Friends became Distance
Replies
-
This particular friend do not want to have anything to do with fitness what so ever. Me asking her to go to the gym is almost like asking her to jump off a bridge with me. Good try!
0 -
Focusing on fitness doesn't mean pushing aside everything else. I did that for awhile, what a horrible decision. I didn't even want to go out to dinner with my family and friends for my own birthday cause I just wanted to go to the gym. Never again.
Try to balance Faith, Family, Friends, Finance and Fitness0 -
Your friends will come around. Its always tough when others see your success and working on yourself. I don't know why though. Friends should be there to support you in every way. You could be the catalyst for improving their own lives. However If they can't come around....well there are more friends in the sea.0
-
Your friends will come around. Its always tough when others see your success and working on yourself. I don't know why though. Friends should be there to support you in every way. You could be the catalyst for improving their own lives. However If they can't come around....well there are more friends in the sea.0
-
Focusing on fitness doesn't mean pushing aside everything else. I did that for awhile, what a horrible decision. I didn't even want to go out to dinner with my family and friends for my own birthday cause I just wanted to go to the gym. Never again.
Try to balance Faith, Family, Friends, Finance and Fitness0 -
I've found that it's really just a matter of growing up and getting older more than anything else. When I was in my 20s I had a ****load of "friends"...most of whom werre really just party buddies and really good aquaintances. I got married when I was 30 and that changed a lot..."friends" slowly but surely fell by the way side as we all started moving in our own directions and down our own paths in life. Five years later my first boy was born...again...life changing...then my second boy...now I have a very small number of very, very good friends...and even then, we see each other maybe a few times per month. I no longer have any single friends at all...just nothing in common and they don't understand the first thing about family responsibilities.
I would also add that it doesn't sound like it's your friends who are being distant...sounds like you are consciously making the decision...which is fine and perfectly reasonable for any number of reasons...but you shouldn't blame your friends.0 -
you def answered my question (whether you meant to or not). thanks!0
-
Actually I found shift work did that - different days off - different hours off - a shift worker's schedule does not work well with someone who works bankers hours Monday thru Friday. Sad but true.
+1 million to this. I've been doing shift work for the past four years and it is a lifestyle killer.
I haven't had this problem with fitness goals, though. Most people are supportive or don't care one way or the other.
Definitely kills your lifestyle. Trying to make plans with other people who work shift work is ridiculously difficult. I've found if I'm only working a few hours, I miss out on seeing people and hearing about plans. I end up seeing the photos post-event.
If people aren't going to be supportive, that's their issue. Big life changes certainly sort out who your real friends are that's for sure!0 -
This content has been removed.
-
I had friends disappear when I lost 50lb because I was no fun to eat with any more - I wouldn't sit there and gorge on pizza and follow it up with ice cream. Instead, I'd order a salad with the dressing on the side and have a breadstick or two to accompany, but they felt I was "showing off" or something. At one point I had a falling out with one person I thought was my friend, where I sarcastically apologized for trying to avoid the heart disease which is so common in my family and lose the weight which makes it difficult to look myself in the mirror by taking better care of myself, and we haven't spoken since. Recently, I heard that there was a rumor I'd caught some disease (AIDS or HIV or something) that was causing me to lose weight. I am neither HIV nor AIDS positive, thank the forces that be (but, of course it can't be that I'm being mindful of what I eat and have started exercising more. No, no, I'm sick, that must explain it!), and found out my grandfather was saying I was on a vegan diet, so at my last large family dinner, I got to defend my eating choices from my misinformed family who were sitting there stuffing their faces with fatty foods covered in gravy while simultaneously telling me that I'm killing myself with my dietary decisions... That was rich coming from them. I'm not now, nor have I ever been vegan, so I don't know where he got that, but then came the facebook messages from family members telling me I needed to eat protein and that I was doing unhealthy things and that I'm beautiful the way I am (funny, considering almost all of them are overweight and haven't seen me in years).
