Annoyed Husband...

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Replies

  • Lunira
    Lunira Posts: 33
    Wait a minute. HE get's annoyed when YOU don't eat certain things?! Maybe you should remind him that you're his wife and not his property. You can eat any thing you damn well want and refuse to eat anything you damn well want. If he's got an issue with it, it's HIS issue. You can't go through life walking on eggshells in a marriage because you don't want to 'upset' him. That's just a recipe for disaster. He needs to HTFU and quit being a little bi*ch.

    (stepping off soapbox)

    ^^ This.

    It's astounding what some women will put up with out of men. I'm married too, and I go where I want, eat what I please, exercise when I damned well feel like it, and when the bills/expenses are paid, take my share of what money is left and spend it however I like. Period.
  • It's easy for strangers on the Internet to give advice, but keep in mind that we don't know you or your husband. So you'll need to pick and choose what seems to best fit your situation.

    That said, here's my 2 cents. You've got a small problem but there's an underlying bigger issue too (as a lot of people have already noted).

    The small problem is his specific responses to your weight loss project. I think not mentioning why you won't eat certain things is a good idea. My wife is very supportive of me, but she would quickly get tired of me saying that I couldn't eat something because of calories, carbs, sodium, etc. I just say "no thanks, I don't feel like it."

    On the other hand, insisting that you stop your workout because he wants the TV is pretty immature, especially since you have another TV. He should be willing to compromise about this.

    The underlying issue is that you seem to have different expectations about what married life involves. Did you have any discussions before getting married and setting up household together about who would do what work in order to make your common life work as well as possible? My wife and I both work outside the home, so we agreed that we would both contribute to housework. That doesn't mean we share each task 50/50. I do almost all the cooking, she does the majority of the cleaning, and we both do laundry (though she does more). I clear the driveway when it snows. We don't have kids, but if we did, we'd share the responsibility of raising them.

    On a deeper level, a good marriage means that each partner works for the happiness and success of the other, not for his or her own selfish interests. That doesn't mean that you lose yourself in the other: part of what makes me happy is that my wife has her own career, interests, and identity, and vice-versa. And it doesn't mean you have to like, or understand, everything that motivates your partner. But it does mean that when you get into a conflict, as we all do, the big question should not be, "How can I win this fight?" but, rather, "How can we work together to resolve this problem in the way that is the most fair to both of us?"

    Again, that doesn't mean splitting things 50/50. You have to take into account how important something is to the other person, too. If something means a lot to my wife, and not a lot to me, I'll compromise in her favor, and vice-versa.

    This. Right here. Best advice so far.
  • DianeEvans69
    DianeEvans69 Posts: 16 Member
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    I've been doing this for 3 months now. If I mention losing weight my husband brings home family bars of chocolate. So here I am 3 months on 16 lbs lighter and nobody even realises they are eating healthier too!
  • Pintado
    Pintado Posts: 33 Member
    On the one hand, it does get annoying to listen to someone talk constantly about their diet and calories. My boyfriend has told me it kind of puts him off and worries him. So I eat what I want and politely turn down something if I don't want it, but keep the calorie stuff and negative self-talk to myself.

    On the other hand, what:
    he always rolls his eyes, or tells me i dont have time to work out

    He tells YOU that YOU don't have time? That seems weird. How you spend your time is up to you.

    Completely agree with this. I'm fascinated by my own protein and fibre intake, but it bores the crap out of my boyfriend – so I try to keep it to myself. Likewise I try not to obsess about calories in front of him because it makes me seem...obsessive.
  • bio_fit
    bio_fit Posts: 307 Member
    If I work till 5:30pm everyday, I have a 10 min drive home (from the opposite direction of the gym) I go home, cook, clean up dishes, and by that time it is usually after 7:30 already (depending what i make) and then to drive half hour to go to the gym is 8 and if i even work out for an hour i would only get home at 9:30 the EARLIEST. Thats no time to shower, get ready for bed and yet I have to be up for 6 the following morning for work again. So thats very inconvenient.

    I have not had a hard time doing my fitness and stuff recently. I always run, bike, walk or anything outside or do DVDS and Zumba inside.

    Why don't you both sit down and work out how to share the chores out, in a way where you both get nights off to do what you want - so on days where it's his turn to cook/clean the dishes, you'll gave some time to use the TV uninterrupted :drinker:
  • Honestly, he obviously is insecure and doesn't want you to lose weight. He sounds like an a.s.s.hole. He also sound controlling.
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    go the ninja route.
    dont talk about the calories
    dont talk about the carbs, the fat, whatever....
    dont talk about the workouts.

    just DO.

