Am I just to Sensitive?
Replies
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So this past Saturday I went to a social with my boyfriend and a friend of his. I spent most of the night listening to my bf and his friend make comments about they way the girls were dressed. Am I the only women who feels like a piece of crap when their significant other points out skinnier, younger, pretty women? I realize we are all human and we all look. It's not the looking that bothers me.
Very disrespectful. Just tell him it bothers you and to not do it in front of you. Simple
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A few comments can slide, but if it is a constant commentary with practically no other subject discussed then that is horribly disrespectful. Yes, I know he's looking, but I don't want to hear about it all night long.
to be honest I would rather not hear it at all. Look all you want go out with your buddies and gawk all night for all I care. But when I am sitting right their shut the hell up.0 -
I find it interesting that he has done something that bothers you, and your first thought is that there is something wrong with your reaction. I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that you are looking for an excuse to let this go and avoid another fight with him. You want us to tell you his behavior is perfectly normal so that you don't have to do anything about it.
Think about that.0 -
'What the hell is a social???
oh sorry.. I am Canadian. Before a wedding the couple has a social.. they charge 10 dollars to get in you buy booze and they have prizes. It's to raise money for their wedding. Ukrainian tradition I think. But everyone here in Manitoba has them.
Canadian too, but called 'Stag and Doe' or 'Buck and Doe' here...
Some Americans have "Stag" parties, so it's men only. I know this is popular with people of Portuguese or Italian descent... not sure what other groups if any do this.0 -
Oh nm I read another post of yours. Just tell him to stop, ew.0
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A few comments can slide, but if it is a constant commentary with practically no other subject discussed then that is horribly disrespectful. Yes, I know he's looking, but I don't want to hear about it all night long.
to be honest I would rather not hear it at all. Look all you want go out with your buddies and gawk all night for all I care. But when I am sitting right their shut the hell up.
Then you need to tell him that.0 -
I find it interesting that he has done something that bothers you, and your first thought is that there is something wrong with your reaction. I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that you are looking for an excuse to let this go and avoid another fight with him. You want us to tell you his behavior is perfectly normal so that you don't have to do anything about it.
Think about that.
Yesssss0 -
It really depends on the nature of your relationship. None of the comments he made would offend me in any way, but they obviously offended you, so he stepped over the line "in your relationship."
If my husband mentioned lesbians needing a ride home, I'd offer to drive.
If he said I should buy a pretty dress that some beautiful, young woman was wearing, I'd take it as a compliment. Again, this is acceptable in MY relationship.
If you're offended, you need to let him know how you feel. If he's willing to stop the behavior, great. If not, at least you know where you stand with him.0 -
I find it interesting that he has done something that bothers you, and your first thought is that there is something wrong with your reaction. I'm no psychologist, but it seems to me that you are looking for an excuse to let this go and avoid another fight with him. You want us to tell you his behavior is perfectly normal so that you don't have to do anything about it.
Think about that.
Yesssss
+Interesting. that hadn't occurred to me.0 -
Just be honest and tell him how it feels,
or you could just do it right back ....
usually nips that one in the bud because "no one likes a double standard, you can but I can't" not fair, if he doesnt like you to do it, then he shouldnt do it...
most of all option 1 would be what I would choose, its very insensitive to do that to a partner0 -
I didn't say the looking bothered me. It's the comments that bother me.
When the boys start talking about boy stuff, you should just leave....0 -
Based on what you've said...your BF sounds rude and very immature. He needs to grow up and learn some respect. NOTE - it's a two way street.0
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Yes, you are too sensitive.
At least he is comfortable enough with you to be honest and say it out loud. Would you rather he just creepily stare at girls and have you wonder what he's thinking?0 -
Sounds like jerk to me. I wish my boyfriend WOULD. Unaccpetable behavior. But if you've put up with it in the past, he's going to keep doing it. I suggest you work on your self esteem because letting him disrespect you like that is ridic. Get it together.
ETA: it's damn near impossible to notice but don't even let me catch you looking. I give my bf the same respect. If I notice a hot dude I just pretend I don't see him. So disrespectful to do that around your significant other.
I agree.0 -
I didn't say the looking bothered me. It's the comments that bother me.
When the boys start talking about boy stuff, you should just leave....
So I should have gone and sat by myself all night then?0 -
Wait....did he and his friends say
boyfriend: whoa...girl A looks FINE....wow look at that dress on her....she looks so skinny...by the way girlfriend you look so fat!
Boyfriends friend: I know totally!!
Because if your boyfriend and his friend did not do that...then yes you are sensitive.
frankly, if he's with you, he likes you...and he probably sees you as just perfect for him....so to assume that his comments about another girl in ANY way reflect on you...is you attributing thoughts in his head.
That's not fair.0 -
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very very petit girl maybe 22 years old. "hey you should get a dress like that" yep that made me feel like a huge whale.
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I would have thought "hey, you SHOULDN'T get a dress like that" would have been the insult ..
I'm disappointed OP hasn't addressed your response. Saying, "Hey you should get a dress like that" seems very obviously focused on the wife, not the girl. The girl may have looked attractive in the dress... hence why he wanted to see YOU, OP, in a dress like that.0 -
'What the hell is a social???
oh sorry.. I am Canadian. Before a wedding the couple has a social.. they charge 10 dollars to get in you buy booze and they have prizes. It's to raise money for their wedding. Ukrainian tradition I think. But everyone here in Manitoba has them.