People get ridiculous when they see you changing, and seem to feel that you're doing things to put them to shame. I'm currently at the point where I'm trying to find the humor in their attacking me for trying not to slowly kill myself through food when they claim to care about me and want me to be happy. If they really wanted me to be happy, they would congratulate me for my hard work instead of berate me for making a decision they've chosen not to. I don't sit there and tell them they're making horrible decisions, even though the majority of them are far past being in the morbidly obese category and I'm not any more. My health has improved drastically and I'm off of all of my medications (with my doctor's approval, of course). My cholesterol is still higher than it should be, but that may be hereditary, and I'm working on it. I'm a work in progress, and that's ok with me. They can choose to cheer me on, join me, or stay in my past. The choice is theirs, and I'm fine with whatever they choose.0 -
My friends have mostly been awesome and supportive, and I'm grateful for that. I have gotten one defensive, "Don't you know about Health at Every Size" comment from an obese friend, and a couple of, "Be careful not to lose your curves" comments from others, and that's about it.
I think that if people can't be supportive, they aren't really your friends.0 -
I don't have a lot of friends anyway. the ones I do have I try to spend time with as much as possible but im lucky where most of them have children too and their time is precious too. I see a couple of friends once a week, and its just a cup of coffee and maybe a biscuit and the others I see maybe once a month or less and I drink with them but I don't drink a lot and it fits in my calories. I have been called boring and obsessed by some of my friends but that's ok, they aren't being mean about it, they are just used to the old me. They will come around...eventually!!0
-
Great post. This happened to me.
I was heavy in my teens but lost it all in my early 20's. When I was heavier I had an amazing boyfriend who loved me for me, we broke up when I went to uni and I had 10 years of terrible relationships as men wanted me for what I looked like. As I had always been the dumpy, funny girl I just didn't get it. It fuc&ed me up and made me so mistrustful of men as people do treat you differently when you're fit!
I am now heavy again after having my daughter and I have an amazing man. I am focused on loosing weight and hope that this time now I am older my life will remain stable and I will handle things better. I don't really like being the focus of attention.0 -
Time for new friends.
If they can't accept the new you, they need to be kicked to the curb! No need having people like that in your life.0 -
Mami use to always tell me (when I was growing up) "Jovette, not everybody wants to see you blessed. Not everybody wants to see you succeed."
Whether you are changing your lifestyle , getting older, getting wiser, becoming more focused... everyone will always be at different levels in life. I have different types of friends; Those I've know since I've come to the States, those I've known since grade school, those I've know since H.S., those I've known since college (the 1st, 2nd, 7th time :laugh: , those from the time in the Marine Corps, those from when I lived in Corpus, those from when my kids played sports, from work, MFP, FB, IG, ... What I've learned is different friends hold a different part of my life.(reason, season or lifetime) Our key is to love them where they are in their life regardless. They might be going through something that they would love your help with or maybe they are jealous but there is ALWAYS a root to a problem. (I'm not a dr but I do play one on tv.)
The bottom line is the older I get the more I don't care what people think anymore. :laugh: Life is WAYYYY too short to worry about what people think about me. As my Nana use to "Love me or leave me" Yes it sucks but not everyone wants the best for you. Continue to run YOUR race and whoever wants to jump on your crazy train, let them and for those that don't then pray for them. I'm sure when you make your way around to them again they will be more ready. :happy:0 -
I have a friend who's really unhealthy and I try to convince her to eat healthy with me and come to the gym but she tries to justify her unhealthy lifestyle as being 'healthy' and then gets hella offended when I order something healthy when we go out. Annoying.
0 -
You said yourself you don't have time for them and they rank at the bottom of your priorities... maybe you're the one becoming distant?
And believe me, the biggest friendship killer is "I used to be fat, now I'm getting healthy - hey, you're fat! get healthy with me!" People come to the choice in their own time, if at all. There's nothing worse than a friend trying to drag you onto the bandwagon. Often what you interpret as them being huffy at you being healthy, is actually them being huffy because they feel like you're judging them (which going from some of these posts isn't far off the mark).0 -
did you develop a holier-than-thou attitude about it?
