My wife is driving me insane

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  • Sweetnothing78
    Sweetnothing78 Posts: 86 Member
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    A few options...

    1. Change the subject as soon as she brings it up
    2. Distract her by pointing in the opposite direction. When she looks the other way-RUN!
    3.Tell her you love her exactly how she is and don't want to talk to her about this anymore because you fear for your relationship.
    4. Tell her how you feel and ask her to tell you exactly what she wants you to say and do when she brings it up. Tell her she needs to be very specific on exactly what she wants you to do to help. She may have a response from you that she has been waiting for.

    Hope this helps:flowerforyou:
  • Sweetnothing78
    Sweetnothing78 Posts: 86 Member
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    or...

    When she starts the conversation. Smile. Nod. Say "okay". Then move on and expect nothing to change. This reduces disappointment.

    edited for typo
  • Cheri0830
    Cheri0830 Posts: 37 Member
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    Wow you have your hands full, sounds like she is looking for a miracle (pill). She has to want it bad enough for herself, no one can do it for her. And even if she went gung hoe, who's to say her body would lose 2 lbs a week, everyones matablisim is different,.

    I feel for you,

    Who does the shopping and cooking, sometimes when one person in the house that is trying cooks and shops for the family it helps the other person too to start eating better.

    She has to find the foods she likes that can substitute the foods that don't help her reach a weightloss, eat more fruit and veggies.

    Personally for me, I feel so much better when I eat a balanced diet.

    I am finding that my son and husband are loving that I am bringing in a different varity of foods, and making new recipes.

    Hope that helps some. She needs to find out about her health related issues to eating wrong if nothing else.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    OP - I would just go with keep doing what you are doing and maybe as you have success she will come around to your way of thinking. When she says all these random things about wanting to lose ten pounds but keep the same habits, just smile and say "ok" and do not even bother to comment. Perhaps, your success will make her realize that your way is the right way to do things...
    This is an excellent point, because you really can't change someone else. My beau joined me in using MFP back in October and has lost 20 pounds since. I showed him one time what I was doing, his doctor told him to lose weight, the beau told his nutritionist about me using MFP and she instantly liked me, and he's been doing it ever since. He says I inspired him, but I think that the bottom line is that he started on his weight loss journey for himself.

    However, every single time prior to when he started using MFP that he said he needed to lose weight, I just listened and didn't judge or have much to say about it. I just listened and went about my own way. However, I often invite him on walks or to do something active. Most of the times it's a yes, other times it's a no.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    May I suggest signing your wife up for MFP and logging what she eats for her. Also log in any exercise she does. Do this for a week and then show her the results. she might see it as a wake up call.
    I disagree with this. She might see it as intrusive and insulting. Besides, that's not his job. :smile:
  • mcdebbie
    mcdebbie Posts: 940 Member
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    I didn't read all the way through but my husband cured me of this... when ever I would say I wanted to lose weight or eat better or yada yada yada he would just say "Great, what's your plan?" and that was it. After a few of those conversations I realized I needed a plan. :laugh:
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    I didn't read all the way through but my husband cured me of this... when ever I would say I wanted to lose weight or eat better or yada yada yada he would just say "Great, what's your plan?" and that was it. After a few of those conversations I realized I needed a plan. :laugh:

    :drinker:
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    May I suggest signing your wife up for MFP and logging what she eats for her. Also log in any exercise she does. Do this for a week and then show her the results. she might see it as a wake up call.
    I disagree with this. She might see it as intrusive and insulting. Besides, that's not his job. :smile:

    I also disagree. That approach is very condescending and patronizing. She doesn't need micromanaging. She needs to come to this on her own. He can't make her do anything, and pointing out all her mistakes isn't going to fix it.

    She really shouldn't be constantly whining and unwilling to change, but that's what she is doing. He can't enable her to keep going this path because it isn't healthy.
  • yogioats
    yogioats Posts: 33 Member
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    Have not read all the comments, but perhaps you could encourage her to go in for a check up with her doctor. She may not listen to you but perhaps she will be more willing to listen to a medical professional.
  • MeadowSong
    MeadowSong Posts: 171 Member
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    I love your dogs. Train the dogs. Pray for your wife. I have known lots of people just like this. I led a weight loss group for several years. Two of the women who were regular attenders and always did their "homework" never changed their behavior. One is dead--uncontrolled diabetes (she was a nurse). The other suffered a massive stroke and was only saved by her proximity to a great ER when it happened--the two incidents happened in the same month. She swore she'd change NOW. That was a couple of years ago. No changes. People will change everything but their behavior. . . .These two women knew the facts, didn't argue the facts at all. Just didn't do it. I can't tell you what to do for your wife except pray for her and talk to her in a manner that helps her to understand you are not trying to control her--but you love her and want what's best for her.
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
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    May I suggest signing your wife up for MFP and logging what she eats for her. Also log in any exercise she does. Do this for a week and then show her the results. she might see it as a wake up call.

