Sabotage!

Kara_Lisa

My husband, love him so much, but he ALWAYS is sabotaging me. I have been doing so well, and last night, he brings home food. I sat and thought on it for about 30 seconds before I caved. I'm obviously NOT strong enough to toss it in the trash. I have had talks with him about it, but he still does it!

I think it's more out of habit than anything. We're both obese, we've both celebrated occasions with food, we've both rewarded with food, and both thought it was a "nice" thing to do with each other.

How do I get this to change?

Thanks!

trogalicious

How do I get this to change?

If you can't change the behavior, you have to change your reaction to it.

Sunitagt

Why would you throw it out? Ask him to let you know in advance so you can plan your day for the food he brought, or eat a smaller portion of it that you can fit in your day and save the rest for later.

quirkytizzy

To quote an old user "This is not WW2, you are not a munitions loaded train."

You're not being sabotaged. That implies someone is actively trying, with mean and malicious spirit, to MAKE you fat. You've already pinned the likely problem - your husband and you used to use food as points of connection with each other. That's not him being mean, that's him reacting to you and food the way you've always reacted.

Sit down and talk with him. And when the behavior takes a while to change - (it will, it always does), have a plan in place. Say "Thank you, I really appreciate this treat" and immediately put half away in the fridge. Or say "This will be great to be broken up to take to work with me all this week!"

As Trog said - learn to change your reaction. It is your body, not his. Your decision, not his, no matter how much food he puts in front of you.

magtart

^^^That up there. Take a portion, eat it, and enjoy it. Put some away for later.

maybeazure

It's difficult. I can't tell you how many arguments my husband and I have had about food in the past 8 months, and as much as I love him, I lose more weight when he is out of town. You just have to talk to him repeatedly about it, and try to plan some nice dinners where you can stay within your calorie goal. Eventually, if he isn't trying to sabotage you on purpose, he'll start calling you before he brings home something high calorie.

Another thing we have tried to do is find other ways of bonding. Yes we love to go out to eat together, but now we will go play pool, or racquetball, or go for a hike too.

Capt_Apollo

that poor guy brought home dinner so you didn't have to cook, and all you can do is publicly bash him on an internet forum?

you can cook healthy meals at home and have enough willpower to not eat the "bad" food he brings. maybe he brings home food because you never cook?? is that the part of the story you're leaving out?

or how about you tell him to go to a place that you can also get some healthy take out food?

MB_Positif

Cue Beastie Boys...

HollisGrant

My husband, love him so much, but he ALWAYS is sabotaging me. I have been doing so well, and last night, he brings home food. I sat and thought on it for about 30 seconds before I caved. I'm obviously NOT strong enough to toss it in the trash. I have had talks with him about it, but he still does it!

I think it's more out of habit than anything. We're both obese, we've both celebrated occasions with food, we've both rewarded with food, and both thought it was a "nice" thing to do with each other.

How do I get this to change?

Thanks!

I feel for you. I have that problem at work.... an elderly admirer kept putting sweets on my desk every Monday. I have no willpower and would eat them all. It took many, many talks, but I've finally trained him to give the sweets to the local soup kitchen... but sometimes he forgets and still comes by to ask if I want bagels, etc.

What about your health? Have you had a physical lately? Sometimes it helps to mention a medical issue and that your doctor has told you to lose weight -- that message seems to sink in with just about everybody. Tell your husband you really want to become healthier, that you are serious, and need for him to be on your team and help you.

skullshank

im sorry, but "food"?!
youre upset that your husband brought you "FOOD"?

and by "caved" you mean you ate the "food"?

failing to see any issue here whatsoever.

did he bring deep fried butter?
had you already eaten a healthy dinner and met your caloric goal?

'splain yoself!

MB_Positif

im sorry, but "food"?!
youre upset that your husband brought you "FOOD"?

and by "caved" you mean you ate the "food"?

failing to see any issue here whatsoever.

did he bring deep fried butter?
had you already eaten a healthy dinner and met your caloric goal?

'splain yoself!

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

I'm with you op, all the way. The home is not an appropriate place for food. Did he even ever go to school????

fivethreeone

To quote an old user "This is not WW2, you are not a munitions loaded train."

Wow.

I'm gobsmacked anyone remembers that. :bigsmile:

Ninkyou

Fit it into your calorie goal. If it doesn't fit, make it fit. Go for a walk after dinner or something to burn off a few extra calories. Otherwise log it and move on.

IMO, there's no "bad" foods. Food is fuel, regardless of the packaging or take-out box it comes from. You can still enjoy all of the foods you ate before, you just have to do a little leg work to fit it into your day and make it work.

FraggleRockerFitnessLover

that poor guy brought home dinner so you didn't have to cook, and all you can do is publicly bash him on an internet forum?

you can cook healthy meals at home and have enough willpower to not eat the "bad" food he brings. maybe he brings home food because you never cook?? is that the part of the story you're leaving out?

or how about you tell him to go to a place that you can also get some healthy take out food?

This. How I handle this situation is to prevent it from happening. I cook healthy and tasty and text him so he knows what to look forward to when he arrives home. And when he eats an entire box of Tagalongs from the Girl Scouts, I don't say anything. We all have choices, no one forced you to eat what he brought home. You could have said, 'oh baby, you're so sweet, enjoy, but I am going to make 'this' instead'....smile, kiss, love him and move on.

Sunitagt

I'm with you op, all the way. The home is not an appropriate place for food. Did he even ever go to school????

:laugh:

SunofaBeach14

^ Pretty much all of that up there.

The man loves you. He brought home food.

Just eat less of it than you did in times past.

quirkytizzy

To quote an old user "This is not WW2, you are not a munitions loaded train."

Wow.

I'm gobsmacked anyone remembers that. :bigsmile:

We remember what works for us. And that worked for me! It helped me not take the damn issue so seriously, seeing as I wasn't speeding through dark countrysides fighting for the freedom of Europe or anything, just struggling not to eat the damn cake my boyfriend would bring home!

RhineDHP

To quote an old user "This is not WW2, you are not a munitions loaded train."

You're not being sabotaged. That implies someone is actively trying, with mean and malicious spirit, to MAKE you fat. You've already pinned the likely problem - your husband and you used to use food as points of connection with each other. That's not him being mean, that's him reacting to you and food the way you've always reacted.

Sit down and talk with him. And when the behavior takes a while to change - (it will, it always does), have a plan in place. Say "Thank you, I really appreciate this treat" and immediately put half away in the fridge. Or say "This will be great to be broken up to take to work with me all this week!"

As Trog said - learn to change your reaction. It is your body, not his. Your decision, not his, no matter how much food he puts in front of you.

THIS

jofjltncb6

(Like I'm the only one who had this thought.)

MB2MN

Hey, OP. I don't think you're getting the reaction you probably thought you would. Just remember that he does love you and wants to spoil you. Also remember that absolutely no one can sabotage you but yourself. I used to work in an office where there was some kind of birthday treat everyday. Were they sabotaging me? No. Did I have to eat it? No. I think your husband could try to be a little more thoughtful as to bring home something lower calorie...but he might not know what that is! Give him a few suggestions for next time and make sure you get in some exercise afterwards.