    DO what you need to do quietly, and watch him react positively to the great progress youre making.

    I've been doing this for 3 months now. If I mention losing weight my husband brings home family bars of chocolate. So here I am 3 months on 16 lbs lighter and nobody even realises they are eating healthier too!

    I love it. Stealth mode on.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,327 Member
    Thanks! Will talk to him!

    so you missed my solid advice then.

    good luck on your journey! :flowerforyou:
  • my wife is the same way she is 5'3 and 115 lbs i am 240. since my gastric sleeve i have been trying really hard to eat clean she can eat like a horse and not gain weight. after my sleeve she would be annoyed that i counted calories but after we sat down and had a heart to heart she understoof perhaps you and your husband should have a heart to heart as well
  • blunderball
    blunderball Posts: 21 Member
    My husband used to get annoyed with my workouts, too. When two people live in the same house, each notices what the other one is doing. I started asking him what his plans for the evening were, and what time would be best FOR HIM for me to workout. That way we both got what we wanted.

    After awhile, we fell into a routine, and we seldom have a problem.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
    A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.

    I call B.S. in this particular situation.

    I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.

    Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.


    I thought this needed to be quoted again.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
    A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.

    I call B.S. in this particular situation.

    I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.

    Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.


    I thought this needed to be quoted again.
    QFT!
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
    You aren't going to like my answer. You can't make him stop rolling his eyes or eating crap in front of you. For twenty years I was married to a man just like this. He would tell me I was too fat (he was right, by the way, I'm 5'5" and weighed in at 195 lbs). I would agree to diet, he would then immediately go to the store, buy a couple of gallons of rocky road ice cream (only my favorite) and eat bowl after bowl in front of me.

    This is a control tactic for him. He may change if you (non-confrontationally) point this out to him, or he might do what my ex-husband did, which was escalate his behavior like crazy! It's not uncommon, BTW and the best thing to do is remind yourself that you're losing weight for YOU!

    I am so happy he is your ex-husband because that sounds crazy abusive, borderline illegal, and when you said "escalate" I kind of choked on a piece of my oat blender.
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
    Yes that picture is of him, that was taken about 1.5 years ago already and hes smaller now.

    I never tell him he needs to work out, get in shape, eat better, or anything. I have asked him if he wanted to go for a jog with me.. and he says no he doesn't wanna jog.

    As for getting a Gym membership, I live about 30 minutes to the nearest gym, and its kind of a long way to go for that!

    See he grew up with Women do house work, Men sit and watch TV.. and this applies to everything apparently. Its just hard to stay motivated when i have to see this on daily basis.

    I need to stop reading these threads because they start really pissing me off. That's nice and grand and everything. Tell him you're going to quit your job and stop driving and he can go about becoming the ONLY bread winner in the home and you'll be just fine staying at home cooking and cleaning + you'll get to use the TV that you probably half paid for anyway. Wtf, is this a joke? This is so unbelievably disrespectful and I am so sorry that you have to live this way. I am also so sorry that your parents did not teach you better than to let a man not only kill your motivation but walk all over you without you putting your foot down.
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
    however if i'm already using it, then he comes and says he wants to use it. I will never just kick him off if he's already on it.

    WTF JUST TELL HIM NO YOU CAN'T USE IT I'M F**KING BUSY, OBVIOUSLY

    btw I read threads backwards.
  • A lot of people are saying your husband must be super controlling, and/or threatened that you'll lose weight and leave him.

    I call B.S. in this particular situation.

    I think it's much more likely that your husband is just annoyed and/or inconvenienced by some things regarding your diet & exercise habits. It would be easier for him if you stayed at your current weight, which he likes you at just fine, and did all of the same stuff as he does. There's nothing really BAD or wrong with that attitude but he does need to change it.

    Just sayin'...not every slightly frustrated spouse is that way because of evil intentions or their own insecurity.


    I thought this needed to be quoted again.
    QFT!

    what is qft sorry i am new here
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
    Don't worry, it's a compliment.
    Quoted For Truth
  • ccmzone2013
    ccmzone2013 Posts: 177 Member
    I have the same issue with the opposite sex. She says I'm constantly counting my carbs & calories, but I'd rather live a healthy lifestyle than a horrible overweight one such as my past years of my life . . .you need to tell him to respect your wishes as you are trying to continue to be healthy ...