    this would be the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a fire...
  • knitapeace
    knitapeace Posts: 1,013 Member
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    4. Tell her how you feel and ask her to tell you exactly what she wants you to say and do when she brings it up. Tell her she needs to be very specific on exactly what she wants you to do to help. She may have a response from you that she has been waiting for.

    I agree with this suggestion. If she says she wants to start a weight loss plan, try a simple "That's great, honey, what can I do to help?" And try not to take it personally if she doesn't want your input. If you see her start to stray from the plan and she starts to complain to you about not losing or seeing results, ask her, "Would you like some suggestions?" and if she says no, believe her. Sometimes one partner just wants to vent, and the other partner thinks they hear a request to fix it. Sometimes we don't want you to fix it, we want to work out our own fix as we talk about it.

    You love her, I can tell. Disconnect until you're asked to connect (about this part of your lives, anyway). You'll be okay.
  • missomgitsica
    missomgitsica Posts: 496 Member
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    She needs to see a doctor. Few things are more motivating than finding out all the things you're at risk for when you're significantly overweight and refuse to do anything about it.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    May I suggest signing your wife up for MFP and logging what she eats for her. Also log in any exercise she does. Do this for a week and then show her the results. she might see it as a wake up call.

    this would be the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a fire...

    Which is always fun at parties.

    Here, hold my beer . . .
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
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    May I suggest signing your wife up for MFP and logging what she eats for her. Also log in any exercise she does. Do this for a week and then show her the results. she might see it as a wake up call.

    this would be the equivalent of throwing gasoline on a fire...

    Which is always fun at parties.

    Here, hold my beer . . .

    well sure, I will….
  • rosiereally2
    rosiereally2 Posts: 539 Member
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    All you can do is listen and pretty much ignore. She has to flip her own switch to make the lifestyle changes to meet her goals. Sounds like when she is truly ready and gets started you will be willing and able to help. At least she is thinking about it and maybe just thinking out loud. The diabetes is serious thing though. Surely she should seek help for that.

    It IS part of our duty as a wife to drive our husbands insane over something - maybe you are getting off easy!

    Wise words!
  • Danny_Boy13
    Danny_Boy13 Posts: 2,094 Member
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    She does not want it bad enough. She wants it but in the form of some magic pill or some kind of fairy granting her wish with the waive of a wand. The only thing you can do is to just listen and hopefully one of these days she will come around. She says 1lb a week is too slow but 0 lbs a week is a hella lot slower. She needs to just stop being a sissy and just do ti if she wants it... but that will have to come from within her. More then likely no outside influences will help her jump start this.
  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,862 Member
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    Just listen sympathetically and agree with whatever she says. She doesn't want your advice. Millions have already seen it, but if you haven't, see "It's Not About The Nail". http://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg
  • dclark566
    dclark566 Posts: 330 Member
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    Gotta want it bad enough to make a change..She, clearly is not ready....when she is, she will do anything to get what she wants...period! Until then, I would just tell her what it takes to make that happen, if she isn't willing, just let her know that's fine but the steps to getting there aren't going to change because it isn't what she wants to hear.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
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    I hate to say this but I probably did it too for many years. I've learned you can't change people. You can't make them do something they don't want to do. It took 25 years of failed attempts and hitting rock bottom before I made a true change. No doctor, no husband, no kids, no lectures, no weight loss consultant could make me do what my body needed. Exercise!

    Facing 50 and STILL fat I thought long and hard for several months about what I should do. I came too the definition of crazy "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time." I kept dieting thinking I'll exercise later down the road. Never got there. This time I started exercising and figured I'd eat healthy down the road. After 2 months of exercising I naturally wanted to eat healthier. Who knew?!

    Keep on taking care of yourself. Come up with some pat answers to get you through the aggravation. Like "when you're ready let me know, " "when you need my help let me know." Hopefully, she'll come to the same conclusion.

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