Sounds kinda fun...considering drinking is involved I wonder why this hasn't caught on in Wisconsin...
*hi five*
I'm going to let Bridezilla know she has yet another pre-wedding party to figure out.0 -
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very very petit girl maybe 22 years old. "hey you should get a dress like that" yep that made me feel like a huge whale.
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I would have thought "hey, you SHOULDN'T get a dress like that" would have been the insult ..
I'm disappointed OP hasn't addressed your response. Saying, "Hey you should get a dress like that" seems very obviously focused on the wife, not the girl. The girl may have looked attractive in the dress... hence why he wanted to see YOU, OP, in a dress like that.
comment came too late. it was after comments about being able to almost see TOO much. and how he wished girls would have dressed like that when he was young.0 -
UNLESS... The woman they're with is bi and they can appreciate eyecandy together.Maybe its my age, but I think it is rude for a man to make comments to anyone about another woman in the presence of their spouse/gf. If you think you can sneak a peek, go for it, but ladies know when their man checks out another woman anyway. Just dont say anything.
^^This! :drinker:
Of course, I would have make comments about every hot guy that passed our way. But that's just me. :devil:0 -
UNLESS... The woman they're with is bi and they can appreciate eyecandy together.Maybe its my age, but I think it is rude for a man to make comments to anyone about another woman in the presence of their spouse/gf. If you think you can sneak a peek, go for it, but ladies know when their man checks out another woman anyway. Just dont say anything.
^^This! :drinker:
Of course, I would have make comments about every hot guy that passed our way. But that's just me. :devil:
well that would have been a little weird considering I was the only woman, I would have been commenting to myself'0 -
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very very petit girl maybe 22 years old. "hey you should get a dress like that" yep that made me feel like a huge whale.
...
I would have thought "hey, you SHOULDN'T get a dress like that" would have been the insult ..
I'm disappointed OP hasn't addressed your response. Saying, "Hey you should get a dress like that" seems very obviously focused on the wife, not the girl. The girl may have looked attractive in the dress... hence why he wanted to see YOU, OP, in a dress like that.
comment came too late. it was after comments about being able to almost see TOO much. and how he wished girls would have dressed like that when he was young.
...And he would like you to dress like that?0 -
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very very petit girl maybe 22 years old. "hey you should get a dress like that" yep that made me feel like a huge whale.
...
I would have thought "hey, you SHOULDN'T get a dress like that" would have been the insult ..
I'm disappointed OP hasn't addressed your response. Saying, "Hey you should get a dress like that" seems very obviously focused on the wife, not the girl. The girl may have looked attractive in the dress... hence why he wanted to see YOU, OP, in a dress like that.
agreed.
I'd probably be flattered especially if the chick was hot. Then, I'd go home, and take a long look at my wardrobe and contemplate making some changes. I always appreciate it when I feel that I look my best, but I also like it when I get comments from my husband on my dresses or outfits. I'd want to look hot for me and for him.0 -
that's what guys do...it doesn't mean anything0
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It doesn't matter if anyone here thinks you're "too sensitive." It bothered you and you have the right to your feelings. Even if you're bat *kitten* crazy, own it. Talk to him and see how it goes. If you find yourself feeling disrespected repeatedly by this behavior, your relationship is doomed. With all due respect to Dani... just break up. If he can see your point of view and try not to comment around you and respect that it hurts your feelings, then have some amazing make-up sex.0
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Meh... mine does it to try and make me jealous... it doesn't happen because I am secure enough in myself...0
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Depending on your approach to him, will he listen to you? if not i suggest you give him a taste of his own medicine. Phone a friend when he there and have a girly chat about the hot guy at work/school/ pool..well you get the idea
No he doesn't listen. I said if he wanted to take the lesbians home I am sure his friend would give me a ride and he could pick up his **** in the morning. He has been ignoring me ever since. BTW we live together so it's been an awkward silence for a few days.
Apparently he too is sensitive ..Giving you the silent treatment. Of course that could be a good thing. Since he has no problem being a big mouth at parties.0 -
You're way over sensitive.
There will always be younger, thinner women than you. It's a natural reaction for a man to take a quick look. Doesn't mean he's going to cheat or anything. It just one of those things you need to deal with.
Looking is natural. Kind of weird that he's pointing them all out in front of her, though.
It's not weird, it's disrespectful and insensitive. Nothing wrong with looking, but you don't make comments like that in front of your girlfriend (or wife). It's grounds for seriously rethinking the relationship, in my book.0 -
I think you were being a wee bit on the sensitive side.
My husband checks out other girls and makes comments about them --their looks, what they're wearing, their body etc -- and it never once phased me (partly because he'll point them out to me since he knows what I fancy in a woman and partly because I just don't care). One of our friends would get mad that he was checking out/commenting on other women in my presence and would loudly voice her opinion about it but it really wasn't her business. The point is that I don't care if he's checking out other women because that's all he's doing: checking them out. He's going home with me, not them.
Yes, I think you should probably talk to him (rationally) and mention that it bothered you and why. My guess is the reason he's mad at you right now is because you more than likely took the emotional route and blew up at him over it instead of saying in a calm manner "This is bothering me and this is why".0 -
Sounds like something you should talk to him about.
Though coming to the internet for relationship advice is usually a solid approach.
Maybe post some pics and we can give you feedback? Lingerie, some short skirts, maybe some strappy stilettos?0
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