Friends became Distance

Options
13

Replies

  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    Options
    My friends have mostly been awesome and supportive, and I'm grateful for that. I have gotten one defensive, "Don't you know about Health at Every Size" comment from an obese friend, and a couple of, "Be careful not to lose your curves" comments from others, and that's about it.

    I think that if people can't be supportive, they aren't really your friends.
  • workout_ninja
    workout_ninja Posts: 524 Member
    Options
    I don't have a lot of friends anyway. the ones I do have I try to spend time with as much as possible but im lucky where most of them have children too and their time is precious too. I see a couple of friends once a week, and its just a cup of coffee and maybe a biscuit and the others I see maybe once a month or less and I drink with them but I don't drink a lot and it fits in my calories. I have been called boring and obsessed by some of my friends but that's ok, they aren't being mean about it, they are just used to the old me. They will come around...eventually!!
  • BettyChampion
    BettyChampion Posts: 40 Member
    Options
    Great post. This happened to me.
    I was heavy in my teens but lost it all in my early 20's. When I was heavier I had an amazing boyfriend who loved me for me, we broke up when I went to uni and I had 10 years of terrible relationships as men wanted me for what I looked like. As I had always been the dumpy, funny girl I just didn't get it. It fuc&ed me up and made me so mistrustful of men as people do treat you differently when you're fit!
    I am now heavy again after having my daughter and I have an amazing man. I am focused on loosing weight and hope that this time now I am older my life will remain stable and I will handle things better. I don't really like being the focus of attention.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Options
    Time for new friends.
    If they can't accept the new you, they need to be kicked to the curb! No need having people like that in your life.
  • Jovette42
    Jovette42 Posts: 280 Member
    Options
    Mami use to always tell me (when I was growing up) "Jovette, not everybody wants to see you blessed. Not everybody wants to see you succeed."

    Whether you are changing your lifestyle , getting older, getting wiser, becoming more focused... everyone will always be at different levels in life. I have different types of friends; Those I've know since I've come to the States, those I've known since grade school, those I've know since H.S., those I've known since college (the 1st, 2nd, 7th time :laugh: , those from the time in the Marine Corps, those from when I lived in Corpus, those from when my kids played sports, from work, MFP, FB, IG, ... What I've learned is different friends hold a different part of my life.(reason, season or lifetime) Our key is to love them where they are in their life regardless. They might be going through something that they would love your help with or maybe they are jealous but there is ALWAYS a root to a problem. (I'm not a dr but I do play one on tv.)

    The bottom line is the older I get the more I don't care what people think anymore. :laugh: Life is WAYYYY too short to worry about what people think about me. As my Nana use to "Love me or leave me" Yes it sucks but not everyone wants the best for you. Continue to run YOUR race and whoever wants to jump on your crazy train, let them and for those that don't then pray for them. I'm sure when you make your way around to them again they will be more ready. :happy:
  • qstneverything
    qstneverything Posts: 125 Member
    Options
    I have a friend who's really unhealthy and I try to convince her to eat healthy with me and come to the gym but she tries to justify her unhealthy lifestyle as being 'healthy' and then gets hella offended when I order something healthy when we go out. Annoying. :/
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    Options
    You said yourself you don't have time for them and they rank at the bottom of your priorities... maybe you're the one becoming distant?

    And believe me, the biggest friendship killer is "I used to be fat, now I'm getting healthy - hey, you're fat! get healthy with me!" People come to the choice in their own time, if at all. There's nothing worse than a friend trying to drag you onto the bandwagon. Often what you interpret as them being huffy at you being healthy, is actually them being huffy because they feel like you're judging them (which going from some of these posts isn't far off the mark).
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Options
    did you develop a holier-than-thou attitude about it?

    Survey says...

    Number 1 answer!!!!!
  • MissClara90
    MissClara90 Posts: 23
    Options
    The distance problem appears because when your starting a diet , your changing you habits so your losing a lot of stuff that your having in comm with your friends.
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
    Options
    Actually I found shift work did that - different days off - different hours off - a shift worker's schedule does not work well with someone who works bankers hours Monday thru Friday. Sad but true.

