Teenager having issues

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

This poster has kids too. Rightbarounds OPs daugthers age. Poor kids.

I see this poster has a recent diagnosis (though not so recent because of a DSM 5 change) that could cause her to say things that maybe she doesn't realize are insanely hurtful and inappropriate. Because my husband shares traits of this diagnosis, I am willing to give benefit of the doubt and say she didn't intend to be so... yeah, what that post was.

bajoyba

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Wow. I definitely do not agree. Just because someone is overweight or even obese does not automatically mean that they have an eating disorder.
At my heaviest, I was 235 pounds at 5'6"... but it took me 11 years to get to there. I wasn't an emotional eater or a binge eater. I simply didn't know anything about calories, weight maintenance, or portion control. Now that I know, losing weight has been a relatively easy adjustment.
It may very well be that the OP's daughter just needs a little bit of education about food and serving sizes. Since she's already expressed insecurity about her body, it may be the perfect time to remind her that she's beautiful just as she is, and that if she wants to make changes, there are lots of positive, healthy, and sustainable ways to do that.

Mr_Bad_Example

I would say most people who are obese pretty much already have an eating disorder. Binge eating is definitely an eating disorder; it's not just anorexia and bulimia that are ED's. Your child has grown up in a house that really does not eat healthy (I can tell this by the amount of weight you need to lose), and that way of life has been ingrained in her. It is very difficult to overcome that and make real changes in your life even as an adult. I really don't mean to sound harsh, but you did not set a good example for her. Now she really needs your support to improve her life. Stop being selfish and worrying what YOU will go through. This is about your daughter, and you need to be there for her whatever it takes.

Oh my god... this might be the single most judgmental piece of crap I have read on this site --- and that is truly saying something.

This poster has kids too. Rightbarounds OPs daugthers age. Poor kids.

I see this poster has a recent diagnosis (though not so recent because of a DSM 5 change) that could cause her to say things that maybe she doesn't realize are insanely hurtful and inappropriate. Because my husband shares traits of this diagnosis, I am willing to give benefit of the doubt and say she didn't intend to be so... yeah, what that post was.

Even as someone who has Aspie traits, Mrs. Delirium's comment is still offensively judgmental and just flat out wrong (all obese people have eating disorders... really? Tell me more about this fairy tale). No benefits from doubt here.

OnMyWeigh464

I'm going to be honest by saying I didn't expect to get some of the above replies. I do know that I, too, am obese. I didn't need a poster pointing that out to me, so thanks for pointing out the obvious there.

I've been struggling with weight/depression/thyroid issues since about 2003 and I've been going to counselling for a lot of the depression issues. I am not 100% unhealthy. I have a lot of great days. And yes, I have a lot of bad ones too. But to say I'm not setting a good example was pretty judgmental. I am currently training for a triathlon, which has me at the gym 2-3 times per week, and more if my work schedule allows. She accompanies us when we go to the gym, so she does see me and my husband being active. It's not like I'm making these high fat dinners. I make very healthy dinners. I can only do so much, especially seeing as she's in school most of the day, and I can't have her tied to me. I have already sought out advice from her paediatrician and am waiting to hear back regarding nutrition counselling for her. I guess I just thought I could come here to vent, get advice from people who've been there, I dunno. I think I actually feel worse about the whole situation and wish I could just delete this thread.

Omar_USAF

Teach her or help her find motivation to start cooking and learning about fitness and what works for her body. its better for you to teach her the right way rather than her starving her self or w.e other wrong ways there is to loose weight.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I'm going to be honest by saying I didn't expect to get some of the above replies. I do know that I, too, am obese. I didn't need a poster pointing that out to me, so thanks for pointing out the obvious there.

I've been struggling with weight/depression/thyroid issues since about 2003 and I've been going to counselling for a lot of the depression issues. I am not 100% unhealthy. I have a lot of great days. And yes, I have a lot of bad ones too. But to say I'm not setting a good example was pretty judgmental. I am currently training for a triathlon, which has me at the gym 2-3 times per week, and more if my work schedule allows. She accompanies us when we go to the gym, so she does see me and my husband being active. It's not like I'm making these high fat dinners. I make very healthy dinners. I can only do so much, especially seeing as she's in school most of the day, and I can't have her tied to me. I have already sought out advice from her paediatrician and am waiting to hear back regarding nutrition counselling for her. I guess I just thought I could come here to vent, get advice from people who've been there, I dunno. I think I actually feel worse about the whole situation and wish I could just delete this thread.

Listen 99% of the time I am accused of being a meanie for telling people to suck it up, it's the internet -- the person who said that to you was categorically wrong. That was totally BS. You sound like a great mom who just wants to help her daughter in the best way she can.

hcunn14

I had the same issue at a younger age.. I played volleyball but what probably the most uncomfortable on the team with wearing a uniform. Not that I was fat so to say, but I could stand to tone up and lose some. My mom asked if I wanted to eat healthy together and excercise, and I was all for it. We had a contest to see who had the most results in a month span and then when that milestone came we would make another one. I think it's better to measure inches rather than the number on the scale. Whoever wins gets to go shopping or gets to pick a pampering. Maybe try the "together" route to get the topic up in the air.

sugarstrawberries

I've been "overweight" my whole life, including being around 180 at 5'2"-4" in high school. I really wish I had known then what I know now, which is that:
1. My body is mine. It's whatever *I* want it to be, it gets me around, and it's beautiful no matter what. Anyone who does not think this should be told to flip right off.

2. I should have been fueling my adolescent body with more vegetables and fruits as opposed to eating the fried chicken strips at school lunch every day, or spending the $2 my mom gave me for lunch on a 20 oz. soft drink from the vending machine and candy and then starving myself the rest of the day because I was "bad" at lunch, skipping breakfast, eating all the sweet snacks at home...lots of not great choices that I didn't know how to prevent because that was what was handed to me and I didn't know any better.

3. If I thought 180 was fat, I wish I could have looked into the future to see myself 80lbs. heavier...being happy AND sad!--I thought all my problems stemmed from my fat body. Instead, many of them were deeply influenced by American culture's obsession with women having to be beautiful 100% of the time forever and ever so help you god. I was consuming a lot of media that focused on thin people (wtf doesn't really?), and of course all my friends (who were not "overweight" or were actually battling EDs) also thought they were fat and voiced this very often. This was particularly uncomfortable for me, because if this beautiful sylph thinks she's fat and gross, then what am I?

4. I wish someone had framed exercise and moving my body as fun. Exercise is really hard to start when you've been categorized as the one who doesn't want to give an effort and thus learn not to give an effort. By the time I was in *middle school*, I was already incredibly jaded by the coaches shouting at me because I was too slow around the track. I said "fuggit" and walked the track instead of running. PE was humiliating most of the time and not fun.

I imagine when she says she is fat, your daughter thinks she is fat in comparison to her peers and the entertainment industry. Please let her know, if any of her friends are engaging in negative talk about their bodies or someone else's body or if she does, it needs to stop. Everyone, especially teen girls, needs to remember and repeat "Every Body Is Beautiful".
Work on self-acceptance and body acceptance and self-respect with her, including telling her what would be best to fuel her body and keep her full and sated, exercise because a body needs to move. I didn't work on this until I accepted my body as it is and that it's awesome no matter what because it *contains ME*.