make it right and move on. That's what marriage is. As for the whole you can have it all but not be married.... that's bunk and everyone knows it. You can SAY you aren't married to someone and be with them for say 15yrs., but in reality YOU ARE MARRIED. Marriage isn't about that piece of paper. It's about your commitment to each other. For some, it's also about a commitment to God. For many, it means absolutely nothing and is only for show. Marriage, relationships, are what you make of them. And they CAN be fantastic. Do they sometimes not work and it's best to go opposite ways? Sure. But too many times, it's due to lack of work or lack of understanding of what marriage really was to begin with.
  • RebelliousRibbons
    RebelliousRibbons Posts: 391 Member
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    It's not for everyone. You can have a perfectly happy and fulfilling life without being married.

    I will say I probably would never have gotten married had I not met the man who has become my husband. :)

    The thing people don't realize is... marriage doesn't change anything about your relationship:who you are, how you feel, how you treat each other, etc. It neither creates problems nor fixes them.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    The shacking up thing has been working for us all the benefits without the legalities
  • Leonidas_meets_Spartacus
    Leonidas_meets_Spartacus Posts: 6,198 Member
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    No
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    Only a waste of time if it isn't with the right person.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    YES!
  • AtHomeFitness4U
    AtHomeFitness4U Posts: 30
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    nope. You have this pretty awesome ability to learn from absolutely EVERYTHING we experience. Marriage is no different. And even if you learn nothing from a marriage but what you DON'T want in a partner, that is still something very valuable you can take away from it.

    For me personally, marriage is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. Without it I wouldn't have my little boy. I am still married, and yes it is also the hardest thing I have ever done. Things can go bad. If you work at it hard though, they can be incredible. The secret that I am slowly learning is that it isn't a 50/50 commitment thing. It needs to be YOU willing to give 100%, and expect NOTHING back. Only then can you truly love someone. If this isn't your philosophy in marriage, you're doing it wrong. But you still are ABSOLUTELY NOT wasting your time.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    From someone married 28 years today and together for around 32 yrs, no it's not a waste of time because of the good times but mine has been a rollercoaster ride for sure since the first day on our first date when he was late because he was playing a game in an arcade (yes we met very young).

    We made incredible children, never thought in a million years I'd have two boys with double degrees at university. Travelled goodness knows how many countries even when the kids were young. I don't regret it a bit but right now I'd like to kick his shins. Marriage can be hard but when someone really loves you and you love them you work things out. I think it's not so easy when you are both head strong. I don't know if we'll last forever but I hope so.
  • Hockeydad54321
    Hockeydad54321 Posts: 108
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    I tap. I'm out
  • TripZeros
    TripZeros Posts: 144 Member
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    It's worth it if you're married to somebody who doesn't view you as an accessory.

    My husband is my partner and father to my child. He's my family and we try to make each other's lives better with us being together than we would be apart. That said, it's not always sunshine and rainbows -- and we accept that each of us are human and we don't make impossible demands of each other.

    ^ I like this!
    I love my husband and I love being married to him. So, for me, it's not a waste of time.
  • Zylahe
    Zylahe Posts: 772 Member
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    It's not for everyone. That being said, I would be lost without my wife.

    Finally , a man admits women can read maps. :laugh:

    Besides there are great tax/ pension benefits to being married.
  • Dewymorning
    Dewymorning Posts: 762 Member
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    No, marriage does not help with weight loss.
  • Dewymorning
    Dewymorning Posts: 762 Member
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    From someone married 28 years today and together for around 32 yrs, no it's not a waste of time because of the good times but mine has been a rollercoaster ride for sure since the first day on our first date when he was late because he was playing a game in an arcade (yes we met very young).

    We made incredible children, never thought in a million years I'd have two boys with double degrees at university. Travelled goodness knows how many countries even when the kids were young. I don't regret it a bit but right now I'd like to kick his shins. Marriage can be hard but when someone really loves you and you love them you work things out. I think it's not so easy when you are both head strong. I don't know if we'll last forever but I hope so.

    Basically what she is saying is that marriage is worth it for the make up sex. ;)
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
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    I love being married. So for me it's not a waste of time at all.

    If you're married to the wrong person for you then it's hell on earth.

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