    +1 million to this. I've been doing shift work for the past four years and it is a lifestyle killer.

    I haven't had this problem with fitness goals, though. Most people are supportive or don't care one way or the other.

    I have done shift work since I started working when I was a teenager, including night shift at the nursing homes I've worked at (I'm a CNA), and I'll be 23 next week. I agree with this.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    Have you ever noticed when you started to live the healthy life your friends became distance? Not that you actually have time to communicate with them because we are all a bit busier than before especially with going to the gym and working out on a regular. What is up with that? I am married with 2 kids and do not have enough time for myself as it is, but a jealous friend hate on you because you do not have time to hang out. I look at my family and fitness is my priority and everything else comes last.

    They put you as high on their priorities list as you put them. Completely normal, and it has nothing to do with jealousy.

    QFT

    THANK YOU! +100000
  • kellva
    kellva Posts: 1
    Options
    <looks for a Like button>
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    did you develop a holier-than-thou attitude about it?

    Ding, ding, ding...
  • GummyHuman
    GummyHuman Posts: 193 Member
    Options
    I would never ditch my friends for a lifestyle change. They are very important to me and my mental health. I'd be a lunatic without them! Your friend is upset because you don't have time to spend with her because you're too busy working out? That is pretty understandable. Doesn't sound like jealousy to me.
  • bumblebreezy91
    bumblebreezy91 Posts: 520 Member
    Options
    As for the people in my life changing after I changed my lifestyle:

    It hasn't been much of a problem now, but it has been in the past. My mom and I used to be really bad together.
  • SteviMcEwan
    SteviMcEwan Posts: 79
    Options
    My best mate started getting fit about six months before I did which was great. She tried a few times to get me involved and I just wasn't all that interested. Then after listening to her tell me over and over about how great she was feeling I became quite jealous. Not because she was doing so great (because she was, and still is, doing FREAKING AWESOMELY! and I am so proud of her for that), but because I wanted to feel like her. So I decided to change my lifestyle too - I desperately needed to anyway but having a supportive friend made a HUUUGE difference. I do have a point in there somewhere lol. I think you could maybe try to get your friends involved with your exercise. If you run invite them along, same with aerobics or spin classes or swimming. Even if it's just once a week. You are still spending time together an you may have an hour or so afterwards to catch up? Even if your friends don't need to lose weight or get fit a little exercise isn't going to hurt them. I hope things sort themselves out. x
  • KapuaK
    KapuaK Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    I love that you keep your priorities in check. We can't please everyone but the one person we need to look out for first and foremost is ourselves. If we don't do that it's hard to be able to focus on our family and friends. Keep things real with family and friends. Let them know what your goals are and if they truly are your friends they will understand and most importantly will give you the support you need. All the best to you...and to everyone who's on the same journey as us.
  • drangonfly2323
    drangonfly2323 Posts: 197 Member
    Options
    I have not encountered this with my friends (which I feel incredibly lucky about), however, I have encountered this with some of my family members. I am (was) very close with my aunt, but since I have changed certain habits she has become distant to me. When all of us were together and we ordered pizza, I chose to order a no cheese, wheat crust and veggie pizza (small) to share between me and my father and she actually flipped out and yelled at us for not eating normal for a day. I was shocked because I never suggest that anyone eat what I am eating or to live the life I live, but to completely go off the deep end for something that really didn't even concern her was amazing. Since then we have barely spoken, although I dont believe that the reason we dont speak as much is only because of my desire to get healthy, I do think that it bothers her.
  • Gemmz2014
    Gemmz2014 Posts: 220
    Options
    They're not jealous. People who aren't into going to the gym are not jealous of those who do. You probably blew them off one too many times because as you said, they're not a priority for you, so they took the hint. If someone isn't a priority for you, sooner or later they're going to figure that out and move on.

    If your friendships are important to you you will make time for them. Yes you might have to change your activity if what you used to do no longer fits with your choices. They're not mad because you're not getting wasted or stuffing your face, they're getting mad because they're not important to you and they thought they were.

    ^This

Categories