Survey says...
Number 1 answer!!!!!0 -
The distance problem appears because when your starting a diet , your changing you habits so your losing a lot of stuff that your having in comm with your friends.0
-
Actually I found shift work did that - different days off - different hours off - a shift worker's schedule does not work well with someone who works bankers hours Monday thru Friday. Sad but true.
+1 million to this. I've been doing shift work for the past four years and it is a lifestyle killer.
I haven't had this problem with fitness goals, though. Most people are supportive or don't care one way or the other.
I have done shift work since I started working when I was a teenager, including night shift at the nursing homes I've worked at (I'm a CNA), and I'll be 23 next week. I agree with this.0 -
Have you ever noticed when you started to live the healthy life your friends became distance? Not that you actually have time to communicate with them because we are all a bit busier than before especially with going to the gym and working out on a regular. What is up with that? I am married with 2 kids and do not have enough time for myself as it is, but a jealous friend hate on you because you do not have time to hang out. I look at my family and fitness is my priority and everything else comes last.
They put you as high on their priorities list as you put them. Completely normal, and it has nothing to do with jealousy.
QFT
THANK YOU! +1000000 -
<looks for a Like button>0
-
did you develop a holier-than-thou attitude about it?
Ding, ding, ding...0 -
I would never ditch my friends for a lifestyle change. They are very important to me and my mental health. I'd be a lunatic without them! Your friend is upset because you don't have time to spend with her because you're too busy working out? That is pretty understandable. Doesn't sound like jealousy to me.0
-
As for the people in my life changing after I changed my lifestyle:
It hasn't been much of a problem now, but it has been in the past. My mom and I used to be really bad together.0 -
My best mate started getting fit about six months before I did which was great. She tried a few times to get me involved and I just wasn't all that interested. Then after listening to her tell me over and over about how great she was feeling I became quite jealous. Not because she was doing so great (because she was, and still is, doing FREAKING AWESOMELY! and I am so proud of her for that), but because I wanted to feel like her. So I decided to change my lifestyle too - I desperately needed to anyway but having a supportive friend made a HUUUGE difference. I do have a point in there somewhere lol. I think you could maybe try to get your friends involved with your exercise. If you run invite them along, same with aerobics or spin classes or swimming. Even if it's just once a week. You are still spending time together an you may have an hour or so afterwards to catch up? Even if your friends don't need to lose weight or get fit a little exercise isn't going to hurt them. I hope things sort themselves out. x0
-
I love that you keep your priorities in check. We can't please everyone but the one person we need to look out for first and foremost is ourselves. If we don't do that it's hard to be able to focus on our family and friends. Keep things real with family and friends. Let them know what your goals are and if they truly are your friends they will understand and most importantly will give you the support you need. All the best to you...and to everyone who's on the same journey as us.0
-
I have not encountered this with my friends (which I feel incredibly lucky about), however, I have encountered this with some of my family members. I am (was) very close with my aunt, but since I have changed certain habits she has become distant to me. When all of us were together and we ordered pizza, I chose to order a no cheese, wheat crust and veggie pizza (small) to share between me and my father and she actually flipped out and yelled at us for not eating normal for a day. I was shocked because I never suggest that anyone eat what I am eating or to live the life I live, but to completely go off the deep end for something that really didn't even concern her was amazing. Since then we have barely spoken, although I dont believe that the reason we dont speak as much is only because of my desire to get healthy, I do think that it bothers her.0
-
They're not jealous. People who aren't into going to the gym are not jealous of those who do. You probably blew them off one too many times because as you said, they're not a priority for you, so they took the hint. If someone isn't a priority for you, sooner or later they're going to figure that out and move on.
If your friendships are important to you you will make time for them. Yes you might have to change your activity if what you used to do no longer fits with your choices. They're not mad because you're not getting wasted or stuffing your face, they're getting mad because they're not important to you and they thought they were.
^This0 -
This content has been removed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions